782 calories total today, split across watermelon (100), a mandarin (50), a protein bar (220), a vegan “chicken” wrap (212), and a fuck ton more watermelon (200). I think watermelon might be a cheat code. I felt pretty weak today in the morning. Very sore. Felt better as the day went on, though. My plans for tomorrow got cancelled so I’ll probably try running again. I think I just need to be more strategic in advance about my playlist and how far I plan to go before turning around.
No exercise today cause I was seeing a play. Ugh. Sucks to miss a day. I had set a lower calorie allotment for myself for the day to account for it (900 instead of 1000), and I ended up sticking to it.
I found some old clothes from when I was in middle school, and have been looking at some photos of myself when I was wearing them back then. And they don’t fit me at all now. But I don’t look skinny in those photos, which is bizarre. I think my body fat distribution got different as I aged. I really wanna find out what it’ll look like with my modern-day styling and fat distribution, but fitting into those old clothes. Cause I was like a size 8 at 12 years old. You’re not supposed to be a size 8 at 12 years old. You’re supposed to be a size 8 at 20 years old!! God, I really never have gotten to experience being pretty or thin. It pisses me off.
I’ve been doing just okay at avoiding temptation. I’m slowly getting used to the new normal. It’s just not an option to live in this body anymore, and I know that fixing that takes some sacrifice. Size 8 dress I bought to measure my shrinkage is arriving Friday, so that’ll add some fuel to the fire.
This is all gonna be so worth it in the end when I’m pretty.
