Darth Lok's Princess

It can be rather difficult to navigate through your relationships, not only with those you love, but also your co-workers, friends, family associates… and nowhere is it more difficult than in a BDSM based relationship where there is some form of power exchange.

Questions like “how do I get my little to stop being bratty” and “can my daddy really do this?”… are the kind that let me know that the issue at hand isn’t really with the surface problem being presented, but stems more from a lack of action or plan to begin with.

Let’s address first the perspective from the Dominant side with a primer about motive.

Unfortunately a lot of BDSM based relationships are born out of an attraction to aesthetics. You meet, you like what you see, you get along with your defensive walls up while putting on your best facade… and then think, “hey we will be great together”. However, most relationships skip over important elements like the cerebral, emotional, mental… and also tend to jump the gun and start too early.

An uneducated or inexperienced newer Dom comes into things with a concept that it’s all going to be rainbows and flowers and “yes daddy” blah blah blah… the little comes into things thinking that they have found someone to solve all their problems, because let’s just be real… Desperation and loneliness or a bad combination. When that dominant is on the other side of the screen saying all the right things and acting in all the right ways… You only see that person within a very small bubble.Neither have a real understanding of each other’s roles and more importantly, their own role.

Simply put: a lot of couples in BDSM crash and burn because they only know what they know according to their own fantasy, and want to live that fantasy out.

If the only thing you know about this lifestyle is the aesthetic and the fantasy, you should not be in a relationship that revolves around this lifestyle.

1. There is a tremendous psychological aspect to this lifestyle.

Just in case you have not read my article about understanding little space, please take a moment to backtrack and familiarize yourself with it here;

https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/190326174578 - understanding little space

In fact, if you pay any kind of attention at all to my blog… You will find that I speak on the mental and psychological aspect of the lifestyle quite often. There’s a phrase that goes something along the lines of “capture the mind and the rest will follow.” It certainly proves true within this lifestyle.

To understand why those who are genuine are the way they are, is to understand that events and occurrences in their life have more than likely made them this way.

A good portion of Littles have age regression due simply to the fact of a large traumatic event happening before or around the point at which they identify with their little age. So when they regress, they are regressing back to that time… The last time that they felt safe or innocent. In the same way, a dominant will shift into a certain headspace and this can be for a number of factors. Perhaps they had always had this ambition to be in control, perhaps their life was uncontrollable at some point and they found comfort in gaining control, the list can go on and on for the reasons that a true dominant is the way that they are.

Real recognizes real …. and a genuine dominant will be attracted to what they perceive as being genuine submission.

Genuine submission happens when the submissive recognizes dominance in their presence. So the symbiotic mental and emotional connection has the possibility to be made. One that in many ways is quite spiritual because we have a hard time finding our true selves amongst the noise of screens, people, daily life, and so on…

2. With the psychological aspects comes a certain expectation of responsibility from the other.

Imagine yourself being a four-year-old child in a public place and suddenly you turned around to find that your parent or guardian or whomever is in charge of taking care of you is gone. The panic.. the anxiety… the fear… and then the relief once that guardian is found.

This is what a little feels like and is searching for. The person who will be the pillar of stability, safety, and security in their life.

They are not looking for someone to only jerk off on Skype with or to only be there when that person decides to pay attention to them out of their own needs… They’re looking for a caregiver, a best friend, someone they can put their absolute trust in both with their mind and their body… So they expect that person to be able to handle those responsibilities and know their role.

At the same time, the dominant is expecting their other to be submissive not only in the bedroom but in life in general and that they will be able to gain the trust and loyalty they crave from that person through their own actions.

The problem is that too many inexperienced dominants try to get together too quickly with too many Littles that have been burned over and over again, so both parties come into the relationship with jaded expectations and presupposed notions of how the outcomes will already be. They make the other person work too hard to overcome those presuppositions, and never give them a chance in the first place to prove themselves adequately because they simply pigeonhole that person according to how they’ve been treated in the past.

