Deebris

 “You are a good girl, the best, to be exact, Yurei.”

Yurei. Your name that doesn’t quite sound like yours, coming from the lips of that hot-tempered man you still fail to judge after all those years, the demon king himself.

“You flatter me, master. I don’t deserve your praise,” you mutter while your face almost hits the ground from your deep bow.

“You are worth way more than all those useless other demons. So much more precious. I’d hate to share you with them.”

“I’m all yours,” you reply automatically, even though there’s that little part inside of your brain that disagrees.

“Good.”

Before you can think any further, Muzan wraps his large hand around your chin, forces you to look straight into his crimson red eyes.

“Even though I despise the fact you still refuse to eat men. Don’t you realize you’d be much stronger by now, even surpassing upper moon 3 if you’d agree to do so?”

His nails dig into your flesh ever so tenderly, remind you of the stinging fact that even though you’ve earned yourself his favour, this is still Muzan Kibutusji. One wrong move, one wrong word and the life you were so keen on keeping might fall apart.

“It’s not that I refuse to eat men, master,” you whisper, eyes still fixed on his.

“It’s that none of them are… appetizing.” His fingers tighten just a little. You feel the weight of his curiosity - or suspicion. You go on. “Every time I try, I feel nothing. No thrill, no satisfaction. It’s like drinking ash, like chewing air. But when I’m near you…” You dare to lift your chin just an inch, looking up at him through long lashes. His crimson eyes burn into you.

“It’s different. There’s a hunger I don’t understand. One I’ve never felt for anyone else. Not even the strongest demons stir it.” A pause. Then softly, almost shamefully:

“Maybe I was only ever meant to crave you.”

That’s it. A smile tugs on the corners of his usually so harsh lips, make the sight of sheer horror come true in your mind.

You never fully understood what it is, that obsession that follows the demon king wherever he goes. From low-ranked demons to the upper moons – all of them cherish him, adore him, praise him. Are you the problem? Should it concern you that the man who apparently saved your life doesn’t mean this much to you?

What should definitely concern you is what happens if he ever finds out that you aren’t as loyal to him as you claim to be. He took you in, turned you into a demon so you don’t die, gave you a life full of privileges none of the other demons have. Who are you to complain?

And yet…something’s missing. Yet, something doesn’t add up, holds you back. But what? You can’t but a finger on it, let alone name that feeling.

None of that matters anyway. Because this is your life. The life of upper moon six, the ice queen, the unofficial partner in crime of none other than Muzan Kibutsuji. Nothing else matters.

“You’ve always known how to say the right things,” Muzan murmurs, fingers sliding down your jaw, then away, leaving behind the ghost of a touch far colder than your own ice.

He turns from you, his silken white coat trailing like mist behind him.

“Something’s happened,” he continues, tone abruptly turning sharp, calculating.

“One of the upper moons… made a fool of himself. Let a hashira live. He won't again, of course.”

Your breath stills. You know better than to ask who. To be honest, in those countless years, you never really cared about meeting the other upper moons. Not because you’re jealous – you simply don’t care.

“There will be a meeting in just a few moments,” he states, eyes flickering to you over his shoulder.

“And no, Yurei. You’re not coming.”

That draws your gaze up, instinctively, even if you don’t lift your head fully. He sees it. Of course he does.

“I trust you,” Muzan says smoothly, but the way his voice lowers sends chills down even your frost-lined spine.

 “That’s why I want you to stay behind. Watch over things here until I return. You are far too precious to be around such… incompetence.”

You open your mouth to protest, just barely, but he doesn't give you the chance. Not that you tried to for real anyway.

“Besides,” he adds with that dangerously smooth pace, “your presence only distracts the others. Doma can’t keep his mouth shut when you’re in the room. And I’d rather not spill blood tonight that isn't necessary.”

That last line is a warning cloaked as a compliment, dipped in affection like poisoned honey.

So you nod. Obedient. Cold. Controlled.

“…As you wish, master.”

Muzan smiles again, just a twitch of his lips, as if your obedience is a melody he never tires of hearing.

“I won’t be long,” he promises, turning fully now, walking past you.

“Be good for me, Yurei.”

You bow low again, until his footsteps vanish completely. Only then do you lift your face. The frost in your chest is stirring, mind still circulating.

You are upper moon six. Feared. Valued. Linked to the demon king himself.

But what does it mean when the person who made you is also the one you feel least yourself around?

And worse…Why does the thought of his return fill you with more dread than relief?

You live on like nothing happened, like doubts aren’t living rent-free in your mind. Lure young women full of broken dreams into your home, kill them as swiftly as possible, survive another day without getting caught by anyone. Killing never really bothered you. After all, dying is part of the circle, belongs to life like death does. You’ve grown resistant against screams of agony, cold-hearted in terms of their tragic backstories, uninvolved to their deaths.

You’re just about to slit another woman’s throat when suddenly, you find yourself right in the heart of the castle you know so well: the infinity castle.

Nakime is the first thing you spot through the fog.

“Why am I here?”

Normally, Muzan is the one who sends you here, but never without an invitation, without a warning. And right now, he’s no where in sight. A cold knowing feeling crawls up your spine, digging and relentless. No, something isn’t right.

“Where is the master?” you insist.

“The demon slayers tried to set a trap for him. Within the next couple of seconds, all of them will arrive here. Master Kibutsuji insisted on making clear that you have to stay alone. Hidden, not risking to get caught until he comes to get you. Don’t dare to make any contact with the other demons. Understood?”

You can’t help but furrow your eyebrows. You, staying well-hidden? But aren’t you upper moon 6, one of the strongest demons within this castle? Why wouldn’t you fight, kill a few of those so-called demon slayer with your bare hands? You stare at Nakime, the keeper of the infinity castle, her pale face as expressionless as ever, but her eye holds a glint of something sharper than frost.

“I don’t understand,” you begin, voice low but firm.

“I’m upper moon six. I’m strong enough to handle any demon slayer that dares set foot here. Why am I supposed to stay hidden like some frightened child?”

Nakime’s lips twitch, almost a smile, but far too cold for something like that.

“Because he said so, foolish girl.”

Her voice is quiet but laced with iron. You narrow your eyes. She never dares to speak so sharply to you when Muzan is around, which means he doesn’t have the possibility to watch right now.

“You mean Muzan.”

She inclines her head slightly.

 “Yes. Muzan specifically ordered that you remain out of sight until the others arrive. No contact with the other upper moons.”

“But-“

“I don’t know the details. Muzan gave me strict orders: you are to stay hidden until he returns. No contact with the others. No involvement.”

You feel the sharp edge of frustration rise in your chest.

“You want me to sit here, alone? While other demons fight and possibly die?”

Nakime’s voice is low, firm.

“Yes. For your own good.”

You scoff, but deep down, you know you can’t defy Muzan’s direct command. No, not when it’s Nakime sitting opposite of you. She always waited for the perfect opportunity to watch you die through Muzan’s hands, but you definitely won’t give her that satisfaction. No, you have to come up with something else to find out what’s going on.

“As you wish,” you reply, voice tighter than before.

Nakime’s gaze lingers a moment longer, her usual cold mask briefly faltering.

“Remember this is a matter of survival. For you and for us.”

Especially for Nakime herself, though. Muzan’s instructions were so clear they are burned into her brain by now.

“Listen carefully,” Muzan said, his voice low and razor-sharp.

“This is not a request.”

She nodded silently, heart pounding. Muzan never raised his voice at her, but when he did, it was a storm more terrifying than any sea.

“There will be a confrontation soon. I can feel the demon slayer corps preparing a fight.”

Nakime swallowed, waiting for him to continue.

“I want Yurei kept out of it. Completely.”

His crimson eyes burned with an intensity that made the air thicken.

“No battle. No involvement. No, under any circumstances, contact with Akaza.”

Nakime’s breath caught.

She had heard rumors. Whispers among the higher ranks that Yurei and Akaza’s past was... complicated. That before they were demons, before the darkness twisted their fates, they were something more. Betrothed, even. Promised to one another in a time that seemed impossibly distant and fragile. How they ended up as demons who have no idea about each other’s identity? You doesn’t even want t know.

“Yurei is obedient, does everything I say without hesitation. And yet, I feel that human part inside her that is still alive, the part that is searching for something or someone. I can’t risk both of them seeing each other and crossing my plans.”

“You understand what this means?” he pressed, voice colder than the void.

