The Have-nots

All those shady moments, he didn’t think I was aware what he was referring to. I did, but wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of reacting in a civilized manner. It’s easy for someone to point fingers and laugh at you when they’re invading your privacy and watching your every move. It’s all good though, stay current - You’ll need to. The realization comes to me later in knowing that, it’s not his fault. I blame his parents. They tried given their circumstances but the end result leads back you, you did a shit job. There’s no excuse for the one parent who stood home in caring for the kids - set examples, don’t condone bad behavior. I know it’s just him deflecting from his own insecurities - his character will come to light. I just hope for the better.

🙋🏾‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🙎🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♂️ - As I’m here reading, I noticed each come with their own set of objectives. They try, I know. Looking the part to be koi and unnoticeable but in reality, they look really uncomfortable like they’re full of hot, angry, and bad air that they just need to let out. Horrific acting at its finest. It’s recognizable. You should come. Alone. =)

I shoulda never gone to Colorado with him. This image of him sitting there alone and then… the plane blowing up before it hits the ground keeps replaying in my head. I’m not one to wish death on anyone but him… no, even him. I hope he lives a long wretched life like the rest of us. I’m annoyed by thought of his presence but It MUST be my emotions getting the best of me again.

After our huge Halloween blowout of a fight and finding him at three different hotels in one weekend. My dumb ass decides to try to make it work. After making nice, he mentioned an upcoming trip to Colorado for a family wedding. In trying to get to know this person, I thought Id ask if he wanted some company. I wasn’t planning on going to the wedding or rehearsal dinner at all. I wanted to be there just to spend time and really try to get to know him on a more intimate and/or personal level.

Prior to our trip, the night before we left, I had this weird feeling much like I did most of the time throughout our relationship. I tried calling him around 5am to see what time he wanted me to be ready, packed, and at the airport. He stated that he would pick up my calls as my trust level with him was in the negative red, at anytime. So, Low and behold, I dial, it rings and no answer. Irritated and not having heard from him. I decided to go to his house to see if he was home? I tried calling him again - no answer. As I’m waiting in front of his house, a white 2 door Acura looking as though its on its last leg pulls up at his house. The passenger door opens where someone gets off and goes inside his house. This bucket then decided to pull up directly in front of my car where I’m waiting for him to pick up my call, parked, then the drivers side door opens and a guy with a hoodie walks up the side walk towards my car and then passes it, then turns around and walks back to his car. Not sure if I was supposed to be frightened in that moment, given I could’ve just ran his ass over with my car but as I drive away, guess who calls back - all pretending to have awoken from a deep slumber (voice cracks and all). What a faker, huh? I was so over it. I was literally in the airport parking lot, debating wether to get on that plane. Let’s just say the plane door closed 5 mins right after I boarded.

I was a mess. I didn’t know what to make of what had happened earlier that morning, I was having issues with school, I didn’t trust anything he said . Honestly though, I’m actually glad I went. We had a great time together and it’s a trip I’ll never forget despite how we ended up. It’s probably one of my top 5 most memorable while we we’re together.

I woulda just told him the truth about how old I was if we both admitted it initially. What I still don’t understand is, if we got along (I mean, it wasn’t all bad) why would my age make a difference? Living by society’s standards of importance and how one might be viewed? Perhaps an Ageist? And when we first met, he never thought I’d consider him to be on my level. I mean, that still holds true but why deny those facts now? All them creams, all those acids, and all that spackle - it ain’t gonna help you none, Hon. Apparently, he “bagged” me if I recall. The only thing that needs bagging is that face.

I coulda saved myself the hassle and headache of now having to take all these extra precautions. His emphasis on age was annoying af though. All these preconceived notions about years how many of them he saw fit for dating. Yet, here he is looking pretty high mileage’d himself and well into his 30’s. I can only imagine what he’ll look like or even become at that time? Haggard? In jail? On the streets? Who knows.

I wonder if he was ultimately surprised by the number of hits I had per number of profiles (just one) compared to the wide nets (many profiles) he had to cast in order to get the same amount of affection? Given his current status on Grindr, and the many profiles he uses to rob people blind. It was more than likely him looking to see where I was, who I was with.

Switching gears here for a moment. Seeing photos of the boy being rescued amid the wait and anxiety of family members in Miami is truly heartbreaking. I couldn’t even begin to imagine. ❤️‍🩹

And GET IT, ALLYSON FELIX! An inspiration.

