I have an appointment at 4:45 this afternoon.
For those of you still following along, but don't follow my new blog, I have some news...
trying on a metaphor
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@daysofthedad
I have an appointment at 4:45 this afternoon.
For those of you still following along, but don't follow my new blog, I have some news...

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
For that special Anon, you know who you are.
Shifting
I created a new blog. I can't corrupt this one anymore. I'll be re-following you guys throughout the day. If you want to continue to follow along with my current shitshow and read along with the unraveling of a life once lived, let me know and I'll send you a link to the new blog. If not, I understand.
I promise, I'll answer your messages shortly.
Goodbye.
It Shouldn't Matter, But It Does
Words matter, and even the small changes hurt.
Overthinking With An OverStressed Brain
In the best of times, I could really murder a moment or a day by overthinking a conversation, interaction or absence of something expected. Now, in the worst of times, I massacre the seconds of everyday because overthinking is the new normal. But that's not the worst part. The worst part is knowing your right.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Maybe A New Blog Is Order
My last few posts have been pretty bad. The one this afternoon in particular was hard to write. I'm sure it will be hard to revisit it later on.
Yeah. Tumblr Hiatus Over
Whatever. May as well document it all. What's difference anyway?
I
I had a breakdown yesterday. I had panic attacks yesterday at my mother's new apartment. I thought of having to move back there and start over. I thought of checking into mental institution. I thought of checking out. I've come to the realization that I am only bringing negativity to those around me. I am exuding nothing positive. I am the subject of anger, worry,depression, resentment, nervousness, pity, stress, and apathy to those who know me. I have no release. I don't even know what I would if I did. I was drenched by a man not paying attention to his hose while washing his car today. I didn't even get mad, even when he noticed and ran over to apologize. I told him to get away from me and kept walking. I have become, maybe always been, a doormat. I am fighting with every fucking ounce of my body and mind to keep everything together. I find everyday is harder than the last. I stopped looking toward tomorrow. I discover a new obstacle to overcome, a new problem to fix everyday. I am a walking problem. I don't want sympathy, I want to be allowed to feel what's there. I have love in inside me. I have the kind of love that can scorch the Earth for my family. I'm not pure, or innocent, or perfect, but my love is. I think about that when I lay awake at night. I use that to get me out of bed. I am fractured shell of myself. I am depression, anger, worry, nervous, resentment, pity, and stress. I know who I am.
I don’t like the person I’ve become; I don’t like what the sadness has done to me.
(68/365) by (DS)
When Anxiety Attacks
I mentioned the other day that I've added anxiety attacks to my repertoire of crazy. As much fun as that has been, this morning I upped the ante by throwing up during an attack this morning. The cause of the attacks? The pattern seems to be, when I think of the various scenarios where I am no longer the husband and father I want to be (if that's vague enough), looping memories of many years ago that will never stop, and a current constant uncontrollable issue that gets worse at every instance (vague again, whatever). Heart palpitations, shortness of breath, clammy palms, can't sit still, and now, vomit. Welcome to Fuckedupville Jared, we've been expecting you.
I came onto Tumblr to reply to some messages and noticed my number of followers has increased from the last time I looked at it from 22,397 to 22,559. Everyone loves a train wreck right? Well, I don't know how much I'll be posting, maybe more, maybe none (I'm leaning toward the latter for now), but it sure will be fun to watch won't it?
Anyone taking bets on my crazy? What are my odds here?

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Do Not Open: Pathetic Pity Party Inside
Sorry if you're on a phone or tablet, there's a read more thing here. It's gonna get a little vague too so may as well just keep going.
You are a much more interesting, real, and well-rounded person than people who pretend they have no problems in life.
Thank you. But right now, I’d rather be one dimensional and problem free. Even if it’s for 30 seconds.
Anon (You Know Who You Are)
I'm not back, but I need to do this.
Anon is back on. There's no need to create fake fucking blogs to get to me. No need to harass Christina anymore. Leave her the fuck alone, you faceless fucking zero. You have something to say to me, about me, about my problems, my marriage, go the fuck ahead and ask away. I'm fucking fed up with the amount shit I have and currently swallow, but I'll gladly take this shit away from Christina. I might deserve it, but she doesn't.
Call me an asshole. Call me pathetic. Tell me my wife doesn't love me and is going to leave. Go ahead and tell me how great she is while pushing me down. What else you got? There's nothing you can say that I haven't thought before. Gimmie a new one to chew on you fuck. I'm waiting.
Last Post
This will be my last post for awhile.
I feel like I'm nose deep in shit and my lifelines are too far to reach. These past weeks have been a roller coaster of mild highs and some low lows. Currently, I'm riding the lowest low. I am barely able to get out of bed in the morning, and spend the day on autopilot. My failures as a father, husband, and human being, and there are many, have caught up with me ten-fold and I am reaping the consequences. Constantly teetering between unrecognizable rage and fucking soul crushing sadness is no way to go through the day, especially considering my love for Christina and Dylan. But it's happening anyway. It's the love that images hurt so fucking much. The isolating feelings, terrifying future, and awful thoughts have been making my days alone with Dylan so difficult. I can't even fake it anymore. He doesn't deserve a father like that. Who thinks the way I do. Christina doesn't deserve a husband like that. They are perfect in my eyes.
I am seeking help, but I fear I need much more then anyone can provide. I tried to save myself, but I couldn't. I made things worse. I'm trying to make things better.
I need to walk away from this site because it makes me so sad. I see the things I used to write about and how I felt, and it's so different now. I see the things a lot you guys write, and I just get jealous. I see the things Christina writes and it makes me sad. I just can't add anymore to my eyes and heart right now. I can't even look at Christina or Dylan without wanting to crumble to my knees. I just can't add anything else to that feeling.
I hope to come back sooner than later. Maybe I'll change my mind in 10 minutes, who knows. But as of now, just imagine I'm hearting all your posts. I'm pretty sure Christina isn't going anywhere, so I know you guys are getting the better half.
Take care of yourselves and take care each other.
Thank You
I wanted to post a public "Thank You" to everyone for their support, comments, and messages. If you follow me and/or Christina, you know there are a lot things going on these days. Too many negatives, not enough positives. There are things I haven't shared here that are also happening but I guess some of my recent posts have reflected that. The days are long, and the nights longer. Normally, I would bury myself in something to distract me, but this time I'm letting myself feel the flood. For better or worse, that's what I'm doing. I've been spotty on Tumblr and I don't see that changing anytime soon. Sometimes it's hard for me to read and see some of the posts that come up, so I punch out for a bit. But despite that, many of you have showed your support and encouragement despite not knowing the full scope of the situation. That's special, and I really appreciate it.
Thank you all.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
You're so awesome but your "husband" is a joke.
Youre a fucking piece of shit and I hope you choke on a dick. That goes double if youre someone I talk to on a regular basis. Stick five dicks in every orifice and pump.
Fuck you. My husband is a fucking god.
So, messaging my wife was your next step? How's that working out for you so far?
I get it, you're digging on Christina and you don't like me. But I'm wiling to bet it all and say a few anon messages trying to bring me down isn't going to get you any closer to her, or push me further away. Your messages are the joke. You attempts at...whatever the fuck it is your trying, is the joke. Go fuck your own face.
Dylan Moran on Irish temper
Yeah, this sounds about right. Couple this with Norwegian blood and I'm clearly not fit to live among the humans.