Daughters Of The Light

hanging out of the sunroof

arms wide

I want to inhale the freedom in the air

feel the oxygen fill my veins

Breath out confinement

I want to feel the wind in my hair

Hear the calling in my ears

Of far away places

I want to see new cultures

New people

New towns

I want to taste the coffee of an abandoned diner at 3am

I want to walk barefoot in backroad grass at dusk

I want to dye my hair blue, then red, then brown

I want to be a new person with every new ground my foot steps on

calm waters to

cool earth

There is freedom in the running.

When she gets married...

I say “if”

If I get married...

She laughs like I said a joke,

I’m not joking.

I say if because I’m not sure.

Because I don’t look pretty.

Because I’m the fattest I’ve ever been.

Because I have one of the most well known, and most hated mental disorders.

Because I haven’t had a boy show interest in me.

I say if because I don’t think it will happen.

Trembling to the same frequency as the screams arising from the kitchen

Trembling hands

Shaking to the same frequency as the broken heart still fighting to beat

Eyes clenched shut

If only ears could do the same

He does not notice how my body stills when I feel his presence behind me

She doesn’t think it necessary to help me uphold my armor

He does not notice how I hold my breath

As if my lungs have forgotten how to convert oxygen to carbon dioxide

She doesn’t think it necessary to sustain the life she gave birth to

He does not notice the way my back straightens

A string ready to be pulled too tight and-

Snap.

One wrong move

One misstep

Quivering feet land on broken glass

The blood never washes out of the carpet.

Dipped in black transgression

I can taste damnation on my tongue

Knees fall

Without the strength to stand

My nerves are shooting ice and fire

Head bows

Shame drips from ocean depths

I am ready to bear the thorned crown

Eyes close

Skin tightens for the blow

Mercy cries fall from my bloody lips

Were they right when they said you come to punish?

You made me who I am.

Blood drips from my hands as they rip flesh to shreds-

You taught me how to devour.

These tendons crush kingdoms with a neoteric fury-

You told me I don’t belong in kingdoms meant for the good.

You set fire to my bones

But I rose again

Hands trembling with rage

Eyes hungry

Now you must deal with the Phoenix you’ve awakened.

She fights back.