Dear Ex-[insert relation here]

Welcome.

Do you have someone that you used to be in a relationship with (of any kind) but no longer are?

Do you have shit you'd like to say to them but cannot or will not for one reason or another?

If so, this is the blog for you. (<-help why am i being a commercial spokesperson person)

Whether it be positive things you wish to tell them, negative things, memories of them, or literally anything else, you can send it here.

Just drop it in the askbox with a "Dear Ex-[insert relationship here]"

this is starting because i was watching something about memories, remembered something my ex-bestfriend said after a concussion-scare about how dory was faking having memory loss. I wanted to text her. "remember when...."

so i started thinking of making a blog dedicated to things I wanted to tell her.

then i realized, why stop there? why not have it be for all the people in my life who i've either lost touch with or our relationships have soured.

and why not turn it into something where anyone can send stuff

i dont really think about you much anymore, ive moved on, realized somethings. we know we are a system now, some other things. i dont miss you but i dont hate you and i dont regret you only what you did to my family

from the stars

I am ashamed that I ever called you my best friend.

You don't understand how deeply you scared me. And frankly, I never realized it either until recently.

Someone accidentally sent me into an anxiety when I was overstimulated the other day and I had to convince myself for the rest of the night that they weren't you.

You caused me deep PTSD and I didn't even realize it until it was too late.

And yet everything that got worse for me in life since our second year of friendship finally makes sense now.

Some would call you an energy vampire, because you took up all my energy.

You judged me for what I liked.

You judged me for what I ate.

You judged me for not wanting to join a fandom that you liked.

You made me cry and have an anxiety attack on my own birthday. Then you said that I didn't have one, but how would you know? I had it in the support office, not in class.

You judged me for not wanting to do a club with you again the next year.

You judged me for wanting space after you yelled at me and threw food at my face when I was low energy and looking at something online.

You judged me when I went nonverbal and then you proceeded to physically attack me.

And then you had the audacity to apologize after what you've done to me and just act like we're the bestest of friends again?

Bullshit.

In the words of Taylor Swift;

"Bandaids don't fix bullet holes, you say sorry just for show."

But guess what?

I just blocked you at the time of sending this in.

And I hope you know that:

I am ashamed that I ever called you my best friend.

Fuck you i swear you wont leave me alone

Not because things remind me off you. Because i keep seeing you. And i cant stop it. And you make me second guess my mind and my memory and what was real and it sucked. and panic and i hate that you wont just leave

You never really were my best friend , were you ?

It's funny , really .

I still see things that remind me of you .

Do you still like him ? That character ?

I finally fully watched the series he's from .

I like him too .

I mourn what once was .

I do .

Come back to me one day , please .

Only a song , my dear friend .

With remaining warmth , T/K.

You told me that you forget people when you don't see them. You asked me scared if you are one of my best friends when I told the people at the party that i only had two close friends.

I said yes - but in reality I already thought you cared little for me. I couldn't count on you - you weren't even a good friend back then.

It was always me reaching out to you, asking you to do something, and more than once I got a no. A no and later you would tell me that you had done it with another friend.

You hurt me and after years I told you so, you said you would try... But I didn't see any change. I stopped trying and we don't talk anymore.

I was scared back then because I rememberd the day I got that massage in 10th grade and you weren't at school the next day. I will always hate myself for not understanding what you were trying to do.

I have been so angry the last few days. I don't know why I started thinking about it again. I thought I was getting better, keeping up with my new and oldest friends.

I'm so sad that you didn't even try, why? I stopped talking to you because it always hurt me. Now I'm hurt even when I don't try.

I hope you know that if you really need me, I will be here. But I don't think I can keep seeing your name in my contacts - I always hope and the disappointment hurts more than anything.

I love you but I hate you, I wish you the best - please tell me to stop hoping... please.

I'm glad you started talking to me again. But I'm still trying to be distant. Because less than three months ago, i wanted to destroy you and everything you held dear. I'm not sure if I harbor any of that hate, but I'm scared to hurt you.

Please don't hurt me again. I don't think I can handle it

It’s been exactly four months today at the time of posting since you broke up with me

And yet I still don’t know WHY. Why did you break up with me??