“If Yurei is seen near Akaza during this... event, I will consider it a betrayal. And I will not hesitate to end you and everyone else’s life if this leads to her disobeying. Despite everything I did, there is still a part inside of her that doesn’t belong me. And if it belongs to him, if she gets an idea of their former connection…”

Nakime’s fingers clenched at her sides. She had always been loyal, but this was more than orders. This was a threat.

“She means little to me,” Nakime confessed, voice trembling despite herself.

“But if she dies… if she falls because of failure of mine to obey you, I will not forgive myself.”

Muzan’s expression softened only a fraction, a ghost of something unreadable.

“Good. I expect you to keep her hidden. Alive. Until I return.”

Nakime bowed deeply.

“Yes, Lord Muzan.”

“Fine. Of course I won’t disobey Lord Muzan’s orders.”

You turn away, heading toward the secluded chamber she indicated. Of course, you will do as she told.

For now. Only until the real battle starts. Until you have the opportunity to find out what exactly Muzan doesn’t want you to see.

What does the demon king hide from you? The demon slayers, the other demons? Now that you think of it, you’ve only met a few of the upper moons in over 150 years. Upper moon 1, upper moon 2, upper moon 4 and 5…but upper moon 3?

“What was his name again? Akaza?” you mumble to yourself.

You’ve heard of him. The demon who refuses to eat women, who would be strong enough to beat Doma if it wasn’t for the lack of power.

Almost like you…

You shake your head vehemently, closing the door behind you and leaning your head against the cold wall. No, right now isn’t the time to ponder about the other upper moons. You have to come up with a plan to find out what that nagging feeling inside you is, what Nakime and Muzan are hiding from you. Would it even be possible for you to live…freely?

Freedom.

To live your life as you wish, far away from the responsibilities of being an upper moon, from being called Muzan Kibutsuji’s “wife”. Is there even a way to get turned into a human again?

Your eyes widen unwillingly. You never considered being human desirable. They’re weak, useless, their lives short-term, filled with dread and sorrow most of the time. Why would you want to be one of them? Maybe especially because of that. Maybe because being weak and happy does sound better than being strong and empty after all those years.

The shift of the door snaps your instincts back into place in an instant. Is this Muzan himself? No, you can sense him from miles away, feel his heavy steps like no one else does. This isn’t Muzan, but none of the demons you know either. But who…?

“I’m giving you exactly 3 seconds,” you announce into darkness.

“To show yourself or to die right here on the spot.”

“I’d love to see you try.”

The air tightens between you the second he steps closer. You don’t need a second look to realize who he is, his reputation precedes him from miles. Your heart skips a beat, eyes widen ever so slightly.

Upper moon three.

You don’t flinch, upper moon six doesn’t flinch after all, but something shifts deep in your core. A pressure. A tremor. A memory that isn’t a memory. Who…Who on earth is that demon?

Akaza’s gold eyes bore into you, not hostile, not challenging, but somehow searching.

“What on earth are you doing here? I’m sure your orders didn’t involve harassing me. If Muzan finds out you’re here with me, you will be in a lot of trouble. I was instructed by the demon king and Nakime to stay here on my own,” you comment dryly.

Before you even give him a chance to answer, you shoot slicing ice his way. To be honest, you don’t care why he’s here, you don’t want to care why he’s here. Because caring means getting involved and getting involved means getting killed.

“Harassing you? A woman who sits in her ivory tower while all the other demons fight for their pride just because she’s ‘Muzan’s wife’? Pathetic,” he spits at you along with dodging your attack way too effortlessly.

Something inside you snaps. You know how the other demons think of you and never really bothered about their unnecessary opinion. But why…why does his disapproval hit you straight into your chest? And why does he feel so familiar?

“This wasn’t my choice!” you bark back at him, trying to land another hit.

“Not your choice to be a coward?”

“Not my choice to be trapped here! But if I don’t stay put he’ll kill me. And if he sees you here with me, both of us will die. How did you even find me?”

“How I found you?” Akaza challenges.

He grabs your wrist mid-air and yanks you towards him, forces you to really stare into his eyes.  

“You feel it too,” he comments painfully directly into your face.

You grit your teeth. No, you can’t get involved, you can’t-

“Feel what?”

That he shouldn’t be here? That Muzan himself was very clear on stating that none of the upper moons is allowed near you? That there has to be a reason for him insisting on you never meeting this particular demon? That you feel like he’s somehow familiar?

Yes. Definitely yes.

“This-” he gestures vaguely between you.

“It’s not normal. I’ve never met you before. But I found you here. And yet…”

“…you have,” you finish before you can stop yourself, before you know any better.

A beat of silence. Both of you are still, don’t dare to move, don’t dare to say a word. There’s something about his features that feels off, something about his features that seems like the answer you’ve been searching all those years.

“I don’t remember,” he admits, voice rough.

“I’ve tried. Ever since Muzan turned me, I’ve seen glimpses in my dreams…flashes of someone. Her voice. Her hands.”

He clenches his own, like trying to hold onto something he can’t name.

“I always thought it was a trick. A lie. But now…”

His eyes meet yours again and this time you can’t look away. Something ancient stirs behind your ribs. A weight. A warmth. A wound.

“I get the same thing,” you whisper, hating the tremble in your voice.

“But I never see faces. Only…”

You pause, swallowing hard.

“Only a promise. One I never made.”

Akaza takes another step forward. You don’t back away, not even when he’s close enough to touch.

“What does Muzan gain from keeping us apart? What is the reason for him keeping you away from me all this time? How is it possible I’ve never seen you since you got turned into a demon?” he asks.

That question chills you more than your own blood ever could.

“I don’t know. But he gave Nakime strict orders. No contact between us. If he finds out we’re even speaking-”

“He’ll kill us.”

You nod once. Quiet.

Akaza’s fists clench again.

“Then why did he spare us at all? Why give us eternity, but carve out something we don’t even remember losing?”

You don’t have the answer. But the dread curling in your gut tells you he’s onto something. Something big.

You take a breath that doesn’t fill your lungs.

“Do you think,” you start slowly, like the words are blades against your tongue, “we knew each other? Before Muzan?”

He doesn’t answer. Not directly. But his eyes soften,not with affection, not even recognition, but with ache.

“Maybe we did. Maybe that’s what he fears most. How…old are you?”

“I’m not too sure. I think around 133 years.”

“133 years. Just…just like me.”

You blink. Once, twice, still not processing what he’s trying to say.

“What are you suggesting?” you finally mutter, even though you fear the answer.

“If he took something from us. Buried it. Erased it.”

He looks past you, distant.

“What happens if we find it again?”

The question settles over you like snowfall. Silent. Cold. Unyielding.

You should send him away. This is dangerous. Muzan’s wrath isn’t just legendary, it’s absolute. If he finds out Akaza stood here, that your heart skipped even a single unnatural beat…

And yet, you take a step closer. Yet, you stare into the eyes of the man you swore you only knew by his name until a few minutes ago, the man you never really cared about until now. Why does it feel like you know him, like he’s that missing piece in the puzzle you tried to solve for more than 100 years? So familiar and yet a stranger.

“I…have a suggestion.”

Your eyes dart up at him, fully aware that whatever comes out of his mouth means nothing but trouble.

“What is it,” you hiss through gritted teeth.

Akaza hesitates - not because he’s afraid, but because he knows what he’s about to say isn’t logical. Isn’t strategic. Isn’t safe. But neither is this strange pull in his chest that feels like it could shatter him if he walks away now.

“We should kiss.”

For a moment, there is no sound except the echo of that suggestion bouncing off the stone walls.

You blink once. Then again. Is this a dream? A test? A cruel joke?

“…You absolute idiot,” you snarl, backing away with enough fury to summon frost in the air around you.

“Do you want us both to die?! Do you have any idea what Muzan will do to me - to you - if he even senses the memory of this conversation?!”

“Maybe I do,” Akaza snaps back, jaw tight, eyes blazing.

“But maybe I care more about figuring out why my body feels like it’s on fire since you’re near me!”

“Oh, spare me your poetic bullsh-”

“Don’t lie to yourself,” he interrupts sharply, stepping forward again.

“You feel it too. That ache. That pull. And we’ve both felt it before this moment. Muzan didn’t give us that.”

You freeze. The frost stills mid-air, trembling like your chest. He’s right. You hate it. But he’s right.

Still, you snarl, voice low and cold and dangerous. “Suggest something like that again and I swear I’ll rip the rest of your memories from your skull myself.”

“I wasn’t asking for permission,” Akaza replies coldly.

