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note: dividers by @uzmacchiato

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LOVE LETTERS - MASTERLIST

Nothing to see here yet!! Coming soon...

note: dividers by @uzmacchiato

an: This is based on Merry Christmas, I miss you by Alex Crichton. It can be read as part to to merry christmas, please don't call. Again, depressing but I can't help it. This is Lando's point of view.

w.c.: 1.3k

December 25th, Christmas.

The view from the cabin was captivating. Especially now that the sun had gone down and it was snowing again. Everything outside seemed so calm and peaceful, the complete opposite of the war that was currently going on in Lando’s mind. 

His plan hadn’t been to spend Christmas in a cabin somewhere in the french alps. It had actually been Max's idea, to make their annual ski trip overlap with Christmas this year. He knew his friend very well to know that if Lando was left alone this year on Christmas day he would have ended up wallowing in his sadness. 

The whole day had passed by in a blur. Presents, skiing, food, jokes, card games, it had all been a well revised plan to keep him distracted. And it had worked. Up until now.

It was late in the evening and everyone was off doing their own thing. Lando was sitting on a couch, half watching the snow fall outside through the floor to ceiling window and half watching the movie Pietra and Max, who were cuddling on the other couch. 

Love Actually. He remembered when his girlfriend had forced him to watch it with her around this time last year and how he had complained it was a dumb movie without actually having seen it. Well, ex girlfriend, because he had ruined that.

He hadn’t really meant to. It was something he either did subconsciously or it was out of his control. Usually, he likes to blame their falling out on the distance, on his job, on his career. And while all of those things had played their role in how things progressed between them, what had really destroyed what they had was their communication. Or better said, their lack of. And it killed Lando to admit that his inability to let someone see him for what he really is, had ruined the best thing he had ever gotten hold of.

It is weird how quickly things change.

Exactly a year ago, he could have sworn they’d be infinite. It was the day he had taken her to meet his parents. She was nervous and he had spent the whole car ride down to Bristol reassuring her that his family would love her. What she didn’t know was that they already did. Lando hadn’t stopped talking about her since the day they'd met. 

He had convinced her it wasn’t that big of a thing. Which was a lie because Lando never introduced his girlfriends to his parents. Mainly because most of them couldn’t even be considered girlfriends and fit more into the ‘casual hook ups’ or ‘friends with benefits’ categories.  

He remembered how he had spent most of his time watching her interact with his family and feeling proud about how well she fit in with them. That was the moment that solidified for Lando the feelings he had for her. And as he sat there and watched her interact with his niece we thought about how Christmas would be ten years from now, when they’d be married and have a family of their own. 

It was the moment that made it clear to Lando that this was the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The girl he was going to marry.

If he were honest, he always knew. From the moment he first saw her, at the back of that party on Christmas day two years ago with a drink in her hand and looking awkward, he knew that something was different about her. 

When he first walked up to her, Lando was nervous. Which was the most unlike Lando thing ever. Normally he was really open and comfortable around people, the definition of an extrovert. But for some reason this was different.

The first thing he told her was some lame joke about both of them being out of place since they knew no one and their friends ditched them, He didn’t get much of a response, except for a forced smile, and for a bit lando felt as if he was having a one sided conversation. But the longer he kept talking the more at ease she started to feel around him. 

The walls didn’t really come down until Lando made another joke about something stupid, what he couldn’t remember. What he remembered though was the way she had thrown her head back laughing. And from that moment, he was a goner. 

It was crazy to think how two years ago they didn’t even know each other and last year at this time she was curled up against him, head on his chest with his arms wrapped around her and watching cheesy Christmas movies. And now she is gone. He had lost her. 

Sometimes he wondered what he could have done differently. He knew it wasn’t entirely his fault and some things were out of their control but he couldn’t help but want to go back and change everything. 

What he had felt for her, he hadn’t felt for anyone else before, and he was convinced he wouldn’t feel for anyone else in the future. 

Usually he tried not to think about that. During the season it was easy. He was preoccupied with races and the possibility of winning the drivers championship. Being a formula 1 driver didn’t allow him much time to wallow in his self pity. 

But now, it is really difficult. Especially considering how he kept thinking about the Christmas they’d spent together last year. The look on her face when he’d told her it was too early to blast Christmas songs on November 1st, the domestic feeling it brought him decorating his London apartment together, the way she’d force him to do silly childish activities, like baking cookies and decorating gingerbread houses and how he’d complain even though he always ended up loving it.

Waking up with her in his arms on Christmas morning and pretending to be asleep as soon as she started stirring, just to make the moment last longer, knowing well that she wouldn’t have the heart to wake him up. It all haunted him.

But most of all, it was the what ifs that tormented him.What if she has moved on? What if she’s with someone new? What if he’s nothing but a ghost that lingers in her life?

But then what if she was lonely? What if she missed him as much as he missed her? What if she had realised how big of a mistake this had been? What if she wants to reach out but is afraid to? What if the reason she didn’t is because she thinks he has moved on. 

Lando thought about this far more often that he would like to admit. All he could think about lately was her. And even though he appreciated how his friends tried to distract him he couldn’t help but feel suffocated. 

He missed her. He missed her a lot. How could he not? He was in love with her, he still is. And so he can’t help but wonder whether she would answer if he called. 

He hoped she would. 

Sighing, he picked up his phone and tapped on her contact. He typed out a paragraph, explaining how much he missed her and how he wished he could have her back. His finger hovered over the send button but he hesitated and erased the message, turning off his phone frustrated.

He couldn’t go on like this. 

If she didn’t want to talk then she wouldn’t reply. But if still cared then maybe she would. And for once in his life Lando Norris had nothing to lose. 

