𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲, 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭!

he nods, once, and then twice, and then a third time. it was a auto response, he couldn’t think of anything to say in response, but the simple pleasure it brought him to see sang-woo smile once again, something so small yet so big it filled him with an innumerable amount of joy, he couldn’t even explain the sensation. perhaps , it was in contrast to the dreadful loneliness he had been feeling earlier — he had friends, sure, but no one came close to sang-woo… or so he told himself in this moment.

❛ haha, you’ll hear no objections from me — but…uh… ❜ he paused, his mouth pulling into a straight line as his eyes wander around the bar. ❛ what do we speak about? ❜ the question, even though asked by gi-hun himself sent a surge of uneasiness racing through him.

𝐚 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐦.    𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐲.     tell him the truth.    tell him everything.    he was desperate for something more than what he was feeling.    desperate for somewhere his thoughts could pour into.    had they really had nothing beside their past? work was out of the question,    so then what did they turn their focus to? two men who avoided anything personal now forced to confront what they lacked.   sang-woo lowered his head,    his smile had disappeared now.    left with nothing but his thoughts of how he was intended to make sure gi-hun would stay.    irony was as fresh as the wounds he felt from his own failures.    a deep sigh escaped him and he feigned a smile,    

he worries the inside of his cheek, mindlessly until the metallic taste of blood began to filled his mouth, causing him to abruptly clear his throat after he gasps lightly, halting at the worrying. he digs crescent moons into his palms as he keeps eye contact with sang-woo, he’d missed him — too much to ever describe to anyone, even sang-woo himself. he lifted his drink to his lips and took a drink, releasing a small sigh after he swallowed.

he’d become engulfed in this moment, and he never wanted to leave, he felt like a kid again, dafe in the comfort of his friend. safe from loan sharks, from the constant hounding of his mother and from the reality of losing his wife and daughter. now he was with sang-woo and he felt at home, he felt happy for the first time in years.

eyes widen at hearing sang-woo plead for secrecy. ❛ i get it ,  ❜ he laughed lightly, waving his hands in defense. ❛ i bet you want to surprise her huh? my lips are sealed sang-woo. i promise. ❜  were it anyone else they wouldn’t have taken his word, hopefully sang-woo still had some faith in him, and his word. there was a lingering voice in the back of his mind pushing him to ask sang-woo if he was okay but gi-hun was afraid of pushing him away so he kept his mouth shut and said what he though sang-woo wanted to hear. ❛ your secrets safe with me, sang-woo. ❜ 

𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐠-𝐰𝐨𝐨 𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬  𝐠𝐢-𝐡𝐮𝐧.    𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥.    𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐤𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐠-𝐰𝐨𝐨 𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐬 𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡.    𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞? 𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐮𝐩𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭… 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲.    when gi-hun reached for his drink,   sang-woo did the same as if realizing where he was finally.     at a bar,   alone with gi-hun.    he felt his mouth curve into a smile.    he felt almost content in the presence of his childhood friend.    the only person who didn’t push the pressures of life on to him.    still,    he knew this happiness was fleeting.    gi-hun would think less of him like everyone else once he learned the truth.  

the room felt suffocating, gi-hun found it hard to breathe, he wished for silence, he couldn’t stand the questions revolving around himself. he was a let down, and frankly — he had been feeling less like himself lately. he gave another smile — he couldn’t let sang-woos visit back home be soured by his own downfall.  ❛ mom?  ❜ he repeats in a low tone, tapping the table with his index finger. she was a good enough excuse out of speaking about himself. ❛ hah, she refuses to retire. ❜ a white lie. ❛ but she is good — healthy as ever. have you spoken to your mom? ❜  

𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐬,   𝐧𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝.    𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐠-𝐰𝐨𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐝,   𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐟 𝐠𝐢-𝐡𝐮𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨𝐨.    nothing worthwhile to mention about a meager life that they both wanted to forget they were living and exist in the present.    even then… sang-woo felt himself drifting away,   each day felt harder and harder to trek through.    he started to question what the next day meant to him,   and what made him want to wake up each day.    the question had remained unanswered,   and now he searched for the answer.    gi-hun hadn’t known the way his smile had made this day worth living,   and sang-woo didn’t know how to let those words escape his mouth without consequences.    he still was a coward.    a coward who would escape just as he did before.   

sang-woo immediately regretted bringing up the topic of mothers.    how was he to tell gi-hun what he had done to his mother? how would he tell him how he failed? the expectations that were placed on him only weighed him down more.    sang-woo remembered how proud she was when she wished him well,   after graduating top of his class.    as he left with his ambitions high.    he aimed to make her keep smiling… give her an easy life where she could forget what it felt like to be without.    temptations of power and greed were quick to corrupt him,   and instead of working honestly as he had promised,   he had become someone who took advantage of others.    all in the sake of making more and more money—he never wanted to feel poor again.    never… but that sort of corruption in power comes at a price that he now pays alone.    he can’t even let his failures grace his lips,   in fear that he will fall apart—finally admitting to what he truly is.    a failure,   a criminal,   the worse type of human… self persevering to the point where those he loves get thrown under.    

𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐭𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐠-𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲’𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫, 𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐦, 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐧 𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞. he shakes the thought from his mind as he reminds himself that sang-woo would have never abandoned him, they meant far too much to one another — then a pang of embarrassment floods him. how is he to tell his dearest and closest friend that he is in debt and that his wife and daughter have left him — he is truly completely and utterly worthless, and not worthy of him.

he hangs his head in defeat— feigning a bow. ❛ oh !! sorry, sorry! ❜ he said in a hushed whisper, before looking around the bar, trying to make sure no one had paid him any mind. ❛ — …. … i —  ❜ he pauses, the words caught in his throat. ❛ ahh enough about me, i’ve been here! tell me about you! i’ve missed you ! ❜    

𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐠-𝐰𝐨𝐨 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐠𝐢-𝐡𝐮𝐧’𝐬 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐩 𝐭𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝.   𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐚 𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐭𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟.   𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭 𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐢𝐦.   he feigned a smile and averted his eyes to see if they had managed to gather the attention of the entire bar—if they hadn’t already.   sang-woo’s cold expression softened when he noticed the way gi-hun’s smile began to diminish in front of him.   like a wave of emotions was passing through him without care to how they displayed on their maker.