Before you can open your mouth to threaten him again, to shove him back or draw another blade of ice-

He kisses you.

It’s fast, so fast you don’t register what’s happening until his lips are already on yours, until his hands are on either side of your face, careful not to push too far. But it's not gentle. It's desperate. Cracked open. A plea wrapped in defiance.

You freeze - literally. The air around you spikes in temperature, snow swirling out of thin air, but you don’t move. Don’t pull away. Because the moment his lips meet yours, something inside of you shatters.

The sound isn’t audible. It’s worse; it’s internal. Like glass cracking behind your ribs, like ice giving way beneath ancient weight. Your body remembers before your mind does. The feel of him. The shape of him. The pain of losing him.

“Hakuji, just wait until I catch you!” your voice giggles, feet hammering against the warmth of the grass only a hot summer day provides.

“I won’t let you catch me,” a painfully familiar voice strikes back.

Your eyes dart around the forest with no real aim – until you feel a pair of strong arms wrapping themselves around you from behind, dragging you straight into the grass as gentle as possible.

You can’t catch your breath, laughter now escaping your lips without a filter on, without a care in the world.

“Because I will be the one who catches you. Always,” he mumbles into your ear, his hot breath tickling against the shell of your ear.

“Does catching me come with a kiss as well?” you mutter oh so shyly.

You feel his warm palms caressing your cheeks while your eyes get to meet his. Bright blue, full of light, full of an unspoken love you’ve never felt in your entire life.

“As long as we’re together, I will always remember you that I’m here whenever you need me with a kiss,” he mumbles with a slight smile before leaning in, before pressing his lips softly against yours.

“(y/n), there’s something I wanted to ask you for a long time…”

“You want to cook for me?” you tease him.

“Maybe another time. What I’m trying to say is…(y/n)…will you…marry me?”

Your eyes widen. And for the first time, you really see him. Him with those bright blue eyes and dark hair, his muscular frame, those facial features that are now oh so familiar.

Your breath catches as you yank your lips away from him. Akaza pulls back just enough to search your eyes, voice hoarse.

“Did you feel it? Did you…see what I saw?”

You stagger back half a step like you’ve been struck. Not from the kiss. From the truth that’s now slamming against your chest like waves against a cliff.

You know this man.

No, you were engaged to this man.

“I…” you begin, but your voice cuts out.

You hate him for it. Hate him for tearing open something you weren’t aware of for more than 100 years. You could’ve just stayed here, waiting for Muzan to kill every single one of them and return to you. Why…Why all of this now?

“I will fix this, (y/n).”

The sound of your real name rings in your ears, forces your eyes to widen. Is this real? Is this your life now? It can’t be. If Muzan finds out, if he senses the shift in your energies…

“But…How? How are you supposed to fix this? There’s no way out except death.”

“I might know a way. If you feel the same as me and want to…discover more about this, wait here. I will take care of everything. All my life, I’ve been wondering what piece of me went missing. All that aimless killing, of not being able to harm women, of wondering what is the cause for all of this…I never thought about something like this.”

He presses your hand one last time before pulling away painfully swift.

“But what if Muzan finds out?” you cry after him.

“If the fight goes on like this, there won’t be anything left of demons on this world after tonight. I always thought being a demon means being strong, that it’s my mission to eliminate all the weaklings from the surface of earth. But now I find myself with you being my weakness,” Akaza replies monotone before fleeing the scene as fast as he came.

The second he’s out of sight, you collapse onto the floor. Your mind seems to swallow you whole, replaying each and every sequence of that engagement in your head over and over again. A happy life was never something you aimed for. As a demon, you came probably the closest to that prospect by being with Muzan. But now…You can’t let go of that tugging smile you wore on your lips, how that man, Akaza.

“No, his name…is Hakuji,” you mutter to yourself.

Hakuji. A kind yet hot-tempered man you’ve known a long time ago – you loved a long time ago. At first glance, he has nothing in common with the demon Akaza. How did Muzan manage to separate both of you? How was he able to keep both of your identities hidden for so long? All this time, your fiancé was still very alive.

Another wave of memories leaves you cramping on the floor.

Fire.

Blood.

Chaos.

“(y/n), please stay in here until I took care of this.”

“Hakuji, please wait!”

You grab his hand in a desperate attempt to keep him from slipping through your fingers all over again, to make sure he stays.

“Don’t leave. I can’t afford to lose you. I can’t-“

“What do we have in here? Young love?”

Blood. All you see is blood.

His blood.

His abdomen, completely torn open.

“H..Ha…Hakuji?”

Your fiancées widened eyes stare at you in sheer horror while another men from the shadows walks towards you.

“Don’t touch her,” Hakuji breathes out.

“Get out of my way, you little insect.”

With a whip of his hand, Hakuji gets send straight into a nearby wall. Not moving anymore, not making a sound anymore.

No.

This has to be a bad dream. Just a few hours ago, you were busy planning your wedding. This…this can’t be real.

“Stop looking at him with those pretty eyes,” the unknown man mumbles while grabbing your chin roughly.

A sharp pain explodes inside of your chest. From heartbreak? Yes. But when your eyes dart down, you see the man’s hand, sunken deep inside your chest.

Blood spills over, your vision becomes blurry. The last thing you see are your fiancées bright blue eyes, staring at you through the fog of blood and burnt opportunities.

Your eyes shut forever.

“Make.It.Stop,” you cry on top of your lungs, nails digging into your head in an desperate attempt to stop the flood from taking you over.

The shared laughter, his tenderness, the way he kissed your forehead the second you woke up each and every day. The blood when you thought Muzan killed him, your blood when you thought that he killed you as well…What happened after that? Why didn’t you deserve that luck?

“You were told to stay hidden.”

A voice cuts through your void, loud and clear.

Nakime.

Her voice is as flat as ever, but there’s a sharp edge underneath it, something brimming – fear, maybe?

“I was,” you answer, slow, every word weighed down by the strange, burning ache in your chest.

“But things changed.”

Nakime’s single eye narrows.

“Muzan-sama’s orders do not ‘change’ because of your feelings.”

You lift yourself off the ground, stepping forward with wobbly legs.

“You don’t understand-”

“I don’t need to understand.”

She lifts the biwa slightly and the walls of the infinity castle shift with a warning groan. Your balance falters. The dizziness is creeping back - those memories. That name. Hakuji. The image of Akaza standing in front of you like he used to, like…

Like he still belongs to you.

You reach for your composure, but your knees nearly buckle under the weight of it.

Nakime notices.

“You’re slipping. The past is eating you alive, doesn’t it? You should have stayed obedient.”

“Shut up.”

“I should call for Master Muzan. Now.”

You lunge before she finishes the sentence.

Nakime plays one string and the ground warps beneath you. You slam into the shifting wall, shoulder cracking painfully against sharp wood. You snarl, fangs bared, and lash out with a gust of freezing wind, shards of ice slicing toward her.

But Nakime doesn’t even flinch.

“You think you can fight me in this castle?” she hisses.

“I am the walls. I am the bones of this place.”

You crawl to your feet, barely. Blood drips from your split lip. Your vision flickers. Why does it take your body this long to heal?

“You don’t know what he’s hiding from me,” you manage.

“What he’s taken.”

“And I don’t care either.”

She raises her hand toward the biwa again.

“I’m calling him. He’ll make this right. He’ll finally see what a worthless pile of trash you are.”

No. If she calls Muzan right now, both you and Akaza will get killed. After finally seeing the truth, after having the opportunity of a lifetime to escape this prison. You can’t…you can’t lose him again.

You scream on top of your lungs, fight your way back to her.

“DON’T.”

But it’s too late. The biwa rings out with a harsh, discordant note as Nakime slams her hand across the strings. The sound reverberates through the entire dimension like a death bell.

She lifts her head. Waits.

Waits.

Waits…

And nothing happens.

You both freeze.

Nakime’s eye narrows.

“Why isn’t he answering?”

You clutch your ribs, panting, blood and memories bubbling in your throat. And then you realize:

He can’t.

He’s weakened. Somewhere, something happened. His grip on the castle is fractured. His tie to Nakime is cut off. And maybe even the tie that leads to you.

A slow, cold smile tugs at your lips, bitter and beautiful.

“You can’t reach him,” you whisper.

Nakime’s eye twitches, confusion rising like panic.

“You… You’re lying.”

“No. You’re alone now. Can’t you see that this is the end, Nakime? The end of the life we’ve known?”

Nakime is quiet, the kind of quiet that promises death. Her one visible eye shifts to you, narrowing like a blade slipping from a sheath.

