sᴛʀᴏɴɢᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ.

It’s been 8739867893634 years. I will reblog this once more tomorrow when my dash isn’t dead. But it’s been 85734964 years and even so, so many people still follow me/have sent me messages. My heart hurts but in a good way. This got really long but if you want the long story short, at the bottom, in large font, I’ve linked where y’all can find me if you’d like!

It’s been 8739867893634 years. I will reblog this once more tomorrow when my dash isn’t dead. But it’s been 85734964 years and even so, so many people still follow me/have sent me messages. My heart hurts but in a good way. This got really long but if you want the long story short, at the bottom, in large font, I’ve linked where y’all can find me if you’d like!

It’s been 8739867893634 years. I will reblog this once more tomorrow when my dash isn’t dead. But it’s been 85734964 years and even so, so many people still follow me/have sent me messages. My heart hurts but in a good way. This got really long but if you want the long story short, at the bottom, in large font, I’ve linked where y’all can find me if you’d like!

he has always had a good eye for catching the cracks that appear on masks that people wear around him, ( maybe being shoved to the side has it’s perks after all  )  the cheerful, polite attitude people expect from them has never been harder to perform. he knows it far too well. so when they wait for scott by the lockers, he catches the small sadness behind her usually cheerful eyes. he is hesitant at first, unsure of what to do or say  

(  if it is his place to say anything at all  )  but soon enough, he can’t help but break the silence    ❛     you okay ?    ❜   it’s a soft  murmur, elbow lightly nudging her arm as he watches her.  he wants her to know that it’s okay to talk to him – he knows how hard it is to keep the casual and cheerful behavior around the halls  –  he doesn’t blame her. 

If anyone wants to hmu for whatever reason please do it makes me happy. Also as part of the whole revamp/fix up/guess who’s back back again thing, I’ll be updating exclusives. If you’re on there & want off ( or want to stay! ) shoot me a message/IM so we’re on the same page as I don’t want anyone to feel obligated what with me being gone for a while. Heck if you want on there hmu too but I mean I’ve been gone? So I don’t expect anything & remember that I have an exclusive call that can be liked at any time so there’s no pressure for it to be right now or anything like that.

rules : tag 10 people you would like to get to know better/talk to. repost, do not reblog. tagged by : @marypoots​ ( aka one of my longtime favs )

one ( name / alias ) :  sara. two ( birthday ) :  november 27th. three ( zodiac sign ) :  sagittarius. four ( height ) :  5′2 &1/2″ ( the half is important ok ) five ( time ) :  9:30 AM six ( sleep ) :  sleep is for the weak ( or those blessed with the ability to get their minds to shut up ) ah idk my sleep is all over the place. I typically stay up ridiculously late, hate myself & regret it in the morning, swear to myself never to do it again ft. coffee to keep me alive, repeat. hours depend on class/work/hospital shifts but if it were up to me 9-9:30ish is a decent time to wake I think, sometimes 10. seven ( favorite books ) :  the book thief, a tale of two cities, the night circus, the secret history, the hp series. eight ( favorite artists ) :  too many but to name a few the script, joshua radin, imagine dragons, florence + the machine, nsync fite me, hans zimmer, andy black, justin timberlake, the list goes on & is all over the place. nine ( last movie watched ) :  in theaters? suicide squad. out? I think begin again. ten ( college ) :  currently attending, hope to graduate & go on for my masters + get an mba. eleven ( dream job ) :  in an ideal world I wish I could be that writer who gets to travel the world & write inspiring & beautiful novels & novellas in say a little gem of a coffee shop in france or by the water in venice. experience & live & love & be able to put that to paper. but in this world probably something badass in business. twelve ( the meaning behind your url ) :  allison chose to sacrifice herself in order to be able to locate & save her dad. that sacrifice left her/her heart vulnerable & allowed darkness to find its way in, hence it being dark in her heart.

               He sees it ––– finally ––– the f a l l. He sees it brighter than the fear that shrouds her courage ––– her defiance. That small spark of defeat; the rebel that will lead the coup and he plants it, digs it, presses it down harder with prickling fingers, burning out the memory of HIM; washing out whatever else she could conjure to delude herself from the truth. Jonathan Morgenstern was dead. He burned along with the fire. And he will do no more BURNING for anyone else.  And he relishes her defeat with a smile made of cinders ––– a hollow man running on embers. 

                            ( Both the SPARK and the GASOLINE to set the world aflame. )

       And her the favoured –––––– the one who shares the seat to the end of the world or burn along with him. 

