The real goodbye is the one that happens slowly, over time, wordlessly. There is no ‘see you again.’ There are no future plans. You stop checking up on each other, and eventually you go back to being strangers.

She scares the hell out of me and calms my soul at the same time. Maybe that’s what love is—a total contradiction that somehow balances out.

mom:  you think that you are better than anyone else

Could you just hold me? You don’t have to understand, and you don’t have to say a word. Just let me fall apart while you hold the pieces together?

Sometimes I have days where everything seems to go wrong in every area of my life all at once and all I want to do is cry. I don’t know if it’s from frustration or anger or just every imaginable emotion I keep bottled up inside trying to express itself all at once… but whatever it is, that urge to break down in tears is overwhelming. I never do… at least, not at the time and certainly not in front of anybody else because I know I can’t. I have too much riding on me… there’s too many people that rely on me and not enough time for the luxury of a breakdown. But I would do anything to be allowed to fall apart just once and have somebody else pick up the pieces. But that’s not who I am. I’m the strong one. I’m the one who supports everyone else and fights to keep everything together. I’m the kind of person who cries and pretends they don’t. I act like I’m invincible when in reality I cry alone in my car, in bathrooms and when other people fall asleep. I’m the one who pulls myself together every time when in reality… I’m falling apart inside and would give just about anything for somebody to hold me together…