your shade of gold

I know right? I don’t know how they can figure this out, it’s just impossible! And… that’s… private…

You deserve to chill out for a few more days since you killed it on Dick Clark’s Rockin’ Eve. Do you work out every day?

I have no idea what a carpet tastes like, but I can imagine it doesn’t taste too good. Aren’t you afraid of hurting him while you’re sleeping? I’m always afraid of crushing Oskar whenever he sleeps with me. It’s honestly a pleasure to meet you, Demi, I’m Rooney. So I’ve heard! I had no idea they’d do it for you if you asked - this truly is a magical place.

I guess. Why can’t routine start at like noon instead of 4 in the morning?! I would be more willing to go to work happy if the later call time was a thing. You can keep the clumsy title! I’m going to have bruises everywhere. Speaking of coffee, why haven’t they invented and iv drip of coffee? That would be amazing!

I refuse to believe that half of the things that happen on and episode of Dr. Phil are legitimately something that has happened/is happening. They’re like the most outlandish stories that kind of just make you want to call your loved ones and tell them they’re amazing. What I’m saying is that if you get a call from me at any given time in the near future, you know damn well what I’ve been doing with my breaks at work.

I think my plan to hide during the break is coming true, since I am at hideaway, aha see with I did there, I am hilarious, i´m Niall, if you didn´t know and it´s nice to be here

You know what is disappointing? Really wanting a white spinach artichoke pizza, ordering said pizza, waiting 40 minutes for the pizza to arrive, smelling the delicious pizza when it’s finally in front of you, and then opening the box to see the pizza is burnt! I mean overcooked to the point it’s hard as a rock! The salt from my tears isn’t making the crust any softer! I’m pretty sure even the worst sex I’ve ever had wasn’t as disappointing as this. Maybe I’m overemotional today, maybe the rain outside is just putting me in a foul mood, or maybe this really is the second most disappointing thing to ever happen to me. Goldfish for lunch it is!

Yesterday The Bachelor came back and it was the most amazing thing ever. Yeah, yeah, I like to watch trash TV but I don’t give a fuck, because it just makes my life look better in my eyes. The amount of women that will go after just one man is amusing to me, honestly. Plus they all seem to be insane once they all get together after meeting the dude. I spent two hours of my life last night laughing out loud and yelling at my TV because some of the girl’s fighting for his love were desperate as fuck. My life is lame, wow.

I feel like I’m giving off such a “new girl at school” vibe and it’s pretty daunting. I’m hoping you guys are nice to your new kids and don’t have a set of super secret lockers somewhere that you’re going to push and lock me into as a way of “welcoming” me. Especially considering the only thing I want to do right now is lay on that comfy bed in my room for, like, ever. Anyway, hey! I’m Katherine, but you can call me Kat if that’s what your heart desires.

So maybe it was a good idea to get here in the first week of the year… I don’t know why. But hi, I am Emma and I would be glad if anyone could show me around.

It’s always the worst when you see someone out at the store or wherever and you know that you should recognize them, but you can’t think of their name right then, so you’re just stuck in that weird loop of politely nodding and trying to back away. I may sound kind of old and grumpy with this, but seriously, how long do you have to have not seen or spoken to someone to stop addressing them in public? In a lot of cases, I think the classic chin up nod should be enough for everyone to get back to their shopping.

Have you ever had a moment where Netflix sends you an email with an ‘hey we just added this show you might like!” and you just stare at it because you don’t understand why Netflix would ever think you would like that… and then you give it a chance because why not and end up loving it, and also questioning everything about your life because a streaming service knows you better than you know yourself?

I got Oskar a little bed and settled it next to mine and yet he still prefers to sleep on the floor. What is it about the floor that is more appealing than a warm, cozy bed? I’m starting to think he’s only on the floor so I’ll pity him and allow him to sleep with me. Which may or may not happen tonight, depending on his puppy eye game. Anyway, hello! If anyone wants to help me unpack, I’ll make sure to reward you with under-cooked pasta and tofu.

This morning I walked into a wall, a door frame, a door and a man. I also tripped over a shirt, the stairs, and nothing… don’t ask on that last one. I said sorry to each and every single one! Moral of the story; waking up at 4 am after having weeks to sleep in sucks. Why are call times so damn early?! Why can’t I have magical powers to make coffee appear on my nightstand when I wake up to avoid walking into things? Can I make my wife do it now that we’re married? Isn’t that a thing? She took my last name so I’m the boss, right? Where are my glasses? Why is it wrong to drink on the job? Why did the chicken cross the road?! DID HE HAVE A DEATH WISH!? This morning is hard. I hope all of yours is better than mine. Also, hello. I haven’t spoken to most of you since last year cause I’m a terrible person.

After all the craziness that went down in Vegas, I think I’m finally ready to unwind and do nothing but hang out in my condo. Ringing in a new year takes a whole lot of effort but it’s all worth it in the end. How many of you guys plan on recovering from all the holiday madness this entire week and how many of you are going straight back into the work grind?