☙Yours Truly❧

And then a few pages later in the same chapter she chose to point this out: (It is Gwyn’s breath)

I do believe part of this has to do with Nesta actually having a back bone and not allowing anyone to push her around and they don’t like that. But also because of Feyre’s biased narrative. They only know what she has told them. And due to that they refuse to give Nesta a chance and bully her to get her to attack them to prove their own biased narrative.

But to have an entire books beating her down to ‘redeem’ her and give her a terrible mate that treats her like an object without the decency to at least say that he loves her is far too cruel. I’d expect such garbage from fanfiction not a cannon written book.

Mor is a joke, and her "powers of truth" conveniently allow her to lie at will. For someone who has lived hundreds of years, it's sickening how easily she demonizes someone who has lived not even a fraction of her long life.

She undeservingly puts herself on a pedestal and measures others to an impossibly high standard that she herself does not meet. She is no saint. None of these characters are.

Mor was definitely a problem in Cassian and Nesta's relationship. She had no problem standing between the two of them and passed judgement on a relationship that only the two people involved seemed to understand.

"Cassian's eyes did not leave Nesta's; nor did hers leave his. There was no warmth, no tenderness on either of their faces. Only that raging intensity, that blend of contempt and understanding and fire."

Nesta and Cassian's relationship has always been something of their own making. Mor had no business trying to interfere, especially when ACOSF and ACOFAS proved that Cassian is capable of his own missteps in their relationship. Imagine the things we didn't get to see behind the scenes in ACOWAR.

Cassian also served a particular need for Mor. A type of security that she used to ward against Azriel. And for some reason, she saw that security more important than Cassian's potential happiness.

I have no idea why SJM built up this dynamic between Nesta, Cassian and Mor only to sweep it under the rug in ACOSF. I remember that Cassian even feared how Mor would react if he saw how much Nesta affected him in their bonus chapter (Wings and Embers I think).

There was of course these moments:

"At the sound of Mor's voice, Cassian snatched his hand back and pivoted toward Mor with a lazy smile. "Nothing for you to cry over, don't worry." Nesta dragged her stare from his face--down to her now empty-hand...Cassian didn't look at Nesta as she rose..."

"Mor had never seemed ruffled by mention of Casein's past lovers. Perhaps because they'd never meant much--not in the ways that counted. But if the Illyrian warrior no longer stood as a physical and emotional buffer between her and Ariel...And worse, if the person who caused that vacancy was Nesta..."

This type of ownership is toxic and possessive. To think Cassian would have to factor in Mor every time he developed a relationship is insane. And it clearly didn't have to be Nesta. Had it been anyone who threatened the status quo, she would've lashed out.

I really wanted to see how their dynamic would play out in their book. How Mor would have reacted and what the aftermath would have looked like had there been some fallout. But SJM seemed to have either forgotten what she had established, or retconned the entire thing (in true SJM fashion).

The only interesting thing that seems to be coming up in the books for Mor is whatever dynamic exists between herself and Eris. I can't remember the exact quote, but there is a suggestion that some hidden truth exists between them...

Rhys gets hard on himself and the internal monologue of every character in existence reminds us he’s such a good person and it’s really not a big deal that he killed all those people or drugged Feyre and made her dance naked and twisted her bone because he had a reason so it’s totally fine and he deserves instant forgiveness and worship!!

Feyre gets hard on herself and every character in the series jumps over themselves to say my precious Angel baby darling you have never done a single thing wrong in your whole life!! So what a whole Court got destroyed you were just in a silly goofy mood!! You meant the best! You were wronged and revenge is rightfully yours to take!!

harassing her abt her virginity

physically restraining her after finding she’d been sexually assaulted

following her home when she told him to leave her alone

laughing at her when she was visibly injured

restricting what she eats

forcing her on a hike, making her carry a heavy ass backpack, and never checking on her knowing she was likely suicidal

Waiting for Nesta to take the Trove and her Made swords and Gwydion and LEAVE the NC because she is done with them. And then the IC realizing their f**k ups. Because what is Rhysand “most powerful High Lord” without his best weapon AKA Nesta.

I want him to be afraid of what Nesta could do or worse what she could become. Not knowing where she is or where she is going. Is she staying in this world? Or is she going to another world?

Literally according to every couple SJM’s ever written, mates are supposed to accept you at your worst and be understanding of your position and hardships while still helping you to flourish.

Cassian kicked her when she was already down, couldn’t accept her when she was coping with her trauma, and instead of being gentle and helping her find a better alternative so that she could still go at her own pace, he forced her out of her comfort zone so that he could quite literally change her. In the end he did nothing to help, it was her friendship with the Valkyries.

They had chemistry, yes. But the whole emotional vulnerability and pure empathy for your partner and anything beyond the sexual is entirely lacking between the both of them. And they certainly are not equals in their relationships. Their power dynamic was entirely on display in the entirety of ACOSF and literally used against Nesta.