“You’re weakened,” she states simply.

You try to push yourself upright, but the floor only groans beneath your palms. The chill from your ice, the power Muzan so adored, barely clings to your skin now. Your vision swims.

“I wouldn’t… do this if I were you…” you rasp, chest heaving.

Nakime walks forward.

“You’re a liability now,” she replies, her voice almost mournful.

“You’ve seen things you weren’t supposed to. And if Muzan-sama won't protect his secrets, I will.”

You summon a shard of frost, jagged and glowing weakly at your side. But your hand trembles. Your heart is beating too fast, too loud, too human.

She raises her biwa.

“You should’ve stayed hidden, Yurei.”

She’s three steps from you when-

CRACK.

A burst of raw, furious pressure slams into the chamber like thunder. The infinity castle shakes. Nakime freezes mid-stride.

And then a voice, familiar like a dream.

“Don’t touch her.”

Akaza. Hakuji.

You look up - and there he is.

Standing like a flame against the dark, body taut with fury, eyes locked on Nakime with something primal and possessive. And just behind him…

Tanjiro Kamado. Sword drawn. Breathing steady. No, you know this boy. He’s the demon slayer even Muzan feared to death. If he’s this close to Akaza, he might kill him.

Your lips part. You want to scream his name. Akaza. Hakuji. To drag himself into safety, to not die right here on the battlefield when you’re this close to freedom.

But the world’s gone thick and slow.

“Move,” Nakime hisses.

“This has nothing to do with.”

But she doesn’t finish.

Because Akaza is already there.

Faster than sound. A blur of fists and rage. His arm swings. A flash of flesh and light.

Her head hits the floor with a hollow thud.

Silence.

Nakime's body stumbles back, lifeless. Her head rolls once… twice… before turning to ash.

The infinity castle howls.

The structure begins to tremble uncontrollably, Nakime’s death apparently detaching it from within. The walls bleed light, the floors twist underfoot.

Akaza rushes to you as everything collapses.

“Yurei…(y/n)!”

Your eyes finally find his. Wide. Wild. Searching.

He’s so close now. Too close.

Your lips try to form words, his name, a question, something, but all that comes out is a breath.

“I…I remember…”

You sway.

“Wait!”

Akaza’s hands reach for you, but it’s too late. Everything spins. For the first time in over a century, the ice queen loses control. Not to a blade. Not to Muzan. But to the weight of everything she was never supposed to feel again. To that silent part inside of her that apparently was still human.

You collapse, falling into Akaza’s arms as the infinity castle crumbles around you.

Everything goes black.

-a few weeks later-

The first thing you feel is pain. Not sharp, not unbearable, but real. Present. A dull throb echoing through your limbs, your chest, your temples. And it doesn’t vanish within seconds.

You inhale. The air feels different as well: not stale like the infinity castle, not suffocating like Muzan’s presence, not freezing like in your own little palace of murderer. It’s cool, earthy, touched by sunlight. Sunlight…

You open your eyes.

The ceiling above you is wooden, old but clean. There’s a window cracked open, thin white curtains swaying in the breeze.

You’re... alive. And more importantly, you are alive in broad daylight.

You blink once. Twice. Then try to sit up, but your arms tremble under your weight. It takes everything not to collapse again.

And that’s when you see them.

Your hands, no longer the pale blue-tinged claws of an upper moon, but with a rosy undertone. Human. Not fully, but somehow familiar.

There’s a faint reddish shimmer beneath the skin, like leftover embers struggling to die out. Your veins… faintly blue, like cracks in porcelain. They glow and then fade, erratic and strange.

Your breath catches in your throat. This shouldn’t be possible. Your heart is racing uncontrollably, not able to comprehend all these sudden changes. Not like a demon’s rapid heartbeat, but something more fragile. Rhythmic. Organic.

You reach toward your hair, grabbing a strand from your shoulder. The icy white you knew so well is… gone.

Replaced by its original color.

You whisper it aloud, the name of the shade. Something you haven’t spoken since your human life. It doesn't even sound like you, that voice.

Your body is trembling now, but you can’t stop tracing your fingers over your skin, over the hollow of your throat, your chest.

You feel warm. You feel pain. You feel...Good.

Not in the sense Muzan trained you to believe. Not power, not hunger, not overthrow, not eternity.

Just… something softer. Something peaceful. Like you’ve been holding your breath for centuries and finally exhaled.

Is it really possible? No, it can’t be. What a ridiculous thing to even think. But still…When you look down at your shaky hands, take in the sight of those veins, the fingernails instead of claws…Are you dreaming? Is this a flashback again?

“Oh, you’re awake!”

You turn your head, expecting Akaza again. But it’s not him this time.

It’s him. The boy with the kind eyes. The one you only knew in whispers and rumors. A demon slayer who defied death with sheer will. The one Muzan feared more than anyone else. Tanjiro Kamado…He was there, during the infinity castle battle.

He smiles gently when he sees you awake, setting a small wooden tray on the table nearby. Steam curls from a cup of tea, something smells delicious.

“You’re awake,” he comments, and there’s a softness in his voice that cuts through the haze.

You stare at him for a second, uncertain of what to say. What could you say anyway? To a boy who kills demons while you are a demon…Or are you?

“I shouldn’t be,” you finally whisper.

“I was a demon. I’ve killed people. I should not be here. And you shouldn’t be here with me…”

Tanjiro’s expression doesn’t shift. He walks closer, kneels beside your futon and meets your eyes with a kind of unwavering honesty that makes you want to look away but can’t.

“You’re here because part of you never stopped being human. That’s why we were able to help you.”

You frown, lips parting slightly. You, a human? You, who killed so many women that you’ve lost count. You, in the favour of the demon king himself.

“That’s… not possible. Muzan told us, told me, once you’re a demon, that’s it. There’s no going back. Especially not for me…”

He shakes his head.

 “That’s what he wanted you to believe. But it’s not the truth.”

His gaze grows softer, as if he’s looking past your skin and into something deeper.

“You were different. Even as a demon, you never ate men. You didn’t take joy in killing. You felt things you weren’t supposed to feel. That meant something. That meanta lot.”

You swallow hard, your voice trembling.

“I never thought I could feel like this again. This pain… this warmth…”

He nods slowly, a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

“You’re doing better than anyone expected. You’re not fully human yet, but you’re close. Tamayo’s medicine worked because you fought it, even when you didn’t realize it. You wanted to be saved.”

You try to breathe through the wave of emotion that crashes into you. Suddenly everyhting’s too much. You feel like crying but your body doesn’t even know how anymore, doesn’t know how to show any true emotion after suppressing everything for over 100 years.

After a long silence, your voice breaks the quiet.

“And… what about him?”

Tanjiro blinks as if he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.

“Akaza. Or… Hakuji.”

A shadow passes through his expression, but there’s no fear in it, only understanding. He glances briefly toward the door, as if sensing something you can’t.

“He… he’s alive. He chose to come back with you. He chose you over Muzan Kibutsuji”

You blink, having a lot of trouble following Tanjiro’s words with the mess that’s going on inside your head.

 “Back? You mean…?”

Before Tanjiro can answer, there’s a soft, deliberate knock at the door.

Three quiet taps.

Tanjiro glances over his shoulder, then stands and steps aside, giving the doorway his full attention.

The door creaks open. And there, silhouetted by the light behind him, stands a man.

Not a demon who used to stand with blood-soaked fists and fury burning in his eyes. But someone human, someone you know all too well.

He steps into the room slowly, uncertain, like the world might collapse beneath his feet if he moves too fast.

Black hair, grown out just slightly. Scars still faint on his arms. Eyes no longer glowing gold, but a warm, soft blue filled with things he never got to feel in the life stolen from him.

You can’t breathe. You can’t think. All you can do is stare. At the love you’ve lost, forgotten in the haze of being turned into a demon. Separated for 133 years only to find him again. The man you loved, the man you were promised to. The man your heart was aching for so desperately that your love overcame the curse of being a demon.

“...Hakuji?” you whisper.

His gaze meets yours. And as he nods with a small smile, your world stops spinning.

“Hey,” he mumbles softly while sitting down next to you.

“You look different. Or maybe you look just like the girl I fell in love with.”

You choke on a laugh that sounds too close to a sob.

“So do you. But…it suits you very well. I like those bright blue eyes way more.”

Hakuji doesn’t reach out, not yet, but his presence is grounding like the soft earth beneath your feet after centuries of floating in the void. His eyes flicker down to your hands, still trembling in your lap, and then slowly, he extends his own.

