BOY DO I SURE MISS LIVING ALONE

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BOY DO I SURE MISS LIVING ALONE

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feelin many things thinking many things and I canāt fucking handle it I donāt know what to do anymore
deep in the depths of self loathing šš
on tonightās ailment: crippling loneliness with a hint of feeling like Iām not good enough
how is everyone? happy new year to you all :) other than that Iām learning some stuff on piano and trying to get into doing some exercise :)
Please go to the doctor if youāre able. Youāre wonāt be āwasting their timeā during a pandemic. Your health is just as important as everyone elseās right now. ā¤ļø
Thank you for the reassurance, I am worried that thereās not gonna be any available appointments for some time bc winter but Iām gonna have a look when I wake up! And see whatās the dealio!

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Guys I literally canāt stop thinking about my health I got so much little shit that I need to see someone about probably but I donāt wanna waste doctors time during pandemic and I donāt wanna leave house in fear of covid cooties and Iām scared of booking an appointment LOL this is not my week :( day 4 of headache also . I wish I could just like WIPE the inside of all my internal organs like DAMN canāt you just be normal for ONCE!!! Always shooting pains somewhere!!! What even is this!!!
Please sleep if you aren't we liv6e you and want you to take care of yourself ššš
managed to fall asleep luckily but now in same position again a day later šš
Been awake for 20 hours on 4 hours sleep and Iām not even tired I hate it here all I wanna do is fix my sleeping pattern fuck! I feel so shitty physically n I just KNOW sleep would SLAP rn n make it better AHHH also day 3 of headache AHHH last couple nights have been absolute HELL trying to get myself to sleep WHY I BE SO ANXIOUS BRO
anyway
Happy thanksgiving to the American peeps also :)
So Iāve actually had a pretty good week n actually felt pretty human and functioning and it was nice! But tonight i snapped and I ended up looking back at stuff from couple years ago and that shit hurted! why donāt you just... not look at it, you ask. Well reader, I tricked myself into thinking I was doing it for curiosities sake to hide my actual hidden agenda from myself as justification! Yeah anyway . Shit fucked me up man but it was a long time ago and Iām going to try get another good productive week going. Happy lockdown peeps
Hi guys Iām feeling pretty good I think ? and Iāve only just come to the conclusion that I donāt have to share everything I make to the internet . Like I gave up on all my artsy hobby shit outta fear and judgement but I just need to remember I can just do stuff for myself! It seems so fucking OBVIOUS but for me to actually recognise that Iām a dumbo who lives off the validation of others but doesnāt Need it to ENJOY doing stuff itās just a lil bit liberating . Like I can just be like man, I wanna do this. And then I can just DO IT and that is such a crazy thought to me which is a little sad tbh?? I really go through life saying āyou do youā but I canāt even do ME I literally brace for every comment that could be made about my work and now that Iām typing this Iāve just realised how fucked up education and being graded on has really affected my sense of self worth and it SUCKS!!!!!! I hate it here!!!! But Iām quite happy with the thought that I can be comfortable in my own lil space and not have to worry about societal pressures
I wanna make stuff rn but I figured Iāll sleep first so Iām not waking up super late and feelin SHET
Tbh another thing that has put me off sewing is people telling me or suggesting that I monetize it and set up like a business and it just SCREAMS more work to do!!! OoOoOo sewing stuff time to not sleep again gotta get them garments made!!! Like as cool as it would be, I fuckin hate that idea right now. Just let me be in peace and have it as a hobby. Not everything has to be capitalised and Iām so sick of the notion that if u aināt hustling ? If youāre not getting that BAG? Youāre NOTHING and honestly I just want to chill . Iāve seen myself stressed out to the max with no purpose and tbh Iām just surprised I havenāt offed myself yet. I feel like I have to keep repeating this to myself and to others almost as like self affirmation that what Iām doing is okay but it really feels like itās not . It feels like Iām in a dead end part of my life but thats also okay bc I donāt want to be stressed and Iām just stepping foot into the real world but the constant bombardments of IF UR NOT SUCCESSFUL RIGHT NOW AT ANY SECOND THEN WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERe replaying in my head takes a toll on ya

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not me coming out of an episode finally feelin good and productive for 6 hours before slowly feeling shitty again n jus. Just cryin
I just KNOW itās hormones but damn they really be fucking me up almost every month . All day every day
damn a bitch really goin thru it rn
tfw ur friends only hit u up when they need something . bro Iām literally the side character like do I really need to be here or do you want me there for appearance sake only
WELCOME BACK!
thanks! hello again!
me not feeling my best after trying a different outlet to cope and running back to tumblr just for a crumb of laughter:
Iāve been pretty anxious this week and lately Iāve just been teetering on the brink of tears occasionally
Like if I just sit there and be alone with my own thoughts I think about my fears and shit and like I donāt know why!!!! Itās always there!!! Back of my mind itās always there!!!! And the fear I canāt even do anything about !!! Itās just inevitable and Iām so afraid!!!! I hate it here!!!!! I really fucking hate it here!!!!!!!!! And itās stupid and it feels stupid because nobody says anything about it but itās so daunting and I just ???????? I donāt know anymore
Iāll go through phases of either like welcoming it or downright scared of it and I donāt know which one is better but idk . Maybe I should pick up more hours at work to distract myself. I felt so exhausted today for the first time in about a year and god I was really running on fumes
I donāt know . I wanted to just post little things or like type something out because I be thinking bout shit over and over and over for the last fuckin idk... decade or so and I feel so frustrated . Iām so tired of everything. I donāt even know what I be typing anymore bc Iām just rambling but uhhh whatever I fucking hate being alone rn

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
I miss your face. Itās a nice face. Sorry youāre having a rough time and that shitheads spoil things for you. Giving you a huge HUG!
I saw this very late sorry ! Thank you for the support though š„ŗ
Thinking about how people out there who I donāt associate with anymore know stuff about me and I hate it! Get away from me! Fuck! Iām so ashamed tbh YUCK