I made the mistake of thinking I could change him. My delusions inadvertently got the best of me while he intentionally tried to get over on me. The lesson has been learned - I’ve accepted it. I really did believe he loved me but one little comment flipped my script which made me question it all. I became insecure about us. In most relationships with the exception of my first, I was usually in control of what I wanted. In knowing this about me, he was going to do whatever possible to make sure that wasn’t going to happen. We all know how. Another lesson learned, no one should be in control of the other in a relationship. Equal is equal. I get that now. If they’re not on your level or they make you feel as though you’re not on there’s, leave bitch - go look for someone who’s going to treat you as such. Love is unconditional. It has boundaries but those boundaries should never be used to benefit the needs of the one who sets them for their own selfish gain. That’s a straight bitch move. He tried it and I’d call him out on it every time.

Towards the end of October and all throughout December, our relationship went from zero to cut throat bitches with one another in a matter of three seconds. I could no longer tolerate looking at his shit face when he was around me. His nonchalant attitude was by far the worst. By Christmas, I seriously wanted to punch him throat just to shut him up. I thought it but never acted on it. I would never, I’m a professional now, but there were moments I’d have to get up an walk away - He was just that foul.

I’m sure my “weekend brunch” with the girls in Palm Springs didn’t go over so well. As him and his pussy posse made fun of me, I honestly could give two shits. In fact, zero fucks are given as I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. For someone to care about what anyone thinks of them must be living in an internal mental prison. Who cares. Are they paying my bills? Nope. I knew self image was everything to him. He created a brand around himself to hide his past and to deflect who he had become from the torment he endured as child. The inner battles this individual faced was literally on hour by hour basis. I could see it in his eyes. Essentially, he had become the bully.

We both knew where I was and who I was with. It felt right to be with him, sorry. The more I realized and voiced my concerns about his inconsistencies, the more I would get blamed for having trust issues. So bye. He was never going to take responsibility or own up to his wrong doings in the our relationship. Buh-bye. He knew I was with other people and I knew he was with other people. We were not going to admit it to each other. I just got mad that he didn’t tell me first. Oops.

Going back to his comment, it’s neither here nor there , but again it was a clue. He provide me with so many of them as he was sloppy af kind of like one of those girls who wipes from back to front and gets constant yeast infections. It’s probably the reason why he felt the need to round up his army of rump rangers and brigade of buffoons. To make up for the slouched mess he’d become. So he says, “I think one day, you’re going to see me and just give me the middle finger.” I’m standing there like, “Uh, ok, so…what makes you think that? Perplexed by his random comment, I could only assume that meant there was no consideration with us for the long-term. Who would say that to someone they supposedly loved? Why? And what did you gain from that comment? My reaction? Well, you got one 👋

What would cause a person to be this way? Well, there’s a few things to consider. It could be genetics. It could be conditional or…How about both? I believe it was. Especially after hearing his mom speak to him in the manner in which she did. Her level of immaturity, totally beyond. She reminded me a lot of my father. Trust and believe, I know that woman very well. I have the potential to be like my father but why? It’s uncalled for, it’s unbecoming, and its totally unprofesh. I try to recognize those ways. You know, those hood ways in which we secretly despise in ourselves because we see ourselves in our parents and we all know that’s uglier than ugly. And let me be very clear, I know where I come from and I respect it but that doesn’t mean I want to stay there either.

In learning about this individuals upbringing, those happy moments were practically zero to none. There were a several recordings that I can remember him showing me. The first being his graduation in which he barely remembered (rightfully so) and wanting flowers on his table (lol). There was the time were his siblings were wrapped up in blankets (laughter all around) as they wiggled and squirmed to see who could get out of it the fastest (ok). The moment in which his Mom received his Dads Happy Anniversary digital message in her mom car and she started crying. I thought it was sweet, I started crying watching her cry and last but not least his grandmothers surprise birthday party (seeing everyone in her backyard and hearing him start to cry) I lost it.