ALSO SHE LITERALLY CHANGED HER BODY FOR HIM??? Like yeah I get what SJM was going for, and it could be romantic, but with the way SJM frames mates, it’s just meh. And in the context of what transpired between them and how Nesta’s been treated, it always just felt icky to me. If that isn’t the biggest unintentional symbolism ever, idk what is

Like I thought you weren’t supposed to get between a male and his mate? But Cassian tucks his tail between his fucking legs whenever someone insults Nesta, but gets insanely aggravated whenever she brings up criticism of Rhysand, who he KNOWS has treated her poorly, regardless of the circumstance. Like go be with your real mate then 🙏

That being said, I have never thought Nesta gives her mental health as an excuse for her actions or words. If anything, she is completely closed off about what her own upbringing and traumas were like until we were well into acosf. If you can move on from the first few chapters of acotar, you can see that deep down Nesta loves Feyre and even her father.

It is Nesta who goes after Feyre and tries to get across the wall. It is Nesta who tells Feyre it is okay to go back to her life with Tamlin- and she tells her, don't come back, not in "we hate you" way, but in a, you've taken care of us, you've shouldered this burden, and I'm telling you it's okay and letting you go. It is Nesta and Elain who are turned Fae against their will, and you know, it is unfortunately Feyre's fault. Was that the goal? No. But you can understand some bitterness on Nesta's part. Even so, with all the trauma she went through in the Cauldron, she sees the importance of speaking to the High Lords about what is coming with Hybern and she does. She has a sense of morality and inner self, and she doesn't want to act like a coward even though she admits to everyone she is afraid. It is Nesta who helps in the war anyway that she can with the healers and the scrying, even though her entire life has just been upended and again, this is so scary to her. Everything about this new life is scary to her but she is trying.

Then her father dies and what little progress she had sort of reverses significantly and quickly. I will argue that Nesta has not at all been abusive to anyone past Feyre's childhood and the few first chapters of Acotar. Being mean to people who invade your personal space (Mor, Cassian) every once in a while is not abusive. It's just being a bitch. And honestly, everyone in acotar for the most part has had their bitchy moments.

She never excuses her actions and words. In fact, she KNOWS what she's doing. She's well aware of the hurt she's caused in the past and what her regrets are with her family and it tears her up inside, which is why she so rarely addresses it to herself and definitely not to others.

Why we love her? I think she's so different from all the other characters in acotar because she is so jagged. Because she admits that she's broken and sad and lost and she refuses to make it nice for everyone else's sake. That doesn't mean she keeps punishing people around her even though I've seen many antis say she does. Nesta moves away from Feyre and the IC when she's spiraling and the only times we get references of her being mean is when she's forced to meet them and play nice. Think of it this way- your dad is dead, you're grieving, you haven't had the 500 years plus of experience to navigate this in a healthy way, and people are constantly in your face either trying to get you to play nice or judging you foe it. Many antis love Rhys's quote on how Elain is nice or how Mor is so nice even though she's been through so much. But the reality is this, hurt people are HURT. They are not happy. It's not a realistic expectation for a person going through a major depressive episode to put on a facade to make everyone else feel good about themselves. It's not even in any selfish way, their mind is literally incapable of doing it because they are stuck in grief or numbness.

I think a lot of her stans, myself included love her because we see ourselves in her. Saying the wrong thing and then regretting it afterwards. Being stuck in our own minds and constantly being sad and anxious about everything and having nowhere to turn. Keep in mind that when Feyre was depressed, Rhys constantly tried to help. When Nesta was depressed, Feyre even admits rather than stepping in and doing something about it, she let it go on because she thought it would be fine. Everyone did. Cassian did that, Elain did that, even Amren somewhat. And maybe it would have been but we see it wasn't. I'm not going to argue about how wrong the entire "rehab" bit was, because that's not the point here.

In acosf we see Nesta deal with her inner demons. She reflects on her mother, who we can tell was somewhat emotionally abusive and definitely manipulative. Her grandmother was physically and verbally abusive. We hear her self doubt and we hear her tell Cassian she regrets what she did growing up in that cabin, she regrets how she treated Feyre, and she has no idea how to make it better. It is so much self hatred and it has morphed into something that forces her to lash out on people when they even slightly push. It's not healthy, but again, it's not abusive. Another issue is that besides Feyre and Cassian and Azriel, everyone else around her is NOT helping the situation. You can have your favs too but the fact is, Rhys constantly provokes and goads her. He has a grudge against Nesta and he has in writing admitted that he holds her to a higher standard than Elain. Mor tells her she wants to throw her into the Hewn City, a place known for brutalizing and abusing women. Amren calls her pathetic and a waste of space. This is a woman who is extremely depressed and on the verge of suicidal. None of these taunts and behaviors is kind and it probably does even more damage but we never hear anyone talk about that unless we bring it up in Nesta's defense.

I think there is another thing to account for. Feyre wants Nesta in her life. It is very different if Feyre said, you know what, I resent everything you did to me and I don't want you in my life. And I'll admit it, Feyre would be valid to do that. But she doesn't! That's a key fact. Feyre wants Nesta in her life, she wants this relationship intact. And by doing so, that means accepting that there will be days when Nesta will not be her best self, when she will lash out and say mean things in retaliation. It would be a very different story if Feyre went no contact. But it's not. And to be so hateful towards Nesta never really made sense to me since Feyre herself is her biggest advocate.

It is FEYRE, who stands by her sister when anyone tears her down. It is Feyre who tells Rhys off everytime he makes a snide comment and that's often. It is Feyre who explains to Cassian that she knows how much Nesta cares and how difficult it is for her to show her true feelings (this is Feyre giving not an excuse but an explanation for Nesta's behavior, something Nesta doesn't bother to do.) Feyre defends Nesta more than Nesta does for herself, because Nesta never does. I'd argue that Feyre loves Nesta more than Nesta loves herself. And even by the end of acosf it's not clear if Nesta has a good and healthy self love for herself but she most definitely loves Feyre very much.

