The Jacaranda Years by Yiwei Chai
hello vonnie
Cosimo Galluzzi
DEAR READER


TVSTRANGERTHINGS
RMH
Jules of Nature
Sade Olutola
almost home

JVL
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

Kiana Khansmith
trying on a metaphor

pixel skylines
Mike Driver
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

izzy's playlists!
occasionally subtle
seen from United States
seen from Brazil
seen from Norway

seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Colombia

seen from Iraq
seen from United States
seen from United States
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seen from United States
seen from United States
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seen from Germany

seen from United States
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@deactivateeddd
The Jacaranda Years by Yiwei Chai

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you can do this. stop sabotaging yourself and your dreams. there will be risks, there will be stress, but go on and actually pursue what you want to do. you will not regret having tried, all things considered. self-doubt can destroy so much of your life. donât let it, please.Â
Finals Week anxiety/I love you!
i graduated a few years ago and i want to share with you some things:
I grew up being called âgiftedâ and smart. I did really well in school, to the point my identity depended on it. Then in college, I failed entire semesters, more than once. I also dropped out at one point.
It was devastating and I was terrified.
And yet: EVERYTHING TURNED OUT OK.Â
B/c despite what theyâd have you believe, this is not the end of the world, and you are going to be okay.Â
Repeat it with me: You are going to be okay.Â
Itâs common to feel like âeverything depends on this.â I promise: it doesnât. A couple things I want you to know
***Your worth & intelligence is absolutely absolutely ABSOLUTELY not based on or reflected by your grades.***Â
The atmosphere youâre currently in breeds stress. Educational institutions have this messed up culture that pushes our minds into an âemergency modeâ that does not reflect reality and forces you to panic unnecessarily. Thatâs why:
Things are never as desperate as they feel.
The panic youâre feeling is something youâve been trained to feel, but it is not truthful.Â
If you donât do as well as you hoped: sweetheart, that Is fine. We naturally aim for more than we can reasonably manage, in order to push ourselves. Not reaching a goal doesnât mean you âfailedâ, it means you aimed high and Iâm proud of you.
Everyone who has ever done anything has failed at some point. People who never fail are people who never try.
Failing a class/classes is NOT the end of the line. Sometimes we need more time, or a second chance. Sometimes we need a different direction
For years I thought I wanted to be an engineer. I declared that major as a freshman. I ended up retaking several classes before realizing that no, this subject was not actually a good fit and didnât me happy.Â
The subject I eventually got a degree in? I actually had to retake a few of the introductory classes, alongside classmates who werenât even in the program but seemed to have an easier time than me. At the time I was embarrassed. Now, Iâm proud that i stuck with it
Please do not be afraid to ask for help even/especially when a deadline has passed/you feel ashamed for not asking sooner. Or rather: please ask for help even when youâre scared and itâs late in the semester. It literally cannot hurt.Â
You are still learning how to learn, teach yourself, and self-monitor. This is a Huge Big Part of being an Adult that very few of us donât get formal training for. So of course you will make mistakes along the way. Mistakes are a symptom of progress.
You are making progress, and for that alone you deserve to celebrate yourself
crash course in literary theory twentieth century onwards
structuralist linguistics: saussure invents linguistics to study language as structures. for him, words donât give names to preexisting things but create concepts that determine the way we understand the world
russian formalism: thought literature was only form, no content. the idea that art existed to make the familiar seem strange. jakobson founded the moscow linguistics circle when he was 19 wyd with your life
new criticism: so cleanth brooks and robert penn warren right? they write this book called understanding poetry. this book changes the way english classes work forevaaaa. because suddenly class isnât just about what the poem says but you can use 50 minutes to talk about how itâs said and make your own connections. birth of close reading. and the phrases âthe intentional fallacyâ and âthe affective fallacyâ
structuralism: levi-strauss takes saussureâs ideas and applies them to a bunch of myths and finds that their underlying structures are all the same. then applies it to culture as a whole and says they all operate on constructed binaries. lots of things to do with the centre.
deconstruction: derrida starts off this speech at this conference to glorify levi-strauss and then makes a career out of dragging him. the centre does not hold. there is no centre. as barthes writes, there was this guy named guy de maupassant who always ate in the restaurant on the eiffel tower because that was the only place he didnât have to see the damn thing. basically that, but in theory.
new historicism: born out of the guilt complex of isolating the text from its author. focuses on historical context. greenblatt writes entire books about historical contexts of plays (like hamlet in purgatory). foucault is a huge influence and intertextuality (coined by julia kristeva) is a thing
marxist theory: the superstructures like culture are determined by the economic base. all the bourgeoisie and proletariat things. zizek (use the correct accent things please) and terry eagleton. my professor thinks literary critics are in a privileged position and hence feel the need to contribute to the world hence use marxist criticism to make themselves feel better and * sigh * i gotta write that on the exam
feminist theory: started all the way back with wollstonecraft and woolf. intertwined with political feminism. revisionary reading that exposes biases. judith butler!!!!!
queer theory: began as liberation movement. undo the idea that heterosexuality is the norm. identify and reclaim non heterosexual authors. michel foucault wrote a lot of things. yes, shakespeare was bi.
postcolonial studies: deals with hegemony of texts and cultural imperialism. analysis of history and culture of formerly colonised countries. expand literary canon to include colonial and postcolonial authors. achebe and rushdie all the way!
freudian psychoanalysis: ITâS NOT FUCKING REAL! everything that came out of freudâs mouth along with some carl jung stuff about collective consciousness and archetypes and whatever it was that lacan said about mirrors. maybe mention harold bloomâs anxiety of influence thing.Â
hi everyone! it has been a while since i last posted, and i apologise for that! today was my last day of uni (i still have exams, but classes ended today), so i decided to go out and spend the afternoon reading at @commacafe_ đ§Ą it was nice to sit outdoors, because the weather was so lovely today! . iâm still currently reading the starless sea, and iâm looooving every page of it!𼰠i hope to read more over the break! have a great weekend everyone⨠(at Comma Cafe) https://www.instagram.com/p/B4C-9oSHghW/?igshid=yki1hnb07p91