It was the unhappy moments that often overshadowed this this poor persons life. The arguments and long bouts of getting the silent treatment. A manipulative moment at its finest. His overbearing mother and her loss of control him was usually at top of his negativity scale. And, not just with him but each of his siblings too. She was relentless and I truly I felt for him during those moments. I would look at my own mother in comparison, and be so grateful of our bond and the relationship we’ve had. Then there was the wanting of a relationship with his unaccepting father who sounded very beige and didn’t know how to have a relationship with his own kids. And lastly, the bullying all throughout grade school up until high school. From what he told me, he had no support from his parents through these years. He said he would walk with his head down which ended up resulting in kyphosis. Again, as much as I despise this man, I really did love him because no matter what he’s done to me, I still get upset when I think about the hardships he’s had to endure as a child and adolescent. I get so upset that I want to beat the shit out of every kid who picked on him. Seriously.

Note: 062221 1945

“Characterize people by their actions and you will never be fooled by their words.”

In becoming familiar with his character, I began to recognize patterns. From past experience and research, I already knew this trick. As I’ve mentioned to him before, I am not a medical doctor nor am I here to come up with a diagnosis, however; I am aware of what and who he is given his nasty nature. With that said, I don’t care how uncomfortable he is with what I know him to be, that’s his problem. I’m only here to discuss those traits I have personally experienced with him and leave it completely up to the reader to formulate their own opinion. Because I knew what he was, I felt he despised me that much more. He was going to do whatever it took to discredit my knowledge of him. Even if that meant having to steal from me, which he has and continues to do so.

This individual lives in a fictitious construct. It is a world in which he identifies as having two selves that are constantly at odds with one another. One true. One false. In listening to him go on about himself and his admiration for others he felt were on his level, he called himself out. When someone’s shifty “dissociative” memory serves their narrative as inventive plausible plug-ins for what they deem as real and willingly admits to this - I can only hope that my description in comparing this person to a five alarm fire serves as a warning sign to get he hell out and leave this individual as fast as you can or burn. They rid of any information (and people) that challenge their grandiose perception of themselves. Their reality, simply put, is distorted and you are just a stable flow of affirming supply. Test and observe it for yourself. I did. When he said, “Go on, what else?” My conclusion concluded itself. They will always be a contradiction. They will never change no matter how hard you try and they don’t love you because they only love themselves.

When one warrants themselves as the victim in practically every situation, you have to ask yourself, why? Why can’t you own up to your wrong doing and I’m not just referring to when he victimized himself with me. It was with friends, it was with family, it was with coworkers and it was extremely exhausting to hear. He knew how to manipulate words to fit his narrative and make others believe that what he said was true. In his words, “his truths”. It was disgusting. To see and hear the way he talked about me - he was gaslighting me. “Gaslighting is a form of manipulation and emotional abuse in which an individual blatantly lies, falsely accuses others, spins the truth, and ultimately distorts a persons reality.” He was a master at it and likely the reason why Elphaba had so many flying monkeys at her beck and call. I’m ready for that playlist for the emotionally abused on Spotify now - lol. Eh, whatevs.

He often created chaos which created confusion in our early beginnings. It was a way to deflect from what he was actually doing. When I would ask him if everything was ok, given the dramatic scenario he just described, it was as if I was speaking a different language. He would look at me as if he didn’t know what I was talking about. This was confusing at first, but I quickly caught on and asked him to only provide me the basics of what I needed to know. He hated that.

His self-sacrificing self-enhancement would cover up his grandiosity by appearing to be making sacrifices. This was him at work trying to seem important by creating a sense of chaos. I mean, after all, if you’re working so hard on the behalf of others, how could you be accused of trying to make yourself seem important? “So, she would have like just keeled over had you not been there to color match her face? OMG! Thank the Lord Jesus you were there with her in that moment and not at the register ringing up customers.” “You are like so super important.” All of that hard work, according to this view, necessarily means you have to be in a hurried rush and can’t bother to pause. All. The. Time.

He enjoyed my reaction in creating animosity between myself and other people. Especially those I had never met. Why I reacted, I don’t know, but I did. These were usually friends who had opinions about me and our relationship. By doing this, it was a way to keep me and those individuals apart so that whatever he said to create tension wouldn’t be unveiled by the actual truth. It’s as if he wanted me to suffer. I could tell by the way he’d look at me. It was beyond creepy. His beady little black eyes behind the reflection of his glasses piercing with resentment but with a smile. From a third person perspective, one could easily confuse them with looks of admiration. No, No! Make no mistake, these were looks of hateful demise glaring into me like sharp knifes. Analyzing his expressions, I thought to myself, “Does this ‘person’ hate me?”. I believe I even asked him once.

