#existentialcrisis

In this video, you will learn how to reclaim your time and rediscover joy in daily life.Discover simple ways to enjoy the moment—dance, call loved ones, or just breathe.

In this video, you will learn how to reclaim your time and rediscover joy in daily life.Discover simple ways to enjoy the moment—dance, call loved ones, or just breathe.

I need advice because I love this school much more than my old one (think dystopia, 1984 x the hunger games) but I feel incredibly lonely, and since my hsc (which is like gpa but Australian) is coming up, I feel as if an incredible sense of loneliness has swept over me. I have a lot of new friends, but the loneliness comes from the fact that I don't feel as spiritually connected as I was last year, my music class feels like competition. English is probably the only tolerable one. I dropped art (i sacrificed it because it ran same line as music and since I'm asian and consistently practises violin ever since I took a daring leap out of the womb).

An Intimate Invitation to Feel, Fall, and Rise Again

My beautiful and beloved soul, if you are reading this, it is because you are not looking for crumbs or half-truths. You are seeking the Whole: the courage to face your hell and the safe embrace to rebuild yourself.

We understand that the life of an intense and sensitive soul is not a straight line. It is a sacred cycle of collapse, silence, and rebirth. This is why we created this Portal—the perfect union of two Ebooks that together form the compass for your deepest healing.

Step 1: The Fire of Raw Truth

(The Door of Confrontation, Liberation, and the Scream)

With Emotional Roller Coaster, you are invited to face the mirror. This Ebook is the voice of the Phoenix before the ashes: the liberating scream against the system, against performance, and against empty spirituality. It is the necessary confrontation, the liberation of stored anger, and the courage to take the first step out of autopilot.

Here you will find: Validation for your exhaustion, the raw truth that wakes you up, and the fire that burns everything that is not truly yours.

Step 2: The Embrace of the Restart

(The Safe Space, the Poetry, and the Sweet Refuge)

With Reliquary of the Soul, you finally find the safe haven you yearned for. After burning the illusions, you need a home. This Ebook is the lap of the Phoenix after the flight: the sanctuary where your intensity is honored, where pain is transformed into poetry, and where your fragility reveals itself as your greatest strength.

Here you will find: Comfort for invisible illnesses, the beauty of a slower life, and the proof that you are not alone in your intensity.

What This Combo Offers Your Soul:

Complete Journey: From Existential Collapse (ERC) to Poetic Peace (RA).

Magnetic Connection: Soulful writing that sees your whole self—with your shadows and your light.

Transformative Healing: You emerge from the storm with the tools to build your new home.

If you are tired of pretending and thirsting for a complete rebirth, your Transformation Portal is open.

Welcome to the journey where your scar turns into a star.

Come gently, but come completely. Feel it.

How to Access Your Portal

To access the combo, just click on the link pinned on my profile. Through the Beacons page, you will be directed to purchase and read within the Amazon and Kindle platform, remembering that my Ebooks are only available in digital version out of respect for Mother Nature.

The Philosophical Question: If your success—your entire architecture of achievement—is built on a lie, what happens when the floor of reality gives way? When the pristine of corporate life shatters, is the descent into Nyx and the "filthy sheds" merely a fall, or is it Aetheria’s precise calculation weaseling self-construction, finding our azimuths out an exposed prison?

This week, the pressure breaks. The Hydra stirs, the tenders are opened in a chilling, silent exchange, and the corporate suit trades a boardroom for blue overalls. Join the plunge from the Belle Epoque's stained-glass glow into the humid breath of the underworld, nestling, only way out is through the breach.

BOOK SYNOPSIS: Aetheria, in the zodiacal forest—where birds sing and leaves flutter like wings bathing in light. The symphony of the forest comes to mind. This is the cosmos’ whisper through our creatures, and in these pages, she leads me. These chapters unfold as a clarifying companion to my earlier book, The Code: Horizon of Infinity—a philosophical memoir exploring how the universe sculpted our minds. Through Aetheria, the lens of consciousness who begins to reveal herself, her presence lives in the rhythm. She seeks form—moving toward the name she will one day claim: Sunshine.

YD6-102(cradle)—The Corporate Prison: the reach of the Hydra's Trance, Descent into Luciferous Foundations

The mornings’ head-on urges—winding me up, loading myself for work as it had over the past month—feel strange in their void: a vacuum this Wednesday as I descend through Nyx’s skirt, from the loft’s height into the somber stairwell, counting landings to the ±0 level of the Belle Epoque. 

