Enough

“How many times can the same thing break your heart?”

“Please stop destroying what is left of your heart by constantly thinking about things that have broken you.”

This. I left him. I’m finally free of his toxic manipulations so why am I hurting myself by comparing where he is today to where I am. Why do I care? I know the truth. I know his apparent happiness is all shallow and superficial. His latest woman deserves my sympathy. I am free.

The path isn’t a straight line; it’s a spiral. You continually come back to things you thought you understood and see deeper truths.

Yes, yes I do deserve exactly that, but I don’t think I will ever have it. I had the opposite of that for decades and now, I am alone. I feel unseen, disposable and unknowable… like I am some foreign creature that no one understands.

How? How do I stop caring? How do I stop feeling disposable?

“june, dissolve my uncertainty and thicken my resolve, submerge my doubt and give air to my aspirations. fill my cup with awareness and give me discernment to distance my energy from anything that fogs the path back to myself. may clarity find me even when it feels uncomfortable.”

Wow! Yes! This exactly says my most sincere hope at this point in my life. June is just starting, opening the door to summer and summer will come rushing in. Slow me down, narrow my vision to only those things that lead me closer, deeper into myself. She’s been lost for years, but I know she’s there waiting to be found and brought back to life!