One random thing that I see antis love to run with- Nesta didn't teach Feyre how to read. Nesta didn't know. She says that to Feyre, she's very surprised to learn this, and it's in writing. Now Feyre does say she didn't think Nesta would teach her, which also hurts but also surprises Nesta. Because she says no, we would have taught you why didn't you tell us. Because Nesta has not seen the damage she has done to Feyre with her words until they have these moments and talks. To Nesta, she was lashing out because she was so angry at their father for not doing more to keep them alive. And to be clear it did fall more on their father than any of the children. But I do believe that had Nesta realized how truly hurtful and damaging her words were to Feyre, she would have stopped. Each time Feyre admits something that affects her about Nesta's actions, Nesta mulls it over and is shocked. It shows compassion and objectivity towards herself. She sees an error in her ways and she tries her best to correct it.

Now onto the controversial reveal on Feyre's pregnancy. First things first, Rhys has no excuse to lie the way he did. None. And in our modern world, that is indeed considered spousal abuse. Now as to why Nesta said it- yeah, she does it for the wrong reasons. We hear it in her POV. She is so angry at Amren, she is so angry at everyone for lying to her and sitting around discussing her and then saying that she needs to be the respectful one. But, and this is so important, the minute she says it she instantly regrets it. She KNOWS she's fucked up. She hates that Feyre is crying and hurt and it's because of her. A truly abusive sister who's as cruel and heartless as everyone makes her out to be would have relished in the hurt she caused. But she doesn't. She just hates herself even more for what happened. And the fact that Rhys's threat doesn't even upset her, the fact that she is just so done and ready to die on that hike should tell you this is not someone who enjoys hurting anyone. Everything is aimed at hurting herself.

Antis like to say that Nesta saving Feyre and Nyx was the bare minimum. And sure. Yes. It is. But that's not the point. The point of that entire scene and end is that Nesta took from the Cauldron in anger and hate and vengeance for what was done to her. She stole it as a big fuck you to the Cauldron and everything else that forced her to turn Fae. And she fears that power and never touches it, never wants to actually use it, because she hates it. And yet, when Feyre is dying, Nesta is willing to do anything. She will use the power she fears to try and save her and most importantly, she willingly gives it back and says she will give it all back as long as Feyre is safe. The very thing she took out of anger and retribution, she will let that go. She will let it all go as long as she can keep Feyre alive. Is that not love? Is it not growth and healing?

I think one of the issues with SJM as a writer is sometimes she shows instead of telling. You need to do a lot of reading between the lines sometimes to understand her characters. Nesta especially because she is very much so an actions over words person and shes so rarely upfront with how she's feeling. And not just Nesta, we see this issue with Cassian too. Because they both do things to represent and signify love and honor and sacrifice yet their words can be jagged and mean and give off a different impression.

Just to reiterate, there's never been a time that Nesta has actively used her poor mental health to excuse and justify her words or actions. In fact, more often than not we hear more about how angry and hateful she is towards herself and how much she regrets her past. A true villain would offer excuses and justify what they've done. The most we ever get with Nesta is an explanation regarding her upbringing and trauma, and to clear it up, an explanation is not an excuse. Nesta never excuses her actions. When she's being honest with herself and her feelings she admits her errors, she admits to her shame, and she says she wants to do better and be better.

Another thing I think is important to remember is that SJM herself sees Nesta as a strong impactful character. She herself said in an interview, no, you aren't supposed to hate Nesta and she's quite surprised people do because after she re-evaluated her own writing during acotar, she realized Nesta is not the villain in this story. She's a hurt girl who's been through some horrible things and her life experiences have then impacted how she acts and reacts. SJM said sees herself in Nesta. She has denounced Tamlin as an abuser many times and would never put forward a main character with this much impact on the plot of this book and the Crescent City series if she thought otherwise.

This was super long but I'm happy you've tried to see it from another POV. I won't be getting into arguments with people who DM me or message unkindly on this post simply because I don't care. Acosf came out years ago and I'm no longer in the mood to engage with anyone who won't try and keep things civil in a conversation about fictional characters.

First off, the other problem with you Nesta stans is that you blame Feysand/IC when it isn’t their fault. It is NOT Feyre’s fault Elain and Nesta got turned, it was Tamlin and Ianthe’s fault. Rhysand was ONLY ever “rude” to Nesta when she was making Feyre feel like shit. Nesta does not deserve kindness from people who see through her shit, especially when she’s abusing someone who doesn’t deserve her vile behavior.

Nesta went after Feyre because their only source of income left. And why was Nesta okay with Feyre going back to Tamlin? Because they were rich again and weren’t dependent on Feyre and Nesta hated Feyre for being the one to save them and care for them. Obviously Nesta isn’t going to want Feyre around.