You said “I fell out of love with you”- ever considered that was because of the fucking THREE MONTH LONG BREAK??? WHERE DID YOU GET THAT IDEA FROM ANYWAYS???

Also- you ruined my trip to Japan- a week in the most beautiful place, in peak Sakura season and what did I do? Spent the whole time thinking about you.

AND WHY AM I THE DICKHEAD HERE??? All I ever did was try and be a good girlfriend. Is it my issues?? My fucked up wrists??? The way I project onto characters??? Tell me what I do wrong, I can fix it.

But you said there was nothing to be fixed.

On that day, let’s rewind to what you said.

“I think we should break it off”

I thought I prepared. Our friend group all thought you still loved me. I thought you still loved me. How stupid- oh wait.

You said

“I still love you, just- as a friend.”

No.

And you cried.

As I stormed off, after you broke me, looking like a wreck, tarnishing my reputation. You cried in public. You never cry in public. And I wasn’t there. I was trying to wipe away my tears in front of the entire world.

After I tried to contain my hatred for you- I couldn’t. I vented to you over text.

And what did you say?

“I said I will never stop loving you, and it’s true, I never will. Even when I begun* to get annoyed with all the useless things u^ were sending me [,] I still love you just as a friend. I told you this when we broke up and I’m telling you now. I’ll always be here’, I’ll always love you in just a slightly different manner, and when you’re ready to accept that, I’m ready to help.

* - you can’t even be bothered with proper grammar. It’s begAn, ex-darling.

^ - you used the right “you”, for the rest of this fucking paragraph? Why is this different.

[,] - ideally there should be a comma here, but you care less about grammar than you do did about me. And that’s saying something.

‘ - no you won’t you liar. you haven’t texted me first ever. Before or after the breakup, I was the initiator for E V E R Y T H I N G.

Why am I seeking YOUR forgiveness?

I have every right to be an asshole.

I think.

I cut myself so. many. times. Over you.

I scratched my wrists repeatedly in front of you and what did you do? Nothing.

And don’t say you didn’t notice, because that shit was BLEEDING. There’s still a mark, a scar, FOUR MONTHS LATER and I’m not over your pathetic purple arse.

I risked getting my phone- and the internet, my one source of help now that you left and took MY friends with you - thrown against a wall and taken away because of how shitty YOU made me feel.

You had made me so, SO happy. Loved. When my mother found out about me hurting myself, you held me through the next day, when I was empty, when I couldn’t deal.

I hope this finds you.

I know you don’t have tumblr.

but I hope this finds you. I hope you know how much agony you put me in. Over a fucking breakup.

It hurts because you were my friend first.

My best friend within our friend group. And I wasn’t yours. I knew that.

And after all this, I don’t know how to feel about you. Because I miss you.

Who cares. You don’t.

I know your favourite colour’s purple.

Mine used to be red. But now your least favourite and my favourite are the same-

Bright goddamn pink.

So, what else do I have to say? A lot, actually. But the majority can be summed up in three, concise words:

FUCK YOU, HOLLIE.

I recently got back into one of the medias you quite loved when we were at the start of our friendship. We watched the whole series, remember? We made all sorts of arts for it, made up silly stories, et cetera. You had a favorite character, and that's all you would ask me to draw for you. I never liked him much, but you taught me to love him (even if I teased you a bit for liking him as much as you did).

As things slowly began to turn sour for us, you started to fall away from that series. As you began to hate me, you began to hate that series. When our friendship was on its very last legs, you asked me not to talk about it at all, like it was something taboo. I still don't quite get why, but because you were falling off of it, I did too.

As you began bullying me relentlessly, being petty in all ways, and spreading the nastiest things about me that you knew (I was stupid to trust you with my whole heart and soul), I just... Began to hate the series, and your celebrity crush, and really anything that you had liked at any point as a whole. I was only ever sad about you-- not vengeful, or angry. I guess I put all my anger into that series.

It's been a pretty long while now, I'd say. I've gotten over my grudge for the series, and I think it's quite good again. In fact, I like it a little more now, just because I know you hate it.

And I'd like you to know, that character you hat the giantest crush on? Yeah, he's still in my phone's autofill.

