Void Of Muses

Starla’s fingers were gripped tightly in the fabric of Lacey’s pants as if she would disappear if she relaxed for a single second. The demon’s head hung low towards the floor, her lips twisted to let out snivels and whimpers. The noise became quieter as she felt gentle strokes on the crown of her head. Finally, the sweetest words left her beloved’s lips.

The words she wanted to hear.

The words she needed to hear.

“I love you.” She whispered, looking up at Lacey as tears still flowed down her cheeks. “I love you so much.” She gently grabbed her hand and brought it to her face, rubbing her cheek against it. “So, so much.” She lovingly pressed her lips against her fingertips and the top of her hand. Right now, at this moment, she wanted to treasure Lacey or rather… She felt she had to. Her beloved had disappeared and now here she was, in front of her again. It was a blessing to have her back, one that she needed to cherish.

“I’m always going to be yours Star. that’s never going to change.” She whispered lovingly into her hair as she pressed a kiss to her head. managing to compose herself for the most part, if she needed to she could fall apart later, right now....she needed to put her darling constellation back together. to make her shine in the sky again like she did before. 

Though it pained her to see her beloved like this....a part of her....that dark deep part of her found a touch of pleasure in it. to see that she did care for her, that her disappearance was enough to tear her apart like this. 

To know that she was truly cherished and loved in such a strong way, that her own feelings toward her beautiful goddess were returned. 

“I love you too my beautiful shining sapphire. More than I can ever express with mere words.” she brushed her thumb gently over her tear streaked cheek, brushing away the tears. 

Happy birthday, Cherry! I hope this year was the best yet.

Love,

Starla.

Very slowly but surely her breathing had become calmer and calmer as she listened to her beloved’s words. Having all her emotions and feelings spill out like that all at once left her feeling mentally exhausted, her mind was now left a blank which was certainly a huge contrast to the millions of thoughts that were racing her head before. She could hear the genuine pain and guilt in Lacey’s voice and it caused an ache in Starla’s heart. Yes, she was hurt but nonetheless, she loved Lacey despite everything. There was still that drive in Starla where she wanted to see her happy, especially because she felt it was her fault for having an outburst like she did.

“I’m sorry,” She sniveled, her voice frail and weak. A vulnerable side of herself that she would only ever willingly show around Lacey. “I shouldn’t have yelled. I-I’ve just been upset for so long that… E-Everything just kinda came out.” She knew very well right now that she was not mentally sound at all, a fact she very much hated due to the shame that it brought. She wanted to be strong but again and again, she would fail and instead end up feeling like she was crazy.

Tentatively, she sat up from her seat on the couch and with careful steps, she went to stand in front of Lacey. She looked down at her for a moment, studying her frame and how that made her feel. Keeping her slow pace, she got down on her knees and wrapped her arms around the legs of her lover, nuzzling into her skin. “Please don’t ever leave me again, Cherry…” Starla whispered as she nearly choked on her own tears.

She shook her head softly. “No, No. It’s okay. Don’t hesitate to let all of it out, I deserve it.” she swallowed trying to keep herself from choking up, all that guilt that she’d been harboring, the anger at herself and what she used to be...had been floating under deep waves for so long.  

She didn't want to be any of that anymore, the only thing she wanted to hold onto was Starla. and to repair the damage she’d done. try to make something out of herself. 

She tensed for a moment when she felt her studying eyes, was she no longer enough for her constellation? the thought had floated through for only a moment before she felt her gentle touch and those pleading words had finally broken the angel, the tears flowing freely down her cheeks. 

Reaching cautiously and allowing her fingers to run through those curled dark locks again, Just as soft as she remembered. stroking the top of her head in a lovingly soothing manner, she used her free hand to wipe the tears from her eyes. 

She kept her head in her hands, the sound of short breathes and sniffling escaping from her as she listened to the angel as intently as she was able to with thoughts spinning rapidly within her head. The more and more words that spoke from Lacey’s lips, Starla felt herself slowly returning to a calmer state of mind. Whether it was because she found the woman’s voice to be a bittersweet source of comfort or that it was simply through the passing of time, Starla wasn’t quite sure. Upon hearing the use of Levi’s… Lacey’s pet name for her, Starla’s body tensed up in response to it. Hearing that made everything seem even more real, and that this was truly Levi when she had no idea how to feel or react to the change.

