Dear Dollie | Part eighteen
Filler chapter guys to pull everything together, I couldnât pull Roy in & then just ignore it. So this part just fills in the gaps and sets the tone going forward so I wonât be offended if you donât read or donât find it great. Also, itâs quite long& this is the toned down version. Love u X
Violence, mention of blood, bad language, Gator really does leave, poor miss.
âGator?â If you thought you felt sick then, it was nothing compared to what you felt right now.
You looked behind him, Dollie fast asleep in the back of the car as the tears started to fall down your cheeks.
Gator watched as you tried to piece together in your mind what the fuck was going on.
âWhy? Why are you leaving?â
âOf course it matters! Fuck, it mattersâ you angrily wipe the tears away from your eyes âwhy are you taking her?â
âGotta keep her safeâ gator exhales as he looks at you, the anger building in your body.
âSafe from what? What about me? I thought we were a family!â
Gator shakes his head as he looks at you, you scoff as you step back.
âCan I say bye to her?â
Gator nods, stepping to the side so you can pass him.
Your legs feel heavy as you walk towards the car, breath caught in your throat as you see her through the window.
Oh god what had you done to deserve this, you felt numb but also felt everything at the same time.
You fumble with the handle to open it, nothing feels like itâs working anymore.
Or maybe your body was just trying to slow you down, slow them down.
This canât be real, canât be happening.
âOh Dollie girlâ you whisper as the tears fall down your cheeks, you wrap the blanket around her gently. Getting one last look at the little girl you loved, not knowing if youâd ever see her again. âI love youâ you placed a kiss to the top of her head careful not to wake her before closing the door again carefully.
âWhy are you doing this?â You cry as you turn towards gator, heart breaking as everything you love is ripped away from you.
âTrust you?â You push into his chest âyou said you loved me! You let me love your daughter!â
âOur daughterâ that cut like a knife.
You couldnât believe what you were hearing, our daughter? Then why was he taking her away from you. Why were you being left here alone? What was he running from?
âYou canât do this!â sobs falling freely from you as you look at his blank expression âplease donât take herâŚgator pleaseâ your hand rests against his cheek softly as your eyes plead with him.
Gator didnât answer, he turned walking towards his car door trying his best to block out the sounds of your sobs.
He wanted to take you, god he didnât want to break the family up but he was scared youâd slip up. He couldnât risk that, couldnât risk anything going wrong. He needed to protect Dollie.
âPlease, donât goâ you grabbed at gators arm using all of your strength, trying to pull him away from the door.
Gator pulled his arm away, pulling open the car door as he climbed inside.
âNo, no, noâ you held onto the car door âplease we can talk this through, whatever it is I can fix it I promiseâ
You lean into the seat where heâs sitting hands on his face to make him look at you.
âPlease donât go, I love youâ you sob âboth of youâ
You look behind Dollie, her eyes wild as she looked at you. Youâd clearly woke her up, guilt flooded you as you looked back at her.
Your stomach turned, you pulled away from gator to walk towards her door.
âBaby, itâs okaâŚâ
Gators car door slammed making you jump as you reached Dollieâs, locking the doors before he started the engine.
Six weeks since theyâd left, the worst part of it all being that theyâd left for what?
Nothing had happened at the house, no one visited, no more cards, no sign of gators dad.
You couldnât eat, couldnât sleep, couldnât do anything.
You waited, hoped theyâd come home. That it was all some sick joke.
Gators phone was disconnected, youâd tried it every day since heâd left in hopes just once heâd pick up.
Let you know Dollie was okay, she was safe.
What youâd do to hear that little voice one last time.
You kept everything going at the house, you changed the beds twice a week still so theyâd be fresh if they ever came home, you washed the clothes that were already fresh so they still smelt clean.
You packed Dollie a lunchbox every week day on the off chance she came home, so she was ready for school the next morning.
You cleaned star out, brushed her, fed her, kept her topped up with treats just like Dollie did.
You did everything, just like you always did but the house stayed silent and you stayed sick.
It never got better, the sickness was clearly caused by stress. Of course it was, thatâs all youâd known since meeting gator.
But god youâd do it all again to have him back.
Even putting your shoes on hurt your body at this point, too sad to eat and too sick to keep it down when you did.
Youâd never known heartbreak like it.
âCan we go home yet daddy?â Dollie asked as her big eyes looked up at him.
âSoon Dollie girlâ he kissed the top of her head gently âpromiseâ
âWill mama be at home?â
Gator exhaled as he looked away from her, the shitty hotel they were in was driving her crazy. Only so many times she could play with the same four horse figures.