You hesitate. For just a second. Then you place your hand in his. His skin is warm. Calloused. Real. Flesh meeting flesh. Not claws. Not blood. Not sin.

Just him.

You feel something in your chest crack wide open, a fracture that spills warmth instead of pain. A tear rolls down your cheek before you even realize it’s there.

Hakuji’s thumb brushes it away, tender, respectful. Like he’s afraid you might disappear if he touches too hard.

“You’re really here,” he whispers, almost to himself.

“I kept thinking I’d imagined it, that you were never real. That I’d just made you up to survive…”

You laugh again, soft and broken.

“I thought the same about you… For a long time. And when I finally remembered… I thought it was already too late.”

His fingers curl around yours tighter, like he’s trying to hold together all the shattered pieces of you.

“It wasn’ttoo late,” he murmurs.

“We came back. Somehow. You came back to me.”

You study him for a long moment, trying to memorize everything: the curve of his jaw, the small scar near his brow, the faintest tremble in his voice when he says we. The person beneath the monster. The boy who used to fight with bare fists to protect the people he loved.

“Do you remember?” you ask, voice trembling.

“All of it? Me, us…?”

Hakuji's eyes glisten, but he nods.

“I remember everything. I remember your laugh in the rain. I remember the way you always tucked the ends of your kimono under when you sat down. I remember the first time you held my hand and how I couldn’t stop thinking about it for days.”

You can’t stop the tears this time. They spill freely, carving soft, wet trails down your cheeks. But they’re not like the ones you cried in silence as a demon. These are human. Real.

“I thought I’d never get to touch you again, that I’d lost you forever.”

“I thought the same,” he breathes.

Hakuji leans in just a little, eyes never leaving yours.

“I’ll never leave you again. No matter what form we take.”

You nod, unable to speak. And then, slowly, carefully, he pulls you into his arms.

It’s not a kiss.

It’s something gentler.

A homecoming.

You bury your face in his shoulder, breathe in his scent: no longer dust and iron and rage, but warmth and old wood and something faintly like sakura.

And as his arms wrap around you, steady and strong, you finally allow yourself the one thing you thought you’d never have again:

Peace.

Bonus:

Tanjiro claps his hands together in the middle of the living room like an enthusiastic teacher.

“Alright! Today’s lesson: Being Normal!”

Nezuko grins, bouncing slightly on her toes with a notepad in hand. She's drawn a happy face on it with the word "step 1: DON'T GLARE AT THE NEIGHBORS."

You and Hakuji exchange a look.

“…We were demons for 100+ years,” you mutter under your breath.

“Isn’t this a bit pushy?”

Hakuji shrugs.

“I can punch things. Does that help?”

Tanjiro blinks.

“Please don’t punch the neighbors.”

Nezuko slaps a new paper onto her notepad. It just says “ABSOLUTELY NO PUNCHING.”

Lesson 1: Cooking

Tanjiro leads you both into the kitchen.

“Let’s start with something simple: rice balls!”

Ten minutes later, the kitchen looks like a rice war zone.

You somehow managed to burn steamed rice. Hakuji tried to shape a perfect rice ball with combat grip pressure and turned it into a brick. Tanjiro, gently trying to explain how to be less aggressive with the seaweed, has one stuck to his face. Nezuko’s laughing so hard she drops her pickled plum.

You sigh, covered in rice and dignity loss.

“Why is this harder than beheading people?”

“Because the rice fights back,” Hakuji replies seriously.

Lesson 2: Casual Human Interaction

Tanjiro hands you both a list of polite phrases.

“Try saying ‘good morning’ to the neighbors tomorrow. Just smile and wave.”

So you do as you’re told. You open the door and wave at an old woman walking her dog and smile. She stares at you for a second too long (still traumatized from you almost setting her house on fire).

“Did I smile wrong?” you whisper to Hakuji.

“You bared your teeth,” he whispers back.

“Like a wolf.”

“I was trying to be nice!”

The dog starts barking.

You and Hakuji retreat inside like you’ve been hit by sunlight again.

Lesson 3: Relationship Boundaries

Tanjiro sits both of you down in front of a paper labeled “Things Couples Do That Don’t Involve Blood.”

Nezuko adds “hold hands,” “go on walks,” and “kiss gently” with lots of hearts.

Hakuji squints.

“Gently?”

You smirk.

“We could try…”

Five seconds later, Tanjiro turns around and catches you both mid-kiss leaning against the kitchen wall.

Tanjiro shrieks and runs outside the house in an instant.

 “Boundaries!”

“We’re learning love!”

Nezuko just gives a thumbs up.

Lesson 4: No Night Climbing

You wake up at 2 AM to find Hakuji on the roof, squatting like a cryptid with a loaf of bread in his mouth.

“Hakuji,” you hiss from the window, “you’re not a demon anymore! Get down!”

“I heard a fox. I was going to challenge it.”

“…Get inside, you absolute menace.”

Despite the chaos, the rice explosions, and the emotional whiplash of feeling sunlight on your skin for the first time in a century, there’s laughter now. Clumsy, awkward, sometimes absurd.

But real.

And for the first time in lifetimes, you and Hakuji are learning that maybe, just maybe…

Being human again isn’t so bad after all.

Tags: @chilichopsticks @hellkaiserinphoenix  @ynackerman9499 @keepghostly @beatrexworld

@froufrousnowman @hidazinie @tomiokathedepresso  @poketrainer2270 @chaoticwinnercupcake

@lees-chaotic-brain @wordskeeper @polarbvnny @sugu-love @ryva @baku2345

@komelrebi-san @kentocalls @barbuse @sunshine7queen @lavenderdrxp

@yaninnaacu @hopefulbelievertimemachine @vrystalius @sanemifucker @blunderland

You knock on the door of Joel’s place. You don’t wait long until Ellie opens the door.

“James, your mom’s here!” She hollers and you giggle.

You ruffle the young teen’s hair, “How long have they been working?”

Ellie rolls her eyes, “All day. Joel hasn’t even given me my guitar lesson for the day. Tell your son to fuck off!”

You laugh, “I’ll see what I can do, but he’s a grown man.” You walk further into the home and see Joel and James hunched over the dining table, each with some pieces of wood and shavings surrounding them.

You stand behind your son, hands on his shoulders, “How’s it going, boys?”

James beams up at you and you see remnants of the young boy he used to be, “We’re carving out wooden cars for Ben’s birthday.”

“That’s sweet.”

“Everythin’ okay?” Joel asks, tilting his head down to look over his glasses.

You feel your cheeks heat up under his gaze, “Yeah, just wanted to see if I should wait for James before making dinner.”

“Shit,” your son mumbles and looks at his watch, “I lost track of time. I’m sorry, mom.”

You pay down his hair, “Baby, it’s fine. I’m glad you’re spending time with Joel and not your boring mom.”

James scrunches his face, “You’re not boring.”

You snort, “Tell that to his brother,” you nod at Joel, “Always trying to get me to go to movie nights and get togethers.”

“That’s Tommy for ya. Pain in the ass,” Joel says with a smirk, “Don’t mind him though. He’s only doing what he thinks will be good for you.”

“What about you? You think you know what’s good for me, Joel?” You give him a smirk and it makes him squirm in his chair a bit.

You and Joel have been playing this game for months now. This cat and mouse, back and forth game. Flirting and teasing and then pulling back. Honestly, at your grown age, you should be tired of it, but it brought a little thrill back into your life.

Joel clears his throat, “Suppose I don’t, but whatever you think is good for you, just..do that, I guess.”

You chuckle, “Sure, Joel,” you put your attention back on your son, “So, honey, should I wait for you?”

James shakes his head, “Nah, it’s okay. Go ahead. If anything, just leave me some leftovers or-“

“Don’t worry, we’ll feed him,” Joel says, not looking up from his project.

“You sure?”

He nods, “Yup.”

“Alright. Thanks, Joel,” you kiss James’ head, “Don’t stay here too late. The old man will probably need to sleep soon.”

Joel gives you the finger and you laugh while exiting his home.

Once you’re gone, James leans in, “Soooo…”

“Don’t start,” Joel gives him a warning glare.

The younger man holds his hands up, “I’m just sayin’, I give you my blessing to date my mom. You guys clearly have…something between you two.”

Joel takes off his glasses and sighs, leaning back in his chair, “I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life, kid. And your mom? She’s pure and good and I don’t wanna taint her with my shit.”

