Fucking Hell.

This is humor right here.

Know what’s on the menu? Me-n-u

I AM 1,000% ALL ABOUT FARM MEMES

I like my women curvy. lots and lots of curves. so many curves. maybe even a spiral shape. with ketchup. my ideal woman is actually curly fry.

Having trouble breaking up with someone??? 1. Lean in for a kiss 2. Stop before your lips touch theirs 3. Say “Oh ________, if only there was someone who loved you” 4. Walk away and let them die 

attempting to hide your desperate need for breath after a short flight of stairs

i don’t wanna be famous for the fame i wanna be famous so i can meet other famous people

OMG MY 17 YEAR OLD COUSIN HAS A BUNCH OF HIS FRIENDS OVER RIGHT NOW AND I COULD HEAR THEM LISTENING TO FERGALICIOUS AND SINGING SO I BANGED ON THE WALL AND SHOUTED “I CAN HEAR YOU GUYS” AND THEN ONE OF THEM GOES “SHIT WHY DIDNT YOU SAY SHE WAS HOME” AND THEN ANOTHER ONE WAS LIKE “NO ITS A PART OF OUR VIDEO GAME” AND THEN ANOTHER ONE SHOUTS “DUDE WHY THE FUCK WOULD FERGALICIOUS BE IN A VIDEO GAME” IM CRYING

It’s hilarious that we live in a society that will shame you for how much sex you have and for the junk food you eat. Like, wow, how dare you eat delicious foods and have orgasms, you’re a monster. Enjoy your miserable life filled with pleasures.