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Hereâs hoping for more bookish adventures in 2020!
19.11.2019 // My second Master module started last week, and so far I think I could like it. It will be stressful again for sure, but I am sure I will survive! We have to write an autobiography for one course and I'm very curious how that will go :D
Pictures is from a few weeks ago, now all the trees already lost their leaves...
13.10.19 // Halfway through midterms
October 4th, 2019
Hi! I havenât posted anything in a while (again). Starting uni is quite an overwhelming process! The weather has been absolutely awful for the last couple of weeks and as itâs already October so I donât expect it to get better (winters in russia (near the ural mountains at least) usually start in late october-november). Actually, Iâm really excited for winter this year (idk why though, I always hated this time of the year). Oh, and Iâm craving some apple pie right now (canât wait to go home tomorrow and make one with my mom)
Happy October! This is my favourite month (and also my birthday month), so Iâm super excited for autumn to be in full swing!

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reader mood
looking back on the historical novels you read as a kid and being like
âholy shit...that was really racist, wasnât it?â
actually itâs really terrible how in school we get assigned really racist historical fiction with no criticism or constructive thought associated with it
Like. Books are really powerful and fiction shapes your heart and mind. Thatâs a lot more insidious than just misinformation or erasure of facts.
When I was a tiny kid (like 8-9) I remember I felt guilty that I sympathized with the native Americans more than the white settlers when reading about American history because I felt like the native Americans were âsupposed to be the bad guys.â
Where does a little kid get that idea???
history textbooks and novels weâre supposed to read for school: *actively leave out facts, lean on white savior ideology, act like American history started with Columbus, spend a lot of effort trying to humanize slave owners and similar, make native characters talk like small children and not even in a ânew English speakerâ way just a childish way, describe black women as unattractive for having traits that are just typical of black women, talk about the âpositiveâ aspects of colonization, written all by white people and focus mostly on white people*
us: How can racism possibly be so prevalent in a 21st century world? Slavery was AGES ago!
What fucking country do you even live in???? Don't you guys have History class? And why is your mandatory reading about fucking colonizaton of America of all things?
Also slavery wasn't ages ago but only 150 years (give or take a few) ago in US. Which, looking from the timeframe of the entire human history (for most of which there WAS some form of slavery), is like...this morning?
Furthermore, in USA, all forms of formal segregation had been declared unconstitutional only in 1968 and it took until late 1970 for formal LEGAL support of segregation to disappear.
By which I mean, all Americans over 60 years old and probably most of those over 50 too, will clearly remember it and, most likely, had been thought to perceive black people as someone inferior seeing absolutely nothing wrong with it.
These people in turn taught the same view to their children, today's adults and parents. Some of the views might have been denied or transformed, most in act of 'teenage rebellion'. These filtered views are now being taught to their children, today's young adults/teenagers/children, where some or most are being reworked again, due to 'teenage rebellion'.
US is literally three generations (four at most) from racial segragation. That is not 'AGES ago'.
Moreover, the books are for you to actually see how books were written in particular eras. It is how books were written back then and anything from that time will look and read roughly the same (take Lovecraft for example. The guy was thoroughly racist and it shows in his books. In this age, some passages of his works HURT to read. It is, even then, reflection of his time, a great reflection may I add. It doesn't make the books less important however.) I agree you should probably spend some time in lessons pointing out things that are wrong with the book, but it is not what the language lesson is for. History might be more fitted for such thing. Or a subject dedicated to human rights, human nature, cultures, social issues, politics,... One you don't seem to have.