No one wanted to help Nesta because when they showed her kindness she would lash out at them, on purpose, and so they stopped. Even in the book she lashes out at Elain for trying to show kindness and she feels triumphant over it. She tells everyone to leave her alone and she hurts them when they don’t, so they left her alone. What else are they supposed to do? It isn’t their responsibility to help her. Nesta is responsible for her own feelings, she is responsible for her own mental health, and it is NOT the responsibility of Feysand/IC or even her mate to “make her better”. They are NOT obligated to “be there for her” when all she does in the entire series is abuse them and hurt them. 

To say that Nesta didn’t abuse anyone beyond acotar is laughable when the biggest abuse she did was lash out at Feyre and tell her she was going to die giving birth just to hurt her. Nesta happily kept that secret from Feyre and was saving it as ammo to hurt her. 

Mor and Amren and the IC are just giving Nesta back the energy she gives them and honestly? Don’t blame them for it. Like I said, Nesta is responsible for her own health, her own emotions, and how she reacts to things. She knowingly abused and lashed out at others. I do not feel sorry for her when people say she belongs in an environment filled with people who act just like she does.

Feyre is also known to be too forgiving. I do not care if Feyre wants Nesta in her life; it’s just out of obligation because she is her sister. Feyre even admits she has a closer relationship with Mor than she does with Nesta, further proving that Feyre only has Nesta around out of obligation. It isn’t fair to put Nesta’s wellbeing in the hands of anyone else except herself.

I also don’t give a shit that Nesta isn’t aware of how badly her abuse affects others. She should know since she herself was abused.

Rhys shouldn’t have lied  but I do not blame him for not telling her. Are you not aware how stress can damage a pregnancy, especially one that is already so dangerous? SJM wrote this on purpose; she had a bad pregnancy and wish she didn’t know, and that’s why she wrote Rhys not telling Feyre. SJM did not write this as him being shitty, he was trying to protect Feyre. He was trying to exhaust all his options before telling her. He at least would have had love and care in the way he told her instead of the abuse of Nesta.

Nesta saving Feyre and Nyx (and Rhys by proxy) will only ever mean nothing to me. Sorry. It’s the bare minimum and I would only accept it as a viable action if Nesta had died in the process. 

This entire post just made me more firm in my hatred for Nesta. She doesn’t deserve forgiveness, she isn’t entitled to kindness, and I wish Feyre had just thrown her out. I’m not gunna be nice about it.

Also lmao “people aren’t supposed to hate Nesta” but y’all will rag on Feysand/IC when SJM loves them and has clearly written them to be the heroes. SJM knows Nesta is a nasty abusive bitch bc she also said in interviews "she does and says all the horrible terrible things I wish I could to do other people". SJM self inserting on an abuser doesn't make the character good.

One last thing, no way Nesta went 19 years not knowing Feyre couldn't read. Just bc sjm retconned it in acosf doesn't mean it wasn't a real part of the story.

This is what I get for trying to be nice. I actually fell for it. I really did. But I realized this was never about trying to understand anything. You were looking for a fight. Anyways. Bye then I guess.

Not someone who actually wishes to have an open discussion, or "see someone else's side," but just someone who is just looking for an excuse to fight.

I'm one of the stans who don't see Nesta's interactions with Feyre as abuse. More like petty, stupid sibling fights that are reactionary. Every time Feyre says something Nesta perceives as insulting, she lashes out right back. Admittedly, she is sharper in her response, but her aim is to return the hurt Feyre inflicts.

"So it was me and Nesta, always at each other's throats."

i.e Feyre calls Nesta a burden -> Nesta retaliates in response.

This is a pattern seen throughout the series in fact. Every time someone crosses Nesta, she reacts in turn. Is it always right? No. Is the recipient always undeserving? Also no.

Is this me condoning everything that happened between Nesta and Feyre in the cottage? Of course not. Nesta does have things to own up to. Just as Feyre has things to answer for as well. ACOSF has stated that both sisters have wronged each other. I hope we see more of those discussions between the sisters soon.

Perhaps all sisters had difficulties, fights, chasms between them. She wasn’t perfect, but … neither was Feyre. They had both made mistakes. And both had long, long lives ahead of them. What had occurred in the past did not have to dictate the future.

But I agree wholeheartedly that Nesta never used her mental health as an excuse for her actions or words. She (unlike most of the characters in the books) acknowledges her wrongs.

You're also so right about how much Nesta loves Feyre. And how much, in turn, her sister loves her back. One of the best quotes to describe their relationship was how they were "two sides of the same coin." Both similar people in nature, but while one was free , the other was caged. I do believe that their mother plays a large part in their conflicts with each other, and hope it's something addressed in the future books too.

"I mean, it was always that way with us, and our mother. She only had an interest in Nesta. She ignored me...but Nesta was hers. Our mother made sure we knew it.

What also needs to be addressed is Rhysand and the IC's poor treatment towards Nesta. They without a doubt have only made it more difficult for the sisters to reconcile.

Finally to address some of the comments made by the other account, here are 7 quick points:

Rhysand, Feyre and the IC do share some of the blame for Nesta and Elain being turned. Rhysand and Feyre involved a then human Nesta and Elain in their war, and as such, they become collateral. Above all, they promised protection. It might be hard to admit it, but Rhysand, Feyre and the IC failed the sisters that day. Feyre and Cassian have been noted to be especially gutted about what happened and constantly feel guilty because they do accredit some blame to themselves.

