history has its eye on me

talula felt her throat getting dry the second he moved out of the way to let her into the apartment. though she had lived there only weeks ago, it now felt like a warzone of memories she’d rather forget. a nod. “yeah, that’s aedan,” she replied plainly, hands clasping in front of herself, subconsciously closing herself off to him. protecting herself. “y'don’ hafta entertain me or nothin’. i’m a big girl.” her tone was a bit softer, emotional strain mildly detectable in the cadence of her soft soprano voice. she never was good at hiding her feelings. lowering herself onto the couch, she looked over toward him again, hesitating slightly before meeting his eyes again. “just don’t feel obligated t’ babysit, ‘sall. i’m not here t’ start anythin’ with us.”

calloused hands rustled the messy hair atop his head as he followed her inside and closed the door behind them. his tall figure almost loomed over the room yet his eyes held no intimidation. they more resembled a child’s eyes as the guiltily admitted to stealing the crayons. “no, I know.” he mumbled, hands planted in his pockets. he knew she was upset. it was like he had a sixth sense for that shit. instead of spidey senses, I got stuck with fucking lula senses. “I didn’t think you were.” declan’s voice was gentle. non threatening. no sense of something that could possible be perceived as hostile. “uhm, how’ve you been?” small talk? read the room, idiot.

talula looked toward him, but not at him. she didn’t want to take in anything about him, didn’t want to let herself try to analyze how he was doing, if he was hurting, if he missed her. his words floated through her ears and she started shaking her head, looking down. “i don’t think that’s-” the ding of her iphone interrupted, and she sighed quietly, reaching into her back pocket and pulling out the phone to see the text that aedan would be home soon. “it’s aedan. he says he’s not far away.” finally, lula forced her dark chocolate brown guard-doors to meet his sleepy eyes. “he wants me to wait, i guess. are you sure that’s okay?”

in some way, it did bother him that she wasn’t looking in his eyes. maybe this whole thing that was going on was messy, the whole emotional side of it had gone to hell, but he was still a human. the least she could do was look at him. his gaze instinctively went down to her phone as she read her message. “you know what that means? he’s either three minutes or two hours away.” he joked with a light yet deep laugh. finally, you look at me. declan nodded stepping aside to allow her in. “yeah, I don’t mind. not really doing anything all that important.”

“um-” it felt like her brain was short circuiting, too focused on the feeling of her heart sinking into her gut when declan opened the door instead of aedan. it wasn’t like her to be this way, but she wasn’t prepared to see him and the rush of emotions was catching her off guard. “i’m here t’ see aedan … he accidentally took my phone charger after we had lunch today,” she explained, eyes lowering to the ground and hands clasping in front of her. “he said he’d be home by now.” this is the worst; turn around and run away. but her feet were glued to the floor.

@declan-royal

the boy tiredly wiped the sleep from his eyes as he held the door open, the light from inside making him appear more like a silhouette than human. the blinds were down as they blocked all early evening light from the apartment, only leaving the small artificial light as a beacon. “yeah, I don’t know where he’s off to.” voice deep and gruff from being awoken by the harsh knock. “I mean, you can come in and wait if you want. he should be back soon, I would think.”

“i never said that-” talula interjected when he referred to himself as a demon, “i never fuckin’ said that declan, you’re puttin’ words in my mouth, projectin’ shit you feel about you onto me an’ how you think i feel about you — you have no idea how i feel about you, delcan. none.” she rattled off quickly before he went on, promising that he was done ‘being the bad guy’. she knew that declan wasn’t a malicious person, or, at least not toward her. the one time she thought he’d truly meant to hurt her was out in those woods, but it didn’t make any of the dozen other times hurt any less. she physically pulled her head away from the phone, letting out an angry huff and rolling her eyes. 

she let the silence linger for a few seconds, before shaking her head and letting out a breath, voice more calm but no less like ice as she put her face back to the phone. “ya never once apologized for any’a the horrible shit you said to me. y’basically called me cheap, easy, a slut, whatever - y’told me that my-” her breath hitched, “that my eating disorder was my fault,” she spat out, “and now you’re goin’ on about how you need a friend? where the fuck has my friend been, declan?” she didn’t give him enough time to answer. “whatever you wanna say t’ me, ya don’t wanna say over the phone, i get it. but i don’t wanna see you — i can’t handle seein’ you, right now. so where does that leave us, huh?”

