It seems like this never stops. Once it settles down, it starts up again. Weâve only had three good days, and you couldnât stop. Iâm so tired of this, and Iâm so sick if hearing you say sorry instead of actually changing. I canât stop crying itâs like, I donât even get a break. I wouldnât be under so much stress if you just leaned how to think.Â
You have no idea how I felt when this happened, reading that. Then Iâm a bad person for standing up for myself? Iâve held my tongue for far too long, and Iâm so sick of having to wonder if anything is happening or happened. I canât even breathe, I feel like Iâm drowning and no one will save me because ever since the few nights into the disney trip, itâs as if my feelings or anything Iâve said is put on the back burner.
Itâs like you had to prove to me he was a good person, but I knew he wasnât all along. He wouldnât stop and it kept itching at my skin like a bug bite, and I havenât stopped shaking and my head is pounding and I need to spend time alone. I just, you know I have my doubts because youâve shitted on my feelings before and I donât know what to do at this point because Iâm so stuck. And I donât know how to love anyone else, and I donât know how to move on and I donât want to but if I learned maybe I could breathe on my own, or maybe I wouldnât stress so much about this.
I hate it so much and you tired to prove so much that nothing was going to happen, and your only excuse is that you were drunk as if that was gonna make me forgive you. âI didnât mean it,â Okay but if werenât together youâd be all over him, if we werenât engaged and we were still working out our kinks youâd sleep with him. I feel like iâm holding you back, and Iâm not always good enough and it sucks so much.
I need to leave, I need to get out of the house were youâre everywhere. I canât sleep in our bed, I canât sleep in our guest bed. I need to leave I need to be alone and have time to think because Iâm so hurt and I feel it everywhere. I just want to not care anymore, but I canât. Everything hurts, and even if it was âtaken out of contextâ I know you still meant it.Â
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