I am sorry for the rant btw, I wanted to make it shorter, but couldn't figure out how.
The way history is taught in American public schools is less than adequate very often.
As for me, I was homeschooled, but my curriculum included a lot of historical fiction from the 60s-80s. My mom and dad ofc were careful to discuss these things with me, and I had some good textbooks, but the fiction books themselves (which are also assigned in public schools) often had a lot of subtle problems.
Not everyone who went to public schools here was even blessed with good textbooks though. Yikes.
Itâs sad how much of what is taught in school is useless to over 99% of the population.
There are literally math concepts taught in high school and middle school that are only used in extremely specialized fields or that are even so outdated they arenât used anymore!
I took calculus my senior year of high school, and I really liked the way our teacher framed this on the first day of class.
He asked somebody to raise their hand and ask him when we would use calculus in our everyday life. So one student rose their hand and asked, âWhen are we going to use this in our everyday life?â
âNEVER!!â the teacher exclaimed. âYou will never use calculus in your normal, everyday life. In fact, very few of you will use it in your professional careers either.â Then he paused. âSo would you like to know why should care?â
Several us nodded.
He picked out one of the varsity football players in the class. âYou practice football a lot during the week, right Tim?â asked the teacher.
âYeah,â replied Tim. âAlmost every day.â
âDo you and your teammates ever lift weights during practice?â
âYeah. Tuesdays and Thursdays we spend a lot of practice in the weight room.â
âBut why?â asked the teacher. âIs there ever going to be a play your coach tells you use during a game that requires you to bench press the other team?â
âNo, of course not.â
âThen why lift weights?â
âBecause it makes us stronger,â said Tim.
âBingo!!â said the teacher. âItâs the same thing with calculus. Youâre not here because youâre going to use calculus in your everyday life. Youâre here because calculus is weightlifting for your brain.â
And Iâve never forgotten that.
THIS.
When itâs taught right, learning math teaches you logic and how to organize your brain, how to take a problem one step at a time and make sure every step can bear weight before you move to the next one. Â Most adults donât need to know integrals, but goddamn if I donât wish everyone making arguments on the internet understood geometric proofs.
Scientific concepts broaden our understanding of how the world is put together, which does not mean that most adults ever really understand how light is refracted through a lens or why spinning copper wire creates electricityâand they donât need to. Â But science classes in general are meant to teach the scientific method: how to make observations and use them to draw conclusions, how to test those conclusions, how to be wrong and grow stronger from it.
History isnât about dates and names of battles, itâs about people, patterns, things weâve tried before and ought to learn from. Â Itâs about how everything is linked, how changing one circumstance can lead to changes in fifty others, cascading infinitely. Â Literature is about critical thinking, pattern recognition, learning to listen to what somebody is saying and decide what it means to you, how you feel about it, and what you want to do with it.
Some facts matter: every adult should know how to read a graph, how global warming works, some of the basic themes and symbols that crop up in every piece of fiction. Â But ultimately, content is less important later in life than context.
The good thing is, students who learn the content are likely to pick up at least some of the context, some of the patterns of thinking, even if they donât realize it.  (The unfortunate thing is how the current educational system prioritizes content so much that a lot of students, and a lot of adults, donât see the point in learning either, and teachers are overworked and held to standardize test grading scales such that itâs hard for them to emphasize patterns of thinking over rote memorization, etc etc etc, but that is a whole different discussion.)
thank u <3
