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Your boy was embarrassed now, but you were certain he would be happy to have gotten that shirt. I mean, come on. They say you are what you eat, and your son has clearly been bulldozing through packets of Gushers. And Haribo Goldbears. And Sour Patch Kids. And those new Nerds Gummy Clusters. The common denominator behind that jiggling overhang was loud and clear. These days, though, you had given up on making daily store trips for the sweets. It was far easier and faster to just home-deliver to his room. You wouldn't want your sweet boy starving, right?

I can’t imagine life any other way than being a morbidly obese slob. Good thing this is just the beginning.

What did you do today?

BAYMACHUB