âDaddy can we call mama?â Dollie started jumping on the spot infront of gator âpleasepleasepleaseâ
âDoll!â Gator snapped, stress of the whole situation being too much for him âshit, fuck, Mâsorry babyâ he pulled her into his chest wrapping his arms around her tightly âjus give daddy a bit more time, mâfixin itâ
He was trying but truthfully gator didnât know how it would end. He couldnât tell Dollie theyâd be home soon because honestly he didnât know they would.
He just hoped you were okay, that his dad hadnât gotten to you before the police got to him.
Thoughts raced through his mind constantly, were you safe? He should have never left you. He promised youâd be safe.
What if the police didnât take him seriously? What if they werenât going to do anything about it?
Roy had everyone wrapped around his fingers, maybe theyâd tell him where him and Dollie were and heâd come and get them.
But he had to try, for Dollie.
He just hoped youâd forgive him.
You walked out of the store, bags full of things youâd leave to sit in the fridge to rot.
But seeing Dollieâs favourite snacks and gators beers in the fridge brought some sort of comfort to you.
Your heart stopped, youâd had no contact with anyone for weeks now. But you knew it wasnât him.
âBlake, heyâ you smiled softly, skin crawling under his gaze.
âLet me help youâ Blake grabbed the bags from your hands, you smiled as you continued to walk.
You didnât want the help, you wanted to be left alone.
âNo problem! So howâs the kid? What was her name again? Dotty?â
Your breath caught in your throat, chill running through you.
âDollie! Thatâs it! Howâs she doing?â
âNo ideaâ you scoff as you look down at the floor, getting closer to the house. You can escape.
âDamn, messy break up?â
âSomething like thatâ you exhale as you stand still looking at him. He was attractive, you were single and wanted to feel something, anything âwanna come inside?â
Blake smiles as he looks at you.
âThought youâd never askâ
You walk into the house, Blake grinning as he follows behind you.
âAinât mine.. itâsâ
âOh that dick from the cafe with the strange ass nameâ Blake scoffs behind you as you start emptying the bags into the fridge âwhat is it with that family and weird ass namesâ
You turn towards him, eyes wild.
âYa still hung up on him or something?â
âNoâ lie, biggest fucking lie ever told âIâm fineâ
âGoodâ Blake steps towards you, hand grazing your cheek.
You want to pull away, tell him he repulsed you. But everyone who wasnât gator did.
But you needed to feel something, to know you werenât truly broken. So you let his hand linger on your face for a moment.
âYouâre so beautiful, you knowâ he spoke softly, hand moving lower on your face until his fingers brushed against your lips.
You closed your eyes, oh god this felt so wrong.
His fingers moved from your lip, down your jaw to your neck.
Your body shuddered under his touch, repulsed completely.
âW-what?â Blake looked genuinely shocked, he really thought you liked having his finger pressed into your skin.
âIâm sorry, you need to leaveâ the lump appears in your throat again as guilt washes over you. Was this cheating? Were you cheating on him?
Were you still together? Was you even together to begin with?
You walked towards the door swinging it open, watching as Blake walked through it.
He turned towards you once outside, smile on his face.
âCall me when youâre over himâ
You slam the door in his face.
âAnd thatâs how mama became your..mamaâ gator furrowed his brows at his own words, it was hard to explain what a step mama was to a six year old but he was trying his best.
âCan we call her yet daddy?â
Dollieâs bottom lip started to tremble as he looked at her, fuck he wanted to call you too. He hated himself for how he left things, leaving you like a bag of rubbish on his driveway.
He didnât even tell you he loved you back, the first time youâd ever said it to him was when he was leaving you.
He still heard your sobs when he tried to sleep at night, the way you held onto him and begged him not to go. Fuck, what if you never forgave him? He wouldnât blame you.
Gators head was buzzing, he knew it wasnât her fault but all heâd heard for the last six weeks was everything she missed. Sheâd understand one day that he did it for her, but right now she just had to trust he was going the right thing.
Gators burner phone started to ring, making him jump off the bed knocking Dollieâs horses off onto the floor.
âSilly daddyâ she sighed as she picked them back up, gator grabbed the phone quickly answering.
Gator listened as they reeled off information, trying his best to take it all in.
âWe will be making contact tonight, weâll update you when we know the next steps. Stay where you are and donât make contact with anyoneâ
Gator sighed as he hung up the phone, he wanted to be happy. Tell Dollie the nightmare was almost over, but he knew he couldnât. Not yet.
You raced to the door heart hammering in your chest as it knocked for a second time.