Before the crystal wafers of the portal, a mosaic of Helios spills through the bull’s-eye rose and the peacock-fan tail of stained-glass. I turn my back on the radiant vestibule toward Erebus, cowering in the stairwell’s profound rear.

My feet grope blindly down the treads, catching the fatigued bulb’s louvered shadows. I’m reminded of the Capricorn in Rudy behind the front wall, sunk deep in the crawl space he’s been excavating—wondering if yet he’s caught up with Adam downstairs.

I turn away from the apron’s dangling bulb, reaching into the rear, oblivious to the stairwell walls where Erebus wakes. Trailing my fingertips along the handrail to the ball atop the newel post, as I swivel, pause, teeter at the bullnose of the initiating stair, sniffling a sillage of rising air. I descend into a vortex plume escaping from Lucifer's stale breath through the gapping -1 floor. 

Flaring the waft, nostrils drawn into the plume from the -2  cellar, my mind wakes through Adam's breach in the fluffed light along the front wall. The stairs creak, the handrail wobbles; I leap the missing trio of treads and land before the gaping whitewashed wall, bathed in the humid breath of the underworld. 

The poltergeist in the walls—echoing the club hammer striking the chisel head, metallic resonance clammed in a chunk of bricks - clack, clack, clack. . . - speaks for itself: the tedious, incipient fissuring before cracking and chipping off a piece of wall leaves me sympathizing with Adam for his lack of progress. To my disbelief, the fossilized bricks, bound in lime-mortar by a century of humid soil, resist every blow. Yet the persistent pounding of hammer on chisel, two-and-a-half brick deep, hollows a hatch; the wall exhales—a faint, cool draught escaping the black hole—a sense of accomplishment. 

Peeking through, in pursuance of sniffling fresh air, the dark crawl space flutes a dozen pencil shafts of light, pointing toward the wounded streetfront foundation wall—the chiseled coal chute—a meager start to breath Lucifer from the underground. 

At the sight of progress, I turn around, skeptical, warning myself of the luciferous dark of a core truth. I clamber over the mischievously dangling treads, rising the flight, zigzagging through the higher landings. With a door swing, I step out the darkness into the brightness. Across the avenue, I fetch the Audi, slip in, tweak the ignition—and, in a rollback trance, head my usual course through the Valley of Forest, past the boxy brands of mega-stores weaseling into highway traffic.    

Rijssel (Lille) shunts its lanes into the woods; Paris flashes over my windshield, until I shunt and curl beneath the bridge along the riverbank leading to Charleroi. I ride amid a drip of vehicles, the flow thickening, until I quit the trickling traffic and slip toward Jumet—weaving through the industrial sheds to pull up before the office facade. I step onto the gritty apron, close the car door, and pace to the swing of the office door through the corridor. 

The glass partition reflects Aetheria on rendezvous in the courtyard office, where I linger after yesterday’s delivery of a Bill of Quantities to the CEO, rifling the ream void after having been immersed in those unrelenting pages. I’m left with the dawn of a greenhouse sunlight filtering over my shoulders, and I slip into my chair, twiddling in the hush of completion at the cleared blueprint table. 

Eli Godard echoing— ”Mr. CEO’s desperation at winning the Materne Industries project.” My eyes stray, abreast of my shoulder; the vulture, perched in his shadows across the corridor, ignores me—unlike before, when every precedent caught his stealing, spying eyes. 

I raised the lid of my Toshiba laptop to organize my notes for future references. By late morning, he rises from his perch and turns his back on me. I think. ‘Man! I’d mark up only one percent—but then I gamble, challenging myself on the construction site to profit!’ 

The slender figure in a beige business suit disappears in the profound shadows of his office— ’A back door?’ My orbit widens; the Hydra of my mind stirs, morphing from my laptop’s glow into the vertiginous, somber hall of the Town Hall. Offside, light cracks up the flank wall—sentient of Mr. CEO’s shadow entering from the doorway’s light blizzard, a figure shutting the exterior behind him. 

Tethered to the man who handed me, cold, the Bill of Quantities, I—Am I seeing him walk up past a pew-like arrangement of chairs, a few scattered figures, toward the front of the hall, where a lone polling table, huddled by ghost backrests, waits bare on a stage platform beneath the high light. A month’s oven-heated consciousness—the Hydra of my mind—settles to hover in a corner of the hall as the figure lowers himself among the audience. 

