Guys, by the way I love Ilya, but , you can call me sensitive and a snowflake or whatever, but as a neurodivergent person (ADHD) , I always felt disconnected, never on the same wave length of other people till this day. Often times I feel so isolated and lonely, because I fear my interests bore people.
So every time Ilya made fun of Shane , calling him boring or made fun of his interests or dismissed him in the beginning of their getting to know each other, I felt hurt feelings in me stir up.
I remembered being an excitable kid and not having anyone that wanted to listen to me, in fact I was called a chatterbox and was compared to a character from a children’s show called “Sami the chatterbox”
My ADHD was used against me a lot because I’d lose my focus and forget things, and I was told on multiple occasions that I was selfish, and if I cared enough I would’ve remembered or paid attention.
I couldn’t meet people’s eyes for a very long time, a family member told me I’m being disrespectful. Sometimes I interrupt people so I don’t forget my thought trail, other times I take them on a long journey to tell a very small fact that seems arbitrary to them but its connected in my head.
As you can imagine all this made pieces of me die little by little. I love my brain, I think it’s brilliant, but I forget how brilliant it is when other people are around and I just want to disappear. My parents fought with me a lot because I just wanted to lock myself in my room all the time and not want to spend time with anyone.
Now why did I write all this? Seeing Rachel call Shane stupid and selfish, a character she created, is so hurtful and disappointing. Many might think I’m over reacting and making it a bigger deal than it actually is, you are entitled to that opinion. But I want you to know how it feels from the perspective of people who are struggling.
I’m writing a fic about this, where Ilya realizes how hurtful words can be, and he learns to understand Shane through therapy .
This is not to say neurodivergent people don’t have flaws, they do. But we learn to overcome them. As an example, I learned to repeat what people ask me to do as a mantra all day and make it my sole focus or primary task of the day so I don’t forget. It wasn’t obvious to me like it was to so many others I assume.
What left a deep wound in my soul is being villainized and diminished from a young age. Being called selfish, like what Mrs Rachel is doing with Shane, attaching this attribute to him like a permanent stamp. It feels like a character assassination. We all have room to grow.
I don’t blame the people in my life for how they treated me by the way. They couldn’t have known, they don’t believe in ADHD anyways. I’ve accepted this.
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