No one had been to the house since theyâd left, it had to be them.
You swung the door open, fear setting in your chest instead.
The sheriff stood in front of you, hands on his hips.
âA-are they okay? Is this about Gator? Dollie?â Thoughts raced through your mind. Were they dead? Had the police just found them?
You stared at him, waiting for an answer as your hands start to shake.
You quickly open the door wider, stepping aside as he walked into the house. Youâd thought youâd ran out of tears but here they were once again running down your cheeks, your body riddled with fear as you followed him towards the sofa waiting for the explanation.
âNice house little ladyâ
âWas hopin ya could help me with that, where are they?â You stared at him, confusion washing over your features âwhereâs my son?â
Your stomach turned as you looked at him, nothing like gator. No big dark eyes, no soft features, no warm smile.
Just a cold man sitting in front of you.
âDonât wanna have to hurt yaâ he laughed, startling you a little âbut I need to know where they areâ
You couldnât find the words, no matter how much you searched for them you just couldnât find them.
You pushed the palms of your hand into the sofa to stand up, eyes moving around the room for something you could grab to protect yourself if you needed to.
All you knew about him was rumours that had spread around town, never anything good.
God you wished gator had gave you a heads up on what you could be dealing with.
âSitâ his voice was cold as he walked towards you, big hand gripping your chin so you looked up at him âthat son of mineâ he tutted âran away with my money, I gave him time to come back and make it right but he chose this way insteadâ
Royâs grip tightened on your face as you sobbed.
âIâm just the nannyâ you whispered through sobs.
Roy laughed as he looked down at you.
âYou hold some value thenâ
Oh god, you were about to die.
Here, alone and no one would know about it.
Your face turned to the side with the impact, your mind buzzed with thoughts about Dollie, about Gator, how youâd rather it was you in this situation than either of them.
Royâs hand settled in your hair at the back of your head, holding you in place tightly.
âDidnât enjoy that little ladyâ he smirked down at you âso Iâll ask you again, whereâs gator?â
You tried to shake your head but his grip was too firm, you closed your eyes waiting for the next one to land.
It felt harder this time, maybe it was because he held you in place or maybe it was because it wasnât a slap this time.
You felt the warmth trickling down your face, blood. Your body tensed up as you opened your eyes to look at him.
âYer a tough lil thingâ Roy scoffed âspose ya have to be to be with a Tillmanâ
Fuck, right now you hated that name. Your life was so easy before you let him into your life, but why did you still want him to come home?
Why was your heart hoping heâd come through the door right now and fix this? Heâd never fixed anything.
It was always you doing the fixing, trying to keep everyone happy and healthy.
âHeâs been keepin ya in line, ya donât even bite backâ
Oh if only he knew the real gator, the soft gator that you knew.
The gator that would never dream of laying a finger on you, but somehow leaving you in this situation felt worse than if he would have hit you.
Roy held onto your hair as he dragged you towards the front door, you tried your best to grab onto anything you could as you passed it.
But it was no use, your vision was slowly going in and out of focus. Probably from all over the hits youâd taken, hits youâd taken for Gator.
You didnât even fight him as he bundled you into the back of his truck, just laying back closing your eyes accepting everything that was coming your way.
You werenât making it out of this, you werenât sure if you even wanted to anymore.
Your eyes flicked open at the sound of the door shutting behind you, you watched as he walked around to the drivers side.
Please gator, thereâs still time.
You watched as he climbed into the seat, head turning back towards you to make sure you were still there.
âGood girlâ he smirked.
Gator paced around the hotel room, Dollie played with her horses once again.
A routine theyâd quickly fell into.
How would he ever make this right with you? Was it easier to just cut you off completely when he got back?
Youâd have even more questions now, youâd never trust him.
Gator felt sick as everything filled his mind all at once, the thought of you alone.
What if you werenât alone? You could have moved on by now.
You could have forgotten about him and Dollie.
The thought made his skin crawl, he rubbed his hand over his face trying to shake the uneasy feeling.
âDaddy?â Gator looked down at Dollie, knowing exactly what she was about to ask.
Dollie nodded as she turned back towards the horses on the floor, gators heart breaking a little at the sight.
Why did he run? He could have just stayed and protected the both of you.
You lay back against the seats, falling in and out of consciousness as Roy talked on the phone. You still hadnât left yet, from what you could see from the window you were still in the exact same place.
You didnât feel scared anymore, it was almost peaceful as you lay down. The light of the sun that was so rare this time of year warming your skin as it peeked through the window.
Maybe you felt peaceful because it couldnât get any worse than it already was, you knew what your outcome was.
