❛— RUSSIAN ROULETTE ❞

#decievres is an independent roleplay account for tatsuya endo's yor forger of spy x family. keep in mind: i'm caught up with the manga, &. this blog will not be spoiler-free! my portrayal is relatively canon compliant until stated otherwise, but will be heavily reliant on my own personal headcanons; a study on deception, white lies, &. double lives, but most importantly of all: the meaning of family.

» luna. 25+. she / her.

This existence of hers was translucent as glass, all at once fragile and unyielding in the ever-flowing waters of time. Memories held little weight in a body that was nothing but expendable, whose actual presence bore little significance so long as its purpose was executed. She knew this of course ( brought forth from the seed of knowledge, always knowing more than she could understand ) , yet Ayanami held the grains of memory in her fists, always noting those in her proximity, grounding herself in repetition. Commander Ikari, Dr Akagi, Captain Katsuragi, Ikari-kun, her classmates, and — 

Familiarity itches like a scab at the back of her mind, yet she cannot quite sate it; a rosy name rests on her tongue but the taste is foreign to her.

❝ I’m sorry. I… Thought I recognized your face. ❞ A slight frown ripples through the usual stillness of her expression, hesitant, apologetic. Now that they were alone, now she could really look at the woman’s face, speech seemed lost to her. ❝ I am just wasting your time. ❞

THIS WAS NOT THE reaction she expected — completely taking her off guard, her cordial smile dropped to a neutral expression ( though, she was visibly taken aback by the slight tilt of her head ); however, it wasn’t like she was hoping for a warm or joyous reunion. Yor would be even more shocked if Ayanami was able to remember her at all.

No; what truly disturbed her was how quickly her pupil would beat herself up for such a minor transgression. It was an unfortunate thing that the girl was as aloof &. moody as far as she could recall during her time at NERV. All this time... All this time &. she still appears as a shell of a lonely girl that kept herself confined within her inner world ( no trespassers welcome ), hard to read &. even harder to form a close social bond with. Even now, it seems like she was trying to shut down any further attempt to hold a conversation.

Still...! She must not fret — Yor is now her teacher, &. she cannot let a minor blip squander the chance to truly lead her to a better path, better than the road she was surely coerced to take on in solitude.

Without wasting another second, firm in said conviction, she answered, “Nonsense! You’re not wasting my time at all, dear. Is there anything else that has been troubling you? I’ve noticed...” Yor paused, biting her tongue, quick to recover from revealing too much of what she knows about the girl.

whether  it  be  melodies  that  give  you  inspiration  for  your  muse  or  songs  that  get  you  into  the  writing  mood   —   pick  10  songs  you  find  that  give  you  the  urge,   the  drive,   or  the  creativity  to  write  yor   !!

thank you, @primordyalsoul​​, for tagging me :* ♥ for all my mutuals: if you see this, do it!

▶ TRACK 01. RUTHLESS — THE MARIAS

but darling the truth is... / in darkness i’m ruthless / i wanna scream your name / again &. again

▶ TRACK 02. VOODOO — FRANK OCEAN

she’s got the whole wide world in her juicy fruit / he’s got the whole wide world in his pants / he wrapped the whole wide world in a wedding band /  then put the whole wide world in her hands / she’s got the whole wide world in her hands

▶ TRACK 03. DRIP — TRIATHALON &. THE MARIAS

and if you want some peace of mind / you’ll find it in a matter of time to go / but if you like the way she lies / tell me does it matter what’s on her mind?

▶ TRACK 04. CARIÑO — THE MARIAS

quiero tanto devorarte / esta vez besarte / si es que soy capaz / cariño, eres un amor / cariño, pintas en color / something about you, babe

( i want to devour you so much / this time i’ll kiss you / if i am able / darling, you are love / darling, you paint in color )

▶ TRACK 05. ALL IS FULL OF LOVE — BJORK

you’ll be given love / you’ll be taken care of / you’ll be given love / you have to trust it

▶ TRACK O6. HEADLOCK — IMOGEN HEAP

we're a different pair, just something out of step / throw a stranger an unexpected smile / with big intention, still posted at your station / always on about the day it should have flown

you say too late to start, got your heart in a headlock / i don't believe any of it / you say too late to start, got your heart in a headlock / you know you’re better than this

▶TRACK 07. LET GO — FROU FROU

excuse me, too busy / you're writing your tragedy / these mishaps you bubble wrap / when you've no idea what you're like

so let go, so let go, jump in / oh, well, whatcha waiting for? / it's alright / 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

▶ TRACK 08. SLEEPING LESSONS — THE SHINS

and glow, glow / melt &. flow / eviscerate your fragile frame / &. spill it out in the ragged floor / a thousand different versions of yourself

▶ TRACK 09. HOLD IT TOGETHER — THE MARIAS

hold it together / god, i wish i knew better / than to be alone like this / maybe I'm over it / i'm a little like you / don't pick up, i slide through / &. never be alone like this / i'm so over it

i got a feeling / that I wanna slow down with you / nobody else will ever do / i got a feeling / that i wanna be there with you / nobody else will ever do

▶ TRACK 10. PAGAN POETRY — BJORK

on the surface simplicity / but the darkest pit in me / is pagan poetry

I’LL TELL YOU WHEN YOU GET YOUR SOFT, ITALICIZED, “OH,” YOR. the emergency . something goes wrong. there's urgency. everything gets turned upside down, &. you have to grab for the things that matter most— Oh. suddenly, there's perspective, &. at the worst possible moment; the moment when there is so much else going on, you realize that you have been breathless with want for so, so long. you want everyone to be safe, but please, please, you want them to be safe. you want everything to be okay so that you can have another chance to get things right. a chance to start over. &. everything will be okay, of course, because you've made it through bad moments before, and that foundation of trust is there, even if you've never quite acknowledged it to its full potential. you trust them. you need them. “Oh."