Note: 061521 1500

I was no saint. I do admit that. I’m not going to sit here and place all the blame on just one individual. It takes two - I had always made it a point to own up to my mistakes. With that said, I take full responsibility for myself and how I made those mistakes in our relationship. First and foremost, I shouldn’t have tracked him. For that, I am sorry. I was remorseful and felt beyond guilty when it happened. It was wrong of me and I apologized profusely. If I had my doubts and or suspicions, I should have just walked away. Especially when the route had shown three different momo visits in one weekend. He tried throwing his mom under that bus. I disgustingly shook my head and said, “You think? At 3am?” You are a toilet full of shit for that one. Your own mother - good god.

I remember asking him if he was a sex addict. The look he gave me was the everythingness, total beyond - like I had discovered something new about his character. Again deflecting, he quickly threw his Aunt under that bus. He was referring to his youngest aunt on his fathers side, who he stated was. Just observe - you can hear and see these warning signs. Like that time you hear their siblings call them a whore and you see him laugh or when you hear about how upset he is because of a friends jokingly comment about how he’ll never be relationship material or you hear from the horses mouth that his motto is to, “Deny, Deny, Deny”. When I heard his own mother was concerned about “What he’s scheming next”. Those are red flags. Don’t ever ignore them. It’s called, Stranger Danger, Nena. I would like to thank him for his comment with regards to remembering license plates. At first it threw me off but I hope they find him. They being those individuals he mentioned in his past that wanted nothing to do with him. Why is that? Could it be the reason why he scans a room every time he walks in?

I shouldn’t have invited this individual in so quickly. When I say in, I mean with regard to him knowing as much as he did about me without knowing about him. Not to mention letting him into my home. Would you let a roach into your house? I think not. Lesson learned. When someone refrains from having you meet their family and or friends, it’s a clue that maybe the individual doesn’t want you to be apart of his/her life. In wanting to meet his siblings, I remember the look and feel of each of their demeanor towards me. It was genuine to how they felt and I respected that because it showed. They didn’t say much and exuded a standoffish persona as though I was wasting my time and/or theirs in meeting them.

The sibling born after him was probably the only one I felt good with on initial introductions. I even gave him a hug to show how much I was happy to finally meet him. I think being the outcast in their family dynamics, he could understand the most in terms of what I’ve gone through with them. That’s not to say he’s on my side, he just knows their true intent and capabilities in making one feel extremely isolated and outcasted. I actually felt really bad for him. The manner in which his mother treated him was awful. I hope one day he’s able to see past her and is able to get the help he needs. As you can imagine, it comes from the top, down. You know where I’m going with this.

It was a total mind fuck being with this individual. I didn’t know what to believe. In being skeptical, I came off as paranoid. This was never me, especially with someone like him who I wouldn’t have even considered or would’ve given a second thought to.

Note: 061321

Over the course of our first 3 months together, we were literally a Yo-Yo, up and down, back and forth and in-n-out (for good measure). During this time, I had only been to his house once as he had been to my house multiple times. In fact, he had been put on an “2 night stay” restriction from his mother. I know what you’re thinking, what “32” year old do you know gets put on night restrictions? More to come on that subject later.

The night I had gone over, his parents were out of town in TJ with his younger sister. I believe his grandmother was asleep, his aunt was at work while his brothers were out with their girlfriends. I was actually happy about the invite into his space. I was curious to see what his world was like aside from us was like. He often talked about being in the midst of a decor change and how much he enjoyed putting it all together. I was also nervous given the stern parameters of what he described as his mother throughout our relationship and although I never had the opportunity to meet her, I could feel her presence within him.

