What the fuck is an emotion now

“Everyone is a mess,” she said, as if that was what he needed to hear from her. She paused for a moment, trying to come up with anything that could possibly make things better. “Try to keep that brilliant brain of yours right here, with me.”

He was overwhelmed, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to see that, and she knew that she really couldn’t help him. “You’re okay, things are going to be okay. You don’t have to do or say anything you don’t want to.” She didn’t know how to be there for him, but she couldn’t accept that.

“Radley-” He sighed, how to explain that that with one out-of-hand meltdown, he could erase half of the people on campus But she was trying and well- plenty of people had tried with him. The Hallers, the people in the institute, his siblings, teachers, counselors, Ana, etc. The only one who had been of much help was his biological father and his massive influence came by way of containing his powers completely. Was the mutant cure still a thing or was that in some universe that he remembered but no one else did?

He sat down on the ground, it was not i the middle of things exactly, but kind of. He wrapped his legs criss cross and placed his cheek on his palm. He could feel his insides churning. “I could just get rid of them. But we’ve already tried that. My- The Hallers did. Took me and tried to get them shut off but- yeah.”

And then he was in Ana’s room. She was there on the other side, he couldn’t see her here but he could feel her. He was supposed to meet her for lunch that afternoon, she probably thought he stood her up. Or forgot about it. Or slept through it. Or maybe it hadn’t even come time for it yet, but David had no idea what time it was. He walked around the room, thinking about how he could get his point across. 

He hated the idea of breaking the lightbulb. What if the glass got into her eye? And he didn’t want to do anything to scare her, even though she was a very difficult woman to scare. Instead, he made the power surge, the music from her computer stop, the track switched to Africa, by Toto (to announce his presence, obviously), and then to Justin Bieber’s Sorry, because he was very sorry for standing her up if he had done this, Stuck in the Middle With you, specifically turning it up whenever the word STUCK came up. Finally, Love in the Library by Jimmy Buffett, because if he remembered correctly, he had left himself in the library. David was happy with his selections, and decided that she had gotten the memo if she was home, and decided it was time to find his way back. 

“Obviously something is off, but how am I supposed to know this,” Radley said somewhat trying to remain the rational one, “You’re the telepath here not me.” She wanted to be there for him, but how was she supposed to get what he was dealing with.

“I can’t do anything unless you let me in David,” she looked up at him somewhat sadly. She could tell he was out of things, and he wasn’t telling her something. She wanted to press for more information but clearly that would be a poor move on her part. “Do we need to go somewhere else? Somewhere with less people?”

“A bad telepath.” He added. He chewed his lip, standing in silence as the mental battle was waging. of course she can’t do anything shes not a telepath not like ana what do you mean not like ana? even your own biological father, supposed world’s strongest mutant, can barely help you!! she can’t help you what if she gets too close what if what if what if what if! we had some waffles right now!! 

Waffles appeared in his hands, and disappeared as soon as he realized what he had done. “We can’t go anywhere else-” He ran his hair through his increasingly messy hair. “Their problems and all that. It just follows.” Sleep deprivation, not good for David. “I just- can’t-” he was going to have a meltdown. “I am-,” he laughed. “a fucking mess.”

With a sigh, the girl dragged her knees slowly up to her chest. Probably not the best idea, but she didn’t care. Cirrus rested her head on her knees, as the gaze shifted between the floor and David. “As much as being a mutant may seem cool, I just… I don’t know. Either I gain full control, or I try to get rid of them. I am ashamed of being a mutant, because I should have full control over this bullshit and I don’t. What’s the point?” She shrugged, a sigh escaping her lips. Being a mutant just made her miserable. The constant nightmares had gotten the best of her as of late, and she was closer and closer to the edge.

Cirrus thought about her dad in that moment. He had changed a bit recently, and it added to her never-ending list of worries she had. “I have no clue what got them together, since my dad isn’t exactly the nicest, and can be problematic, but they made a balance.” She explained, slightly missing the family dynamic. It was weird it being just her and Erik.

David laughed, “I hate being a mutant.” It was the truth. “I wish I wasn’t most days. Would I get rid of my powers if the opportunity presented itself? I mean probably but like- who knows what I would do? I say we keep our powers, rob a bunch of banks, and retire to Italy and eat pizza all day. We’ll bring Araki. They’ll have a blast!” or force him to do pushups. 

