Dear S.O.

It’s been another couple of years since the last time I’ve written for you. In that time, we were close to making you an actual being in my life. Then there was another guy who seemed like he could be it if you were able to meet up (Oh right also you’re in quarantine right now because global pandemic). But things just don’t work out. And that’s ok. Maybe timing’s off right now (which is likely because, again, global pandemic), and that’s ok too. 

All I ask of you is that you give me a real chance first, before choosing to end things before they even really start. This is a completely new experience for me, and I’m still learning how to balance my time and feelings with someone else, but that’ll only happen if you give me a chance. I want someone to want to get to know me, to want to know my quirks, to want to know how to pull me back if I try to push away. I wants someone to tell me that they’re willing to do whatever it takes to have me in their life. I want someone to be dedicated in showing me what love is and what love feels like. 

Honestly, that seems like a lot to ask of someone. But if you’re reading this, I guess you’ve been successful.

I apologize in advance for maybe not being smart enough, or pretty enough, or just good enough for you in general. I know I probably don’t deserve you, and you probably deserve way better than me. But thank you for overlooking all my flaws, accepting me for who I am, and never trying to change me. 

I don’t want to settle, and I don’t want you to settle either.

It’s been about 2 years since this project has come to life, and about a year since my last post. You’d think that in that year of me not posting, I’d have met a nice boy who I spent majority of my time with. But no. Instead, I was preoccupied with school and work, but hey, I’m a University graduate now. 

In the past year, I haven’t met anyone that’s really made an impact on my romantic life. Although, throughout the past couple of months, I have befriended a couple people that I honestly wouldn’t mind getting to know more, but their relationship status’ remain unknown. All I know is that I do truly enjoy talking to boys who are genuinely interested and try to contribute to conversations/initiate conversations. 

So, future S.O., I hope you ask as many questions, listen to all the details, and remember all the small things that I would assume you’d forget. Those are the things I appreciate most. You’re out there somewhere. Come find me quicker.

It’s been about a year since this project has come to life, and there’s been no significant changes in this time. Well, there was that one close call, but it didn’t end up the way I had hoped. As much as I’m completely impatient in waiting for my ideal guy to come around, I know (and hope) that all this waiting is worth it. 

I really don’t want to settle for someone who I can’t fully see myself with. I want to be completely confident in how I feel for you. I’m not saying that I want a one and done relationship, I just want you to make me feel that there could be some extra long-term commitment. I want to be able to picture our future, and not be constantly afraid of what could happen. I want to look forward to every day being with you. I don’t want me, or anyone close to me, to have doubts about our relationship. 

I mean, yeah, I guess I’m putting a lot of pressure on this relationship, but I just want what’s best for me. 

I’m not one for affection. Even with my friends. They know that if I even offer to hug them, it’ll be totally out of character. Don’t get me wrong. I love hugs. My favourite type of hugs are the ones where you just know that the other person is fine with you not letting go for a while. The type of hugs where you just know you’re in a good, safe place. I know that when I meet you, I’ll be totally affectionate. I’ll probably always be hugging you. 

I just can’t wait to be completely comfortable with a guy who doesn’t mind me being literally attached to him (basically like a koala) for a probably long period of time, and for this guy to be the same with me. I’m calling it now: your arms will probably be my favourite place to be.

I can’t wait to be your biggest fan. I can’t wait to support you doing whatever you love, whether it be sports, or music, or whatever else. I can’t wait to be extremely proud of you, and happy that I’m with someone who has so much determination and drive. 

I hope that I find a passion that makes me feel the same as you do with yours, and that you’re just as proud of me as I will be with you.

I hope you’re doing well. I’m currently procrastinating on my assignments because I just kinda wanted to ramble about stuff. 

School’s been kinda sucky recently. I failed both of my midterms, and I’m just praying that I get the credits for the classes. Work’s actually been pretty good. I’ve been basically promoted, and my manager’s have so much trust in me. Remember when I said that I don’t see myself working there next summer? As much as I don’t want to be, I probably still will be because I think it’s going to be difficult for me to leave the little family I’ve ended up with there. 

Speaking of work, you may or may not be there. Idk, I’m starting to picture you as my coworker. I don’t want to get my hopes up because I know that he might not be you. Although, after a load of shifts with him, and spending time with him on breaks, some days I wish he was. 

Still waiting to finally meet you/discover who you are/for you to find me and have my chance with you. 

I’m getting pretty impatient. I know they say, “good things come to those who wait,” but when am I finally going to get my chance with you? I mean, this could be partially my fault for not being as extroverted as I’d like to be, but that’s how I am. The way I see it, if I’ve already met you, and we’re friends, I’d like to hope you know that it takes a while for me to completely open up, and that you’d be completely persistent in trying to get me to open up more. 

I just want to know how it feels to have that one person you can completely rely on. That one person you can turn to whenever you need reassurance, or comfort. I don’t want to feel like I’ll be lonely forever. I picture myself happily married, with kids in the far future, but since I haven’t met you yet, it’s difficult to believe that this will actually happen. Maybe I have met you, and the timing just isn’t right yet. Whatever the case, I just want my chance with you sooner, than later.

I just want to know how it feels to be loved by the person you love most.

I hope I haven’t missed my chance with you by only taking your kindness as signs of friendship. I hope that my attitude won’t convince you to give up on me. Be insistent and be patient because I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to romance and relationships. 

Let me learn from everything. It’ll take some time, but we’ll find that middle ground.

I hope you’re smart. But not too smart for me to feel dumb around you. I hope our education is around the same wavelength. I’d like for you to teach me things, and for me to teach you things. I’d like us to be able to share our thoughts about current events with each other, and not be afraid to do so. I hope that if we have differing points of view, that we respect one another’s. I also hope you’re not cocky smart because that gets annoying real quick. 

I hope you don’t make me feel stupid for my lack of knowledge on some things because I for sure would not do that to you.

I need you to be able to take me out of my comfort zone, but at the same time, not push me too far out of it. I need you to be patient with me because it may take a while for me to be extremely comfortable with you. 

I just hope you somehow make me a better person than I am right now.

I can't wait to go to a concert with you. Whether it be your favorite artist, or mine, or both of ours, I can't wait to just be in my favorite type of environment with my favorite person. 

But we're going to every James Bay show that we can because that's just the perfect date right there.

I hope you don’t hate my friends. I’ve known them since I’ve moved to this part of town, and I think I’ve known them for too long for me to just cut myself away from them. I hope you become friends with them, and I become friends with your friends. I want to be able to hang out together, and for me to not feel uncomfortable bringing you around them. This goes vice-versa as well. I hope it never comes to the point where I or you would have to choose between us and our friends. I would never want to take you away from the people who’ve known you longer, and who know you best. One of my best friends hasn’t been a very big fan of my past crushes, and I see where she’s coming from. But, those were just crushes. This is the real deal. Having a bond with my friends is kind of a deal breaker.

Also, how far along into the relationship should we be for us to meet each others’ friends?

This is a new project/experiment. I’ve decided to write letters to my future significant other. It may be my only one, or it could be multiple different people. As of right now, everything is unknown, except for the fact that I hope this puts some things in perspective for whoever reads this.

So, S.O., this is for you.