Walking in, I quietly went up the stairs where I almost fell from the princess steps that were thought to be much higher, not to mention it was pitch black and he walked off without me. As I got to the second floor landing, I could see a candle lit room with the sound of R&B music playing in the background coming from his television. If there’s one thing both he and I could vibe on, it was the sound of a powerful woman’s sultry voice - that and a warm bowl of cream o’wheat which he was admittedly the best at making and those nasty Jack ‘n the Box Tacos. The wall where his bed was placed, had three Harry Potter posters which I had really liked as I wasn’t familiar with the artist. I was directed to the couch where we sat and had a glass of wine and talked before laying on the couch to watch a movie. The couch was nice but wasn’t very comfortable given that horrible metal bar that ran across my back. He said it was his brothers bed. I remember thinking how uncomfortable that must be. As the night went on, we moved over to his bed and fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up to an overcast grey sky and breakfast in bed. He had fruit, coffee and avocado toast on the coffee table prepared for us. In seeing him do all of this, I couldn’t help but wonder where his grandmother and aunt were. He would quietly go in and out of the room to grab what he needed. During this time, I also got to see pictures of his family and friends during different events or occasional get-togethers. Remembering faces has helped me tremendously in knowing my surroundings and to make those gut-feeling decisions in going along for their ride. The ride being Individual 2 , seeing them at Target, Roll’m-up, Parco, Highland Park, Downtown Riverside, View point park, Movie theaters, Victoria Gardens, the Yard House and countless others. To see his friends face and the look she gave me knowing that I knew it was her, priceless. Anyway, I ended up leaving the way I came in, quickly and quietly. I don’t think I even put my shoes on.

By the way, I want any royalties from the picture that gangly looking woman took of me on her way out of Roll’m Up. I believe she’s an auntie, possibly the one he said he didn’t care for given her unbearable nature to complain about everything. With that said, I hope this all out man hunt for me has brought his mother and her sister (gangly) some reconciliation in their own relationship and hopefully some realization of how important their bond is.

Note: 061221

As of this morning, I made the decision to contact the appropriate investigative bureau to file a report. I was hoping not to go this route and had even offered to discuss the matter with this person and his family.

If you want to continue to harass, hack and invade my privacy, by all means, do it. However, please know that for every individual, every car, every bike rider, and morning walker who comes to visit and enjoy our lovely view of the peasantry below, they will be identified, labeled, and added the to the agency’s list mentioned above. And if you don’t mind, let’s keep the cars to no older than 10 years and maybe one color?

In review of everything that’s gone on over the last 3 months. The question still remains, what was the motive behind all of this. Why go through such great lengths to take information from me, involve individual (2) as a decoy by trying to get to me emotionally when he already had a boyfriend (you?) and involving your entire family clan and community against me (1 person). Did your plan in trying to take advantage of me and my parents, fail when I found out what you had done? Trust me, I knew long before that. I had this feeling you were watching/spying on me through my phone and laptop. I had purposefully baited you with items that you’d answered indirectly (which was a lot of the time).

The poster wrapped as a gift intended as Trojan horse, wasn’t by no means a coincidence. I’m sure he told you that I had my doubts. Not to mention, the notes which were compared to show similarities in writing. His cars bluetooth was always turned off, he actually never used his phone. It’s all in the deets, I just needed a little more time to get what I missed. There is something psychologically wrong with what you’ve tried here, a sociopath to be exact. To think back in those moments and how you laughed in the midst of it. You are truly one sick fuck and are deserving of the shit you put out into the world. For you to go through this much trouble with the amount of time and resources it’s taken you, good luck, lol. One can only hope you get yanked from behind your mama’s back and thrown in jail for the mess you’ve caused.

Note: 061021 1300

I’m not sure how or why I decided to meet up with him again after that last incident, but I did. You see, the thing about him (Individual 1) was that he was very charming. He would make it all about me and incorporate an instance from his past or present to make me feel like I was a part of him in that moment. I believe the word is called, “Love-Bombing”. He would like to say, “You give me butterflies”. At first, I was like, “Oh, that’s sweet”, but after like the 6th or 7th time of hearing that crap and with a mind and heart thats been depleted from suspicions of promiscuity, it then becomes a side eye with a response of like, uh ok, whatever, Michael.