“And my dad, abandoned me.” The defendant claims he knew nothing about his sons birth!! David believed him no he didn’t yes he did no- “And is the world’s most respectable mutant and hundreds of other kids see him as this father figure and- I don’t know. Him and Erik- they worked until they didn’t I guess.” Appeared from nowhere pizza in hand, he leaned back in his chair. “Maybe they’ll get back together. Probably. I like Erik.” yeah well Erik hates you. Okay! rude anyway, “They do or they don’t, you’re still my sister.”

“I keep hearing about this coffee drink.” Edgar spoke, looking up the cup in his hands. It definitely seemed hot- was this what humans enjoyed on a hot day? “Is it really as good as Thor says it to be?”

“It’s lifeblood.” David shrugged. David felt like he often became the default for strangers to talk to, his mom said he had a kind face. Today his face was pale, dark circles around his eyes. YOU LOOK GREAT SWEETIE, he heard her say. He silently thanked part of his mind that had popped in to remind him of Mrs. Haller. She was probably worried. “You know Thor? Dope.” His sometimes step dad was Mag-fuckin-neto but David wasn’t one to name drop like that. 

Radley giggled slightly, “You sounds a little unsure there.” She wished she knew what he was thinking, did she do something wrong? Was she just not a good kisser? “I’ve been,” she paused briefly, “drinking tea.” She have a slight shrug, “the usual things.” No she wasn’t doing the usual but shy would she admit it. Obviously they probably weren’t going to acknowledge anything and she’s just gonna deal with that.

“That’s a...very superficial reason to not- you’re fine, you’re great. It’s just-,” David was usually very good about not acknowledging when he read the thoughts of others while in conversation with them as he was doing it. It made them fussy and, understandably so. He hated it when anyone was in his head, but that was mostly because he could feel their presence and their baggage and their loud noises. His entry into the heads of others brought none of that. Except loneliness on his end. “I didn’t mean to-”

He was becoming frustrated with himself. Why couldn’t he just finished the damn sentence for once- Brandy, you're a fine girl you're a fine girl What a good wife you would be such a fine girl But my life, my love, and my lady is the sea. yikessss. He had spaced- wrapped up in the song for a solid fifteen seconds (it’s a good song!!!). “I’ve um- not been myself lately.” you’ve been yourself more than anytime in your entire life!! “Clearly. I mean, you can tell, right?”

Things between Radley and David were…different to say the least and she didn’t really understand why. The more she thought about it, the more confused she got until eventually she just had to stop thinking about him. Logically she could do that, but emotionally nor so much. She wasn’t going to acknowledge anything unless he did. “Soooooo, what have you been up to?” she said shyly, noy even looking up from her tea.

@davidxhallerx

MY FAVORITE TECHNOPATH WAHHHH hiding we were hiding from her and, “Radley, hey.” He went to lean against the nearest surface and over estimated the distance. His shoulder clumsily struck again the wall. Okay so they had kissed. Like, right before Ana showed up. And Ana was here. He had held her. She was real. But that left things with his friend Radley in a weird place. David was just in, had been in for months, a weird place. Gone was the confident man of several nights ago, who knew what he wanted and kissed his friend. Back was the boy that twitched and stuttered and ached for belonging. “I’ve been doing a lot of- lying around. Same old same old, really. What about you?”

               she hadn’t seen him in a while, he managed to leave and she was happy. he needed a sense of normalcy instead of the institution which he was used to. it was not something pretty, not the life she was used to but her mother was helping her adjust as much as she could.                eyes widened at the scenic change as her fingers unconsciously stroke the back of his neck. she found that touch helped a lot when she was learning how to control her powers as a child. not that their abilities were in any way shape or form the same, but it was worth a shot. “your mental block is waning,” she muttered as she looked up at the boy, finger tracing his jaw slightly.               lips curled into a small smile, she was happy for all the joy she brought him but he was also a constant reminder of what happened. they were their support system— coping mechanisms. “i missed you too, david.”

He got a sense of what she was trying to do and knew it wouldn’t worked. Nothing worked. Except for a strong, in tact telepathic block that completely took away- I AM NOT DOING THAT AGAIN the fucccckkkkk

David was sure that he had not hidden his expression of bewilderment from her, but tried to play it off as if he were in shock she had been able to guess about the waning block. “you got it on the first guess.” He said softly, twenty points to slytherin!!! placing his hand against hers, collapsing it fully on his jaw. The touch would not do anything for his powers, but it felt nice. 

“We do not have this pong of beer game on Asgaurd yet I am still kicking ass at it.” She said as she had just beat another opponent. She took a small sip of her asgaurdian mead as she felt the effects of the drink start to hit. “Okay who wants their rare end handed to them next.”

