Captain Deadpool!

missed my bf so i made him into a haphazard red lego thing

okay… if everyone can get really cool really fast, i haven’t really thought of a retirement plan. like sometimes im sitting there and im like whoa. crime is actually endless. do you think i could be spider-man at age 80 be honest

isn’t the forever thing meant to be captain america’s job??? just get lazy and gross with me, you’ll be a hot old guy & i can be your controversially young lover

(( please do not come on this page and attempt to infantilize this character. and please mind me when i let you know you are.

so what do you guys do for fun around here besides regenerate organs

They should listen to me about you, I agree. You’re a good kid. And I get it - you should see the amount of horrendous merch they’ve attached me to over the years.

We’re not ditching the merch, baby boy. Not when that shield pillow is so goddamn COMFORTABLE. Just because stars n stripes over here can’t appreciate it doesn’t mean it’s not good.

Anonymously tell me your assumpmtions about me and I'll confirm or deny them.

!!!

Go ahead, chuckle fucks!

Send in a Pet Name / Nickname that your muse might call mine, and see how my muse reacts to it.

nobody understands how hungry i am right now

"Deal with?" Deadpool gasped, standing infront of him with a considerable hole in the middle of his suit. Sure, having someone blow a hole through your stomach hurt. But how dare his spideybaby say it was something to deal with! "I'll have you know I am not only a joy to be around, but considerably low maintenance!"

Peter held out the sandwich half. "Yeah, everyone else thinks so, too," he deadpanned. Deadpool would heal in time. Until the next time someone got fed up with him. "That's why they shot you. Because you're too fun and too pure of heart."

"Exactly!" He whined, head in his hands, "Everyone wants me dead because I'm too whimsical and a joy to be around! They can't take it, Spidey!" "No sandwich for me, baby. They go right through me," He gestured grossly to the hole in his stomach. "Gluten, am I right?"

Peter retracted his hand awkwardly. "Right, sorry. My bad, forgot.." He took a bite himself. To be honest, he kinda wanted that, anyway. "Seriously, though, what happened? Who'd you piss off this time?"

"Ugh, some weapons dealer." Wade groaned, "I was all like - cool rocket launcher, gimme! And they were all like - how'd you get onto government property?" He recounted, pitching his voice up impossibly to mimic the asshole he'd met. "And then, obviously, I wanted the rocket launcher *more* because they said I couldn't, and... let me say, if I thought gluten went through me, I had no clue about rocket launchers."

Peter winced, settling for instead patting him comfortingly on the shoulder. "Yeah, obviously. They should've just handed it to you without asking questions," he said dryly.

“Thank you! I knew you’d understand, sweetheart.” He sighed, relaxing against the wall. Spider-Man made everything better. “I mean, why won’t they let me have fun?!”

"Well," Peter muttered, deciding to walk through the sarcasm and logistics of it all to Wade later. He eyed the stomach-hole cautiously, then glanced back down at the sandwich. "How long does that usually, like, take? Is it worth saving this?"