“Love bombing is the practice of overwhelming someone with signs of adoration and attraction — think flattering comments, tokens of affection, or love notes on the mirror, kitchen table, or windshield, and you’re beginning to get the picture.” He did this often, typically prior to a fight or argument, meaning it was calculated. “When someone tells you just how special you are, it can be intoxicating, at first. However, when a person uses such comments to keep your focus trained on him or her, or to keep bringing you back in if you’ve started to back off, it could be a case of manipulation. I’d often tell myself, how am I here right now. Being someone who was very independent and carefree, I wouldn’t have put up with his nonsense. It was a constant question within myself, “why do you even care, he’s not even someone you’d be into?” But there I was, in the midst of being sucked in and spit out, trying to work out my difference with this “person”. (See note)

He was an English major graduate but didn’t know how to communicate. He would often use the “let’s play dumb” card and look at me dumbfounded when I would ask what he meant by a word he used in his communication with me. I found myself becoming that meticulous and petty when trying to reference back to all that he denied in our relationship. He would often use words with double meanings to benefit his narrative and avoid any responsibility for his actions. It was a nightmare. I’d leave most conversations we’d have mentally exhausted, confused, and frustrated. I tried so many times to walk away. In my frustration, I would get upset, be the one to blame, and be the one to apologize. And that’s not to say he wasn’t apologetic, he was , but for me feeling the way I felt. It was a vicious cycle.

Most of our arguments were often about the things he would say verses the things that he would do. Mind you, I’m only talking about our first three months of being together and was ongoing until the end of the relationship. At that time, I just tried to be amicable, but even then, he continued to try and shift all the blame to me. To give you an example, he would say, I’m going to go home and be productive and work on this and do that - blah, blah, blah. Then, an hour later, he would be off with a “friend” not doing anything he just committed to telling me just an hour before. In recognizing his characteristics, I would tell him his words never matched his actions. I knew he was cheating. I just could except the facts knowing that I wasn’t even into him - that’s where I take responsibility for my own actions.

Note: 060921

In recalling those moments with individual (2), I had asked the questions as to why he was so distant. It was as though he was physically there with me but had mentally checked out. The noticeable difference came to light the weekend he went to Dallas to help his friend move.

If you were given the opportunity to bait me for monetary means, I’m sorry. When I seen you in your own car that Friday afternoon, I knew you were lying when you had to pick up your car with your Dad. Let’s be honest, you weren’t actually there for me during this time. This doesn’t mean I didn’t see what was going on around me. There were always people there from individual (1’s) circle to either ensure your own safety and/or assess my overall character when we would go out. Waiting in line to go into the bar, I had already recognized the two in front of us which is why I made the attempt to speak to them. In trying to pass it off, your comment of them waiting and leaving as they got to the front was obvious. You see, I had to come up with my own narrative because you were a mute as they quietly watched us. In asking those questions as to why (which I had already known) I baited for an honest response in you.

Was your heart ever in it? Was the story of your Mom and how she treated others indicative and a reflection of how you treated me? If this incident held you back from being with someone else when you had to be with me, again, I’m sorry. Your body language was cold and your attitude was short. The pain and heartache of your response when I asked to wait for you and in fear of being harassed again was indicative when I cried knowing that you were apart of their plan. 50 of them and 1 of me and you sold me out. Let’s just be clear, this individual stole from me and my family to try and exploit and humiliate me. I do a pretty good job of that on my own, I don’t need his help. He put my mother and father in danger of bringing COVID-19 into our home, knowing he was out being promiscuous to benefit his selfish needs. And to think, his family calls themselves people of God. Surely by condoning his actions in which they put a manhunt out on me - I was just waiting for the night torches to come out to at Target that night. Anyway, lets just see how long these misguided perceptions last from their local community when they are provided the other side of the story and what he’s done to me and my family.

A couple of weeks had past until I heard from (him) after our initial encounter. The conversation was cold and distant as we tried to rekindle the spark from the first night we’d met. I was short and really didn’t know how to guide the conversation through text. I was a little disappointed that he hadn’t called but then then again, I could have picked up the phone and reached out as well. After the awkward conversation and feelings of doubt, we eventually got over it and planned to meet up again.

I had to get my tires replaced. He ended up meeting me at the shop where I dropped my car off to pick me up and head back to my place. I was under the impression that we we’re meeting up to get back into that same space in which we left off. As we laid in bed, the look and feel of his overall vibe was off. In asking him if what we we’re doing (watching a movie and laying together) was ok, he stated that he was confused? In that statement, I became confused myself. I wasn’t trying force something that would lead to feeling of a one-and-done. That’s where he was at and wanted some clarification as to what exactly we were doing? Let’s just say it became even more awkward as he suddenly jumped up to reach his phone to answer an incoming call from his mother. It was an odd excuse of having to help with items left in storage. I accepted his answer as true and was ok with him having to suddenly go.

