horny rights!

                               ai had been watching yusaku quietly, wanting to say something but no words came to him. silence hung between them since coming back from link vrains. when yusaku apologized, he shook his head. then, he moved closer, wrapping his arms around one of yusaku’s fingers. “i could sense how much you wanted to get through to go onizuka.” he knew that yusaku hadn’t actually been upset with him at the time. he was desperate. 

                                  flame couldn’t reciprocate ai’s feelings on calling his … ex- friends the worst, but at the same time, he couldn’t refute it, either. the things that they had done – talking about flame behind his back, using flame to play some kind of game, windy going behind his back and flirting with lightning, lightning letting it go on without saying anything … all of it was so messed up. the worst part was, lightning and windy made him feel like he had it coming – and flame himself started to believe that maybe he did; maybe there was something wrong with him after all. the most he could admit to ai on that matter was, “ i think a part of me knew that all along. i just didn’t want to believe it. ”

                                                 and in that rashness, that protectiveness and undying love for windy, flame had lashed out at ai for saying something flame knew was true. all because he didn’t want to believe it. he was protecting himself although he was already a lost cause and he hurt ai because of it. ai might get on his nerves at times, but in no way did that warrant flame’s outburst, or any other time flame had snapped at him because of his own personal problems. 

                                                 “ i can’t believe you can still say that after how i treated you. ” flame finally made eye contact with ai. he couldn’t make this half-hearted; ai had to know he really meant it. no matter if he was forgiven or not. maybe it was just to ease his own guilt, but he still owed ai an apology. “ you don’t have to forgive me, because i was quite pompous, but … still, i’m so sorry for all of the things i’ve said to you, and how i’ve said them. all you’ve ever done is stand up for me and offer a hand to help me, and all i’ve done in return was spit in your face. i’m sorry. ”

                                                   he turned away again after ai asked that question he’d been hearing far too much from windy, in that condescending tone he’d surely adopted from lightning. but this wasn’t windy, and this wasn’t condescending. it was ai, asking out of genuine concern. 

                                                   though his tone betrayed his words, only able to convey an exhaustion deep in his heart, he replied, “ i’m fine. thank you for your concern. ”

                         ai found himself surprised when flame apologized. to hear him say ai doesn’t have to forgive him...that flame had treated him badly... while the things flame said to ai had hurt him, he never held them against flame. he was never mad at flame for anything. “why wouldn’t i forgive you? you’re my best friend.” he said it as if it were the obvious answer, a smile on his lips. 

                         “i understand. and i’m not mad at you. i...i’m just glad you don’t hate me. i know how much windy means to you. how much you love him...” he knew flame well enough to know those feelings for windy hadn’t faded yet. how could they have? they only broke up yesterday after all. feelings like that didn’t go away quickly, especially not flame’s. he knew flame gave everything to windy, heart and soul. he could easily see how in love flame was. so much so that he tried to blind himself to the truth.

                          “you...must have been hurting for a long time.” apart of ai wished he had spoken up sooner, but it may not have changed anything. they may have still ended up with the same end result. perhaps if he had confronted windy or lightning about it--no, no, he needed to stop thinking about this. nothing would change no matter how much he pondered “what-if’s”. he had to focus on the present. he had to support flame, he had to comfort him. 

                          when flame turned away from him, he frowned and stood up to move to the other side of him, pulling him into a gentle embrace. “i know this...is a lot. you shouldn’t bottle your feelings up, though. it’s not good to...” at some point, they would come out whether flame wanted them to or not. ai wished he could take away flame’s pain and heartbreak. he would take it on himself if he could. he hated seeing his friend suffer like this. 

                              ai sat next to him, his hands clenched into fists. “he deserved it. lightning did too. if you hadn’t shown up i--” he cuts himself off, biting his bottom lip. things would have gotten worse if flame didn’t come back when he had. it could have easily turned into a full on fight. windy would have hit him back it flame hadn’t dragged him away a few minutes ago. “the two of them act like they can just do anything, say anything. i hate it.” 

                               you’re just standing up for flame because you’re jealous. because you want him to like you. how pathetic. he’s not even here to see, so why bother? you’re so desperate, it’s laughable.

                               remembering lightning’s words just upset him more. he did like flame--he loved flame--but that wasn’t why he defended him. flame was his best friend and he wouldn’t let anyone get away with talking about him like that. “they’re both the worst.” the fact that they had to live with hem was terrible. after lightning and windy’s behavior, they didn’t deserve to be under the same roof as the rest of them, especially not with flame. 

                                “i...had a feeling there was something bad about windy. since high school i think. and lightning too. they both changed. i could never describe it, but they were different.” he never brought it up until a few days ago (when flame had blown up at him), but he had these feelings for quite some time. “you deserve better than windy. you deserve so much better.” the fact that he kept going behind flame’s back with lightning infuriated him. the worst of it was lightning’s complete passiveness of the whole situation. he didn’t seem to care about anything. he just let it all happened and he seemed entertained at it. he wished he could have punched that disgusting smirk off his face. “are you alright?”