“Helllll yeahhhh,” David was intoxicated, okay? It wasn’t a good time for him to be this way, it was a great time. Parties had never been his thing, and he had turned Vila down at first. But considering all of the time he had spent in his room as of late, it was probably a grand idea to get out. “That’s my friend and she’s kicking ass!” 

              she figured he would never say anything nice about himself despite her thinking the opposite— at least in the haze of the institution. she looked up at him, lips curling into a smile at the realization. she wondered if it was all fake, every thing they shared simply out of desperation to have someone, to feel safe and wanted.             she stood there not moving, head tilting up towards him to look at him, a face she had missed. hoping he wouldn’t go away, she didn’t want him to go away but she remembered everyone that she knew before the institution and the slight explanations she needed to give. it was a pain.            “real,” she nodded her head back towards him. “i mean— if we have to.” without even hesitating the shorter girl stood on her toes wrapping her arms around the man’s neck bringing him as close as she could attempting not to tip over the plate of waffles. 

He wrapped his arms around her. This was- nice. Perhaps the nicest thing to happen to him in- months. Maybe a year. Maybe since he had last hugged her. 

She was in his arms and that was the nicest thing considering any of his numerous current circumstances. Without realizing it, he brought them to a desert. And then flashed them to the cafeteria. And then finally, the tacky fountain on the green. On the rim, not in the water. 

“I’m sorry, I- I’m going through some stuff with my powers.” He waited for one of the voice of his most rational self and least rational self to echo something snarky or witty or rude about the comment, like they for the last handful of weeks. Nothing. Quiet. Peace.

Weird. “That’s uh- yeah. It’s been a lot of- that. Lately.” Not wanting to elaborate or make this all about him or anything. “Ana this is-” CRAZY!! ARE WE SURE THIS IS REAL?? Ah, there he was. “I’ve missed you so much.”

No matter how many time she witnessed people using their powers, it never failed to amaze her. And wake up a bit the green monster in her. Only a bit because she was left with a useless power when there were people out there that could do things like what David had just done. Then she remembered that it wasn’t easy for him having those powers and felt bad about it. 

“No, no! I can carry it.” She took it from him with a smile, not wanting to be a bother more than necessary. “But actually I-um- I wanted to talk to you about something. An idea. Or a plan. Or a possible plan.”

“A plannnnn?” His face lit up. Once again, the bag lifted into the air as he excitedly began stuffing a twizzler (where did those come from?!) into his mouth. “I love a good plan.” His mouth filled with the sticky red candy. David, don’t eat with your mouth open! a voice, his late grandmother’s chimed in from a corner of his mind. He chewed, swallowed, and said again, “I love a good plan.”

Astrid was almost sure she had spoken aloud. But then again she knew that her powers meant she had often mixed the two up. So she gave a slight huff as she took the helmet off. And I told you that as an imaginary friend you don’t get to choose not to respond to me.

The voice sounded differently this time. He tried to blow it off, he was cranky because of the sleep deprivation, and lack of dinner, and the looming threat of being held back another year, and missing his nephew’s birthday. “Yes, I do. It’s called free will.” He said aloud, rather than in his head this time. 

              head cocked slightly, she knew what he was doing, she could sense it in a way. the disbelief in the whole situation had him on edge, she had to admit that it had her on edge as well but she knew just how powerful he could be. she had to tread lightly before he could cause harm to others but most importantly— himself. she took a step forward, a small step her shorter legs staying close, holding the waffle to her side as she tore off a piece and popped it into her mouth, a sign of confidence for the man in front of her.               eyes flashed towards the man’s actions, eyes rolled slightly. she thought back, they shared so many instances but even she thought they were fake but here they both were. “that i still think you’re too cute.” she took another step. “that i actually started to like africa by toto because of you.” she continued to take smaller steps until she finally stood toe to toe with the man. “i’m real david, believe me.”

He twitched at the word cute, it was an involuntary response to realizing she was who she said she was. Her lament on the song confirmed her identity. It ran chills down his spine, and he twitched once more. Immediately annoyed with himself, he looked up and toward the stars, away from her. she was real. And she was actually here. 

When he lowered his head from the sky, she was just inches away. His plate of waffles was still in his hands, but had become inconvenient. David considered poofing them away, but that was his dinner, and he wasn’t entirely sure that he would be able to bring them back. He placed the plate at his feed. 

“Real.” He nodded. notrealrealnotrealrealnotreal shhhhhhhhh. She’s real, obviously. Don’t be an idiot about it. “Can we hug now?”