i have been fucked up ever since i took a mythology class in college and learned that the greek mythology we know today is not only deliberately patriarchal (i mean duh) but was put in place specifically to abolish the matriarchal religion that came before it, nearly all traces of which were systematically erased. AND, the reason the modern west is so obsessed with greek mythology specifically is that it aligns so closely with our own patriarchal values. like we are literally taught greek mythology IN SCHOOL, thatâs how hugely important it is in our culture. (i mean think about it⌠there is no real benefit to placing that much emphasis on greek mythology specifically over any other part of history)
learning this literally ruined greek mythology for me lmao
artemis and aphrodite are the classic madonna (virgin) and the whore
athena is deliberately stripped of her femininity in order to be goddess of wisdom, springing fully formed from zeusâ head instead of being born from a woman
hera is the jealous, vindictive ball and chain, etc etc.
and the kicker? pandora was a revamped character from an older myth, in which she created every single thing in the universe, good and bad. she didnât just open a box and ruin everything by not being able to follow orders. pandora literally means âall-givingâ. and in the greek mythology we know today, sheâs the first woman on earth and manages to fuck things up for everyone. sound familiar? like eve, maybe?
i donât have sources because i learned this in a college class like 3 years ago but if anyone has access to their collegeâs academic database and wants to source this for me thatâd be awesome. i havenât tried but iâm guessing youâd be hard pressed to find info about it on google.
hereâs a book iâm reading abt it that i picked up at a half-price bookstore. itâs a bittersweet read. thereâs references inside the front cover, too, for further reading.
Thank you for adding this! Reblogging so yâall can see it
This book is the bomb diggety.  Bittersweet read indeed.
@sisterofiris ?
Wow. No. This is impressively wrong.
Things that this post gets entirely right:
Greek mythology is deliberately patriarchal (which should be obvious, because it was written by people living in a patriarchal culture, so of course it reflects their values)
myths changed with time
Pandora had another, more positive role
Ancient Greece is given more attention than other, equally deserving cultures
the OP doesnât have sources
Thatâs it. Thatâs literally it. As for the things that this post gets wrong, letâs take it step by step:
1. Pre-Greek matriarchal religion, ânearly all traces of which were systematically erasedâ
This pre-Greek matriarchy is usually identified with the Minoans of Crete, who depicted many women in prominent positions in their art. Unfortunately, as Iâve outlined before, this isnât enough to prove that the Minoans had a matriarchal society and religion. Whatâs more, the Minoan script (Linear A) remains undeciphered to this day. So until the Minoans can tell us about their myths, beliefs, and social hierarchy in their own voices, Iâll be very skeptical about anyone who claims they were definitely matriarchal (or patriarchal, for that matter).
As for their traces being âsystematically erasedâ, I can only laugh. The Minoans (like the Pelasgians, i.e. the pre-Greek people of the Greek mainland) werenât erased. The Mycenaean Greeks eventually took over Crete, but Minoan civilisation continued to exist, and many cultural and religious elements were incorporated into Mycenaean society - including writing. From an article about an early Mycenaean tomb:
The griffin warriorâs grave at Pylos offers a radical new perspective on the relationship between the two societies and thus on Europeâs cultural origins. As in previously discovered shaft graves, the objects themselves are a cross-cultural mix. For instance, the boar tusk helmet is typically Mycenaean, but the gold rings, which are rich with Minoan religious imagery and are on their own a hugely significant find for scholars, says Davis, reflect artifacts previously found on Crete.
(âŚ) This has led Davis and Stocker to favor the idea that the two cultures became entwined at a very early stage. Itâs a conclusion that fits recent suggestions that regime change on Crete around the time the mainland palaces went up, which traditionally corresponds to the decline of Minoan civilization, may not have resulted from the aggressive invasion that historians have assumed. The later period on Knossos might represent something more like âan EU in the Aegean,â says Bennet, of the British School at Athens. Minoans and Mycenaean Greeks would surely have spoken each otherâs languages, may have intermarried and likely adopted and refashioned one anotherâs customs. And they may not have seen themselves with the rigid identities we moderns have tended to impose on them.
