Sadsushi

You can be strong,

Not the arguments,

But the laughter,

Not the crying out of sadness,

But the tears of joy,

Not the nights on the couch,

But the ones with my hand in your shirt and your arms wrapped around me,

Not the indecisive moments and distance,

But the days we knew,

Not the hateful words of anger,

But the loving words that filled me with light,

Not the days when we didn’t touch,

But the nights you made love to me and we were the only souls in the universe,

Not the giving up and letting go,

But the holding on and hoping,

Eight years of memories,

Eight years of love,

Eight years of fights,

Eight years of passion,

Eight years of sadness,

Eight years of smiles,

The fragments of your memory,

The puzzle pieces of joy that made us one,

That made me whole,

Not the saying goodbye,

In parallel universe,

You’re still mine,

We figured things out,

And there is no crying,

Your eyes still glisten with the love that once was,

You still hold me tight and you never gave up,

We stayed in this home,

Finally got those two pink lines,

The love you hold is still mine,

You kiss me goodnight and hold my hand,

I do all of the things for you I couldn’t understand,

In this life it’s too late,

You’re leaving,

you’re gone,

I’m worthless inside,

I did everything wrong,

Till death to us part,

I’ll see you again,

In love with you still,

Girl my crazy drove you away,

It’s 2 am here alone and all I wanna say is I’m sorry,

You put up with my words too long and I’m sitting up here watching this storm unravel,

Babe, you’re my for always,

Walking through the park,

Random twister in Walmart,

The shady hotels,

You didn’t know then,

That June day you were driving my car,

The Taylor swift song came on,

And the sun shined on your face,

Those sparks just flew,

At that moment I knew,

You would always hold my heart,

Now I’m sitting on this couch all alone,

Crying and shaking just feeling like this home has fallen apart,

You’re one door away and I can’t seem to stop,

This uneasy feeling of the unknown,

You’re right down the hall but I can’t seem to find you,

My mind was tainted with years of boys,

Breaking my heart and telling me lies,

I took all that out on you,

It wasn’t fair and my therapist said,

Be more mindful and don’t wish death, upon yourself,

You have too much life left,

That day in the car I was crying so hard,

Thinking that’d be the last time I’d get to look in your eyes,

I wasn’t ready to say goodbye,

Now I’m sitting on this couch all alone,

Crying and shaking just feeling like this home has fallen apart,

You’re one door away and I can’t seem to stop,

This uneasy feeling of the unknown,

You’re right down the hall but I can’t seem to find you,

Babe, babe I’m just begging you,

To come back home,

Please come back home

I can’t see my life five minutes ahead,

Your smell, your touch, laying in bed beside you,

Just let me remind you,

Sunset beach, that October night,

We said I do and kissed the past goodbye,

You and I we started our lives,

I know that I haven’t been the girl you met at 7 am in that Starbucks cafe and red lipstick,

But I’m still here and I’m begging you please,

Come back home and let me lie beside you,

Just one more time,

I’m sitting here on this couch all alone,

Crying and shaking just feeling like this home has fallen apart,

You’re one door away and I can’t seem to stop,

This uneasy feeling of the unknown,

You’re right down the hall but I can’t seem to find you.

I look over just to memorize every groove on your face, that one freckle, every line.

Saying goodbye is never what I wanted, never what I dreamt.

Trying to forget you is like trying to bring the sun out in the middle of a storm,

Your memories drench me in pain,

With every drop there’s a time that you kissed my lips,

The moments your smile set fire to my world,

My tears pour from the clouds rolling in,

Our twin flames colored the world in the most perfect shade of fearless,

Pools of pain and drops of dreams that will never be,

Lying on your chest the beat of your heart ticks in my head like a clock that never stops,

Your arms are the safest place I’ve ever been, and now I stand alone,

Walking into the depths of the storm,

Away from the flames,

A fire that fueled my being,

The light fades,

As the clock of your heart slowly shifts out into a darkness,

The pool gets deeper and I get weaker,

Holding on to each drop of rain as they slip through my hands,

Trying to catch the memories,

They run through my fingers,

Disappearing into the storm,

Neck deep in the water I fall,

Watching the last bit of happiness,

The ocean of your love is the last thing I see,

With each drop from the storm,

Your memories cradle my body,

Your safety holds me as the flames burn out,

Listening to the last tick of time,

Your heart,

Your light,

Those captivating brown eyes are the last thing I dream,

The memories consume my being,

You fill my lungs with the life we had,