“then stop treating me like one!” his voice turning a little gruffer. he knew he wasn’t the best with communication. people always tended to take his words as harsh. that’s why most people thought he was an asshole. but he was done skirting around things. he was trying to be as plain as possible. “I’m not projecting shit, lula. you have nothing but cold to me for a while. I know the shit I did and said was stupid and idiotic. I fucking know. but you haven’t given me the fucking chance to say anything when you put up this goddamned wall. and even when you do, you want me to explain myself on your time. when it’s good for you. sometimes I just need you to understand that this whole talking, sharing emotions thing doesn’t come fucking easy to me.”

talula frowned quietly, brows furrowing at his words. “no, declan,” she huffed, “i ain’t just gonna come runnin’ across town t’ just because y’ say so. i’m done lettin’ my feelins for you run my life. that’s over now.” though she’d never explicitly mentioned what type of feelings they were, she knew that he knew anyway.  the girl shook her head. “no, tell me what this is about now, then maybe i’ll let you come over and see me at fabian’s. them’s the breaks, sweetheart. take ‘em or leave ‘em.” 

rapping his knuckles against his knee in rhythmic fashion, declan squeezed his eyes shut. how the fuck did it come to this. we were friends once, right? or did I dream that? “I never wanted them to. I was just saying I wanted to talk face to face.” he attempted to clarify. to be honest, he felt completely unequipped for this situation. if he couldn’t fix himself, how was he supposed to fix a relationship? “it’s something I’d prefer not to talk over the phone about. can you please see that this isn’t just me being a drunk asshole trying to get you to come over here? not see me as a demon set out to make your life hard?” his voice filled with desperation. “I’m done being the bad guy in your story, lu. I promise, I’m not sitting here thinking up ways to make you feel bad or fuck up your life in any way. I’m just a fuck up.” a long breath escaped past pursed lips. “a fuck up who needs his friend right now. so, please, I’ll come over there. I’ll do what I have to. but understand that I don’t want to do this over the phone.”

talula felt her phone vibrating against her thigh, heart sinking into her stomach when she saw who was calling her. no, ignore it. you’re done with him. she threw the phone down on the bed, trying to go back to the movie that she was watching on netflix with her arms crossed … but every single vibration made her ache, her heart and her brain playing tug-of-war inside of her. what if something’s wrong with ‘im? groaning in the back of her throat she picked up the phone, looking at it again. you’re so fuckin’ stupid for this talula. finally she answered the phone, pressing it up against her cheek. his voice caught her off guard, making her feel things that she hadn’t forgiven him enough to allow herself to feel yet. “depends. 'bout what?”

his fingers pulled at a loose thread on the jeans he was wearing. he had always been a fidgety person. it had been getting him in trouble since he could remember. though now, it was more of a relaxer than a distraction. the harshness of her voice made him feel less prepared for this than the boy had originally thought. “it’s...” fingers rand through his hair as he felt the nerves settle inside of him. “it’s something that’d be better talked about in person. I promise, I wouldn’t waste your time.” he assured. declan was desperate. in all honesty, he just wanted this to work. he wanted to show the effort he was making. 

“then beat me and you won’t have to,” aedan teased him, pressing the ‘random’ button and holding his breath for something good. “oh fuck, sunshine airport? really? whatever, you’re on!”

“alright. challenge on, then.” he leaned against the back of the couch, holding his controller firmly. he couldn’t help but smirk at the random choice made. “oh, this just happens to be one of my favorites...”

It was always a refreshing feeling for Eros to see others passionate about things that made them happy. Additionally, arguments over film were quite amusing. With a swig of his beer, this time minuscule to avoid Drunk Eros, one who can annoyingly rant about why random films from the 1950s deserve more contemporary spotlight, the energetic male nodded in agreement to the other. “Oh, we got a pro here. Ah, theatre would’ve gotten you maximum cool points but film got you almost just as much, Dec. I’m glad there’s someone at Lockwood who I can show my geeky side to, ya know? People see me and think ‘primadonna bitch’ and yeah they’re right, but I enjoy a nice tête-à-tête about movies at times, ya feel?” His soft smile widened.

“hey! I still know my way around a stage and a book. In fact, I’d have you know that I was the president of the drama club for all four years of high school.” his smirk lazily taking over his lips as he took another drink. a soft nod accompanied the other’s words. “listen, everyone thinks I’m just a pretentious asshole. I always have to explain that I am a pretentious nerdy asshole.” his smile growing brighter. “I fell. if you ever need a good debate or just a discussion for film, I’m your man.”

“Ugh, if it were legible, maybe. Anyway. Hope you’re ready to buy me a Hawaiian pizza,” he said with a cocky smile. “Randomized courses, or do you have a preference which one I kick your ass at?”

“ew, you fucking monster. even if I do lose, there is no way in hell I’m spending money on hawaiian pizza.” his grimace matching his words. “random, duh. I have no fear here.”

“they know who they are.”