Before you say shit about me not supposed to be here, because of the screenshots we were sharing I'd like you to shut up and let me speak and let me stand my ground before I let you walk all over me again like I have been letting you. You are moving in a god damn month and yet you have so much control over everyone here. If I were to try and reconnect with any of them I know full well they'd reach out to you because of the control that you have over them from so far away. You're moving across the country and you've taken this so far into your hands that if I wasn't so concerned with trying to stay on decent terms with our mutual friends then I'd drag this over the summer and I would not let you live this down for a good long while until you block my number and forget I exist. I wanted to end my relationship rationally and peacefully between me and him. You never had to get involved. But with the amount of control that you hold over everyone in the friend group right now, everyone is fanatically messaging you and asking YOU for advice on this. I want to end this year calmly as much as we all do, but I'll end this year with a bang if you can't keep your damn mouth shut and realize that we both are part of the problem. I'll end this year releasing a presentation of sorts that I've been working on that shares everything from everyone's perspective if you won't get out of it. Including the perspective from you and my ex. I have the three major components when there should have been two. You can't be saying shit about how I was in a toxic relationship when you keep dating people in such short time spans. You can't be saying shit about not even being a good couple when the relationship that you had a good feeling about ended 3 days later. And maybe I will drag this out, because I'm fucking sadistic, right? I love seeing you all flinch when I come around because I love being feared right? Right? No. It gave me a fucking panic attack and I have been crying every single day at night because of this. I was calm. I tried to tell you to end this calmly. I've been the bigger person trying to keep this calm. I know what you're doing.

I loved you. I promise. I truly did. And even if it wasn’t for that long, or if it wasn’t strong enough to keep you, it didn’t make me love you any less.

But now you’re perfectly fine, and I’m heartbroken and crying over something that probably wasn’t even real. Please, tell me, was it even real?

I want to know what you think of me, when you think about me, how often you think about me. I want to know how much you loved me, if you even ever did love me. I want to know if you ever cared.

Well, I guess in the end I mess everything up. So it’s not your fault, it’s mine. And you’re not the ‘bad guy’. There is no ‘bad guy’. Just two morons who liked each other.

I still think of you every time I hear our songs, or when I hear your favorite band. I think of you when I talk to our friends. Some of them thought it was funny how head over heels I was for you. How I would rant about your smile, how stunning you looked that day, when you waved to me, and so much more.

And now I wonder if you ever said that to them. Or if you were too ashamed of me. Of us.

I hate you in the most loving way, and I love you with hatred.

I started writing a poem when you were ghosting me. That was one of the worst times of my life. I finished it after we called it off for the final time.

“Once I lose you,

I won’t be me.

I’ll just be used,

And discarded.

Used

And broken hearted.

Now I’ve lost you,

And I’m not me.

I’ve just been used,

Now discarded.

Used

And left broken hearted.”

It’s not very good, but it describes how I feel and felt better than I can put into words right now.

I still remember how you confessed to me, even if it wasn’t the most romantic. I still remember every inside joke. I still remember that smile. It went from flustered to fake. We wave to each other still. But it doesn’t feel right.

I love you. But I don’t think you ever loved me.

With love (or lack of),

me

i miss you.

why did we have to grow up?

what happened to playing board games when we were little?

what happened to the careless joy of life?

what happened to us?

Hi. We broke up on "good terms", and yet we both can't stand to be in the same room with eachother. You broke up with me because I was too much. I gave too many gifts, and I did too many romantic gestures. But is it a crime that I would expect just a little bit of... anything back? Not even a physical gift, just... words of kindness. But, I suppose I was far too attention craving for your tastes. It sucks, having spent all this time making the most perfect and personalized gifts for you.

I'll find someone else to shower with my love. You clearly don't want it anymore.

I love you. We may not have spoken in all the years since I left that school, but I promise you I still love you. And it hurts that since I’ve come out and changed my name, there’s very little chance of us ever coming across each other again - but such is the nature of life I suppose.

You helped me more than I’ll ever be able to tell you, or anyone else for that matter. I had friends before you but it was always tricky, and yet from the moment you first spoke to me I simply felt at-ease, I never felt the need to perform or try to be anyone I wasn’t. I hope that I helped you as well, I hope that when I comforted you I made you feel better, I hope that when we laughed I wasn’t the only one laughing. At the time when we knew each other I wouldn’t have been able to tell, but I like to think you loved me too.