And a lot of the time it’s because they simply did not spend enough time in the pre-consideration and consideration phases of the relationship before they’ve made it official.

3. Brats are made… Not born.

This statement tends to get me quite a bit of flack because there’s a certain amount of the little population out there that is actually proud to be bratty. But when you dig beneath the surface of the fight, it becomes apparent as to why.

Children in and of themselves are not birthed into this world being brats. They come with very little needs and are satisfied with something as simple as their mothers milk. What ends up turning certain kids into brats and problem children revolves around their upbringing, and how they are treated, taught and trained in their formative years.

In the same way, if you really got to the heart of why littles enjoy being bratty or are proud of themselves for being so… You would more than likely find that a majority of them have been in terrible relationships on a repeated basis where the person they called their dominant and placed their trust in had let them down time and time again.

It then becomes something of a game or even a point of power and control for them to enact their bratty behavior. They think that it’s fun, when actually it becomes frustrating to someone who may not deserve it… and the waters of the relationship become tainted at an early point.

I could go on and wax poetic about how a child is raised causes them to behave accordingly… But that’s just common sense which unfortunately gets overlooked when it comes to the mentality of the behavior within the lifestyle. (Even though age regression is an important factor for many littles)

To put it simply, a submissive in most cases acts bratty because they do not trust the person that they are with nor do they feel safe with them. And when you come to that realization, you have to ask yourself who is at fault? Is it the dominant or the submissive? And why?

Dominant; Your submissive is going to be bratty… But is that because you are creating the situation for them to be? Imagine yourself in their shoes expecting someone they can trust and be vulnerable with just repeatedly breaking promises and letting them down…

Submissive; you think it’s fun to be bratty… But does your dominant really deserve it just because the person before them failed you? Think about if you were in their shoes and you were trying to do everything you could and your submissive still acted that way towards you…

4. Most couples don’t work as a team, and would rather handle conflict in their own ways

There are a lot of bad behaviors when it comes to conflict resolution in relationships. The way that people were treated by their parents or their siblings… The way that they were taught to handle conflict growing up… The way that conflict happened to them in their early adult life… All of these things cause behavioral patterns that end up carrying on throughout life if not adjusted and worked on with positive affirmation and methodology.

If your relationship does not have a mission statement or a goal and purpose… Then why are you in it to begin with?

https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/190412639298 - The mission statement

When conflict arises couples are apt to attack people and not problems. When there is a situation where any kind of power exchange is agreed-upon, that fantasy aspect that I spoke about earlier kicks in but is not fully realized. The submissive does not realize that they must compromise on some things, and the dominant often doesn’t realize that it’s OK to be merciful and vulnerable with some things.

Submissive; you chose them to be daddy… So let them be daddy.

Dominant; your hands are great tools of discipline, but even more so incredible instruments of mercy.

So when it comes to conflict and punishment being involved, both parties could stand to take a step back and really examine what’s going on… Examine their role according to what they agreed upon at the beginning of the relationship, and examine what the expectations are of the other person.

If rules are not enforced and punishments are not committed to… if rules are not followed and behavior is not as expected… you are going to have frustrations on both sides and those frustrations will manifest into behaviors and actions that are good for no one.

But the thing is… it’s a two way street and both people involved have to do their part 100%.

5. Have a conference table.

The conference table is something that should be set aside at least one hour out of the week. It is a time and place where you can sit and talk about your relationship in a non-judgmental and safe way. No screens, no distractions, no other people… Just the two of you sitting and calmly talking about the relationship in a way that attacks problems and not each other.

This is a time to talk about what worked that week and what didn’t… This is a time to talk about how certain things are making you feel, and to be able to negotiate and compromise with each other on changing those things in order to make them more effective. Because rules should be revisited every once in a while. Sometimes they need to be deleted. Sometimes new rules need to be added. Sometimes chores and expectations and everything else needs to be gone over again. And if you never sit down and talk about these things and work through them together in a mature manner, then you’re going to keep spinning your wheels, getting flat tires and eventually slide off the road and crash and burn.