James can’t help but scoff, “You think my mom’s pure and good? You don’t think she had to do some shitty things in order to raise me during a fucking apocalypse?” He shakes his head, “Man, I get it. You think you’re too old and tainted to have something good in your life, but after everything we’ve all gone through, we deserve good things. You deserve good things, Joel. And my mom? She likes you, really likes you. She hasn’t said it to me but I see it. I just-I want my mom to be happy and I think you can be that for her.”

“I agree,” Ellie says as she appears in the room.

Joel pinches the bridge of his nose, “Fucking-Don’t gang up on me like this.”

Ellie shrugs, “He’s right, plus you can cut the sexual tension you two have with a knife!”

James grimaces, “Ugh. Please don’t talk about my mom having sex. I don’t wanna picture that.”

Ellie rolls her eyes, “Grow up, dude!”

“You grow up!”

“You’re almost thirty and sex grosses you out?”

“Sex doesn’t gross me out! The idea of my mom having sex grosses me out! You can’t tell me that the idea of Joel having sex-“

Joel decides to break up the argument, “Okay! Okay! Hey! Hey! Break it up, you two! Jesus,” he shakes his head, “Enough talking about my sex life!”

“Or lack thereof,” Ellie mumbles causing James to snicker.

Joel glares at the two, “Enough. Nothing is going to happen between Y/N and I.”

“Because you don’t want to?”

“Because it just can’t, alright? Let’s leave it at that.” He says his words with finality and goes back to working on Ben’s birthday present.

Ellie and James give each other and knowing look and then Ellie mumbles, “Whatever, dude,” and heads back to her room.

____________________________________

There's a knock at your door mid-day. You'd just gotten back from helping out in the community garden, so you're covered in soil. Nonetheless, you open the door to reveal Ellie on the other side.

"Oh, hey! James isn't here-"

"I know, I'm here to see you, actually," she steps inside and you close the door behind her.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, um, Dina mentioned that you know how to bake. Was wondering if you could teach me?"

You look at her in surprise, "Really? Didn't think you'd be interested in that."

The young teen shrugs, "Think it'd be a nice skill to have. That way I can bake shit whenever I want and don't have to trade an arm and a leg for it."

You snort, "Very true, but sure. Lemme just take a quick shower and we can get started. Feel free to hang out here. Some of James' old comics and books are on the shelf there." You point to the bookshelf in the living room.

"Sweet!" Ellie heads straight to it and you rush upstairs for a quick shower.

Twenty minutes pass and you're in the kitchen with damp hair and smelling like flowers. You have all the ingredients laid out in front of you, "Okay, so first, we pre-heat the oven so by the time we're done mixing everything together, it should be ready to pop it in."

You show her how to pre-heat the oven and then guide her back to the counter, so the best method for this is to mix all the dry ingredients together in one bowl. And the wet ingredients in another bowl, then combine them."

"Cool. Got it." You give her the measurements of each ingredient, instructing her the best way to mix everything and what to look out for. Ellie's smart and a quick learner, so she gets through it very quickly.

"Fuck yeah," she mumbles to herself in excitement when she pours out the batter into the 12-cup muffin tin.

You laugh, "You've done well so far. So now that the oven is at the temperature we want, we just slide the tin in and let them cook for about twenty-five minutes."

She slides the tin in and closes the door, "So what should we do while we wait?"

"We clean all this up," you gesture to the dirty dishes and flour and egg droppings on the counter, "and wait."

"Boring," Ellie groans, but continues to help you anyway. As you two wash the dishes, she makes conversation.

"So...how's your love life?"

You cackle at her abrupt question, "My love life?"

"Yeah. You seeing anyone? Anyone catch your eye?," she leans in and whispers, "You can tell me, I can keep a secret."

You laugh even more, "I find that hard to believe considering you and Dina share everything."

Ellie scoffs, "She's my best friend. Of course, I tell her everything." She places the spatula she washed into the the drying rack, "But we're not talking about me. We're talking about you."

You hum for a moment, "Fine. I'll play along. To answer your question, no, there isn't really anyone that's caught my eye. Not sure dating is my top priority right now."

"Why not? Don't you want someone at your side before you die?"

You look at Ellie in disbelief, "Okay, first off, I don't think I'm croaking any time soon. Second, why are you interested in my love life? Did James say something?"

"No! I just noticed that you seem to be by yourself all the time, especially since James has been spending all his time with Joel."

You sigh, "I appreciate your concern, Ellie, but I'm fine. My priority is James as well as doing my part in helping this community. What I want doesn't matter."

Ellie holds back a groan because you're starting to sound exactly like someone she knows...

_________________________

James, Joel, Tommy, and several others are working on building a new shed for some supplies. James is, basically, Joel's apprentice, and follows him everywhere, learning what he can from the older man.

As they both hammer away at planks of wood set to be the foundation of the shed, James makes conversation, "So, uh, you going to the barbecue on Friday?"

"Maybe, not sure," Joel stands up straight and rolls his shoulders, "Why?"

"I'll be there...with my mom."

Joel rolls his eyes, "James," he shakes his head, walking away, but the young man follows him, "I know you said for me to drop it, but just hear me out!"

Tommy happens to walk by and smirk, "Hear you out on what?"

Joel whips around, "Don't-"

"I think him and my mom would make a great couple."

Tommy processes the words and then smiles, "I agree."

Joel places his hands on his hips and lets his head hang low. He shakes his head, "Fucking kill me."

Tommy laughs and pats Joel on the shoulder, "Come on, brother, Y/N's a great woman. She'd definitely soften up that hard exterior of yours."

"I'm too old for this shit."

"Hell you ain't. Linda and Daniel just got together and they're older than you! Never too late to find love, even when the world's ended. Worked out for me," he gave his brother a wink and Joel wanted to punch him in the face.

James sighs, "You know I do it 'cause I care about you guys, right? There's chemistry between you and my mom and I think you'd both be dumb to not pursue it. Your pride and stubbornness be damned! I just want my mom to be happy," he mumbles the last sentence before heading back to the area that he was working on, leaving Joel to stew on his words.

It's not like Joel hasn't thought about having something with you. He's definitely thought about it. A lot. And more recently now that he and Eliie keep bringing you up. But there's still that small part of him that feels like he doesn't deserve you. It took him a lot to open his heart up to Ellie, but does his heart have room for more?

__________________________

James is out on patrol, so it's just you in the house. You figured now would be a good time to visit Joel, so you do, with a basket of baked goods.

You find him in the garage working on a truck. He's hunched over the hood and you clear your throat, startling him. He jolts, hitting his head on the hood.

You hear a hiss of pain and you rush over to him, "Shit! I'm so sorry, Joel. Didn't mean to scare you!" you look at his head, making sure there isn't any blood or swelling.

"'s alright, sweetheart. No harm, no foul."

You step back, realizing how close you've gotten, "Still, I'm sorry. Anyway, the reason for me being here is to thank you."

"For?"

"Just taking James in, being a mentor and showing him the ropes on how to fix and build things. I've done my best trying to teach him that stuff growing up, but I'm not as skilled as you are. So," you hold out the basket, "made some bread and muffins for you and Ellie and, well, anyone else you'd like to share them with. Also put in some lavender honey in there I made myself." You hand him the basket and he accepts it.

Joel looks at the basket and then you, "Well. shit. You didn't need to do all this."

You shrug, "It's nothing, really. I just-I really appreciate what you've done for James. I can tell he really looks up to you. He's never had a stable male figure in his life, so thanks."

"Yeah. You're welcome. He's a good kid. You did well."

"I did the best that I could given the circumstances. But I can say the same with you and Ellie. She's also a good kid."

Joel scoffs and props a hand on his hip, "She's a pain in my ass," he pauses and a small smile appears on his face, "But yeah, she's a pretty good kid."

You clear your throat, "Well, I'll let you get back to work," you take a few steps back and Joel stops you, "Wait!" You pause and he realizes what he's done. He curses under his breath and scratches the back of his head, "Wanna share some of these over a cup of coffee?"

You softly smile, "You should share them with other people. I make these all the time."

"I wanna share them with you, if that's okay?"

You giggle and shake your head, "Alright, if you insist."

You follow him into the house and to the kitchen. He sets the basket on the kitchen island and heads to the pot of coffee.

You lean against the counter, "Still keeping your coffee plug a secret?"

Joel gives a low chuckle as he pours a cup for you and himself, "Yeah, how else am I supposed to lure you in here?" He slides you the sugar container and you pour spoonful of it in.