Rhysand has been terrible to Nesta regardless of her interactions with Feyre. Despite everything Nesta has sacrificed and given up for the fae, he refuses to see the good in her, and I believe SJM is setting him up for some serious atonement in the future books based on their latest interaction in HOFAS. I think she might have even said something similar in an interview?

Nesta didn't go after Feyre because she was their source of income? She went out of concern. In ACOMAF, they are still very much well off. Feyre and the bat boys meet them in their manor, and they have servants to attend them. More importantly, I fail to see how as a "feyre stan," you can completely ignore Feyre's own choice of going back to Tamlin because she loved him. Nesta only encouraged her to follow her instincts and do what she thought was right. Nesta has never controlled Feyre's actions or made any choices for her. Can't say the same for Feyre though.

While I agree someone's own health and wellbeing is their own responsibility, the IC's desire to help Nesta wasn't a form of kindness. The IC never hesitated to tell Nesta she was broken or undeserving. And personally, I don't blame Nesta for not opening up to them. She doesn't really know them the way Feyre does, why should she trust them? As for Elain, she was a significant disappointment in ACOSF. Nesta is the kind of person to destroy herself for the people she loves, and when Elain needed her after they were turned, Nesta was there for her. But Elain packs up her bags and forcibly moves her to the house? Elain has the nerve to be so ignorant and selfish about her progress? Elain so easily gives up when it gets difficult and when Nesta's way of grieving is messier than hers? Hard pass.

Nesta didn't tell Feyre about the birth to hurt her. She told her about the birth to point out how her mate has been lying to her all this time. That her mate, with all his talks of "choice" has no problem making choices on behalf of them both. She reacted in anger towards her own situation and it prompted her to point out to Feyre how she has been wronged too. Even Feyre herself says this...so what are you going on about?: "Cassian sighed through his nose. She … He thought it over. I think she saw the parallels between your situations and, in her own way, decided to avenge both of you. That’s my feeling, too."

Rhysand shouldn't have lied about the pregnancy, on that we are agreement. And if Feyre's anger and disappointment in him is anything to go by, she also doesn't give him a pass. When you think about Feyre's own journey of being independent and making her own choices, I can't imagine that she would like to be kept in the dark. Look at one of her best lines in ACOMAF: "I don't want to hear you tell me that you decided I was to be kept in the dark while your friends knew, while you all decided what was right for me." I hate to say it (not really lol), but this was a shitty thing to do. Feyre would not have been angry if it wasn't. Rhysand wouldn't have apologized or felt bad either if it wasn't.

Feyre isn't exactly forgiving all the time. She still holds Tamlin in contempt and absolutely resents her mother. But she loves her sister and not out of mere obligation. You can see that by how she tries to help her. What she needs to work on, however, is how to understand her. Regardless, Feyre wants Nesta in her life. Desperately. Feyre even gets jealous when Nesta confides in Amren instead of her. I can't imagine why you refuse to acknowledge how deeply the sisters care for each other, but maybe something to work on?

In the end, I see you and other accounts like you for what you are. I can write dissertations about how great Nesta as a character is, and you wouldn't even give it a second glance. I can talk about how abusive Rhysand has been to Feyre and you would find a way to excuse and centre him, because your conditional love for Feyre as a character only exists as subsidiary to your overarching love for him. I could even talk about the ways Feyre has misused and abused her powers as High Lady over her sisters, and it would fly over your head because you would think it deserving.

Okay, since we're once again playing the "Nesta has to apologise for every single thing she's ever done wrong in her life" game, I thought I'd make a list of nearly everything Feyre has apologise for when it comes to Nesta;

- I'm sorry for insulting the way you looked when you were born saying you had a sneer on your face when I literally didn't exist.

"She wasn’t like Nesta, who had been born with a sneer on her face." ACOTAR CH.2

- I'm sorry for not thanking you for cooking for us every night since Elain and I didn't know how to.

"We dined on roasted venison that night." ACOTAR CH.2

"Heat. I can't cook" ACOMAF CH.54 (Proof that she can't cook)

- I'm sorry for insinuating that you are a horrible person and that our mother realised that on her death bed.

"Or maybe impending death had given her some clarity about the true nature of her children, her husband." ACOTAR CH. 1

- I'm sorry for judging you for trying to befriend the village people because your old friends ignore you.

"Since we had lost our fortune, their former friends dutifully ignored them, so my sisters paraded about as though the young peasants of the town made up a second-rate social circle." ACOTAR CH.2

- I'm sorry for making fun of you, telling you you can't and calling you a burden for wanting to marry an abuser to help the family when I literally said a few paragraphs before how much I was looking forward to you and Elain leaving so I could be alone.

"Sometimes I would even indulge in envisioning a day when my sisters were married and it was only me and Father, with enough food to go around, enough money to buy some paint, and enough time to put those colors and shapes down on paper or canvas or the cottage walls." ACOTAR CH.1

“Believe me,” I said to her, “the day you want to marry someone worthy, I’ll march up to his house and hand you over. But you’re not going to marry Tomas.” ACOTAR CH.2

"If Nesta wanted to leave, then fine. Good. I’d be one step closer to attaining that glorious, peaceful future, to attaining a quiet house and enough food and time to paint." ACOTAR CH.2

"While Tomas might want to marry you … you’re a burden.” ACOTAR CH.2

- I'm sorry for not thanking you for caring about my safety with the mercenary after you had been robbed.

