What the fuck is going on

I'm hitting rock bottom and nobody knows, actually nobody even suspects that and I honestly feel so deeply alone. During this moments I realise I only have myself after all

can't stop thinking about Mahmood

I feel so disappointed in myself right now. I abandoned this blog years ago because I needed to step out the toxicity I was putting myself through, but I'm back again needing that toxicity. I thought I could get better and in fact I started eating more, but the guilt, the restricting eating habit it's still there. I told myself that I prefere being sick rather then taking weight back and I feel so defeated...This monster will never ever leave me alone

I feel so damn lonely right now

not to be dramatic but I want to die

sometimes I want to kill myself to make my dad suffer

I'm sick of being a fucking average but this feeling of wanting to be always the first is gonna kill me someday

I feel fucking ugly.

I'm so so so so so sad

Time to turn back to my old habits

WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING SEE MY HARDWORK

Just sick of living

Lmao fuck off everyone cope to their pain differently why do y'all think that someone who works a lot isn't in pain at all? Like that's my way to not think about anything else

Why can't I be like the others? They'll sure be what they want to be and here I am wasting my fucking time over something that I'm not gonna achieve