The best direction is a moving target

Since the end of my relationship with the one who once caught me, I’ve spent a lot of time drifting through old thoughts, wondering how others see me, and how I see myself.

For a while, I searched for a path back to who I was before I made so many green vows, promises made with innocence that later unraveled into choices I carried as sins.

Now I know I was young.

Life was never meant to be linear.

There’s no going back.

Only learning.

Only forgiving.

Only finding the courage to finally love the person staring back in the mirror.

For the longest time, I asked myself:

Would she be proud of me?

Now I ask:

Would this make me proud?

Would this make my future family proud?

My gaze has turned forward, both literally and figuratively.

The deep thoughts about my past, present, and future haven’t disappeared. I don’t think they ever will. But I’ve realized something:

I don’t get to change the darkness behind me.

I only get to choose how brightly I carry my light forward.

I am DeepDrift.

Still drifting.