              Head tilts gently, a refrain from his sharpened edges as he frees her from his grip to watch her stumble; bury her own soul of her own accord. SINNERS were no good at sinning after all if you didn’t let them fall. She matches his pardon with a soliloquy. An open monologue to deaf ears and a dying audience. Milk in her defiance for the masquerade that it is; a plea of the martyr. Until its not and his name is yet again brought back to the surface. Eyes darkened with malice. Annoyance scorching from his clenched fists, And as he stands before her, feeding off her reluctance, he’s less a man and more THE MONSTER. So hungry for havoc and her demise until he quells it, puts out the flames with a smile, hides again his agenda with ICE until he’s only an inch away from her skin. The back of his hand grazes her cheek and the smile withers. ❛ Why would I kill you? You’re my only friend. ❜ 

                        IT ISN’T UNTIL HE LETS GO & SHE STUMBLES THAT SHE REALIZES — he had been holding her up. Hands catch the brunt of her fall & she just stares — at the destruction, at the ground, at scrapes & fresh droplets of crimson she’s welcomed when hands are turned ( yet no sound escapes her lips. ) It’s only when she realizes she has to look up to meet his gaze that pushes her to stand again, feet firmly planted as if she’s anchored ( to this moment, as if her pain grounds her. ) She sees the flash of emotion that slashes across his features & wonders what it had been she’d said ( she’d said so much how could he not say anything? How could she only see a glint of emotion, of something she could try to recognize if it wasn’t so fleeting? How could he mask everything when she felt like an OPEN BOOK? ) Fingers curl at her sides to try to aid her in keeping emotions at bay ( in hiding the red staining them. ) His smile, so cool & { EMPTY } makes heartbeat accelerate, leaves her with an urge to SCREAM ( for something! For the boy she’d known, for something she could hold onto, something she could recognize, for EMOTION that would tell her she wasn’t the only one feeling everything hitting her all at once & he NOTHING. )

                  This time, eyes don’t flicker to his hand, she keeps steady gaze set on him, looking for that glimmer of emotion, a reaction, anything ( but she’s met with NOTHING BUT ICE. ) How could he say something like that & have nothing change in his expression, in intonation? ❛ I was. ❜ & he hers. ❛ I thought you died. ❜ How does Sebastian keep his words aloof when her pain ( at the thought, reminder of the LOSS ) betrays her? Again, eyes fall to the war zone they’re in the middle of ( she’d almost forgotten! Had felt as if she’d left one battle for another. ) ❛ Can you stop this? ❜ Not will you, not a request. ❛ I can’t — this is too much Sebastian. ❜ Use of stranger’s name spoken in hopes to assuage.

          he can hear her accelerated heartbeat, it’s like the sweetest symphony to the wolf, because at least it’s still BEATING. scott nods & offers her a small smile.       ❛      do you…. — do you want me to get you some water ?     ❜   he asks after hearing how she sounds. the wolf’s first instinct is to take her pain, he knows he’d be able to handle it, but there’s something that’s warning him to STAY BACK, &  as hard as it is to listen to that voice, he does. he can hear EVERYTHING, every breath she takes, every soft, barely audible to the human ear noise that she emits, it’s loud &  clear to the wolf.   ❛      that’s understandable, it’ll get better eventually, though. i’m sorry for asking, i should’ve known what the answer would be.     ❜   he wants to advise her to lay back down, that she should take it easy, but she was allison argent, after all, &  scott knew she wouldn’t heed his advice.    ❛      um, …. —- there was an ACCIDENT. you were pretty badly hurt, but you’re going to be okay now, which is a good thing.    ❜   eyes widen at her question &  scott can feel his heart BREAKING. she doesn’t remember him. his mouth opens & closes several times as he desperately tries to come up with something, anything to say but fails each time. he doesn’t want to make things any worse on allison, but he can’t get a proper grip on his emotions no matter how much he tried. allison couldn’t forget him. he couldn’t lose her, especially not like this. there are tears threatening to spill from his eyes, the wolf inhales sharply, wiping at them furiously in order to prevent them from spilling out. he had to be more COMPOSED than that, she was already overwhelmed as it was, he didn’t need to add to the stress. what was he meant to say to the girl he was still in love with when all he was to her was a STRANGER ?    ❛      y-yes, i know your father. you don’t remember me ?     ❜  

                      HE OFFERS WITHOUT HER HAVING TO ASK — he was there when she’d woken ( & though he’s not familiar, waking up ALONE in a too white room with aching bones & no answers is an alternative she wouldn’t have wanted. She’s glad he’s here, odd as it may be. ) She nods, grateful smile on her lips. ❛ Thanks. ❜ There looks to be a WAR RAGING within the boy & for some reason it bothers her, she wants to ask him what’s wrong, what he was thinking ( there’s even the inexplicable urge to assure him that she’s okay, that she can take care of herself. ) She almost does ask but more queries bubble to her lips with every answer he gives her ( & there’s that look again, this time worse because it looks as if that war from earlier is one he had somehow lost. ) She runs a hand over pale features, trying to expel unbidden thoughts. ❛ An accident? ❜ As if repeating the words would help bring its recollections back, make it real ( the PAIN was surely real. ) ❛ Like — a car accident? ❜ She meets his gaze again, heartbeat escalating as she realizes she doesn’t remember. She swallows, willing breaths to even — she can’t do this. Not now ( not ever. ) She takes another breath before speaking, words a low whisper so as not to betray the panic curling its way around her heart. ❛ No. ❜ & though it sounds stronger than she feels, it still sounds small, sounds almost like a — plea? Request? ( For what? Answers? Help? Understanding? Something to take away the pain? Her dad? ) ❛ I don’t remember. ❜ An admission that’s not quite as soft & the beep beeping of the machine giving her away. She winces at the sound, shutting eyes briefly, again trying to calm herself. ❛ Do I — Do we know each other? ❜