                                even after adopting yusaku and ai, edo still hadn’t adopted a good sleeping schedule. he knew he needed more sleep so he had more energy throughout the day, but he always ended up working well into the night. besides, he couldn’t bring himself to sleep when he was constantly worrying over yusaku and ai. ryo knew edo worried about them – ryo worried about them too, after all – but even when ryo tried to coax him to sleep, he just couldn’t do it. yusaku and ai kept their distance from edo and ryo and it worried edo greatly. he knew it was because of their past; the social worker hadn’t told him much details because yusaku and ai hadn’t given much details in the first place, but edo could tell by how they acted that they were far from settled. he was too restless to stay in bed, even if he was working. instead, he got up and headed towards the living room. then he’d be closer to yusaku and ai if they needed him.

                                              before he could even get there, though, he heard the sound of glass shattering in the kitchen. he quickly ran into the kitchen, not even thinking about a reasonable explanation – someone must have broken in through the window, why isn’t the alarm going off, i need to get to yusaku and – 

                                              “ – ai? ” instead of a burglar, he was face-to-face with ai, surrounded by broken glass and staring up at him with eyes full of fear. ai dropped a glass. they were fine – well, ai wasn’t fine, but –

                                              “ thank goodness – ” edo didn’t want to reveal his worry around the kids, but he couldn’t help it. he thought one of his worst nightmares was going to come true; that as soon as he finally had a family, he’d lose it again. he took a breath. everyone was safe. edo crossed the distance over to ai, picking him up and holding him close. he tried to hide his quivering hands and shaky breaths, but it was difficult when ai was so close. he couldn’t help feeling emotional, though. he was so relieved. “ – shh, it’s okay. accidents happen, ai. are you hurt? ”

                       the terror in ai’s eyes only grew as edo came closer to him. he was going to be yelled at. he was going to be hit. that was what had always happened before. he saw no reason why it would be different now. he would be berated and perhaps even thrown out. this was all his fault. he should have been more careful. better yet, he should not have come out at all. he should have just gone to sleep. he never should have left his room--

                         he closed his eyes, bracing for a slap, a punch, whatever was coming. what he didn’t expect was to be held. edo was holding him tight and close. ai didn’t understand what was going on. he wasn’t used to anything like this. no one was ever like this with him aside from yusaku. 

                          apart of him wanted to move, but he also found himself wanting to stay like this. he could feel edo shaking just like he was. ai didn’t know why, but it seemed like edo had genuinely been worried about him (and perhaps it was more than that?)

                       it had been a few weeks since ai and yusaku had been adopted by ryo and edo. ai still wasn’t used to being here, and he knew yusaku wasn’t either. he felt nervous around ryo and edo. he was always scared he would say or do the wrong thing and they would end up back in the orphanage. he didn’t want to mess things up for yusaku. he wanted things to be okay. 

                        edo and ryo seemed nice enough, but every time ai saw them, he remembered his birthparents. he remembered how they berated ai and yusaku. they called both of them burdens. they wouldn’t hesitate to raise a hand at either of them. ai was terrified that edo and ryo could be the same way. one wrong move and everything would shift. 

                         since edo and ryo seemed to be elsewhere, ai took this opportunity to go to the kitchen. he was feeling thirsty so he wanted something to drink. perhaps he shold also grab something to eat. he took a clean glass from the dishwasher and was about to check what was in the fridge when he heard footsteps approaching. he froze, the glass falling from his hands and shattering on the ground. he couldn’t even move. when he saw edo, apologies became spilling from his mouth, “i-i-i’m sorry...i’m s-sorry, edo-san, i’m sorry i--”

                        “i never expected all of this to happen...” ai found himself still taking in everything that he had learned. he never knew about what had happened when he left. the utter split between the ignis that ultimately led to lightning destroyed cyberse world. “i...didn’t expect lightning and windy to be like this.” he was telling the truth for the most part. he could never get inside lightning’s head. never really knew what he was thinking. however with windy, he always had a feeling something was off. even back when all of them were together in cyberse world and he and flame were together, ai had a bad feeling about him. though he never thought it would be anything like this.

                        “what are we supposed to do?” even if lightning and windy were their enemies now, ai didn’t want to hurt them. but at the same time, he wouldn’t let them enslave humanity... and he wanted to help get jin back to kusanagi so much was happening now. “i...don’t know what to do. i wonder where aqua and earth are.”

                                 ai was going uncharacteristically easy on yusaku, but it wasn’t really surprising. he was like this whenever yusaku got sick. yusaku couldn’t remember much of what happened when he went to the hospital other than vague feelings, but he could only imagine the terror ai felt. since birth, it had been the two of them against the world. yusaku felt that same fear, too – the fear of losing his only partner, his only friend, his only brother – so of course yusaku wouldn’t give ai a hard time for wanting to be near him, especially when yusaku wasn’t on his feet quite yet. 

