ruthless

          with the celebration of the avatar’s birth and the resulting visiting families from the four nations, nothing can really catch her off guard. she knows she’ll be seeing faces that are pleasantly familiar and faces that aren’t. lord yuu’s eldest son happens to fall under the latter. for justified reasons, if you ask her. she’s never been a very forgiving person. however, that’s the past. therefore, he’s been reduced to someone she doesn’t care about any longer. grudges aren’t worth the effort.

          it’s out of pure coincidence that she’s standing by one of the greater spirit wilds in the city, the green glow of the spirit portal just a few blocks down casting a faint greenish hue over the area. there’s a tea shop nearby she frequents often and she simply decided to stop by after buying some tea leaves. it doesn’t even occur to her that this is where she first took him.

          it takes a moment for her to place the voice with his name and she nearly laughs at how predictable he is. it’d been around two weeks since the families started arriving and it was only about time until he came to find her. for some pathetic reason, he’s still attached, despite her making it clear that nothing will ever happen between them again. she never repeats her mistakes.

          “ neither. ” she turns slightly to spare him a courteous ( insincere ) smile that morphs into a straight line. “ huh. interesting. ” her dry tone says otherwise. she looks back at the spirit wilds, watching the small spirits wander about. “ do you want something ? ”

    he doesn’t deflate. not externally. he came with no expectations, lower than that even, yet still he manages to find himself disappointed. he knows a forced smile when he sees one, having worn more than one himself (almost exclusively, actually). there’s nothing takumi hates more than a taste of his own medicine.

    he mirrors the insincere niceties, almost desperate to appear as blasé. though he means to be nice he can’t stomach the idea of his kindness being one-sided. however her answer, neither - it could mean so much, a whole spectrum of feelings good or bad, anything better than nothing. he clings to this hope silently, to ask her would shatter his suspension of disbelief.

    he wavers, averting his gaze. why does he feel so nervous? he doesn’t dare approach her directly, as if dealing with a wild animal he fears any sudden movement might encourage her to scurry off. instead he slowly paces to her side, still keeping his distance, as he peers into the tea shop. he smiles to himself, fondly recalling that day many years ago. he wonders if she remembers too, with the same amount of fondness. again, he doesn’t ask. 

      ‘ why do you say that? i’d be hurt if you thought the only reason i came to find you was because i wanted something. ’ he steals a glance at her from over his shoulder before turning and tilting his head upwards. there’s nothing subtle about his movements. ‘ i only hoped to catch up. ’

         she remained staring at him cautiously, wondering what his motives are. why he decided to show his face around her when clearly his lack of care during their relationship and abrupt leave made it known on how much she really matters to him. but confrontation doesn’t suit well with her. she’d rather bask in this moment, picking it apart in her brain later, wondering why this encounter happened and what would happen between them now. 

“ i think you’re the one that misses me. ” did he?? did he miss her at all?? as much as she tries to deny it, it was a mild trap to see if he would ever say it first. “ it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, takumi, a lot of things have changed. and one of them might be my ability to hide things from you now… ” and she jabs further, wanting any sort of reaction. “ and what if i did miss you?? are you going to kiss me and pretend that you missed me too?? ”

she takes a step back from him, making enough distance between them, how normal people would stand in front of another. it’s almost as if she’s protecting herself from him, despite knowing he’s not causing any harm–yet. “ it’s in the way of your eyes, that’s all. ”

     he’s not one to show surprise, only acknowledging her uncharacteristic resistance with a smirk. he’s not sure what sort of reaction he’d been expecting, or hoping for. however feistiness is a welcome change from the repetitive submissiveness of the girls back home, no matter how coyly they try to mask their desire. 

     ‘ feeling a little brave? ’ he adjusts the cuffs of his jacket. better to keep his hands occupied with useless fidgeting than to tempt himself into making another move. ‘ i know you miss me, rowan. ’ he brushes her off arrogantly. her verbal confirmation is hardly necessary. ‘ and i’m not pretending. ’ i really missed you. but he doesn’t complete the sentence, instead the implied sentiment hangs silent and heavy in the air between them. his gaze trails her features, greedily taking it in. he thinks he’s dreamed of her once or twice in glimpses - if only he could decipher what that meant. 

