Black Widow

Do you like 5'0 ft blonde bombshells with a pension for sniper rifles and pistols? How about gals with the habit of making friends where every they go? Ones that really like revenge, but also love helping people? Then you might like Ophelia, better known in the Wasteland as Courier Six. She has good karma, and often gets in fights with her own brain. This ad is currently uncapped.

Why was it that every time those tiny, muscular arms wrapped around him, he felt better? That the smell of her perfume could take him from murderous psychopath to straight faced assassin? It was annoying… But it helped.

“Ya never talk to me about yourself past what you did before you got to me. I only thought, coz you were technically dead for a little bit, that you wouldn’t remember much of your life.”

He huffed, sighing as he turned around and have her a hug before she started to smoke.

“I only want to keep you safe from my dangerous tendencies. Ya my little A-Bomb, babe, and I don’t want you to get hurt cuz of me.”

      “Cause I don’t want ta’ be another sob story. I don’t want ta’ live in tha past. Bein’ tragic, a damsel in distress, it ain’t my gig babe. I don’t want ta’ burden ya’ wit’ tha’ sadness that was my life…I’d ratha’ make a betta’ future witcha now. Ya’ dig?” Ophelia leaned into Benny as she took a long drag of her cigarette. “I’ve been all over tha’ god damn Wastes n’ I lost a lot…learned a lot..But I can’t let it burden me. Or else I’d go completely mad…I guess I just didn’t want ta’ burden ya’ either. Cause I love ya’ like crazy. If ya’ haven’t realized I’m not tha’ type of gal ta’ hold onta’ tha’ past forever. If I was…I wouldna married ya’.”

“I was never good at trying to understand time loops, but that’s amazing that you got to live through them! Though what kind of dumb scientist can create an entire pocket dimension that exists out of known time but can’t pinpoint the right date to put back the people they stole? Ha! No kidding about the ‘forwards but backwards’, I bet they don’t even have energy weapons!”

He listened patiently as she retold her story about murdering Benny, running about in the Big Empty, getting her organs harvested and stuff, shootin’ things. Wait– Organs?

“They stole your brain?” He shouldn’t be surprised. He already found out the hard way that she had somehow survived getting shot in the brain; having it removed entirely… would normally shut down a person, but then again so would a bullet. She was a special case for both circumstances! “I’m glad you got it back and took your revenge on everyone there! Who knows what they would’ve done if you didn’t! Why’d you leave just one behind though? Not that I’m questioning your motives, you obviously had a reason to not shoot ‘em all up.”

      “I know right? Life woulda been so much simpler if I just killed tha’ fink once n’ was done wit’ it...I love 'im, but he drives me batty.” Ophelia sighed as she leaned against Yes-Man. “Ya’ know in all those old rags they say women are moody, but I was Yesy-babe he is the moody one. I am tha’ relaxed n’ generally happy one. N’ I’m tha’ one who got shot n’ tha head. N’ ur right Yesy, I betcha they don’t got energy weapons.” Gently she pat his back.

“Ya know how hard it is to make friends when ya know that the next time you see that person, they could be dead? That the folks ya like to keep around could die in your arms before you even got the chance to know them better? That every fucking day, you know that one of your buddies, one of the people you have grown to give a shit about, is going to drop from exhaustion, or a bullet, or poison, or whatever else, while you have to fucking watch?! You want to know why I haven’t tried? Because those folks out there are just as killable as everyone else back home. Because every time I get close to someone, they die- usually to prove someone’s point! You know why I turn away when you PISS ME OFF?!” He was shouting at this point, hands starting to shake from the seething fury he kept bottled up. The kind that, once uncorked, usually lead to a bloody mess and broken knuckles. “BECAUSE IF I DON’T, I’LL KILL YOU LIKE I DID MY OWN WORTHLESS PARENTS! You might’ve had a great life,, yeah,,good folks who taught ya right, why you are who you are, but your old Benny Boo had to deal with a psycho junkie and a fucking drunk who, while he did great things for the tribe, couldn’t hold his fucking own against a kid with a god damn pen knife. While you probably had some fun times wherever you’re from, I DIDN’T, always moving from place to place, unable to keep friends much less keep them alive. Yeah, you can blame the lead I left in your brain for your amnesia about your life before, but I would give my fucking crew up just to have that pleasure. Why else do you think I put on the act? The feigned fucks given? The god damn good guy routine? Because I know that if I don’t, I’ll end up becoming that callous bastard you seem to love so damn much but you don’t seem to make the effort to learn about.”

      Ophelia wrapped her tiny arms around Benny’s waist from behind. Her face buried into his back.“Ya’ don’t seem ta’ know that much about me either suga’. I don’t got god damn amnesia. I never claimed ta’ have god damn amnesia. I have no clue where ya’ got the idea I have amnesia. Muh parents were killed when I was 12. But I killed ‘um before they could kill me. First raiders I ever killed. I was turnin’ tricks and doin’ odd jobs by the time I was 15…But I worked hard, taught myself a variety of skills ta’ survive. Wanted ta’ travel, so I became a courier…Where a lot o’ bad shit happened ta’ me. Do ya’ know how many times bombs have been strapped ta’ my neck? TWICE. I’ve had my god damn organs removed against my will. I don’t even want ta’ go in what happened in The Divide…Not to mention some mook shootin’ me in tha head for a chip….I’ve been through a hell of a lot Benny…Going through hell doesn’t give ya’ an excuse ta’ be a demon….So just calm down n’ stay with me. I love ya’.” Finally she let go of him and lit a cigarette. It was evidant she was upset.