TL;DR: The Mycenaeans didnât erase Minoan religion. They liked it, and syncretised it with their own.
The only reason many of these Minoan beliefs vanished was due to the Late Bronze Age collapse, which saw the end of Mycenaean Greece and Minoan-Mycenaean Crete. Many elements of early Greek civilisation were lost, or preserved in fragments thanks to mythology and epic poetry. This collapse was obviously not a systematic erasure, but a widespread destruction of civilisations, caused by foreign invasion, drought and famine, internal revolts, earthquakes, or a combination of the above. Eric Clineâs book 1177 BC: The Year Civilisation Collapsed (2014) is an excellent discussion of the topic.
2. Earlier versions of Greek myths
Any time someone mentions the âpre-patriarchalâ or âoriginalâ version of a myth, be skeptical. Be very skeptical.
The problem with these âoriginalâ myths is that we have little to nothing to base them on. Their reconstruction is a theory - often a modern feminist theory - not a certainty. I should also point out, as @rembrandtswifeâ did, that Lost Goddesses of Ancient Greece is âbasically AU fanfic of the Greek mythology we haveâ. Itâs retellings and speculation, not earlier myths that we can confirm existed.
You know what are earlier myths that we can confirm existed? Mesopotamian and Anatolian myths. These have been extensively studied, and itâs been shown time and time again that they influenced Greek mythology - especially Homer and Hesiod. Martin Westâs The East Face of Helicon (1997) and Mary Bachvarovaâs From Hittite to Homer (2016) are good introductions to the topic. Hereâs a recording I made which shows obvious parallels between the Babylonian Enuma Elish, the Hurrian-Hittite Song of Kumarbi, and Hesiodâs Theogony. Looks pretty different from the modern speculative retellings, doesnât it?
This isnât to say that there werenât earlier myths in which women had different, more influential and positive roles. Pandora does in fact fit into this category: her names (Pandora, âall-givingâ, and Anesidora, âsending up giftsâ), as well as ancient sources (scholia on Aristophanesâ Birds being one example), attest to her originally being an earth deity. Hesiod is well-known for his misogyny, so him transforming her into a mortal woman and giving her a negative role makes sense. However, I would advise against applying this theory more broadly, and taking it as proof that there was a widespread revamping of female deities to make them fit patriarchal ideals. I would especially advise against taking any of this as confirmed fact, when the âoriginalâ myths themselves are lost.
3. The Gods as archetypes
I am personally very against interpreting the Gods as archetypes (i.e. Artemis as madonna, Aphrodite as whore, etc). There are far, far more aspects to them than these, and reducing them to single-word descriptions erases the complex reality of Greek mythology (and religion, while weâre at it).
Whatâs more, these archetypal interpretations are incredibly modern and donât reflect Ancient Greek perceptions. The idea that Athena is âdeliberately stripped of her femininityâ because she is not born from a woman, for one, sounds very much like late 20th century radical feminism. (Iâd also love to know if Typhon, who was born from Hera alone (see the Homeric Hymn to Apollon), was âstripped of his masculinityâ for the same reason.) But more broadly, these Jungian-like archetypes correspond perfectly to 19th century views, which liked to fit the Gods into neat categories. Most notoriously, Apollon, who represented order and enlightenment, was opposed to Dionysos, who represented chaos and madness. Thanks Nietzsche.
Iâve said this before, but to interpret Greek mythology, we need to look for Greek sources. Not the theories of a 19th century philosopher. Not the speculation of a 20th century feminist. If the Gods were viewed as complex figures in Ancient Greece, then we need to study them as complex figures. Simple as that.
4. Why we are taught Greek mythology, aka âthe reason the modern West is so obsessed with Greek mythology specifically is that it aligns so closely with our own patriarchal valuesâ
Actually, no. If you think Greek mythology aligns closely with our own values, then youâve been reading retellings and Mythology 101 books, not the original texts. (Or, alternatively, youâre very confused about what modern societyâs values are.) Here is an abridged list of gender-related values from Ancient Greece that we donât share:
