lost in a dream

i would’ve loved you and been patient with you and worked around your communication and attachment style if you had just been there, just asked me, just told me you wanted me there.

you don’t know how bad it hurt for me. you don’t know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of this. all I wanted was to love you and be close to you and for you to love me and be close to me. I just wanted to feel safe. that was all. I gave you everything I could. really truly everything. why did you have to do this to us. I’m literally shaking and crying as I write this and you probably don’t understand because you don’t know what this has really been like for me. I feel beaten down and emotionally paralyzed. I’m too afraid to even respond to you because of how badly it hurt. It feels like I can’t, like my body won’t let me.

i just wanted to love you. i just wanted to be close to you. why did you have to do this to us, when all i wanted was to be with you. i would’ve done anything for you.

i’m sure one day you’ll meet someone and you’ll just love them. it won’t be messy or complicated and you won’t be confused. they’ll just be right for you. and i wish that was me. because that’s how i felt. it wasn’t confusing or messy for me at all. i just wanted to love you this whole time. idk what i did wrong. or what wasn’t enough. but i tried