head in the clouds

I love being asleep and I love being in bed but I hate GOING to bed because it requires so many small rituals and bedtime activities i wish i could just automatically transport myself into bed the moment i get sleepy already with my teeth brushed, in my pajamas, phone set down to charge, entire body marinating in an artisanal mix of 17 herbs and spices and sealed in a sous vide bag, etc 

Fun fact one time my cat pissed somewhere totally inappropriate and my dumb ass thought it would be a great idea to pour bleach on it to make sure he never peed there again. I gassed myself out of my own home

that post was right i wouldn’t have a sense of humor without spongebob. its still some of the goddamn funniest shit i’ve ever seen. spongebob almost dying because he’s too polite to ask for a glass of water at sandy’s house. mr. krabs and spongebob killing the health inspector. smittywerbenjagermenjensen. “I was born with glass bones and paper skin. every morning I break my legs. and every afternoon I break my arms.” the perfume department on the flying dutchman’s boat. that time spongebob cleared his mind to be a fine dining waiter and forgot his own name because that’s how customer service just BE. the ugly barnacle that was so ugly everyone DIED. the END. the one where squidward buys a pie but it’s actually a bomb. and the MUSICAL numbers like??? the fun song. the christmas song. tony award winning song “this grill is not a grill”. the entire band geeks episode like…this is all from the top of my head!!!!! just from the top of my head!!! there’s so much more!!! thank god for stephen and all the laughs i’ve had because of him.

this guy is excelling in a completely unique genre of his own creation that consists of extremely relatable humor steeped in twilight zone horror and i am here for it

my dumb ass always thought the song went “i guess it rains down in Africa” and i was like damn i guess it do

What riding the bus will do to you is give you an unbeatable power stance

If standing in the middle of a crowded bus going 70mph with no available handholds while also cradling a cup of coffee and a heavy backpack can’t knock me over then you certainly can’t

“this is me”