                      he uses his body to push her’s further down the empty corridor, his arms wrapped around her waist & his mouth wound into a smirk when she spoke. ❝ well if it soothe’s other’s wounds what kind of man would i be to DENY that sort of healing power to the world? ❞ but they’re further away from the crowds now –– he can hear the voices of the other students ECHOING off the walls, pouring around each corner as a reminder that they were confined to meeting in the SHADOWS. both pure in blood but from families that looked at that status with different eyes, from houses that would rather disown them then let them be. his voice lowers, long torso bending to rest his head against hers. ❝ i don’t know if i could survive someone else being LOVED by you. ❞ a tad dramatic, but he couldn’t imagine seeing her look at someone else the way she looked at him. couldn’t imagine someone else being as lucky to taste that familiar taste of her. it almost made him sick to think about it.

         The RECOGNITION in her eyes is louder than the cry of skin against grating bones and he feels the shameful tug of being seen. His armour a facade under those amber hues and his insides are faltering; walls sharing a crack right through the middle and he’s NUMB. Quiet and stoic in his grief, solid under her pressing gaze and as far from crumbling as humanly possible ( which wasn’t very far in the grand scheme of things. ) His own green stare transfixed at the offered comfort, the balled up jacket just hovering in between them, an outright offer to help and he’s FROZEN in his seat. He’d nearly forgotten what actual human kindness looked like and now that it was staring him right in the face ––– it was SCALDING. Gingerly, he accepted ––– his chest a racket of complaint and anxiety. His father’s words once again blaring in his ears. And the boy does nothing but stare at the coat still bundled in his grip. This was enough and too much already; more than he’d anticipated and barely enough of what he’d expected. Jonathan is awe-struck as one question rings in echoes behind him: how do people survive like this?  ❛    No. That’s not necessary. Neither is this.   ❜  He accepts defeat in the eyes of the universe, handing back the kindness he can’t take ( nor deserve. )   ❛   You didn’t see or hear anything. Understood?    ❜

                          SHE STARES AT HIM, EYES WIDE  lips parted as words escape her. It doesn’t even register what he’s holding out to her ( she’d already written it off, had expected it to be coated in DARK RED by now! ) looking at it a lot like he had when she’d first handed it to him. ❛ Not — necessary? ❜ When it sinks in, eyes flit to the growing crimson seeping into his shirt, dark gaze further widening as she turns to meet his gaze. ❛ No. ❜ What is he doing? No, she doesn’t understand, she can’t. She doesn’t see how it’s unnecessary, she did see something. ❛ Jonathan — ❜ what? ❛ I don’t understand. ❜ She shakes her head. ❛ You need — ❜ No, he does not need, that’s not what she wants to say. ❛ Let me help. ❜ Not enough. ❛ I want to help. I’ve done this before. & I can’t just — ❜ unsee this. Mind is racing, as if trying to match the pace of beating heart. ❛ Okay. Just — let me do this & we can never speak of it again. I won’t tell anyone. She leans back against her seat, hand running over ragged features. ❛ There’ll be less questions this way too. ❜

            long legs extend out as he leans back against the tree, just far enough into the FORBIDDEN FOREST to ensure their privacy, but not too far in as to risk their safety. there weren’t a lot of places they could spend time together anymore –– not with the carrows practically DROOLING at the opportunity to find any members of the once great DUMBLEDORE’S ARMY meeting together. even here they had the threat of being caught where they shouldn’t be. who knows what lurked the forest on HIS behalf. he found himself preferring to think about that than to think about the way the other boy looked at her. ❝ you’ve seemed pretty busy. ❞ 

                 EVERYTHING’S A MESS, A WHIRLWIND SHE FEELS PASSING HER — it extends just beyond her fingertips ; she can’t hold onto this, can’t fix anything & it’s the most frustrating feeling in the world, knowing something is wrong, & being unable to do a single thing to stop it. The Carrows hurting little kids, their school ( some place she had felt SAFE in ) yet another war zone, just one that looked different. People missing, friends ( with blood somehow deemed less worthy than hers ) on the run… if they were lucky.

                                             & then there was Adrian.