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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@daytonightdream
I create situations that will never happen, I dream and dream and dream. Maybe this is why I feel so different from others why I feel like an imposter everywhere I go, they live in the reality of being whilst I live in the fantasy of being
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I don't know how things are like this how I am like this. I hope everyday but is it hoping or deceiving? I have no idea what to do. Who to talk to who to be? What am i? Who am i? I have no friends. The friends I did have dont need me anymore. I tell myself they are bad people but are they? What is good and what is bad? Am i good? I want to be but it pains so much to be good . You expect others to be good when youre not. And when someone disappoints you the stomach pain reappears and grips you, it comes and goes and comes and goes. When it's there, it consumes you and you take refuge in poetry and music but for how long? How long until I'm forced to face the reality. What is the reality? I will never say it. To say it is to accept it . I shall never accept it
I'll get your longing glances, but she'll get your ring
It rained all night and I miss my childhood. It's a short poem, I've had a long long night and a short life. I've been trying to remember my grandpa's smile but memory is a treacherous thing. It rained all night and I miss everything I've forgotten.
-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The Flesh I Burned
“Accept the fact that you will grow apart from people you’ve had significant relationships with. Understand when someone no longer positively affects your life. Let them go. Don’t hinder your growth.”
— Lyjeeria
how do I let them go if they are all i have
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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“Maybe home is nothing but two arms holding you tight when you’re at your worst.”
— Yara Bashraheel
Which is why I have never felt at home
“Every word has consequences, every silence too.”
— Jean-Paul Sartre
Having a best friend since childhood who you have been with all your life, gone to fun places together, played and dude we did everything together
Then her getting a boyfriend which I am happy for really but now she hangs out with his friends all the time; at lunch, outside and just generally. When the boyfriend doesn't come to school then she hangs out with me.
Do I know I am being treated horribly? Yes known for a year now. Am I doing something about it? Tried ignoring her, couldn't
I am so sick of loving people i don't like it's fucking exhausting, painful and so motherfucking lonely
you know sometimes I feel like I've missed out on everything fun just because I'm so closed off.
But then I imagine myself with the people that are having "fun" and it feels like a fever dream
““Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.” - Paulo Coelho”
—
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you know I've realised it's just so hard to believe in yourself and not get influenced by others. I have always been a very self sufficient, independent person who thinks that she is actually pretty okay. I am not self confident per se but I trust myself. But lately these voices everywhere, everyones opinions and what they're doing and this fear of missing out has been just getting me.
I am learning again to trust myself, be selfish when it comes to studying and try harder and work hard but still be calm when I get low grades. It's not the end. Life is too short to see everyone as competition. I don't care how much you scored.
sometimes while studying physics, chemistry and biology (aka the subjects i have), i get this wave of gratefulness that i glimpse the privilege of being, these elements, the complexity of a mere pendulum, the complexity of the body everyone has but not everyone understands. then this excitement sometimes vanishes with all the bulk of exams. i want to learn to always be obsessed with these things and always appreciate them even if my education system is working hard to make them boring.
I'll be there in the corner, thinking right over
Every single word of the conversation we just had
boys in books are just better
100%
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Sometimes I wish i was different. I wish I wanted to be an artist, dancer or a writer. Studying 24*7 is just really hard
Were it not the case that life stretches out in a straight line, she might at some point become aware of having rounded a bend. Bringing, perhaps, the realisation that nothing of that past could now be glimpsed were she to cast a quick glance over her shoulder. This road might be covered not with snow or frost but with the soft tenacity of pale green spring grasses. A white butterfly stuttering forwards might snatch at her gaze, tug her a few paces further in the wake of those wingbeats, like a soul's fretful palpitations. She might become aware only then of the surrounding trees, their slow reanimation as though in thrall to something, giving off a strange stifling scent, flaring up into a still more lush proliferation, into thin air, towards the light.