From the stage’s dark left-wing, a trio of men—official in their demeanor—advance toward the table, pull out chairs, and sit. Mr. Chair exchanges glances with his peers. One wingman gestures, passing an envelope across to him; the other slides a letter-opener, slicing the flap to unfold a trifold letter that travels back for Mr. Chair’s mute reading. 

The latent off-side man in the audience rises, curls through the shadowy and empty rear—a subtle drowning in an ocean, his lifeline lost. He knows his bid has failed. He cracks open the flanking doorway; a silhouette vanishes in a blizzard of light.

The language of a tender-opening session continues; figures remain seated, stretched in curiosity toward their competitors—already on the spree of the next bet—until, as the panel of men rise and step into the wing’s shadows, the audience backtrack toward the empty rear hall, their exit punctuated by the flanking glows of the door. The hall chills. My presence slips into a reticent dissolution—a single thought: ‘where to next?’

A shoulder’s call. I glance abreast—Mr. CEO’s shadow reappears in his corner office after an errand’s absence, now seated at his desk. I glimpse him above the wainscot partition sill, neck-deep between his shoulders—perched—the telephone pressed to his blind cheek, staring through the reflections of the glazed partitions, the ghost of his Flemish boss appears: a hefty figure, comfortable in an executive leather fauteuil. 

The call extends—a gamble between men—in a serious tone of those who sculpted a Walloon implantation branch for a Flemish corporation; With a Libra’s calm expression, his face reads: ‘We didn’t win the bid…’  

Brewing, it resonates with Eli Godard breezing through the office, dropping his casual words: “[Les flamand ferme leurs opération en Wallonie]—the Flemish are closing down their operations in Wallonia.”  

After Mr. CEO hangs up - ring, ring - I pick the handset, cold knuckles to my cheek. He says, “[Tu pourrais venir]—Will you come over?”

I cross the corridor and step through the door, veer toward him behind his desk. I hate these scattered abysmal ridges that shatter the continuum of normal work, but I need to hear his words—to cut ties, to move on. 

Only to walk out of the offices, out of the clutches of the dark indoors—a prison—into the mid-afternoon sunlight. I care to remember: the Audi glittering in its metallic silver-gray, waiting to welcome me back, eager for the cruise of its azimuths within reach. I tweak the key, swing the door, slip into my seat; the engine purrs. I shift into gear, back into the street, driving my glass bubble toward the filthy sheds and autumn’s dying colors—a world I’ve learned to forget in the lights and shadows of Nyx.

In a strange world, amid midday’s trickling traffic cruising through the countryside, the horizon peeks in the distance—my life under review—a new start dawning. Before the thoroughfare’s end, a signboard flashes “Paris” and “Bruxelles”—as if offering a choice. The lanes shunt through the trumpet interchange, an appeasing message, to settle with the tricking flow. The evergreen swell of the median drifts beside me, leafy and serene, “Brussel–Bruxelles” flickers again—an unnecessary reminder. I slip down the off-ramp into the valley, veer onto the traversing parkway, riding past swarming parking lots, the median at peace with flowing lawns, as figures weasel through the chaos before the branded mega-store. 

Across the Stonehenge roundabout, I veer through the lenses of traffic lights and ride the silver tram rails. Entering retailers throbbing around St. Denis Square, I veer outbound beneath a railway-arched underpass—a brick relic of the past—disappearing through hedgerows of fenestrated and balconied brick facades. Up the incline, until a side interstice opens—street prongs spreading around the purple crotch of curtain walls—rather than the lancet windows of St Eloi Hardware. Naive, asking myself. ‘What’s that for a name given to a Hardware store?’ I pull up beside mirror-warped plate-glass, the street segmented in reflection, watching my approach.

The plate-glass crack open - hiss - doors to either side, clearing an artisan’s bodybuilder in enduring stance—proud in blue cargo pants. A host on the march—imposing, with winter on the horizon, his chest open to a wool-lined jacket. I pause—a holographic being of myself—groomed for the life of me, before a well-stocked hardware store, I'm juggling with tools I left behind too long ago. I step past the mannequin, proud in his outfit, heading for the tradesmen aisle, prolonging the stretch counter and nearing the attendant on the other side. 

