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Deeply Thespian, eternally existing between realms of hyperrealism and that one philosophy podcast I found at 2 a.m. because I was too tired to read Simulacra & Simulation (talking about you, Plastic Pills). Call me they/them, but don’t ask me to explain why, it’s an existential thing, you wouldn’t get it. Can’t adult today, too busy questioning the meaning of my existence while simultaneously overthinking my latest ‘moodboard’ for life.

Staring into the void like I’m in some A24 film—slow burn, no jump scares, just atmosphere, the kind of movie that makes you think you’re supposed to feel something but you really just want to leave halfway through to get overpriced coffee and call it "self-care." Yes, I am sad, but it’s the kind of sadness that makes me artsy, not your standard ‘crying over a boy’ kind of sadness. Meanwhile, everyone else is stuck in their MTF fantasy, so proud of their transition but still wearing the same "cis-passing" armor like it’s a self-made art piece. It’s cute, but sis, nobody cares if you’re an embodiment of narrative subversion.

And while we’re at it, let's talk about the Puppygirls—you’re all out here with your collars, pretending to be part of some edgy rebellion, but really, you’re just participating in the latest e-girl performance art piece. Sis, you’re not embracing a kink, you're just wearing dog ears and calling it “empowerment.” Like, do you even know what’s behind that aesthetic, or are you just too busy posting your puppy play fantasies on the timeline to realize it’s just the new quirky? I see you.

Then there’s the Pagang crowd—the ones who’re like, “I’m a witch, but also, like, a healer and totally in tune with the spirits.” Baby, you’re just pretending to be ‘spiritual’ while swiping through astrology memes on Instagram. You’re not summoning energies from the universe, you’re summoning a shopping cart full of sage bundles and overpriced crystals. Also, let’s talk about the Wiccans, out here chanting “Blessed be” in the middle of the night but then claiming, like, Allah is too strong to kill? LMFAO. Yeah, that’s how you truly feel connected to the cosmos—by weaving your beliefs into some ridiculous argument on TikTok. We get it, you’re a witch, but you can’t even summon a basic sense of self-awareness.

I sip my iced coffee, think about the meaning of my gender, and casually decide it’s not transcendental or revolutionary, it’s an art form (again). If you think uwu goth mommy vibes or e-girls with a pink halo are the peak of 'authenticity,’ then you clearly don’t understand nuance. It’s 2025, the true aesthetic is cyber-shamanistic-sapiosexuality, where every interaction feels like it could be a Mandy meets Under the Silver Lake fever dream.

But let’s be real, the Post-Belle Delphine e-girl era is played out. You’re not some deep, misunderstood soul anymore—you’re just part of a content factory that only knows how to churn out the same thirst-trap aesthetic and call it “empowerment.” And the whole "yass queen, here’s my $5 Patreon" thing? It’s just exhausting at this point. Not to mention, the Twomad memes are done too, Rest In Piss, Psycho. You’re all out here trying to flex your internet stardom like you’re really creating something groundbreaking when you’re just screaming for attention in a filter. Do we miss the chaos of the early internet, or are we just pretending it's still cool because we’re too scared to acknowledge we’ve moved on?

And speaking of trends, let's talk about Dollskill for a second. That store is basically the Walmart of dystopian future fashion. It's all the same recycled cyberpunk and gothcore bullshit with a sprinkle of capitalist nightmare. You think you’re edgy, but you're just a walking ad for tacky 'alternative' consumerism. And don't even get me started on Cyberdog—remember when Cybergoth culture was the thing? Now it’s all a joke. We had the neon dreadlocks, the PVC, the electric rave aesthetic that was actually about rejecting mainstream culture, and now it’s just glorified mallwear for people too afraid to leave the grid. You really think that’s what real underground culture looks like? Please. Bring back the true cybergoth spirit or just let it die in peace.

But let's not pretend the modern incels aren't part of this mess. They’re the forgotten cousins of the cyberspace rebel, all too wrapped up in their warped ideologies about how the world owes them something. You don't want to make art, you want to make memes about 'women' that exist as concepts, not people. You’re just bitter and online, crying about blue-haired feminist ideals that you never understood in the first place. Here's a tip: Maybe if you spent less time complaining about women on Reddit, you could make something cool instead of just being an aesthetic bottom feeder.

Also, like, can we talk about how every Millennial still thinks Idiocracy is some kind of dystopian prophecy when it's really just an aesthetic at this point? Gen Z has already exceeded their expectation of cultural decay; we’re thriving in the chaos and yet still holding onto Euphoria reruns like we’re waiting for the next existential crisis to validate our moods. But okay, you keep quoting Idiocracy as a cautionary tale, while I’m over here basking in the void. You wouldn’t understand.

Just vibing in my cosmic angst, endlessly spiraling, and never explaining. Because honestly, we're at the end of history, my dude. We’ve hit the final loop, the last meme cycle, and here we are, still pretending that the next big internet wave will bring salvation. But no. This is it. We’ve run out of things to do and things to say. But it's okay, because at least we're all collectively drowning in the abyss. And you wouldn't get it.

Speaking of that, shoutout to 4chan—once the breeding ground for pure internet chaos, and now just a warehouse for recycled memes and half-baked philosophy spouted by neckbeards who still think their magnum opus is a comment about cultural Marxism. Yeah, it’s a cesspool, but at least it used to be funny. Don't even mention 8chan, though. That place is a straight-up nightmare. A (former) haven for the most wretched corners of the internet, full of idiots pretending they’re breaking boundaries by posting the same self-righteous drivel. You’d think it was some kind of digital utopia, but in reality, it's just a community of trolls trapped in a perpetual feedback loop of their own arrogance.

Oh, and by the way, let’s not forget the Eternal September we’re all stuck in. It’s been forever, hasn’t it? Every new wave of internet users that roll in, with their memes from 5 months ago, their Twitter discourse, their ARG obsession that’s as hollow as their last ‘become a digital god in five easy steps’ tutorial—it's like we’re all eternally stuck in the first month of school, and none of us know what the fuck is going on anymore.