6. Placing 100% of your success expectancy in someone else and trying to maintain a fantasy against that will end with failure.

Please understand:

You are real people with real problems, and immersing yourself in a continuous fantasy is not going to solve those problems or take either of you in a forward direction.

Treat your relationship and each other with the utmost of respect, helping each other to grow every day and being able to realize that sometimes compromise and teamwork has to be put in place in order to make your relationship a great success.

Thank you for taking the time to read this article. Feel free to re-blog it for others who may find a benefit in it.

Mister mistersbeard.tumblr.com snapchat: mistersbeard

additional articles related to this post that may help:

Dominance 101: are you a leader or a boss?

From DOM to DUMB: What to do when your “Dom” is failing you

Hero or Zero: finding the right Dom

THE NEW DADDY/DOM SURVIVAL GUIDE

PART ONE: THE BASICS

PART TWO: Knowing what she needs

PART THREE: Stucture, rules, etc.

It’s always been a little funny to me how some of the most simple things in life are the ones that can matter the most… And this is no more true than it is within our relationships.

Many couples who get into this lifestyle jump right in because they are attracted to the dynamic or the aesthetic, discipline, submission, dominance, and so on… But often they sidestep the most simple of elements that make the relationship a success in the long run.

One very simple element that can be easily implemented into your relationship is a mission statement.

mis·sion state·ment

noun

1. a formal summary of the aims and values of a company, organization, or individual.

Here are some simple versions of mission statements by top companies in the world:

Now you’re probably saying to yourself, “mission statements are for businesses and nonprofits”… Which is true, however, they should also be for relationships within our lifestyle that seek to succeed in the long term.

After all, why do you really want to be in this kind of relationship in the first place?

Sexual things are awesome… The aesthetics and what not are awesome… But at the end of the day you need to realize that you have another persons life practically in your hands. And no matter what the role is that you have chosen in your relationship, the responsibility is on you to also cater to the significant other or others for the long run.

News flash daddy Dom: Most littles aren’t searching for a fling or fantasy... they are looking for a place to belong... Their forever home... and so when they give their beautiful gift of submission away, they are depending on the person they give it to to provide 110% dedication to their happiness, needs, and well being.

Step one; setting goals.

Take a moment to think about your own relationship… Where will it be a year from now? Five years from now? You probably either have a vague dream… Or you simply have no idea at all and are operating day today by the seat of your pants.

This is because you have not set any goals for the relationship itself.

One thing that every couple should do very early on in their relationship is think about and set some goals for what they would like to achieve not only on a personal level, but also together. Let’s face it… loneliness sucks and you crave someone to be there. However, If you decide to pursue a relationship, it’s because you are seeking someone to be there that you can depend on, that is reliable, and that you can turn to in both the good times and the bad. This is someone who should be seen as a great pillar of stability and strength in your life, someone who is able to take on the great responsibility of being your partner in all situations… Not just when it comes to good times and sexual things.

And yes, this may be a shocker to you, but you should also have a life and existence that is independent and outside of your relationship.

Putting your soul existence into someone and depending 100% on them for the operations of your daily life is only setting yourself up for a complete failure.

Step two; be willing to compromise

You are two very different people but you also share some of the same interests. So it goes without saying that there will be some slight disagreement about what should and should not go into the list of goals and your mission statement. You have to be willing to compromise on these things as well as not allow yourself to become offended by what your significant other may present.

It is often the case that we do not see those things about ourselves that could use some change or improvement until they are brought out by someone else, and most of the time that ends up hurting because that someone else is the person that we love, care for, and devote ourselves to the most.

Because of this… It becomes easy to take it personal.