“They’re dangerous,” Nesta hissed, her fingers digging into my arm as she continued to pull me from the mercenary. “Don’t go near them again.” ACOTAR CH. 3

//“Some other one who passed through. We had only a few coins, and he got mad, but—”

“Why didn’t you report him—or tell me?”

“What could you have done?” Nesta sneered. “Challenged him to a fight with your bow and arrows? And who in this sewer of a town would even care if we reported anything?”

“What about your Tomas Mandray?” I said coolly."// ACOTAR CH. 3

- I'm sorry for pushing you away when you showed concern for me sleeping with Isaac.

“I do hope you two are taking precautions.”

“It’s a bit late to pretend to care,” I said." ACOTAR CH. 3

- I'm sorry for complaining about not being included when all I do is exclude myself and judge what you bought with the tiny amount of money I gave you.

"I watched my sisters whispering and laughing together. They’d spent every copper I’d given them—on what, I didn’t know, though Elain had brought back a new chisel for our father’s wood carving." ACOTAR CH. 3

- I'm sorry for almost scolding you for not being able to afford new boots and a cloak when I literally judged you for wanting a new one

"The cloak and boots they’d whined about the night before had been too expensive. But I hadn’t scolded them for it, not when Nesta went out a second time to chop more wood without my asking." ACOTAR CH. 3

-I'm sorry for saying you wouldn't protect me and then in the same sentence say that I know it's because you know that I can fight my own battles.

"I knew—with a sudden, uncoiling clarity—that Nesta would buy Elain time to run. Not my father, whom she resented with her entire steely heart. Not me, because Nesta had always known and hated that she and I were two sides of the same coin, and that I could fight my own battles." ACOTAR CH. 4

- I'm sorry for saying that you were probably happy that I was gone and hoping I had been eaten so you could get attention when you were literally hiking alone trying to cross the wall to find me and save me.

"Nesta must be stretching her legs and smiling at the extra room. She was probably content imagining me in the belly of a faerie—probably using the news as a chance to be fussed over by the villagers." ACOTAR CH. 7

- I'm sorry for trying to put blame on you when you were telling me how you think our father forgets that he literally neglected all of us.

“There are days,” Nesta said as she paused in front of the door to her room, across from mine, “when I want to ask him if he remembers the years he almost let us starve to death.”

“You spent every copper I could get, too,” I reminded her." ACOTAR CH. 30

- I'm sorry for blaming you for not teaching me how to read and write when that was never your responsibility, I never told you and I should've been able to do that because I was 8 when we lost our fortune. I'm also sorry for assuming that your level of reading would be better than mine since I admitted that our mother neglected our schooling.

"Before our downfall, my mother had sorely neglected our education, not bothering to hire a governess. And after poverty struck and my elder sisters, who could read and write, deemed the village school beneath us, they didn’t bother to teach me. I could read enough to function—enough to form my letters, but so poorly that even signing my name was mortifying." ACOTAR CH. 13

- I'm sorry for telling Ianthe everything about you, including where you lived, which ended in her being able to kidnap you and force you into the cauldron.

"I’d told her about the village, and the house my sisters now lived in, about Isaac Hale and Tomas Mandray. I hadn’t been able to mention Clare Beddor—or what had happened to her family." ACOMAF CH. 2

- I'm sorry for telling the IC that you only cared about money and social standing.

“I was born to a wealthy merchant family, with two older sisters and parents who only cared about their money and social standing." ACOMAF CH. 16

- I'm sorry for telling Rhys that I would make you and Elain help the fae with their problems and even consider asking Rhys to force you to help the fae.

//"They might not be happy about it, but I’ll make Elain and Nesta do it.”

"I didn’t have the nerve to ask Rhys if he could simply force my family to agree to help us if they refused. I wondered if his powers would work on Nesta when even Tamlin’s glamour had failed against her steel mind."// ACOMAF CH. 19

- I'm sorry for showing up unannounced to the house with a group of dangerous men and immediately expecting you to be okay with it.

Chapter 23 of ACOMAF ~ it's too long to post.

- I'm sorry for leaving you both to clean up after I'd insulted the food and let complete strangers openly judge you.

//“Is there something wrong with our food?” she said flatly.

I made myself take another bite, each movement of my jaw an effort. “No.” I swallowed and gulped down a healthy drink of water.

“So you can’t eat normal food anymore—or are you too good for it?” A question and a challenge.

Rhys’s fork clanked on his plate. Elain made a small, distressed noise.

And though Nesta had let me use this house, though she’d tried to cross the wall for me and we’d worked out a tentative truce, the tone, the disgust and disapproval …

I laid my hand flat on the table. “I can eat, drink, fuck, and fight just as well as I did before. Better, even.”// ACOMAF CH. 24

//"Cassian’s brows rose—little amusement to be found now. “Someone who let her youngest sister risk her life every day in the woods while she did nothing. Someone who let a fourteen-year-old child go out into that forest, so close to the wall.” My face began heating, and I opened my mouth. To say what, I didn’t know. “Your sister died—died to save my people. She is willing to do so again to protect you from war. So don’t expect me to sit here with my mouth shut while you sneer at her for a choice she did not get to make—and insult my people in the process.”

