deceptionfalls

this is my blog so i can talk about personal stuff right. i think my view on love has changed drastically, i still see it as a pointless endeavor, i think we would all be better off without it, but we cant help but feel love. maybe it isnt fruitless, maybe something good can come out of it, and i guess i changed for the better after me and ren became intimate, which helped me learn lessons i had trouble grasping before, i think im much more mature now and i can look back to that time where i felt like i was a terrible partner and that i had ruined my exes life and i can confidently say that would never happen again. i think i deserve a bit of love but not enough to commit to anyone, deep down i want to be this thing you chase but never fully obtain, because if i settled down with someone they would see the cracks in my surface and the facade would be over, i dont think i can give enough either, i know that deep down im very selfish and i can be immature and overall i dont feel like i make a good partner, i cannot possibly get myself into a situation where i end up hurting someone again, that would be awful. id rather be this background element, someone that loves from afar, so i can never hurt you and i can be forever enamored with the idea of you, so youll forever be perfect in my eyes and you dont have to acknowledge my flaws and mistakes.