"You know I come by a lot because James is always here."

He cocks a brow and smirks into his cup, "That all?"

"Nah, I like chatting with Ellie too. She's funny."

Joel hums, staring at you over his coffee cup. You're avoiding his eyes, but you feel them staring at you. You mess with the handle of the mug before speaking up again, "Do you get lonely, Joel?"

"Sometimes. Why?"

"Some stuff has come up and just made me think about things."

"Like what?"

"Us, this...game we've been playing. I flirt with you. You flirt with me, then one of us pulls back. And then we start all over again. And endless cycle...does it mean anything?" You still don't look up at him, "To me, it was all fun at first. Flirting with you and you flirting back, it made me feel alive again. Then when you pulled away and distanced yourself, I dunno. Didn't feel good."

You sigh and finally look at him, "Sorry. I'm rambling. I just want to know if this is a waste of time. It probably is," you push your mug away and stand straighter, "Thanks for the coffee," you murmur before walking away.

And for the second time today, Joel stops you, "Wait. Wait, please," he holds his arm out and you pause.

He gulps and lets out a shaky breath, "To be frank, I'm not very good at this. I'm rusty as hell, but..it wasn't just flirtin' to me, sweetheart. I like you. A lot, but you're too fucking good for me and I don't deserve someone like you."

You look at him with soft eyes, slowly approaching him. You place your hands on his chest, "Joel Miller...you are such a self-sacrificing son of a bitch," you whisper before pressing your lips to his.

The kiss is slow and hesitant. You feel Joel holding back and it isn't until you wrap your arms around him that he lets go. He allows himself to have you like this.

He presses you up against the counter, rough hands digging into your hips. He presses himself into you and you moan into his lips.

He feels himself hardening at the sound and he immediately pulls away., "Sorry, sorry. Um," he steps further away from you, running a hand down his face, "Didn't mean to get carried away."

You laugh, "It's fine, Joel. You're fine."

He takes up his usual pose, hands on his hips and contemplation on his face, "So...what now?"

"Now, we see how it goes. Not only will you have James bothering you all the time, but I'll be there with him."

Joel softly smiles at you, "I think I'll be okay with that."

______________________________

When James comes back from patrol, Ellie immediately runs up to him, "Dude!"

"What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong! Everything's right!" Ellie stares up at him with excitement.

James looks at her suspiciously, "What happened?"

"I saw your mom bring Joel the muffins we baked the other day and they went inside the house. They were making out! Our plan worked!"

He held up his hand, "Hold on, you were watching out parents makeout?"

"Ew, no! Dina and I peeped through the kitchen window and saw them sucking each other's faces-"

"Please spare me the details."

Ellie rolls her eyes, "So fucking childish," she murmurs, "but anyway we did it. Joel and your mom are together!"

"Great! Now I need to tell Joel that if he hurts her, I'll kill him."

Ellie snorts and crosses her arms over her chest, "Pretty sure he'd kill himself if he ever does. But whatever. They get their happily ever after and shit!" she lightly punches his arm and goes walking off to wherever.

___________________________

"You fucking cheated!"

"I didn't! Uno is literally a game of chance! It's not my fault you kept pulling yellow cards when blue is called!"

You and Joel watch as Ellie and James argue with each other on the floor, while you and he are cuddled up on the couch.

You lean in, whispering, "Aren't you glad our kids get along?" you ask with sarcasm dripping in your tone.

He chuckles, "Oh yeah, they get along great," he whispers back and then kisses your head.

John and his ex-wife were both sixteen when they had you. Price later joined the military and your mother cheated on him many times as you grew up.

You were the one to break it to your dad, but in your spite for your mother you ended up hurting him.

There were a few years you didn’t see your dad, your mother upheaving your life whenever she fell in love with a new guy. It never lasted long though, forced to stay in a hotel when things went south until she found a new place. The cycle would repeat.

The father daughter relationship was strained till he got married again and your now step mum stepped in to get you back in his life. The younger brother you never heard of and the wedding your mum had never told you about, let alone the divorce. She’d also been spending the money your dad gave her that was meant for you.

You visited your dad every now and then, but it was difficult with his job and you having school.

Fast forward to you being twenty and you leave with the first guy that can get you out of your mums house. She’s never forgiven you for telling your dad about her affairs. Easy money, she said being with a military man who rarely came home.

Things don’t seem to work out for you though, they never do. You’re sobbing whilst you clutched onto your phone, hoping your dad will answer your call.

You know when you can reach out to him, he still messaged you when he’s going dark on his missions and won’t be with his phone. Followed by a short text when he’s finished, a standard one that you don’t reply to anymore.

He does answer, the one person who always seems to pick up your call. Even though you haven’t spoken to him in months. Even though you’ve ignored his name lighting up your phone screen.

“Hey, kiddo.” His voice soft and low, you didn’t deserve his kindness. Part of you expected him to shout down the phone, but he just carried on talking to you. “You looking after yourself kid?”

“Yeah dad,” you said, wiping your tears away with the sleeve of your hoody. Half a lie, tonight was the first time in ages you’d looked after yourself in the right way. No making excuses for his actions and convincing yourself it was your fault.

He hummed, music cutting off in the background as he shushed whoever was with him.

“Good to hear your voice,” you said, wanting to fill the silence. It’s like being a kid again and finally getting through to him whilst he’s at the military base, to hear him and know he’s there.

“What you doing?”

A smile tugged your lips, anything to keep you on the phone. “I’m waiting for the bus,” you said, forgetting how late it was and the fact you’d missed the last one of the night.

“On your own?”

The wind whipped through the flimsy bus shelter, your bag held on your lap for extra warmth. “Yeah, I’m a big girl now dad.”

Your mind wandered back to the basic self defence moves he’d taught you at sixteen and how when it mattered most you froze instead of fighting. What would the captain think of you?

The captain, a role he slipped back into when he didn’t know how to be there for you. Spoke to you as if he were training a fragile new recruit, measured words and slight pauses keeping him safe.

The man who told you to do anything, but be backed into a corner or made to feel small.

Small, exactly how you felt clinging onto your dad’s call. “I know you are, don’t need your old man no more eh, now that you’re grown.”

At times like this, you wished your dad would drop the tough act and baby you. He always treated you like an adult, even when you were a kid. Gave you a routine, a choice when it came to discipline, knowing that you’d rather do chores than get grounded. The captain never punishing you physically or raising his voice like your mum did. She was a whole different person when your dad went back to work for months on end.

“You still there kid?”

Tears streamed down your face, your cheeks burning in the bitter cold. “I don’t know what to do,” you sobbed, twisting the cuff of your sleeve in your hold.

You’d made such a mess. There was no way you’d go back to your mum’s and you knew that asking your dad for help wouldn’t be fair on your younger brother.

“Hey, hey kiddo. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” Classic captain saying whatever you want to hear, like your someone as brave as him.

You wanted him, but couldn’t bring yourself to admit it. “Are you home?” Part of you hoping he’d say no, so that you don’t have to burden him with your problems.

“Nah, down south at the base,” he said, pausing and there’s a scuffle behind the speaker before he’s talking again. “Just me though, didn’t want to pull boyo out of school. Exams and that.” Your brother, ten years younger than you.

“Makes sense,” you sniffled, nodding as if he can see you. “I’m sorry I called so late.” Your throat burnt, nose sore from wiping it on your dad’s old hanky. Something you kept for comfort, a reminder of him. A little cigar stitched into the off white fabric.

“Don’t be sorry,” he snapped, the no nonsense captain sounding more like a man of military than your dad. “You’re okay though, that’s why you called. To check in with your old man? Well we’re all good kid, you and me don’t you worry.”

The first time talking to him since you sent him that written letter. The one where you apologised for tearing the family apart, for hurting him.

“Why can’t you just be my dad?”

There’s a clink of his phone on the other side, as if he’s dropped it. A deep breath filtering through the speaker as he exhales.

“What do you need?”

“I need you, I need my dad. Everything is so screwed up, I’m looking at this bus chart randomly picking a place or getting on the first one that shows up.” You rambled on, the weight on your chest less now that you’ve released the suppressed anger and frustration.

“Send me your location. You know how to do that, right?”

You can’t help, but chuckle at his response. Of course you know, your dad taught you how and frequently scolded you to turn it back on so he would know you’re safe. You hadn’t shared anything with him in months, your finger hovering over the button.

“Please, don’t send mum…”

“I’m on my way kiddo, an hour and a half tops. There any places you can sit inside whilst you wait?”