As of this morning, they are still trying to hack my phone and delete or log me out of each of the apps that are providing me the ability to possibly receive help. They will stop at nothing to keep me from speaking out on what they’ve been doing to me. Again, if I was that much of a threat, why not go to their own local authority? In knowing individual (1) and what he’s already done and capable of, he knows just as much as I do that I can provide the evidence that would point and lead to the crumbs he’s left behind. To deny, deny, deny and try and make yourself the victim in all of this, you’re sadly mistaken.

In the settings menu, there are multiple avenues in which one can hack your iPhone and account. The first being is the Game Center. Unfortunately, we as users cannot delete this app in the iPhones settings. From what I’ve noticed here’s how they’ve been doing it to me. They sign in on as a “Player” to disguise themselves under an app we (I) never use and change the settings to invade your phones information and gaining full access to the end users personal information. Another way Ive been hacked is through the app Grindr. In Grindr, the user must enable the location tab in order to see who else is within their approximate location. If the individual has there precise location activated they could potentially be victims of a hacker infiltrating the phone through Geolocation coordinates. The hacker does this by creating multiple profiles to surround and hone in on the exact location of the end user, once the hacker is in, they somehow gain access to the end users phone and information putting them at serious risk of being taken without the end user even knowing it. Other Apps, I’ve seen downloaded that could be a potential threat are the Calendar, Clock, Maps, Books, OneNote, Health (tracks steps), and Reminders.

I am writing this to inform you that I am in place where I fear for my life (not really). However, If anything should happen to me, please contact the Riverside County Sheriffs Department (not that they’ll do anything, hence the recent media with regards to defunding ) and have them investigate each device that’s been hacked into. I have placed them in a secured area to ensure that no information is deleted.

Unfortunately, during the pandemic, I started dating someone who was a manipulative fuck. He cheated he lied, and he stoled. What did he steal, you ask? He stole electronic files from my laptop, my iPhones (yes, multiple phones), my iPads, and my desktop. What a bitch, huh? Information pertaining to my identity (SSAN, Passport, and ID Tax info) all my nudes, and pictures of when I was really fat and depressed. If he thought he could exploit, threaten, and steal from me and my family and try to get away with it, well…technically he has but I’m hoping he doesn’t get away with it. He seems to really love Grindr and has multiple profiles on that forum. Let’s just say he needs to cast those wide nets. I believe he’s done this to others which I will discuss later in detail. He and his family continue to harass me by following me every where I go. I mean, if you want to follow me around, that’s cool but can you at least make yourself useful? Maybe take some pictures of me or something?

Anyways, my phones are all being monitored (Text messages, phone calls, you name it). In asking the question as to why, I honestly don’t know? Here’s where it gets even more interesting. Coming off the end of this relationship, I had been talking to someone else. This person also lives in the same city, practically down the street from Thing 1. I asked if they knew one another and the second individual told me, no, he did not. This individual tried to play on my emotions by getting close to me as I have been having a difficult time with the first fool, my health, school, and my family. He said, fuck it, I guess you can throw my ass up in that mix too. What he doesn’t know, up until now is that I knew what doing all along. You pawn.

So, I have a tracker on my car, I can’t find it. He’s hacked all of my devices and all of my online accounts, tries intimidating me by following me, surrounding me in parking lots. For the record, my name is not Richard Ramirez. Sounds similar to that person you all know though, Rrrright? If I was that much of a threat, why don’t you call your own local authorities yourself? Reason being, I’ve done nothing wrong. Maybe you and your lovely family are deflecting, eh? Perhaps there’s something bigger going on there maybe something worth investigating. I believe you told me that the family business brings monetary support to not only family members but maybe members of their little local community who maybe also attend the same church? Hmmm? My assessment skills of people and my surroundings is on point. My love interests, not so much, but I’m working on that. I need to give myself some love first.

I’ve tried contacting the local authorities several times over the course of these last two months. Our security cameras show multiple vehicles enjoying our lovely view of the shit below, particularly around the Ontario airport - all that pollutant and smog. Based on the cars I’ve seen at his house in the past, Im pretty certain the multicolored, bondoed heaps of metal circling our block belong to his lovely support system. Continuing to harass me after you stoled from me isn’t how this is suppose to work. I am now a tad concerned for my parents safety. Friends and family, if I haven’t contacted you, Thing 1 is the reason why.