hey Siri play Genesis by Grimes

BOY DO I SURE MISS LIVING ALONE

feelin many things thinking many things and I can’t fucking handle it I don’t know what to do anymore

how is everyone? happy new year to you all :) other than that I’m learning some stuff on piano and trying to get into doing some exercise :)

Thank you for the reassurance, I am worried that there’s not gonna be any available appointments for some time bc winter but I’m gonna have a look when I wake up! And see what’s the dealio!

Guys I literally can’t stop thinking about my health I got so much little shit that I need to see someone about probably but I don’t wanna waste doctors time during pandemic and I don’t wanna leave house in fear of covid cooties and I’m scared of booking an appointment LOL this is not my week :( day 4 of headache also . I wish I could just like WIPE the inside of all my internal organs like DAMN can’t you just be normal for ONCE!!! Always shooting pains somewhere!!! What even is this!!!

managed to fall asleep luckily but now in same position again a day later 🙃🙃

Happy thanksgiving to the American peeps also :)

So I’ve actually had a pretty good week n actually felt pretty human and functioning and it was nice! But tonight i snapped and I ended up looking back at stuff from couple years ago and that shit hurted! why don’t you just... not look at it, you ask. Well reader, I tricked myself into thinking I was doing it for curiosities sake to hide my actual hidden agenda from myself as justification! Yeah anyway . Shit fucked me up man but it was a long time ago and I’m going to try get another good productive week going. Happy lockdown peeps

Tbh another thing that has put me off sewing is people telling me or suggesting that I monetize it and set up like a business and it just SCREAMS more work to do!!! OoOoOo sewing stuff time to not sleep again gotta get them garments made!!! Like as cool as it would be, I fuckin hate that idea right now. Just let me be in peace and have it as a hobby. Not everything has to be capitalised and I’m so sick of the notion that if u ain’t hustling ? If you’re not getting that BAG? You’re NOTHING and honestly I just want to chill . I’ve seen myself stressed out to the max with no purpose and tbh I’m just surprised I haven’t offed myself yet. I feel like I have to keep repeating this to myself and to others almost as like self affirmation that what I’m doing is okay but it really feels like it’s not . It feels like I’m in a dead end part of my life but thats also okay bc I don’t want to be stressed and I’m just stepping foot into the real world but the constant bombardments of IF UR NOT SUCCESSFUL RIGHT NOW AT ANY SECOND THEN WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERe replaying in my head takes a toll on ya

I just KNOW it’s hormones but damn they really be fucking me up almost every month . All day every day

tfw ur friends only hit u up when they need something . bro I’m literally the side character like do I really need to be here or do you want me there for appearance sake only

thanks! hello again!

me not feeling my best after trying a different outlet to cope and running back to tumblr just for a crumb of laughter:

I don’t know . I wanted to just post little things or like type something out because I be thinking bout shit over and over and over for the last fuckin idk... decade or so and I feel so frustrated . I’m so tired of everything. I don’t even know what I be typing anymore bc I’m just rambling but uhhh whatever I fucking hate being alone rn

I saw this very late sorry ! Thank you for the support though 🥺

Thinking about how people out there who I don’t associate with anymore know stuff about me and I hate it! Get away from me! Fuck! I’m so ashamed tbh YUCK