“They’d make me a normal person, David. I’ve wanted nothing but that since I realised what I could do and what I’m capable of. I’m not hurting anyone because I’m dumb enough to let…” Her sentence broke off as she looked at her hand as a small wisp of fire went into the air. “I’m dumb enough to let this control me.” She sighed.

She looked over at him then swallowed thickly when her dad was mentioned. She felt like the Lehnsherr’s embarrassment. Cirrus never wanted anyone at school to know who her family was, especially because of her powers. “You think they;ll get back together?” The girl asked, raising a brow towards David. She never asked how her dad felt about the situation, because she didn’t want to push him away. “I have no relationship as far as I know. I dunno, i – it’s complicated. Also this is very off topic, but like… I don’t want this to be me, anymore.”

His head was buried in his hands now. Trying to give advice to people just..made his mind hurt. You have your own issues nonono Cirrus is your kind of sister and she needs your help who the fuck needs help from David Haller plenty of people!! he’s a good kid. “Okay, okay, okay. There are people, good people, here that can help you control it without medicating your mutation away. It’s not like there where..you know, your mutation was something to be ashamed of.” But you ARE ashamed of your mutation, David, and that’s okay! 

“Charles and Erik? I mean probably.” He pulled his head up from his hands, something changed. He was now less sullen then he had been throughout the interaction. “Honestly you know what. No. I don’t know who the hell what put up with the other but them? They’ll end up back together. And, well, Charles’ reputation is such that complete randos feel like they have a relationship with him. You’re his something of a step-kid. He’ll help you.” 

                 it was a difficult night to sleep, she’d only been adjusting for a small while but sleep seemed out of the question. her mind was slowly adjusting to the ridiculous thoughts of the students around her. headaches were not out of the question and she knew her mother would say to tough it out but there was some dependency on tylenol to numb it somewhat. warm toes touched the cold floor as she stopped in her tracks as she saw him there.                     she hadn’t seen him in some time, a part of her thought he was a figment of her imagination. a coping mechanism to help her deal with the institution and it’s heinous acts. yet—- a part of her hoped differently, that she didn’t make everything up, that there was someone out there who did care. she stopped, examining the man— he still looked relatively the same, same height, same dumb look on his face.                    brows furrowed in confusion as she reached out and grabbed the waffle. “didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s rude to throw things at people?” lips couldn’t help but curl into a smile at the affirmation that he was real. all of this was real. 

“Teaching me not to throw food was the least of my parents’ concerns regarding me.” He kept his distance. What if his mind had bent reality so that the waffle didn’t go through her. He could ask her to tell him something only the real Ana Frost would know, but what if he had made her up entirely? Or he hadn’t made her up, but she wasn’t actually there? What if his mind chose to say something only the real Ana Frost knew?

The waffle hadn’t gone through her, she was there. What if she wasn’t though?? Shit. What if she was here, but she wasn’t supposed to be? What if he wished her into reality, or brought her over from another one? He had wanted so desperately happy the last few weeks, what if he did this on accident? What if this was another ploy from one of the school’s shapeshifters to purposefully fuck with him? Or something more nefarious, like take him away again. He took out his phone and shared both Cirrus and Araki his location, without any explanation, just in case he was taken again. He returned the phone to his pocket. “What’s something you would say that my mind wouldn’t just make up? ”

I hear the drums echoing tonight, But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation, She's coming in, 12:30 flight. The song had been stuck in his head all week, obviously it would be no different on his night time waffle run. Most were sleeping by now, and if they weren’t, surely they weren’t paying attention to the dude with a stack of waffles, muttering to singing to himself as he stumbled back to his dorm. David had not realized that he was projecting the song to the mind’s of everyone currently within half a mile radius of him. 

He was singing quietly to himself now, “Hoping to find some long forgotten words or ancient melodies, he turned to me as if to say, ‘Hurry boy, it's waiting there for you’” David saw her then. Standing there, practically glowing, like an angel (They're the most beautiful creatures in the universe. They live on the moon of Iego, I think). She’s not there. What’s she doing here? That’s not her. No, he’d seen her in dreams the last time he’d slept. He had seen her where she was then and she hadn’t been here. But that was her. T H A T S H E R, idiot. 

This was in his head. It had to be. THIS IS IN YOUR HEAD. Ana hadn’t actually existed. He made her up. Why was she here? To see you! No, to better her education, obviously. David’s head twisted to the side, his eyebrows pulled together. There was only one way to settle this. He took one of his waffles and frisbee tossed it toward her. If she wasn’t there, it would go through her. If she was real, then. Yeah. It's gonna take a lot to take me away from you, There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do, I bless the rains down in Africa.