“You saying he wasn’t for me? You don’t even know what crap me and him had to go through to even start the list, or how much of the act you DON’T see.” Ooh she knew how to steam him up good. “Now.. I have to go blow off steam before I do something I’ll regret.” By that, he meant blowing a hole through her chest.

   " The difference is obvious. I try ta' befriend the people I work with, ya' try to just use them. But of course run away, like ya' always do ya' god damn fink. I love ya' stupid face n' it hurts when ya' turn yer back on me...Why ya' gotta be so hard headed? So stupid? Don't ya' realize yer the only one fer me? Why do ya’ want ta’ hurt me like this?"

“Now you listen here, Blondie, that bucket of bullets wouldn’t even be who he is if not for me getting his securitron ass down and reprogrammed to his current setting. Yeah, I treated him rough, yeah, I left him there, and yeah, technically he’s your bot, but you keep in whatever mumbo-jumbo bolts in your head and in that sassafras brain o your’s that without me, he would like be another rustbucket patrolling the Strip under the thumb of House.”

    Ophelia reached up and grabbed Benny by the face and forced him to look her in the eyes. "If ya' eva' talk to me like that again...I will finish the job and put ya' in the god damn ground. Rememba' the only thing keepin' ya' alive is me lovin' ya'. We wouldn't want that ta' change. N' don't talk 'bout him like that. He's my friend. He was there fer me when u weren't. Ya' were runnin' off wit' tha chip...While he was helpin' me solve problems.""

Deep nasal inhale, then exhale. “Babe, ya gonna be the death of me. Also, that’s my right hand robot. If ya break something or he starts getting all futzy and faulty, you’re the one paying for the maintenance fees.”

    "Ya' mean my right hand robot? Kind of started takin' care of 'im after ya' left wit' the chip. Ya' abandoned him ya' mook. N' if he doesn't have anyone ta' please I just know he gets upset. I'd never break 'im. Hell, I treat him betta' than you ever did. So don't start wit' me buster. I love Yes-Man, he's a companion of mine, a friend. He's more ta' me than a right hand robot. We’ve been trough a lot togetha’. So of course I'd be tha' one ta' pay maintenance fees."

WHAT IN THE GOD DAMN…?!

           "Darlin' I'm just joshin'. Don't tell me yer jealous?"

Yes-Man bashfully ducked his head best he could, covering his face with his claws at the kiss. “Gosh! You’re even sweeter than I remembered! Oh! That reminds me, I did see Benny earlier and he told me all about you getting married! I’m so happy for you two, I mean obviously there must have been something I missed out on between you guys, but you seem to know what you’re doing even though he totally was planning on setting you up to die more than once!” That was more or less just a statement of fact.

“Really though, you’re perfect for each other. You keep him in line and Benny… Well! Benny just does whatever it is he does best. And don’t you worry about me! I have my very own room I get to live in! Can you even imagine that? My own personal space! Not that I’d ever want to be away from you for very long. You’re splendid company to have!”

“Really? They must have some kind of different form of energy here if they’re without nuclear. It might explain why there’s so many strange and sensory-piercing frequencies and signals just whizzing around through the air, more advanced types than there was back home! I totally agree though, it’s much nicer to have the simpler stuff that you’re used to than whatever that fancy thing is! Who needs change anyways!”

The mention of the Big Empty caught his attention though, and his screen flickered as he thought. “You know–! I could have sworn I heard a transmission once from Mr. House getting pretty upset over whatever that place was doing! I think it had something to do with Securitrons and how some really smart people were stealing his blueprints for them! Wow, I can’t believe you went all the way out there, too! You’ve just been all over the world, that’s amazing! Did anything exciting happen up there?”

      “Well I ain’t Benny Darlin’. Unlike him I got high charisma and speech, I’m not a mook. I always appreciate ya’. I know when it comes down ta’ it ya’d be there for me. Just like any of my otha’ companions. We’re partners ya’ know?” Ophelia shook her head and laughed when he said that he was happy for them. Well aware he was programed to be that way. “Well first I killed ‘im. That night I screwed him. But when the scientists sent me back a second time….they sent me back too early. I had the chance to kill ‘im again n’ I didn’t take it. Then he wrote this stupid love note….And I went on some more adventures that you really helped me with…And then I ended up back here. We met again….I tried to kill him again…and instead he took me out to dinner. So I actually killed him once….So I kinda forgive ‘im for failin’ to kill me a buncha times. Only fair…”

      “I do, I do keep ‘im in line. He’s a betta man now ya’ know. Still an annoyin’ tribal at times….but betta’. N’ I’m still not sure what he does best eitha.” Another happy laugh came from Ophelia, glad to be with her friend. “Let’s be real I’m the beauty n’ the brains of the operation.” When he said he had a space of his own, Ophelia nodded and smiled. “Of course, I’m glad ya’ have your own place. But if ya’ need anythin’ ya’ know ya’ can ask right? This time around, it’s me who knows this places ins n’ outs….Not ya’. Ya’ can still reach me on muh Pipboy at anytime.”

      “See what I mean? It’s so strange, how someplace can be so forward yet so backwards at the same damn time. And the people dress so strange, and don’t worry about radiation. It’s a strange place…But there is a lot less killin’ n’ violence. Which is good cause I don’t like killin’ n’ violence…Even though those are the only thin’ I’m good at. Like phones can video chat, but they can’t tell ya’ the status of ya’ body. What good is it ta’ me? I’d ratha just talk to a person. I mean, I literally need this machine ta’ tell me when muh organs have been removed. A phone may be smart, but they ain’t got an app for that.”