Nesta didn’t bat an eyelash as she studied the handsome features, the muscled torso. Then turned to me. Dismissing him entirely."// ACOMAF CH. 24

"My sisters cleaned the dishes while we worked, and had excused themselves to bed hours before, mentioning where to find our rooms." ACOMAF CH. 24

- I'm sorry for calling you a creature after Rhys insulted you and saying it's the kindest thing I could say about you.

“Nesta is a delight, by the way.”

“She’s … her own creature,” I said. It was perhaps the kindest thing I could say about her." ACOMAF CH. 24

- I'm sorry for not standing up for you when Rhys claimed that only Elain cares about me and that it's your fault for not protecting me.

"Rhys didn’t answer. Instead he said, “I didn’t think I could get through that dinner.”

“What do you mean?” He’d been rather … calm. Contained.

“Your sisters mean well, or one of them does. But seeing them, sitting at that table … I hadn’t realized it would hit me as strongly. How young you were. How they didn’t protect you.”

“I managed just fine.” ACOMAF CH. 24

- I'm sorry for saying that you let me go into the woods when you aren't my mother or responsible for me.

“But if I hadn’t gone into those woods, if they hadn’t let me go out there alone …" ACOMAF CH. 24

- I'm sorry for allowing Rhys to say he can't look at you without wanting to roar at you when he doesn't know a single thing about you.

“but it will be a long while yet before I can look at your sisters without wanting to roar at them.” ACOMAF CH. 24

- I'm sorry for comparing the anger I felt about Eris and the nail in Mor to Rhys hating you for your "failings"

"And I understood—why Rhys could not endure Nesta for more than a few moments, why he could not let go of that anger where her failings were concerned, even if I had." ACOMAF CH. 41

- I'm sorry for forcing you to help in a war you had no original part in and for telling Rhys I would make our desperation obvious so they're manipulated into helping.

//"Let me figure out how to deal with both of them, as family, but mostly as their High Lady.

Mor’s face tightened, but I shook my head. “I can—ask my sisters. See if they have any sort of power. See if they’d be willing to … talk to others about what they endured. But I won’t force them to help, if they do not wish to participate. The choice will be theirs.” I glanced at my mate—the male who had always presented me with a choice not as a gift, but as my own gods-given right. Rhys’s violet eyes flickered in acknowledgment. “But I’ll make our … desperation clear.”// ACOWAR CH. 16

- I'm sorry for repeatedly asking you to tell complete strangers what happened to you in the cauldron after you had said no several times and I'm sorry for trying to abuse my power as High Lady to manipulate you into telling your story

//“And we might need your assistance during the meeting with the High Lords—to provide testimony to other courts and allies of what Hybern is capable of. What was done to you.”

“No.”

“You don’t mind fixing the wall or going to the Court of Nightmares, but speaking to people is where you draw your line?”

Nesta’s mouth tightened. “No.”

High Lady or sister; sister or High Lady … “People’s lives might depend on your account of it. The success of this meeting with the High Lords might depend upon it.”

She gripped the arms of her chair, as if restraining herself. “Don’t talk down to me. My answer is no.”

I angled my head. “I understand that what happened to you was horrible—”

“You have no idea what it was or was not. None. And I am not going to grovel like one of those Children of the Blessed, begging High Fae who would have gladly killed me as a mortal to help us. I’m not going to tell them that story—my story.”

“The High Lords might not believe our account, which makes you a valuable witness—”

Nesta shoved her chair back, chucking her napkin on her plate, gravy soaking through the fine linen. “Then it is not my problem if you’re unreliable. I’ll help you with the wall, but I am not going to whore my story around to everyone on your behalf.”// ACOWAR CH. 18

- I'm sorry for trying to force you to train when you said multiple times you didn't want to.

"But then I said, “Why won’t you train with Cassian?”

Nesta’s spine locked up. “Why is it only Cassian that I may train with? Why not the other one?”

“Azriel?”

“Him, or the blond one who won’t shut up.”

“If you’re referring to Mor—”

“And why must I train at all? I am no warrior, nor do I desire to be.”

“It could make you strong—”

“There are many types of strength beyond the ability to wield a blade and end lives. Amren told me that yesterday.” ACOWAR CH. 24

- I'm sorry for telling you off for not being respectful to the healer when you were rightfully annoyed that no one was helping Elain, accusing you of barking at them and snapping at you to "be quiet" when you were worried.

//“How.” The word was barely more than a barked command.

I braced myself to warn Nesta to be polite, but Madja said to my sister, as if she were a small child, “The mating bond. It is a bridge between souls.”

The healer’s tone made my sister stiffen, but Madja was already hobbling for the front door. She pointed at Lucien as she saw herself out. “Try sitting down with her. Just talking—sensing. See what you pick up. But don’t push.” Then she was gone.

I whirled on Nesta. “A little respect, Nesta—”

“Call another healer.”

“Not if you’re going to bark them out of the house.”

“Call another healer.”

I caught Lucien’s eye. “Would you try it?”

Nesta snarled, “Don’t you even attempt—”

“Be quiet,” I snapped.

Nesta blinked.

I bared my teeth at her. “He will try. And if he doesn’t find anything amiss, we’ll consider bringing another healer.”// ACOWAR CH. 28

- I'm sorry for winnowing away when we were going somewhere together, leaving you with a man you felt uncomfortable around and calling me doing that "sisterly payback" because you're attitude was not what I wanted it to be.

"Ready for some flying, Nes?”