Daddy’s can often believe that they are doing fine in an area that the submissive in the relationship sees totally differently. Likewise, the submissive may be doing things in error and not realizing it until it’s brought to their attention… And then it becomes easy to get into an argument or disagreement about said thing, and ultimately it ends up blowing up into a big thing that becomes a detriment and a long lasting wound or grudge.

So be willing to accept what the other person presents with an open heart and even more open mind, while at the same time make sure that you are presenting your side in a constructive and non-judge mental/non-attacking manner.

After all.... We attack problems.... not the person.

You and whoever you know are in no way perfect… And you will always have room to grow in your drawbacks as well as have the ability to show mercy to others who have their own shortcomings.

Step three; put it all out on the table… Literally.

Our thoughts are best constructed when we have time to sit and write them down. I have an entire set of storage shelves that are loaded with plastic bins that date back to the very beginning of my mentorship and training in this lifestyle. They are filled with books of notes and reports and research… Drawings, articles, literally just about anything that a person could know or find on the lifestyle is contained inside of those bins from years of dedication.

But more so inside of those containers is a generous biography of my life through my writings. I have always done my best to write on a daily basis and to do so with no inhibitions... this is how I construct my thoughts and keep myself grounded.

It’s also how I write my educational articles. Everything that you see on my Tumblr was written and rewritten around three or four times in order to try and put out the most clear and concise version that I could with my thoughts organized as well as possible. The scraps of paper and sheets of looseleaf and worn notebooks and such look like a mangled maze of scholarly insanity... but I will visit and revisit to make them come together properly to make certain that I see fit for their publishing in the long run. Sometimes I spend hours or even days pondering, meditating upon and constructing them.

I never just sit down and write an article like this out of nowhere in one shot, and likewise your mission statement should not be done in that manner either.

Your mission statement will be one of the most important documents in relation to your partnership together that you will ever own. Respect it and yourselves enough to do it correctly and with great admiration for the other person.

So, sit down with some tea or coffee and take a generous amount of time to lay everything out on the table and make several drafts if you need to in order to get to the point where you are satisfied with the mission that you are laying out for your relationship.

Step four; put it into action

After you have your document drafted to completion in the way that you like, it’s time to put it into action.

But how do I do this?

In the same way that you memorize a good book or an television show you should revisit your mission statement several times per month. At least once a week. In order to remind yourself of the great purpose and teamwork that is at hand here… Remind yourself of the importance of not only fulfilling your role, but also satisfying the other person in your life to completion.

Submissives have rules. We in society have rules and laws. You have signs tell you where you can and cannot park… How fast you can go… You have employee guidelines at work that are posted on the wall… these are all things that you have to see and abide by in your daily life. So why should the mission statement for your relationship be any different?

When a business or company or group or club begins to falter, they always go back to their mission statement or constitution and revisit it to remind themselves of their original purpose and mission and get back on track. They have it posted on their website and walls in their place of business... it’s in their employee handbooks and presentations. In the same way... the mission statement of your relationship can prove to be very successful in keeping you and your other on track as well.

Step five; never use it as a weapon

We are the most uninhibited when we are angry.

It could be easy to get into an argument or debate, have something go wrong in your relationship... and have the other person act in a way that’s contradictory to what you wrote in your mission statement.

It would be easy to then turn that document into a sword and cut the other person deeply with it.

Don’t do that.

Be the mature individual you know you are, and attack the problem. First examining where you went wrong or could have done better, being open to criticism about yourself, and then address the other person. Use your mission statement not as a weapon... but as a reminder of where you need to get back to. Avoid using phrases like “you never...” or “this is what you wrote...” and first turn that crooked pointer finger at yourself.

It may just give you the clarity you need to sit back down at that table again and get back to square one in a calm way that grows your relationship even more.

Thank you for enjoying. Please feel free to re-blog for others who may benefit.

Mister

Mistersbeard.tumblr.com

There comes a time in our lives where the simple things that we do or try to do to unwind simply are not helpful and do not work. One may like to go fishing to relax, one may like to go for a nice run or even a bike ride… But there are some things that are needed within our minds that sometimes we do not even realize.

