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man idek anymore.

i want to be skinny. i always did.

but now I'm seeing people be happy. People genuinely excited for summer, for their hobbies, for everything. I'm hearing my mum telling me not to lose any more weight or it'll look bad. I'm feeling weak and depressed and terrible. I'm wondering if it's worth it.

I'm scared. I'm losing myself and I know it.

I want to be a kid again. Not worry about weight or looks or fucking situationships or anything. i want it to be socially acceptable to start crying and needing to be comforted.

man. Idk what I'd do without ana tumblr lmao

Like this shit has become my absolute obsession. Every time I talk to anyone i want to bring it up. Even just hint at it. Anything.

But i can't. I can't because they'll try and stop me. I can't because I'll feel like an attention seeker.

But here? I can say whatever about it and this community of sick lil bitches will like my post and even relate.

I'm so hungry rn but i can't fxcking get past 48kg i need to stop

Stomachaches, hunger, fatigue/weakness: validating, make me feel high n shit, cool

Living w ana is so weird.

Like some days I look in the mirror and I'm overjoyed, thinking all my hard work is finally paying off.

Other days, I look in the mirror and I'm terrified. I wonder if I've finally reached the stage everyone stereotypes it as, the phase where my eyes create an imaginary layer of fat around my bones and my brain prevents me from seeing through it.

And then there's the days where I pick and pull at my skin, feeling everything I've eaten, wondering if I'm actually just faking it, because there's no way someone with ana looks like this, feels like this.

It's all a confusing mess. It is not "incredible self control" or "stupidity." (both things people have said to me)

It is an illness, a hell, and it is killing us.

i would be so much skinnier if i didn't live with other people who don't support my ED>:(

Did a 600cal workout!!!