     he takes a step forward to match her retreat, head hanging eye level as he makes to check his hair in the reflection of her pupils. ‘ why don’t you give me a haircut, then? ’

        it’s not hard to find her. he knows her, intimately well - at least he likes to think he does. he can hardly bear to think that she does too and by that strain of thought, she’s most likely expecting him. there’s no surprising asuka, which is annoying to takumi. she makes him feel powerless. so why is he looking for her again? 

       he stops just short of making contact, though there’s no sense in hiding. takumi doesn’t really blend in. he stands uncertain and awkward, hands slipped into his pockets in a calculated act of nonchalance. it’s robotic and he knows it, but he can’t just do nothing. maybe because he doesn’t expect to find her here of all places, a sense of naive hopefulness had carried him to this spot. the first spot in all of republic city asuka had ever taken him. to takumi it held an uncomfortable amount of sentimental value, though he figures for asuka it’s nothing more than a beloved haunt. she doesn’t think about you, takumi.

      ‘ happy or repulsed? ’ he figures they’re the only acceptable options as he musters the courage to approach, ‘ - to see me, i mean. i’m happy to see you if that counts for anything. ’ he tries to smile innocently. tries.  @deadcrvshed

     —— her thoughts always lingered back to him. lips fall into a bitter grin, at the assurance of him being the only thing that would never let her heart settle. she never smiled anymore, feeling indifferent to how foreign the expression feels on her face. she used to smile so often, so easily, but now it was out of the realization of her cruel, pathetic life. thinking how it was such a pity her beautiful smile went to waste to a boy who would never show her the same amount of affection.

his departure hadn’t been the most conventional, but she felt it was something they both desperately needed. time apart to grow apart. at times she thought about contacting him, to make amends for the sake of closure. but that wasn’t something she wanted and she very well knew that was something he would never ask of her either. and so she stares at her phone, in painful silence. 

and from afar she could swear she was imagining him. proving even further she should stop thinking about him so often and distract herself. and the image came closer and closer and fiction became reality and he was standing in front of her. for a moment, her body froze, mind scattered. she’s quick to gather her thoughts, being vulnerable is a curse. her posture eased, rolling her eyes. “bold of you to assume i’d miss you.” and she did miss him. she missed him a lot. “and you haven’t either–i think you need a trim.” pushing his hair away from his face.

     the warmest smile he’s capable of has always been reserved just for her. there’s other faces he doesn’t let everyone see, that of pride, encouragement... longing - for her he saved sincerity, though only in the briefest of glimpses. but it’s been a while since he’s felt this way, so he thinks he’ll enjoy it just a little longer.

    ‘ not an assumption at all, ’ he catches her hand as it trails from his face, tilting her chin upwards with his other. he knows to watch himself, if he isn’t careful he’ll fall into the same mistakes again. no matter how indulgent he’s feeling on this particular day he’s promised himself not to go as far as rowan. at least not yet, it’d be unpleasant to already be on bad terms. ‘ you miss me, don’t you? you know you can’t hide anything from me. ’

     abruptly he drops he hold on her, opting to rake his own hand through his hair in response to her comment. does he really? takumi never doubts himself, at least he likes to think as much. yet for a brief moment he almost felt self conscious. ‘ you don’t like the grown out look? ’

     he knows he’s wronged her. only, he can’t seem to decide whether or not he cares. or if he should care. does she think about it still? that whirlwind, juvenile relationship that somehow felt irresponsible - more so than his endless list of thrown away lovers and one night affairs. he seeks her out regardless, knowing somewhere deep within him that his presence is a curse and if any sense of morality remained within him he’d turn around, straight back to his current lackluster lodging. but he wants to see her and desire always took top priority. 

     ‘ lonely? ’ he inquires. for a brief moment, he’s impassive, then the slightest of smirks tugs at his lips. the only smile you’ll ever see on suda takumi. in his adolescence he’d grinned freely though he despised his reflection for it, a predator baring its fangs, it was too transparent. or should he say inaccurate?  

      she’s magnetic - it takes all his self control not to touch her immediately with that familiarity he only granted a select few and a familiarity he’d lost the right to have with her. his hands clench noticeably before he can catch himself and conceal them within pockets. ‘ miss me? ’ lips to ear, too close to be friendly - and here he was trying to stay civil. ‘ you haven’t changed a bit since i left . ’ he observes, it’s a compliment of course though he wouldn’t dare expand on it. @vfternccn