On the other hand, we can have quite an acute awareness of what’s going on and what is needed but not be able to actually get that thing… In the case for submissive‘s and Littles, it may seem counterproductive or even strange… But a good therapy spanking every once in a while can do the job to bring them realigned and centered with them selves.

When we think about spanking we often look too deeply at it as being simply a punishment or something negative that has to be done for correction. Therapy spanking though goes very deep on a visceral level to connect with the inner being of a submissive or little, and give them that emotional, mental, and psychological readjustment that they need but yet do not know how to find via typical methods.

A good therapy spanking can do a lot to relieve stress, anxiety, and other emotions and feelings that cause frustration and problems in their lives.

So how does one go about the action of doing it properly without making it into a punishment or a negative action?

Step one; understand what it is and isn’t . Punishment and therapy spankings are two completely different things.

Punishment is a sad but necessary thing in the lives of a lot of couples within our lifestyle, and it has its own set of benefits. But punishing properly is often overlooked in favor of just doing the action itself.

When ever you go to punish your submissive or little, a certain set of actions must be put into place to make it proper without doing any damage beyond the physical.

1.) explain the offense that was committed and why it was a mistake.

I choose the word mistake because that’s what it is… It may not necessarily be wrong, and it’s definitely not a failure… It’s a mistake. Mistakes are the way that we learn, mistakes are expected, mistakes are what make us better and stronger because we can move forward from them.

Yet mistakes need correction… And that correction should always fit the mistake itself. If you do find yourself to the point where a spanking as a punishment is needed, then you should thoroughly lay out the reasons why before hand and explain why the mistake is detrimental to either your submissive/little or the relationship… The future… And so on.

Simply telling her that you’re going to punish her and then going through with the act is borderline abuse and doesn’t do anything but make her fear you in a negative way and see you as a person who has no control or discipline over their own self

2.) deliver the punishment

And as I said before, the punishment should be appropriate and in line with the mistake. Don’t go overboard and don’t lose control of yourself in favor of “making her better”. Because there comes a point when all you’re doing is abusing her for your own pleasure rather than making her a better person.

3.) after care

Always always always perform aftercare and make sure that it’s much more than what the punishment was. Skipping aftercare or slighting her on it is only going to do more damage in the long run.

Love on her and explain to her why you had to spank her and how it also hurts you. Show her that it was necessary and tell her and explain how it’s going to help her grow and be a better person and improve her and your relationship. Give her justification for your actions instead of simply just doing them like some amateur moron who watched Fifty Shades of Grey and thinks that’s the standard.

So to recap… Punishment goes along with correction. Punishment goes along with mistakes. Punishment goes along with rule breaking and other similar actions.

The therapy spanking though, is purely for their benefit and purely for pleasure.

How to conduct the therapy spanking.

Step one; preparation

In my opinion they therapy spanking is something that should be asked for. And not really administered on the terms of the daddy or Dom. It should be something that is seen as a need and then discussed before hand, if not requested by the submissive or little.

Therapy spanking sessions should always be prefaced with discussion and a lot of planning. She will tell you that she needs it and then you need to spend some time caring for her and doing pre-session after care… Which may sound a little strange, but she will need to be put into a certain headspace to differentiate what’s happening between therapy and punishment.

Talk to your submissive or little about what’s been going on lately, what’s been causing all of the stress and anxiety… Tell them that you recognize their needs and why you recognize them because every little and submissive though they may enjoy the same thing have different needs for that same thing. Explain to her with great detail about how much you love her and want her to feel good and feel right and properly set up with the scene for the actions that are about to take place.

Therapy spanking is for her. Solely for her. It’s not about you or what you want or your pleasure at all… It is for your submissive alone and for her therapeutic purposes.