He turned on his phone again and typed out another message, hitting the text button and turning off his phone before he could overthink it.

an: This is obviously based on merry Christmas, palase don't call by the bleachers, which I have on repeat ever since it came out. Ik this is a bit depressing, but in a suckered for angst so you can't blame me. This is from the readers point for view.

w.c.: 1.3k

December 25th, Christmas.

Outside, the snow was falling softly, the glow of the streetlights casting a yellow glow over it. Her apartment was cold and dark and awfully quiet. Up until a few hours ago, the living room, the very room she was sitting in now, had been so warm, so full of life. 

This year it had been her turn to host the annual family Christmas gathering.The chaos of it had done a good job keeping her distracted. But her family had left hours ago. Normally, said gathering would drag on well into the evening, but this year her parents had left earlier, having flown over to London on Christmas Eve and with the excuse of needing to catch up with jet lag, while her sister and husband had left as soon as Nicole, her niece had started getting sleepy. 

That left her alone, in a messy apartment that suddenly seemed too warm, too bright, suffocating. It took another hour or so to clean up everything. And when everything was back to normal, she sat down on her couch in the living room, watching the snow fall outside with the lights off except for the lights on the christmas tree.

It is weird how fast time moves.

This time last year they were on their way back to his apartment from his parents house. He had taken her to meet this family, insisting that they would love her when she was nervously telling him they might think its too soon on the car ride there. And he was right. His family ended up loving her.

This time last year they were driving home, and when they’d get there, they would change into more comfortable clothes, her in hoodie that belonged to him which had a big 4 printed on the back which made Lando go crazy, and they'd settle down on the couch, covered in blankets and holding a steaming mug of hot chocolate each, while christmas movies played on the tv.

Two years ago today, she hadn’t even known he existed. Well, technically she did, since he was a famous formula 1 driver and all of that, but she’d never met him and she didn’t really care to do so. Two years ago right now, she would have been getting ready for that party her friends insisted she went to. 

That’s where she met him. A Christmas party, hosted by a friend of a friend. She wasn’t big on parties, she never had been. Normally she would sit back, maybe have a drink or two but never more and wait for the time to pass until it was acceptable to leave or until one of her friends decided to ditch. 

Lando was there with a girl, one he had been hooking up with at that fraction in time. And even though it wasn’t serious enough to turn into a relationship, they were friends above all and his plans had been cancelled last minute so he had decided to tag along. 

Now, Lando wasn’t really a loner, quite the contrary actually but he liked to befriend the people who were a bit more closed off. Besides, he had had a lot of practice getting to know his new teammate for next year and so, as soon as he was left alone, he walked up to the first person he judged as socially awkward. That was her.

And the rest was history. 

Two years later, whatever had started that night in December in a quiet corner of a party that neither of them should have really been there in the first place was long gone. Dead and buried under the pain that came with the conclusion that they couldn’t possibly work.

That’s the price that comes with being an F1 driver. And as much as they both would like to think that their relationship was full of happiness and love, the bad moments were nearly as much as the good ones. With him constantly gone and away for races and her too focused on her degree to be with him even when he wasn’t at the other side of the world made up for sure distraction. 

But maybe it was because he wasn’t ready for a relationship and the commitment that came with him or maybe it was because she was new at this and didn’t know how to let him know how she really felt. But most probably it was the fact that they couldn’t communicate their feelings with each other, mainly because they weren’t used to having to do so.

Whatever it was, the outcome was the same. Her sitting alone in a quiet apartment while he was away on a winter vacation, a ski trip somewhere in the french alps with a lot of his friends that had grown to be her friends too while they were still dating. 

She sighed, turning off her phone, not bearing to look at another of their friends' instagram story in which he was featured in. Lately she’d catch herself wondering how it would have been if they were still together. If they had fought for what they had instead of giving up once it all got too much.

She shouldn’t but on the nights she missed him a lot, she goes back and rereads their messages from when they were still dating. Sometimes she typed out paragraphs, asking him to talk or admitting that she never lost feelings and that she wants to try again, but she never sends them, because what would that do either way. 

They weren’t good for each other. They both knew that. He was struggling with his own problems and he couldn’t find a way to let her in, really let her in. And then it was the distance too. He wasn’t present enough, and even though that wasn’t his choice, it worked against them. They weren’t what the other needed, at least not at that moment in time.

Besides, he had moved on. It hadn’t even been a full month after their breakup before he was seen out with a well known model. And even though she knew better than to believe whatever the gossip pages claimed, the idea of him moving on so quickly still hurt.

Her phone dinged with a notification. She immediately reached for it, momentarily hoping that maybe he had reached out, but frowning as soon as she saw it was just a text from one of her friends who were spending the holidays away from London. 

For some reason a part of her wished that he would send her a message, saying merry christmas, maybe even asking her how’d she been. She knew it was wrong, and that it would only reopen old wounds but she couldn’t help but want a sign that he still thought about her from time to time, that he hadn’t forgotten him completely and that he still cared.

But even if he called, she didn’t know if she would be able to answer. He had put her through so much, not that he intended to, but it only proved that they weren’t right for each other.

It had been a hard decision to end things with lando. Because she loved him, she really did and she knew that he did too. But they weren’t what the other needed. In another timeline, under other circumstances they would have been perfect.

The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to cry. She shook her head, getting up and making herself a cup of chamomile tea, before settling back down on the couch, this time wrapped in a blanket, and turned on the tv ad pressing play on Love Actually, laughing a bit as she thought about lando had called it a dumb movie when she forced him to watch it with her around this time last year.

 Eventually, she fell asleep right there on the couch, empty tea mug on the coffee table and with the movie playing in the background. She could almost feel the ghost of his arms around her, rubbing her back and murmuring sweet nothings into her ear as she fell asleep.