Patient, my new life churns to mind as I watch the one transaction end and another begin—the attendant leaning aside to serve the next tradesman. My boy’s eyes wander through the store, excited by the abundance of toy-like tools: a carpenter bench, circular saws, power drills. Deeper in, a floor sanding machine catches my gaze, waiting for my turn—a childhood thrill stirring: when Igor and I were spearheading through a stationery shop, drawn to the shelves stacked with the novelty of Dinky Toys displayed atop their boxes—’to add to my collection!’ 

One tradesman steps away with multiple boxes of screws; the attendant reacts after the next man’s brief words. He moved across the hatch midway into the store, before the security window of the accounting office, and returns with boxes of angle grinder cutting discs and a box of electrical trip switches. I slip alongside the counter as the attendant in a few swirls through a rear doorway, returns from the accountant’s office. He hands over an invoice. Then, I slip up, asking. “[Puis-je avoir…]—Can I have…” I spare myself the embarrassment of naming the outfit, instead pointing toward the sky-blue shoulders of the mannequin by the door—ready to walk out after the other tradesmen. 

Through the mid-way hatchway, the attendant loops out from behind the counter and leads me back toward the front—facing the mannequin. His eyes converge on the pigeonholes of folded blue outfits. He withdraws his hands with a pair of overalls, drops them open, unfolding, draping before me. In a roundabout glance, I search for change rooms. He insists I slip into the pants—while behind him, I stand exposed to the street. 

While he insists, it strikes me—‘After all, overalls are meant to be worn over city clothes.’ A flashback stirs: the youngster in a studio, trying my luck at another profession—only to disappointment when the tailor said: “No!” Though he frowned and scanned me, eyes resting at my ankles, he repeated, “No—You're three centimeters too tall!” 

Here again, I stand before the bright forking streets. In the gapping boulevard, cars whisk past, leaving the  median’s brushwood trees staring after them as an autumn gust blows off the last leaves. I step in the pants. I lift the bib up my chest, thread the suspender over my shoulders, clip the buckle, then the next button. I walk away from the scanning attendant, disappointed, as he calls the jacket back, folding the pants as well. For a moment, I had felt new—filled with the spirit to tackle the derelict’s renovation. 

The attendant returns from the back office, lays down a bank transfer order for my signature, and hands me the pack of clothing with the invoice. I step away through a - hiss - of parting doors. On a dancer’s feet, across the curved nose of the sidewalk, the Audi’s tires tethered to the curb. I tweak the door, slip into the seat, and lean over the central console to place the clothes on the passenger side. The pedals rest under the ball of my feet—brake and clutch weighing in—as I shift into gear and pull off, soft on the throttle, nurturing my new function in mind until I pull up a few blocks away, before the 15 on the facade.

At leisure, with a blue pack of clothes under my arm, I turn the key and press the door swing. As I reach the waking pilot light - kwock - the door closes behind me. I kill the fatigue daylight spilling through the split-level’s high crystal waffle portal; the shadowy outline of the louvered risers dies into the upstairs Erebus’ clasp.   

Muffled underworld sounds migrate toward me through the gaping floor of the stairwell.  As I descend the flight of stairs, the language clarifies—a head fight of two granite boulders - clack, clack, clack… - neither breaking nor giving way. The wall resists. Absent is the club-hammer sculptor's strike—the chisel’s metallic percussion trailing the echoes of tap-steps through the stairwell. My thought tightens: ‘I’ll be bound to invest in an electric jackhammer.’ 

Over Adam’s shoulders, through the hole in the wall, I greeted Rudy—shoveling broken-up soil into the woven waste bag. In the ritual of following days—he sets the shovel against the wall; his hands return to finger-dip the bag's inner selvage, twisting its ears into knots, winding them around his knuckles—fist tight to a thumb grip. He ducks, rolls a shoulder under the load, body sweeping as he heaves the cement-weighted bag upright. Straightening, he steps out of the morphing vestibule’s crawlspace and repurpose a technical room, through the opening’s across brick rubble.

This week, the pressure breaks. The Hydra stirs, the tenders are opened in a chilling, silent exchange, and the corporate suit trades a boardroom for blue overalls. Join the plunge from the Belle Epoque’s stained-glass glow into the humid breath of the underworld, nestling, only way out is through the breach. BOOK SYNOPSIS: Aetheria, in the zodiacal forest—where birds sing and leaves flutter…