Step two; the action itself and how to go about it

When you conduct a spanking for punishment your submissive will often be very anxious or even scared of what’s about to happen. In the occurrence of the therapy spanking she should be well relaxed and ready to receive it after your proper preparation. Allow her to get into a comfortable position with out your physical assistance. Begin by rubbing their back and bottom and legs, saying sweet words, how much you love them, and so on… Because a therapy spanking can be a rather intimate action and SHOULD be an intimate action. It’s going to release a lot of endorphins, emotions… And more in such a way that will give you or submissive or little relief.

When you feel that they are properly relaxed and ready you can begin your spanking. With a therapy spanking I recommend using only your hand, the reason being that after you give a good swat, you can then follow it up with rubs and grabs and affection. The use of a paddle or belt will only inhibit the speed with which you are able to do this and will take the intimacy away. Because there is nothing like skin on skin contact to make closeness come together.

For added effect you can also light candles and dim the lights and put on relaxing music. Allow her to cuddle her stuffy or pillow or whatever will make her more comfortable in the process.

Spank slow… One strike at a time with lots of rubbing and ongoing after care in between, gradually picking up the pace in such a way where you are monitoring and paying attention to her actions. Listen to her body and go accordingly with it until you are up to a point where you can be freely spanking her.

Pay attention to her body and how it’s reacting, especially her bottom. Find your line between what’s needed and what’s too much and stick to it without compromising because it’s not about you. It’s not for you. And you are simply the instrument which is delivering the therapy that they need.

Step three; after care

It goes without saying and I really should not have to reiterate but after care is definitely needed and will only improve both you, your relationship, and the intimacy that exists between you. Have your aftercare kit standing by with a blanket, her stuffy, and other items that will make her feel safe and secure. Love on her and kiss her and tell her sweet things. Tell her what a great job she did and how much you enjoyed making her feel better. Give her the treats and sweets that she wants… And overall just use it as a time to cuddle and lavish her with love.

Above all else be slow and patient with everything… it’s going to make the difference between cuddling the rest of the night and listening to her cry her eyes out on the bathroom floor with the door locked until she passes out.

Thank you for reading and learning. Be sure to reblog for others to do the same.

- Mister

Exchanging lies for truth: reconfigure your confidence

Anonymous asked:

mister i have extreme paranoia bc of my anxiety and bpd, and that paired w depression/past (and current) abuse is convincing me that my daddy doesnt rly love me, hes just using me for my body, and im a burden to him. logically i know hes only at church &thats why he wont reply and he loves me a lot but im starting to break down. also on top of that my friend is having a hard time so she isolates herself for days or weeks at a time and shes my best friend so im worried about her

but shes one of the only people i fully trust, and her not ever being able to talk hurts a lot. its also reinforcing my feelings that im a burden and no one has time for me.

Mister says:

It can be easy to be conditioned to think a certain way… especially if its a repeated history of both neglect and abuse.

So I will touch on a few key points here in hopes of bringing you back onto the road that you drove off of at the last exit…

We can often feel we are a burden to someone if thats all we have ever been made to feel like. In your situation, the way you explained it, that is certainly the case.

The best thing for you to do right now is to make a true/false list.

basically…. write the words false and true at the top of a page, and draw a line down the center. false should be first, true should be second.

then… in the first column, the false column, write something about your relationship that you feel is your fault, that you do wrong, that your daddy sees as bad, etc.. whatever it is that your paranoia is telling you.

then in the true column, you want to read back the false statement to yourself and then think about all the times in your relationship where that statement is contradictory to the truth. for instance…. “daddy doesnt respond to my messages, I must be bothering him” well… why? where was he? what was he doing? that can be turned into “daddy is just at work and cannot respond or he will be fired” or “daddy is in church and has to pay attention to the sermon” or give the sermon… or whatever the case may be.

