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Fly, of all the places to go, you choose my left eye? #pithy #insects #random

If my words ever hurt you, I promise,  I never meant to.

Most of the time when standing still, my feet feel like running.

It’s hard to be angry when listening to the “Humpty Dance” song.

People who are easily upset are often the most difficult to please.

Dinner always tastes so much better when someone makes it for you.

There isn’t a need for scented trash bags, we know garbage smells.

Leaving an empty toilet paper roll is like setting karma’s alarm clock.

This whole country is just a bunch of addicts…see Pumpkin Spice.

You are the only one who removes lint from the dryer screen.

There’s no logical reason why nachos should not be considered breakfast food.

Having air conditioning makes me a much more patient a tolerable person

Man can not live on tacos alone, but I’d like to try.

The comfort I have in losing has always hindered me from winning.

I hate the sound of my voice…when there’s nothing to say.