life is such a tease!

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it feels a little like being struck, even if she knows they don't mean for it to. even if she knows it probably hurts marcy to say as much as it does for her to hear. her eyes shut tight, expression twisting in a poor attempt to hold back the sudden stinging in her eyes. something not unlike a whimper escapes from the back of her throat, almost pleading, and she raises the backs of her hands to her eyes as she shakes her head, turning her face away from marcy. the pressure helps, but not enough. she wonders — if she pressed those hands against marcy, would she even feel it?

she knows she's been holding marcy farther away than she'd ever wanted to. there's an ache in her for how they used to be, a bone - deep desire to let her back in, and see all of her again.

but the truth is, she doesn't think she's ever been to that place either. she doesn't even know where it is, or how much of it has taken over residence of what used to be her body. there's something inside her, there's something part of her, now, that she can't understand. that she feels dizzy just trying to think about. it won't go away, no matter how hard she tries. and it's exactly what marcy's already had to spend so much grief on — how can she do that to her again?