You replace the lie with the truth and then compare the two. a repeated process of this action, will reinforce a positive reaction in knowing that you are not the issue… but that the issue is caused by external circumstance outside of either or your control.

show yourself the lie, tell yourself the truth.

as far as your friend… this may sound harsh, but ultimately you need to look out for number one. being you. by the sounds of it, your mental health is just as in jeopardy as hers… and that becomes a toxic combo. I realize you love her and that she means the world to you, but sometimes people just dont want to let you help even if they act like they do… they just want attention.

you may actually trust people more than you think. every time you eat a meal, you are trusting the hands that the food passed through that you arent being poisoned. when you shower.. you trust your local municipal dept that theres nothing in the water… when you drive on the road, you are trusting hundreds if not thousands of people to not just steer into your lane.

And… you trusted me enough to come to me with your issue.

that… is progress. and positivity. and gives you a good way to look at things in the aspect of the fact that you are making the right decisions, trusting others, and getting better.

I am! We manage it easily, because Sir knows what he’s doing and isn’t an idiot or a creep! Without getting too into it here are examples:

I don’t open doors for myself

I don’t order my own food

I ask permission to do anything that requires me to leave his sight

If food needs to be dished out or something I serve him

This is especially true for D/s relationships, like ours, which are 24/7.  When we are out in public, along with the examples she listed above, we have plenty of protocols, which, if/when observed by others, look mostly like the behavior of a regular couple.  Except, to us, those protocols are very deliberate, meaningful, and act as constant reminders of our dynamic.

Exchanging lies for truth: reconfigure your confidence

Anonymous asked:

mister i have extreme paranoia bc of my anxiety and bpd, and that paired w depression/past (and current) abuse is convincing me that my daddy doesnt rly love me, hes just using me for my body, and im a burden to him. logically i know hes only at church &thats why he wont reply and he loves me a lot but im starting to break down. also on top of that my friend is having a hard time so she isolates herself for days or weeks at a time and shes my best friend so im worried about her

but shes one of the only people i fully trust, and her not ever being able to talk hurts a lot. its also reinforcing my feelings that im a burden and no one has time for me.

Mister says:

It can be easy to be conditioned to think a certain way… especially if its a repeated history of both neglect and abuse.

So I will touch on a few key points here in hopes of bringing you back onto the road that you drove off of at the last exit…

We can often feel we are a burden to someone if thats all we have ever been made to feel like. In your situation, the way you explained it, that is certainly the case.

The best thing for you to do right now is to make a true/false list.

basically…. write the words false and true at the top of a page, and draw a line down the center. false should be first, true should be second.

then… in the first column, the false column, write something about your relationship that you feel is your fault, that you do wrong, that your daddy sees as bad, etc.. whatever it is that your paranoia is telling you.

then in the true column, you want to read back the false statement to yourself and then think about all the times in your relationship where that statement is contradictory to the truth. for instance…. “daddy doesnt respond to my messages, I must be bothering him” well… why? where was he? what was he doing? that can be turned into “daddy is just at work and cannot respond or he will be fired” or “daddy is in church and has to pay attention to the sermon” or give the sermon… or whatever the case may be.

You replace the lie with the truth and then compare the two. a repeated process of this action, will reinforce a positive reaction in knowing that you are not the issue… but that the issue is caused by external circumstance outside of either or your control.

show yourself the lie, tell yourself the truth.

as far as your friend… this may sound harsh, but ultimately you need to look out for number one. being you. by the sounds of it, your mental health is just as in jeopardy as hers… and that becomes a toxic combo. I realize you love her and that she means the world to you, but sometimes people just dont want to let you help even if they act like they do… they just want attention.

you may actually trust people more than you think. every time you eat a meal, you are trusting the hands that the food passed through that you arent being poisoned. when you shower.. you trust your local municipal dept that theres nothing in the water… when you drive on the road, you are trusting hundreds if not thousands of people to not just steer into your lane.

And… you trusted me enough to come to me with your issue.

that… is progress. and positivity. and gives you a good way to look at things in the aspect of the fact that you are making the right decisions, trusting others, and getting better.