She listened to the story in its entirety and finally uncovered her face as her tears had dried for now. However, she continued to be silent as Vittel stated his opinion on the matter. Yes, she thought that he was being a bit harsh but… She didn’t disagree with anything he said and didn’t stop him because of it. Although it was very brief, when the mansion was changed to its original state, her puffy red eyes lit up from the bittersweet memories flooding back to her. Now with his arm around her shoulders, she squeezed his forearm lightly and weakly whispered, “Thank you…”

She followed them into the living room and sat down near Vittel as he was who she felt most comfortable being around right now. She was quiet for a few moments, feeling a heavy weight upon her shoulders to think of what to say as she assumed they were all waiting to hear her thoughts since she had barely spoken at all. “I…” She closed her mouth almost as soon as she opened it, now biting her lower lip out of tension. She glanced at Lacey but quickly switched her eyes to the floor. “I guess I just really wanna know why… W-Why you didn’t tell me anything.” At this point, her body was so tense that she was shaking slightly.

“I thought we were supposed to work things out together and you left without telling me anything, one day you were just gone after you erased Genji and Wyatt’s memories of you. I assumed you just abandoned us, what else was I supposed to think? I mean I know I left once for a few weeks before we started dating, but you’ve been gone for months. This isn’t the first time you’ve kept something hidden from me too.” The more she spoke, the more that her already damaged composure was slipping away from her and her hidden rage was bubbling to the surface. “I thought you were gone for good, I didn’t think you were ever coming back. Do you know how that felt?” She gripped the fabric of her dress, the shaking now intensifying as her face twisted into a grimace. She was coming apart rapidly at the seams. Flashbacks from the past few months were all playing in her mind at once and it made her sick. She remembered the nights she drank and drank until she passed out cold with thoughts of disappearing, the days she shoved all her friends away when she couldn’t keep herself together and pretend she was fine, the times she used her own claws to draw blood from her pale skin just so she could of anything else than what was in her head, and the hellish afternoon when her and Daisuke yelled at one another until they were both red in the face. Her boss Richard even forced her to be on vacation because she was too unstable to do her job properly.

She should have been better than that, she thought was that she was… But with Levi gone, it was almost as if all the healing she had worked so hard for disappeared without a trace. Nothing had changed, and she was back to where she started, if not worse. She knew Lacey was in no way responsible for her partner’s mental health but Starla still couldn’t stop herself from blaming her to an extent.  “I did so much horrible shit that I’m disappointed of… All because I couldn’t handle losing anyone else important because I’ve been through that too many fucking times already.” With her gaze fixed firmly on the ground, watching her now flowing tears fall against the hard surface. “I’m sick of you keeping things from me! I know I don’t tell you everything either but when it’s important shit like this, you can’t keep me in the dark!”

“Because you would have stopped me.” She replied quietly under her breath but loud enough to hear. “It probably would have been better if I had told you and you would have kept me from being so stupid. it’s not like a succeeded in what I sought out to do in the first place. I thought I was doing the right thing, keeping you out of what I was doing. you would have possibly gotten involved....and I could have lost you. I thought I was protecting you by keeping you in the dark.” 

She gripped onto her knees a bit, shoulders shaking. “And By thinking that I was protecting you....I ended up hurting you. and I wouldn’t blame you for not forgiving me....or even wanting anything more to do with me.” she replied quietly.

“I can’t explain proper reasoning to my actions because there wasn’t any....I wasn’t thinking right or even at all about how it would affect everything if I failed.” 

She fidgeted for a moment. “However....If you can forgive me, I promise no more secrets, anything I do I’ll run by you first. I’ll fill you in. No decision will be made without you.” 

Seeing them both upset was something that bothered him, but it was also something was important. they needed to discuss things, get it all out into the air and although he wasn’t sure about the outcome at the moment......there was always a silver lining that happened with them. 

They always seemed to fit together in a weird but almost perfect way, a special brand of fucked up but at the very least they were fucked up together. 

Though he wasn’t sure where he fit in this situation, really he didn’t feel like he had too much to even hold against his sister. sure leaving him homeless had been an asshole move, but he’d gathered support and managed to survive just fine while he was on his own. 

@romanticpsychopath

When she’d invited him to stay at her place during this time he had been admittedly scared. Having the house disappear on him out of nowhere and his brother along with it.....Had been devastating. But of course he refused to admit that. After all the things that his brother had done to him, He learned overtime that he shouldn’t allow those feelings to surface.

But standing in this luxury looking living room with nothing but the clothes on his back, felt weird. It wasn’t like the manor at all, for some reason it felt much nicer, it was smaller. More...comforting in a way.

He fiddled with the sleeve of his sweater some, staying with his brothers friend..was odd, especially given who it was. Starla was...a nice girl, in her own ways but it was odd being in the presence of people who were kind.

