im so scared the rest of my life is gonna feel like this

Janaina Medeiros


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@deadcamp
im so scared the rest of my life is gonna feel like this

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Not to be a cringe 14 year old going through their indie phase but I canât wait to leave this shitty house and everyone in it
I literally do everything myself without any help and help around the house and all I get is shit whilst my brother does shit all and still gets everything paid for and praised 24/7
Devon Aoki by Sebastian Kim for Numero Tokyo December 2009

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lesbian-sanctuaryâ:
For anyone who needs to hear it:
Your late teens/20s are a weird time in your life. Donât panic if you think somebody is more âaheadâ than you. The concept of being ahead is nonexistent anyway because lifeâs not a race and each person has different hurdles to overcome.
Itâs totally fine if youâre single. Itâs fine if youâre still finishing school. Itâs fine if you are still looking for a better job, or for any job at all. Itâs fine if you havenât had sex yet, or havenât gotten your driver license yet. Itâs fine if you havenât gotten your own place yet. Itâs fine if you are still figuring things out, saving money, putting the pieces together. Itâs fine.
Donât feel jealous of or lesser than people your age who have done these things. You donât know what obstacles they faced to get there and they donât know what youâve faced. Donât undermine the progess you have made.
Because, trust me, you have made progress. Even if it hasnât materialized yet in the traditional way.
You are still young. Like really young.
You got time.
I understand you shouldnât blame other for your mental health but I canât help but wonder what my life would be like without my mum like would i not feel so anxious and depressed so often if I didnât have someone to constantly belittle me and make feel so insecure
I always finding myself craving a relationship when I feel overwhelmed with depression or anxiety and I think itâs bc I need the attention as well as the reassurance that I am loved from someone else ,,,,, but I canât relay on someone else to give me this feeling of want and purpose I need to do it myself although it is very hard
My self-hatered towards myself has reflect on how I see myself from others perspective
I overanalyse any look, word, movement, breathe, etc giving to me from anyone else to somehow convince myself that they to hate me as much as I hate myself No matter how close I am to this person or no matter how many times someone can tell me they love me I will always find myself drifting to the idea that they would rather have me gone
I need to remind myself even tho my Mumâs acts r wrong sheâs only acting that way bc she is hurt and has been brought up in an environment different to mine
Talking to her is hard but weâll overcome our different mindset

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I wonât be watching the Bundy Tapes on Netflix.
Instead I will be reading and thinking about Ted Bundyâs victims. I wonder where their movies are. I wonder why their names arenât raised.
I wonder why we donât hear about Lynda Ann Healy, a 21 year old psychology major about to graduate that semester. Lynda worked with handicapped children and got up early every day to report on the skiing conditions for local radio.
I wonder why we donât hear about Debra Kent, a 17 year old aspiring social worker who was known for always having change to feed parking meters for strangers.
I wonder why we donât hear about Susan Curtis. Susan was only 15 years old and was riding her bike to church that day. She was a star on her high school track team.
In a world filled with kind, beautiful people, I wonder why we all know Ted Bundyâs name. I wonder if that isnât giving him and people like him exactly what he wanted. And frankly Iâm sick of hearing people talk about him.
Iâd like to talk about 12 year olds Lynette Culver and Kimberly Leach, neither of whom turned 13 because Ted Bundy stole their innocence and their lives from them. Kimberly had just been elected first runner up âValentine Queenâ by her peers and never got to wear that pretty new dress. Do you think her parents still have that dress, hanging in the back of a closet? I bet they do. I bet her dad sits with it in his darkest moments. You ever thought about him when you hear the name Ted Bundy?
Letâs talk about 19 year old Susan Rancourt, who had a 4.0 GPA. 17 year old Laura Aime. 18 year old Georgeann Hawkins. 23 year old Janice Ott. 26 year old Nancy Wilcox. 23 year old Caryn Campbell. 17 year old Melissa Smith. 19 year old Donna Manson, who was an excellent flute player and by all accounts a bit of a goth. 20 year old Kathy Parks. 22 year old Brenda Ball. 20 year old Lisa Levy. 21 year old Margaret Bowman. 25 year old Denise Oliverson, who had just gotten into a spat with her new husband and had gone for a walk to clear her mind. Denise weighed 105 pounds. She was bound, gagged, raped, mutilated and thrown from a fast moving car. Have you ever considered what HIS life has been like since that day? How many hours of his life do you think have been spent on the floor, clutching the ring he had given her, apologizing into thin air?
These stories are real. These people are REAL.
I get that Ted Bundy was handsome and his eyes were very blue but please. Please stop glamorizing him like this. He ended and ruined lives. Nothing about him is cool or worthy of emulation. Ted Bundy raped, tortured, mutilated and strangled over 30 females, including 12 year old girls. None of his victims weighed more than 115 pounds.
Ted Bundy was a pathetic man.
Emulate Lynda. Emulate Debra. Raise their names and their voices to those around you. Honor them. They were very real people with promising lives and futures stretched ahead of them, stolen.
Please donât elevate or whitewash this kind of rampant violence against women. I assure you the world is harsh enough for us without a new generation thinking Ted Bundy is a cool, fascinating guy.
Thanks.
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