Unspeakably beautiful evil.

(‘Member “Go nuts. Post nuts.”  (sigh) I DO. I MEMBER. UGH.)

Oh, look.  “You have posts with adult content that violate our guidelines.”  Yeah, you can go fuck yourselves with a chainsaw dipped in Ebola, Tumblr. I’m not even dignifying that with a click, as I have NO interest in seeing the stripped and rotting carcass that will remain of my blog once you remove all the bits that aren’t G-rated. 

So, I’m pretty sure I will NOT coming back with any regularity, but I still love you dears. 

For the moment, gods help me, my email, FB or Skype are the best ways to get ahold of me.  

1)  My friend brought me a tiny wittle praying mantis because she knows I’m like a huge fan, and the teeny dear like, WALKED UP TO HER in the middle of a concrete parking lot HERE AND NOW, when it’s uh, AN OVEN....

2)  I’ve had her for a week this Monday.

3)  I am wildly in love with her.

4)  She WILL eat if hand fed, though not a bug yet--honey, banana, and hamburger so far.  I’m aware this is junk food for her mostly, but she was injured when I got her and did not eat for a long time, so her eating for me now is VERY GOOD VERY VERY GOOD.  She seems to have eaten a small moth earlier on in the week, but food in her boudoir freaks her out, and if she’s willing to just hand eat, I’m definitely happy to just hand-feed her, safer for her all around and we get to hang out and HER TINY MOUF BITS ARE SO CUTE AND BUSY OOSH OOSH.

5)  I have named her Audrina, as a gentle memorial to fallen Audreys, slash thank you that I have yet another tiny green insectivore that is SUPER CUTE in my family.  XD.   It’s a nod to VC Andrews before her fake ghostwritten nonsense, for that same lovely-but-eerie music box ambience I feel in both. 

Like most “citizen” names, in real life she doesn’t get called that.  No, she gets called Pretty Ma’am, Wittle Bit, Baby Ma’am, and Teeny Tiny Little.  She shows no preference--but she DOES seem to like being ooshed over and babytalked to.  She will come nearer and watch you raptly as you sing her teeny, tiny praises.  

6) No, really, WILDLY in love.

She’s too small and my cameras are too sucky, but here she is photobombing her own picture somehow.  <3  She hated that plant AND the gravel, so her house is less cute-to-us and more comfy-for-her now.  Protip:  Put their furniture on the ceiling, and give them a very soft floor.  They live on the ceiling, and they are sometimes little derp-spazzes who fall down.  XD.

I hope you die. I hope you get colon cancer and your wife leaves you and takes the kids, and they do all the WORST tests and then chemo while you live in a week-to-week hotel, and then you SURVIVE that and switch careers and are super happy with your replacement wife and new kids and nice house and sports car, and then it goes out of remission and you go through it AGAIN, and go through chemo AGAIN, and then the night of your party for your second remission your house catches fire, and you die last, and NOT of smoke inhalation.