She knew him but not all that well and that’s how he preferred to keep things but..she’d still willingly offered her home to him to stay during this rather frustrating time.

Offering a large plate of kindness that he had not expected.

For now he placed himself at one of the tall chairs at the kitchen counter, somewhat slouched over the counter top, he wasn’t really sure what to do with himself here.

He didn’t have a job, He didn’t have clothes except for this one outfit, and no home.

What a great way to live.

He’d already walked the entirety of the apartment, found out where her bedroom was and the guest bedroom...well for now his bedroom. Though he still had to wait for her to come home.

Maybe...he should make dinner while he waited? Or maybe dessert in case she came home with something? No, he should just wait.

But the silent ticking was almost maddening.

“I understand, I still struggle with it too and it’s been years for me. It takes time for these things, don’t beat yourself up for not healing in a day.” She spoke softly and reached out to touch his shoulder but ended up pulling it back instead. This was all very new for him, she didn’t want to scare him off and make him too uncomfortable by overwhelming him with affection. She decided not to continue the conversation as she felt enough had been said and that she didn’t want to pressure him to open up more than he had.

She kept her hand in his loosely as they walked into the mansion and she let her eyes wander around the room. She remembered that Levi went to a great deal to make sure his childhood home was in perfect shape so seeing it as a ghost of its former self… She couldn’t help but find it heartbreaking, especially because it used to be her home too. She had made many memories here and she hated that this house no longer resembled them, that it was nothing more than a reminder of what used to be. She felt tears brim in her eyes and looked away from Vittel, unintentionally making her grip on his hand tighter. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

Having been distracted, she didn’t notice the oncoming attack like she normally would. She froze in her spot when Vittel had stated stranger that tried to attack them was Levi. She stared at the two of them as they interacted, watching with wide eyes and her mouth agape. As the woman got on her knees, Starla studied her form, particularly her face. She resembled Levi with similar facial structure, eye, hair and skin color, even her presence felt familiar, but was it really him?

Before she knew it, her eyes were brimming once again and this time, much heavier than it previously had. She covered her face with her hands to hide the tears rolling down her cheeks. Along with this being the first time she had seen Levi in months, she also had to handle the sudden news that he was a woman now and that their former home together was in ruins. To say the least, Starla felt overwhelmed. “T-This is too much.” She spoke with a choked voice, “Please just explain from the beginning…”

“I wanted to be better than I was before....I knew that The Rashad situation wasn’t getting any better. and what he did to Vittel. and with the thought of us starting a family someday.....I didn’t want him to go after our child either. If that was even more of a possibility. I wasn’t thinking clearly at the time....So I went to strike a deal with him. To do whatever he wanted if he left us alone but before the deal was going to be struck I was going to do what I could to get rid of him. Cassius helped me make something that was supposed to be strong enough to kill him......everything would have been solved.” She gripped onto her pants as she continued that seemed much more baggy on her then they should have. being held to her frame by a belt.

“But I fucked up Constellation....I was too quick on the draw and he got the upper hand. I fought back, even tried to escape but.....unfortunately the only thing that did escape was my soul and my body was left behind. Though there’s nothing left of it now.” She took a moment to collect herself again before continuing to speak. “Aviner.....sent a man named Grim to collect my soul and bring it to him. Where I stayed there for awhile, during the time where they tried to fix my body but they couldn’t.”

“So I was given a choice. To come back and start over, anyway that I wanted. and.....I wanted to change. Like I said before....I wanted to be better. I wasn’t really sure of how to do that though. But Grim had some ideas. To start over like this, an angel named Lacey, who could pick up from where Levi left off.”

“So essentially you’re even more fucking stupid than I give you credit for.” He replied coldly moving further into the manor. a laugh escaping him. “You honestly thought you could kill the devil? Unfortunately if you do that the balance will get fucked over and then Aviner would have killed your ass and sent you to purgatory to rot. He might be a piece of shit but Aviner still cares about him. Why do think the fucker is still alive?”

He shook his head glancing around the manor. “You even managed to let this place go to shit. Honestly.....I thought you would have brought it back in better condition than this. Being blessed and all that stupid crap.`”

He sighed and snapped his fingers a golden wave leaving his fingers and from his feet, washing over the manor and as it spread the manor seemed to restore itself to it’s former glory.

“I have no intention of living in a shit hole. Besides, the old view upset Star....She was much happier when it was like this.” He mumbled under his breath, now putting his hands into his pockets, seeming to over all ignore Lacey’s presence for the time being after he’d spoken harshly. Stepping beside Starla now.