You don’t bother glancing around, the small street turning is far enough away from the main road. From experience you walked as long as you could, taking whatever path and ending up at a lone bus shelter. If your boyfriend drove around he wouldn’t be able to find you tucked away in a quiet road with newly built houses.

He stayed with you on the phone, giving you the colour and number plate of the car he’d be in when he arrived. You don’t have an interest in cars so the make and model goes over your head, your focus on the number plate instead.

True to his word the car rolled up by the bus stop and he’s out before it stopped.

Your hesitant steps halted as he too stopped in his tracks. His gaze falling on your split lip and blood clumped in your brow and hairline. His head turned to the side, hands shoved his pockets.

“I’m sorry, I know…” you don’t get to finish your sentence, his arms wrapping around you and your face smushing into his chest.

Pulling away from his embrace, the rain pelted down on you. He swept your wet hair out your eyes, hands framing your face as he tilted it up to look at you properly. The pad of his thumb brushed against your jawline, so close to the cut on your lip, but he didn’t touch it.

“Why don’t we get out this rain,” he said, his touch slipping from your face to scoop up your hand in his much larger one.

You don’t move with him though, stumbling towards him as you tried to tug him back. “Where are we going?” You asked, eyeing the man behind the steering wheel. There’s no way you’d go back to your mums, you’d rather wait for the bus or go back to your ex.

John smoothed his moustache, his gaze following yours to the car. “Back to the base, got a place there with my team. That okay, kid? Or there some where else you want me to take you?”

Nodding, you let him guide you to the car and open the back door. You slid in, followed by your dad who shrugged off his jacket and draped it over you. Shifting in your seat, you leant your head against the cold window and clutched the warm jacket around you closer.

“You hungry, can stop off before we go back to base,” John said, his elbow leaning on your bag on the seat between you and him.

“No, just tired,” you mumbled into his jacket. The burnt cigar and gunpowder still lingering on the fabric, like he’d smoked on the journey here.

His voice turned to a distance mumble, your eyes heavy as you let sleep take you. Your dad’s hand resting on top of yours, as if he’s trying to tell himself you’re really here.

The sun peeking through the half shut blinds woke you a few hours later. You turned over in the bed, watching your dad’s chest rise and fall beside you. His hulking form taking up most of the bed, you could feel the heat radiating off him. Even in his sleep, the line between his brows remained.

You can’t believe you called your dad, don’t even remember getting out of the car. He must have carried you in and put you to bed.

He still slept with one hand on his chest, dog tags hidden underneath his T-shirt, but you could still see the outline of them near his shoulder. Nicks and scrapes curved his bicep, you’d never seen them before. Red angry marks and faded ones of pink he normally hid under long sleeves.

The bedroom like every other base you’d stayed in whenever you visited him growing up on weekends here and there. White walls, cold wood beneath your fuzzy socks as your feet padded across the floor. Nothing but a box with a bed in the middle and small drawers either side.

You caught your reflection in the mirror, tracing the medical tape above your brow. The red stains that once clung to your hairline and forehead were clean, a purple bruise forming in its place.

Picking your hold-all from the floor, you slipped it over your shoulder and pressed your ear against the door. You couldn’t pick up any noise outside, just your dad’s low snores filling the bedroom. Probably from all those cigars he’d been smoking.

The alarm clock on the beside drawer flashed eight, thirty seven. You wanted to crawl back under the covers and sleep for another five hours, but you didn’t fancy having the conversation with your dad. How everything would unravel and lead him to finding out why you chose to leave with your boyfriend, like there was no other option. Because there wasn’t.

You pushed the door open, regretting the action as your eyes fell on the man at the kitchen table. His broad shoulders shifting at the sound of your footsteps.

There’s no use sneaking out the house, not when a team of highly trained men are living under one roof. That and the security surrounding the place.

Simon Riley, the masked driver who hadn’t said a word to you. Now you know why he covered up, the scar on his jawline lead to the neck line of his t-shirt. You tried not to stare too long, your gaze flitting to the sweater hugging his muscular arms. He could crush you in a second.

“You’ll have to wait for your old man to sign you out of the base,” Simon said through a mouth full of cereal. “Cuppa on the side for you, heard you moving about.” He pointed to the counter behind you, steam still rising from the kettle next to it.

Of course he did, probably been waiting to catch you sneaking out. Loyal to their captain the lot of them. You walked over to the small kitchenette and grabbed the strong brewed tea.

The front door opened, another guy walking through the porch and kicking his trainers off. Sweat clung to his body, T-shirt like a second skin on his visible six pack beneath. You couldn’t stop staring till he opened his mouth. Thick Scottish accent as he spoke to himself, plucking his headphones out of his ears.

He looked around your age or slightly older, not as rough and rugged as Simon or your dad. You cringed at the comparison, not wanting to think of dad as being desirable to other women.

“Ah you must be the captains daughter,” he said, reaching around you to grab a protein bar on the side. “I’m Soap,” he chuckled as your brows furrowed. “Johnny, Soaps my call sign.”

“Well that’s unfortunate,” you mumbled, sitting down at the at the table opposite Simon. Hot cup nestled between your hands. “That to remind you to have a wash?”

You edged back in your seat, the stench of sweat hitting you as Soap walked closer.

Simon’s narrowed gaze flitted from Soap to you, but he didn’t say anything. His spoon clinking the bottom of his bowl as he tried to scoop up the last remnants of cereal. If you didn’t know any better he was rushing.

“What’s yours? Hawk, no… Hulk?” Your focus darted back to Simon, anything to distract you from the hot, but sweaty guy out of the corner of your eye.

He didn’t entertain your curiosity, his chair scraping back as he collected his bowl and dumped it into the dishwasher. Soap’s deep laugh rumbled beside you, shaking his Mohawk head and disappearing down the hallway.

You found yourself leaning to one side, trying to catch a glimmer of Soaps back as he peeled his T-shirt off. John Price, however blocked the way, your back shooting back against the chair.

Simon shared a brief look with your dad, clapping him on the shoulder as he too retreated from the room.

“Damned thing keeps beeping,” John said, dropping your phone on the table. “Can’t answer it, the screen’s cracked to shit,” he grumbled, rubbing his tired eyes as he dragged his feet to the kitchen and made himself a black coffee.

Classic captain.

You stared at the cracked screen, a chain of texts and missed calls from your ex. It beeped again, your mother’s name lighting the screen.

“You gonna tell me what that’s all about?” John said leaning back in his seat, his cup of coffee balancing on his knee instead of the table. His seat at the top of the table right next to you, his knee nudging yours.

The cup in your hand no long gave you that biting sting, the tea turning cold under your stare. “Things just got bad and I can’t go back to mums.” You shrugged it off like it was no big deal, not daring to meet your dad’s eyes.

“Boyfriend?” He said pointing to your face. You nodded, wishing you hadn’t as the pounding in your head grew stronger.

He peeled your left hand away from your mug. “Where did you hit him?” He asked tracing the broken skin of your knuckles. Nothing got by the captain.

“I think I broke his nose,” you mumbled, head dipping to stare at your lap and the pattern pj trousers.

The captains head bopped up and down. “That’s good, I take it he’s alright if he’s contacting you.” He might as well have asked if he was breathing.

“How is that good?” You snapped, ripping your hand from him and pushing your chair back with you.

“You were defending yourself kid, look at ya!” His booming voice startled you, his hand flinging to your face as if you needed a reminder.

On instinct you flinched at his abrupt movement. Your body freezing and eyes clamping shut.

You opened your eyes, Simon talking in hushed tones to your dad. The captain staring at you, glassy eyed and frown tugging his lips down. And once again you’ve hurt your dad, made him feel bad.

“Why don’t we get Toff, to check her over. Another women might make her more comfortable?"

They weren't even talking to you, but about you. Too consumed with a plan than you moving. "Check yourselves over," you said, snatching your bag from the floor and rushing to the porch.

The door close, but you were yanked back by the strap of your bag. You wanted to lean towards the door, anything to escape the horror of your fuck up. One flinch and you knew, the captain was questioning everything in your life that would cause you to react like that.

"One check up, if you want to leave after I'll sign you out. No questions asked," John pleaded, knuckles turning white as they tightened around the strap of your bag.

"Okay."

Not me thinking about Price’s daughter and Soap 😅 I think he’s the youngest out of all of them? Mid twenties. This was also a lot longer than I planned, I just kept writing more. Huge possibility there are errors as I'm dyslexic and I'm writing for fun.