female identity is tied to weaving
rape can only happen in the countryside or in deserted places
men who cry openly are still manly
marriage is between a 15-year-old girl and a 30-year-old man
funerals are womenâs business
itâs okay to have gay sex if youâre a top
wearing boots and being a shopkeeper is unmanly
and more
The more you study Ancient Greece and read the texts themselves (preferably in the original language, so as to avoid as much modern bias as possible), the more you realise how different the Ancient Greeks were from us. This is a foreign culture with foreign values. Yes, a lot of it is familiar, too - much of European civilisation has its roots in Ancient Greece, hence why it aligns with a certain number of our values. But claiming that the ideas promoted in Greek mythology are virtually identical to our own is doing a disservice to the rich, unique culture that was Ancient Greece.
So why do we focus on it so much, as opposed to other cultures? Unfortunately, this is because of how history played out. Ancient Greece highly influenced Rome, which went on to conquer most of Europe; many countries went on to claim it as their ancestor, from the Ottoman Empire to the Napoleonic Empire to Nazi Germany. Meanwhile, other cultures which had influenced Ancient Greece itself (and therefore modern Western culture) disappeared: the Hittites of Anatolia had been virtually forgotten since the Late Bronze Age, Mesopotamia was on its way out by the first century AD, and Ancient Egypt by the beginning of the Middle Ages.
As a result, a lot of emphasis is put on Ancient Greek (and Roman) culture when in reality, we donât owe much more to it than to the Sumerians. I absolutely think that we should study other cultures more. I also absolutely think that the fact we donât has nothing to with patriarchal values.
5. Sources, aka âI donât have sources because I learned this in a college class like 3 years agoâ
Okay, so I have nothing against people taking electives in college and posting about what they learnt. By all means, do so. But it becomes a problem when people start reblogging without fact-checking or thinking twice about information that is presented without sources, by someone with very little experience in the field, and lathered in rhetoric.
Speaking of rhetoric, other people have pointed it out in the comments, but the person who shared the Lost Goddesses of Ancient Greece book is a TERF. This obviously doesnât mean OP is a TERF as well (I had a look through their blog and they seem not to be), but you may want to think about what ideas the LGoAG person is encouraging here, as well as what could appeal to a TERF in this post, and consider whether thatâs something you want to align yourself with.
TL;DR: Donât believe something just because it appeals to you. Check out my Laypersonâs Guide to Online Research for more details on how to fact-check.
pen pals but instead of letters we send each other our favourite books and write notes about why it affected us the way it didÂ
12 February 2019, Tuesday
A study day in my universityâs library :)Â

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in primary school we had a creative writing assignment where we had to âwrite about a character in a new, strange situation!â and i wrote about a squid that was somehow teleported from the ocean to the forest floor and slowly choked to death for two pages and iâll never quite forget my teacherâs face because it turns out she wanted âthis new school is scary, i hope i make friends!â and not a graphic description of a squid dying
tag yourself ; gothic literature edition
Frankenstein: The great outdoors, half-read books, unorthodox ideas, pencil sketches, easily frightened, contemplates existence a lot, dislikes winter
The Picture of Dorian Gray: Old bookshelves, bold fashion choice, loud laughs, philosophical conversations, kisses on the hand, can be a dick sometimes, loves new languages but never commits
Dracula: Red lipstick stains, white billowy dresses, always cold to the touch, flickering candles, has eye circles, wants to believe in ghosts, only likes religion for the aesthetic
The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde: Filled notebooks, foggy evenings, afraid of failure, oversized clothing, secretive whispers, stays up too late, bottles up emotions
The Phantom of the Opera: Rose petals, old perfume, being an overdramatic bitch, sings to self, handwritten letters, snowy nights, secret spaces