Royâs hands slapped down against the wheel making you jump, fear back in your chest as you look in his direction.
Your heart started to race in your chest as you watched him climb out of the car, eyes following him as he approached your door.
âRoll overâ he spoke with urgency this time, you shook your head as he looked at you.
âRoll onto your front now! Hands behind your back!â He shouted as you started to sob again, your body ached as you rolled onto your front.
Fear washing over you as you waited for him to do whatever he had planned for you.
You felt the rope tightening against the skin of your wrists, painful but better than what you were expecting him to do.
âI gotta sort somethin at the ranchâ he spoke quietly as he pulled you out of the car by your feet, letting you drop onto the cold ground âyer gonna wait where I leave ya an Iâll be backâ
You couldnât help the smile that spread across your face in your daze, these Tillman men and running away.
You look down as Roy starts tying rope around your ankles, you consider kicking him.
Whatâs the point? It would only end in another beating you wouldnât be able to take.
Roy dragged you by the rope around your feet across the floor before kicking open the door to stars stable, pulling you inside before closing the door.
âYer gonna stay hereâ Roy grabbed at your face as his eyes burned into your skin âfew hours, Iâll be back. Donât try anythin stupidâ
You watch as he leaves before turning your head towards star who was looking down at you, waiting for her feed.
âIâm sorry, girlâ you whispered before closing your eyes.
Hours had passed and gator was growing impatient, almost seven weeks the whole process had taken.
Endless interviews, confessions he never thought heâd make, trying to remember where evidence was hidden at the ranch to point them in the right direction.
Knowing that after all of this he could also end up in prison right with his dad, but it was a risk he was willing to take to keep Dollie safe from this man.
But if everything was pulled off correctly and they got what they wanted heâd be free of his dad forever, Dollie would always be safe.
Heâd get to come back home, back to you.
His phone was already in his hands when it started to ring, where it spent most of its time as he waited to know his outcome.
Gator pressed the phone to his ear, listening to all of the information they were spilling at him. Taking in the bits that mattered once again.
Gator scooped Dollie up in his arms, pressing kisses all across her face âwe can call mamaâ
The cold air coming through the gaps in the wood made your body tense up, youâd been lay in the same spot for hours now.
Awaiting Royâs arrival to finish the job off he started, but it didnât seem to be coming.
You wriggled yourself across the floor towards the wall where the hook that held the dustpan was, no one was coming to save you. So you had to save yourself.
You gasped as you pulled your legs into the air, stomach muscles feeling extra tender as you lifted them towards the hook.
You looped the rope around your ankles onto the hook as you start moving your legs to try and free them, the friction of the rope burning at your skin.
âFuck, cmonâ you cried as you bent your knees to add pressure to the rope, tears running down your cheeks as you watch the rope start to fray.
Cheap ass rope, of course.
The rope snapped, your legs landing on the floor with a crash.
âYesâ you whisper moving into a sitting up position before moving onto your knees, you look up above you at star who was still patiently waiting. âWeâve got this girlâ you smile up at her as you try to stand on your wobbly legs.
Once on your legs you turn your back to the wall, hooking the rope on your wrists to the hook before starting the whole process again.
You looked down at your now free wrists, the rope burn covering them only made you feel angry that youâd sat back and let this happen to you.
âFuck these menâ you say with a breathy laugh as you reach your hand out to star scratching just above her nose âdonât ever get a boyfriend, girlâ you sigh as you walk over to her bag of feed.
You feed star before walking out of the stables, locking the door behind you.
No cars in the drive, no cars anywhere near that you can hear.
Silence, just the moonlight shining down on you as you make your way back towards the house.
Perfectly clean as you left it, like nothing had ever happened.
Like the horrors of today didnât exist. Just how you liked it.
You walked up the stairs stopping in the mirror at the top to take in your reflection, something you hadnât done in a long time.
You look at the rope burns on your skin, the bruise under your eye, the dry blood around your mouth,nose and chin. The way your bones show more than they used to, the dark purple bags that were now only visable under one eye thanks to your new bruise.
Heâd ruined you, loving Gator had completely stripped you of yourself.
But you still ached for him.
You crouched down in front of the toilet ready to start what had become a regular routine for you now, throwing up everything youâd ate throughout the day before your body finally let you rest.
You didnât make your way to his bed tonight, you walked to your room. Climbing into the single bed before closing your eyes ready to let go of today.
Im sorry guys, I know this was probably boring & not fun to read but I couldnât just skip over this part once introducing it. I hope you understand & hope youâll continue to read. (Gator & Dollie are coming home)
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