I cherish you more than you’ll ever know, even all these years later I think of you with such fondness that I hope I never forget. And even though I regret not knowing you any longer, I’m still thankful for the time we had together, the years we spent as friends is something I’ll appreciate all my life, and I’m so glad the universe lined up for us to know each other even for just a short while. Thank you for being my friend, and I wish you happiness wherever you are in life now <3

when we met, i was thirteen or so and deeply lonely. i complimented your mushroom hoodie because i thought maybe you were queer like me.

we were both into danganronpa and i wanted to start a podcast, and so i asked you to be my co-host, and you said yes and i told you i was trans and i told you to please not tell anyone, and you said that was fine and you understood how important it was not to out someone.

you were my best friend, but i still feel like i never really knew you that well. we only really met up at our drama classes and texted. and then you introduced me to your friend group.

the first time i met them, it was sam's birthday and we baked cake and cookies in L's house; we watched a thor movie, i think, something marvel anyways and the first half of hamilton and i held sam's hand for some reason and it was really nice.

for one whirlwind summer i had my first friend group... ever. i didn't know how it worked. maybe i was too clingy. maybe i was too much. i don't know. i don't know why. i'm never fucking going to.

i liked you. i liked your friends. i thought they liked me.

they got me chocolates and cards for my birthday. we went to a water park together. i dated sam; they were my first kiss. i was so happy. i wasn't lonely anymore.

so i don't understand.

i don't understand why your friends changed the time of the meetup to avoid me. i don't understand why, when i tried to make it so i could go, the only two i hadn't met got so angry with me. i left the group chat and cried in the car and sam was the only one on my side.

when we went to drama the next time we didn't talk about it. and the next time. it was awkward, but we were still friends.

then there was the drama group competition.

the fucking day before we were performing (couldn't you have waited till after?) you asked me if we could talk. and we did. we talked and you had this whole script planned out in your head, and when i started to cry you told me "oh, please don't cry," but what the hell else was i supposed to do, you asshole. you didn't listen to my side of the story. you just wanted an excuse to get rid of me. you said i reminded you of someone manipulative you'd dated. well, fucking sorry for that, i guess.

you said you'd brought me to the sea because it represented new beginnings, or some bullshit. then i went back to the holiday house and cried to my mom about it.

i'm still so angry with you. i'm angry for what you did to sam - when i said i didn't mind hearing about their interests they said their friends always minded. i'm angry for what you did to me. and the worst part is, i still don't know why.

were you jealous, that you weren't my only friend anymore?

you were so. fucking. immature. and you acted like you were the one indisputably in the right. i was desperate for you to stay, you were the only friend i had left, and you didn't listen.

i'm glad we're not friends anymore. you hurt me. and i'm pretty sure you and sam aren't friends anymore, either. i'm glad of that too. it's a small town we live in and i still see your friends around sometimes. your little sister still goes to that drama class.

i kind of hate you. and i wish i knew why you did everything you did.

goodbye.

If I'm being completely honest I don't remember most of our time together, but I do remember that you were a jerk to me and my little brother.

You were the one who came over every day, but when I came over to your house for the third time that week you asked if I was using you for your trampoline.

You tried to make me and my brother think the sun was smaller than the earth, then tried to prove it by saying you dad was an astronaut.

You convinced Liz to pretend to have kissed my crush. (It might've been her idea I don't know)

And then the breaking point.

The reason we aren't friends anymore.

It was small but everything was building up to it,

The watercolor.

You got watercolor all over my closet door and refused to admit you did it for half of the argument, then when you did you were acting like it wasn't a big deal, it probably wasn't in your eyes, but in my eyes it was huge in my eyes.

Even after I made it clear we weren't friends anymore you tried to get Liz to convince me to hang out with you again, and I'm glad it didn't work.

You are probably a nicer person now, i hope you are doing well, but if i could go back in time and change anything it would be to never go to the park that day.

I saw you at the park a last week, that's what started me digging into these thoughts and then a few days ago I saw you riding your bike and then had a meltdown,

I truly hope you are doing well, but I don't want to talk to you ever again