“Don’t call me that.”

The wrong thing to say, from the way Cassian’s eyes lit up.

I chose that moment to winnow to the skies above the House, chuckling as wind carried me through the world. Some sisterly payback, I supposed. For Nesta’s general attitude." ACOWAR CH. 30

- I'm sorry for not believing you when you told me that we weren't safe, telling you that because the others don't think anything is wrong, it's all fine.

“We need to leave,” Nesta said. “Right now.”

Every sense went on alert. “Why?”

“It feels wrong. Something feels wrong.”

I studied her, the clear sky beyond the towering, drape-framed windows. “Rhys and the others would sense it. You’re likely just picking up on all the power gathered here.”

“Something is wrong,” Nesta insisted.

“I’m not doubting you feel that way but … If none of the others are picking it up—” ACOWAR CH. 47

- I'm sorry for telling you that I would build a shower for you after you told me you can't take baths anymore and then never doing anything.

Nesta studied me for a long moment. And then she said with equal quiet, though we could all hear, “I can’t get into a bathtub anymore. I have to use buckets.”

I hadn’t known—hadn’t even thought that bathing, submerging in water …

I knew better than to touch her hand. But I said, “When we get home, we’ll install something else for you.” ACOWAR CH. 52

- I'm sorry for judging where you spend your time.

"Nesta shrugged. “She could have eaten with me here.”

“You know Elain wouldn’t feel comfortable in a place like this.”

She arched a well-groomed brow. “A place like this? What sort of place is that?” ACOFAS CH. 13

- I'm sorry for forcing you to come to a religious holiday you don't celebrate and judging the place you want to celebrate in. And then trying to use our father's death as a way to guilt you into coming.

//"Finally, my sister looked back at me. “So you’re bribing me, then?”

I didn’t flinch. “I’m seeing if you’re willing to be reasoned with. If there’s a way to make it worth your while.”

Nesta planted the tip of her pointer finger atop her stack of cards and fanned them out across the table. “It’s not even our holiday. We don’t have holidays.”

“Perhaps you should try it. You might enjoy yourself.”

“As I told Elain: you have your lives, and I have mine.”

Again, I cast a pointed glance to the tavern. “Why? Why this insistence on distancing yourself?”

She settled back in her seat, crossing her arms. “Why do I have to be a part of your merry little band?”

“You’re my sister.”

Again, that empty, cold look.

I waited.

“I’m not going to your party,” she said."//

//“Father would want you to—”

“Don’t you finish that sentence.”// ACOWAR CH. 13

- I'm sorry for withholding your rent unless you came to an event you didn't feel comfortable coming to and then when you came, ignoring you and being insulted you didn't get me a gift when I didn't get you one.

//She swigged from her glass. “It’s due next week. In case you forgot.”

I said flatly, “Come to Solstice and I’ll make sure it’s delivered.”// ACOFAS CH. 13

//"It occurred to me only when she said the words that none of the gifts in this room had Nesta’s name on them."// ACOFAS CH. 20

//"Nothing from Nesta, but I didn’t care. Not one bit."// ACOFAS CH. 20

//"Nesta watched warily from her chair, Elain’s present—her only present—in her lap."// ACOFAS CH. 20

//“Here.”

Nesta half turned toward me, focus darting to what was in my hand. The small slip of paper.

The banker’s note for her rent. And then some.

“As promised,” I said.

For a moment, I prayed she wouldn’t take it. That she would tell me to tear it up."// ACOFAS CH. 20

- I'm sorry for not saying anything when Amren openly slut shamed you.

“Though I bet it’s hard to look good,” Amren went on, “when you’re out until the darkest hours of the night, drinking yourself stupid and fucking anything that comes your way.”

Feyre whipped her head to the High Lord’s Second. Rhys seemed inclined to agree with Amren. ACOSF CH. 1

-I'm sorry for telling you that you embarrassed "my family" when you're my sister.

Do you know how embarrassed I was when we got the bill this morning and my friends—my family—had to hear all about it?”

Nesta hated that word. The term Feyre used to describe her court. As if things had been so miserable with the Archeron family that Feyre had needed to find another one." ACOSF CH. 2

- I'm sorry for painting everyone but you and then only painting you when I decided that you had earned it.

//"Every piece of art had been picked by Feyre herself, or painted by her, many of them portraits and depictions of them—her friends, her … new family.

There were none of Nesta, naturally.// ACOSF CH. 1

//"She’d joined them at the river house one night to find a mating present from Feyre waiting for her. Hanging on the wall in the grand entry.

A portrait of Nesta, holding the line at the Pass of Enalius."// ACOSF CH. 80

-I'm sorry for telling you that I would tie you up and force you to go to the House of Wind when I myself should know what it feels like to be locked up against my will.

"You’re going, even if you have to be tied up and hauled there." ACOSF CH. 2

I can go on...

There is a great number of Nesta-antis who couldn't care less about Nesta, growth or not. Their commitment to hating this character surpasses any acknowledgement of her mental health journey and all the pain she went through in ACOSF. They have been very vocal about it, going to great lengths not only to attack Nesta, but those that support her.

You may feel differently, but unless you are speaking on behalf of every single Nesta-anti out there, you can't make such generalized claims or ignore what has already been put out there.

As for your "itty bitty teensy" request. Let's be SO serious.