                                                “ … it’s alright. ” yusaku felt a twinge of guilt. he must treat his little brother pretty terribly if he felt the need to beg to be around him. yusaku’s defense mechanism was to push everyone away, and his brother was included in that. he shouldn’t be, given everything they’d been through together, but yusaku couldn’t let a single soul in. couldn’t accept he really loved anybody, or else they’d get hurt. but he couldn’t deny the fact that he loved his brother, either. “ i don’t mind. i just … don’t want you to fall behind in your work- ” he covered his mouth as he coughed, loud and dry and leaving him winded- if someone wasn’t looking, they’d think yusaku was a smoker.

                                                 it was pathetic that he’d spent so much energy just sitting up and talking to ai. it hadn’t even been that long, but yusaku was already leaning back onto his pillow. he gently gestured for ai to come in, trying to hide the quiver in his hand when he did so. he glanced back at the glass on the bedside table again. he could get it, but … now, he was certain he’d spill it.

          ai let out a breath when yusaku answered. good. he was worried he may turn him away. “thank you, nii-chan!!!” he smiled, walking into the room and going over to his brother’s side. “i won’t get behind! if i need help, i can ask flame!” normally, he’d ask yusaku first, but he didn’t want to bother him while he was sick.

           "a-are you sure you’re okay?” he couldn’t help asking once again, especially after yusaku coughed like he did. ai wished he could be of more help. he felt so helpless. he could only watch his brother and hope for the best. he eyed the glass on the side table. it was still full. had yusaku drank anything today? he wanted to say something about it, but wondered if it was alright to. he didn’t want to meddle too much. he didn’t want yusaku to change his mind about letting him stay in here. 

                                yusaku had been napping on and off, trying to sleep off the remnants of a headache, but when the clock ticked closer to the time school was out, yusaku knew it wasn’t possible. ai was loud even if he didn’t mean it. he just stayed as still as possible in bed until he heard it – the screaming and the slam of a door. yusaku sighed, rubbing at his temples a bit before ai could come in and see it.

                                               when ai came in yusaku’s room, yusaku sat up, trying to look as healthy as he could. he was getting better, but fatigue and weakness made the remnants of illness linger. he wanted to lay back down and go to sleep, or rest his head or something, but he didn’t want to be a worry. he knew ai worried about yusaku even more than he let on ( and he let on a lot ). plus, he didn’t need to risk ryo and edo finding out just how long it took him to fight off a simple cold. 

                                                “ i’m fine. ” he rasped, voice dry from not drinking much all day. normally, he drank a lot, but he had been sleeping most of the day. he glanced over to his glass, but reaching out to it would reveal his shaky hands. he didn’t want ai to think he needed anything, though … “ go do your homework, ai. ”

          “are you sure?” of course he picked up on how raspy of his brother’s voice was. he didn’t sound like he was fine. though his complexion looked better at least. so that was something. still, he was worried about yusaku. he couldn’t help it. even if it wasn’t anything major, yusaku always had a hard time fighting any illness.

          “can i do it here? i won’t bother you! i promise!” he didn’t want to leave. he wanted to stay with his brother, but also didn’t want to annoy him. he hoped yusaku would let him stay. he wanted to stay near him as much as he could, until yusaku was all better. 

          immediately when ai had gotten home from school, he dropped his bag and ran straight to his and yusaku’s room. “NII-CHAN ARE YOU FEELING BETTER?!” he was nearly in tears as he yelled. he hadn’t meant for it to come out so loudly, but yusaku had been sick for a few days now and ai had been very worried about him.

           it didn’t seem too bad (at least not bad enough for him to go to the hospital), but ai couldn’t help getting scared every time yusaku came down with something. he wished he could stay home with his brother and take care of him along with ryo and edo, but he wasn’t allowed to. their dads said he had to go to school, so he begrudgingly listened. but he was home now! so he could spend time with yusaku! “d-do you need anything...do you need more medicine...or food...or water...”

                                this time, his dream didn’t start atop that too-familiar cliff. he had already fallen beneath it. everyone was gone. but … he could still feel the pulse of the cyberse. that shouldn’t feel comforting to him, but it did. even if the only thing left was the thing that brought him pain, it was still something. 

                                               but it didn’t last for long. everyone that allied with him would leave or betray him. and at the end of it all was him and ai. ai, the ignis. ai, the hostage. ai, the extension of himself. ai, his friend. he stared at ai, who gave an eerily emotionless face. he tentatively reached out, knowing in the back of his mind that that never worked out well, and found that ai glitched right through him. his heart sank. he tried to focus, focus, focus, to call out for ai like he had before – “ ai … ai – ” but that familiar heartbeat was gone. ai was gone. everyone was gone. ai was gone. ai didn’t go home, ai was deleted, ai was dead and it was all his –

                                             “ ai –! ” he gasped, sitting up suddenly. he felt his whole body breaking out in a cold sweat and his breaths shortening. for a few moments, he couldn’t see straight, but he was able to focus enough to see ai clinging to him. … ai was here. ai was alive. he had to pull himself together.

                                            “ … what are you doing, ” he responded as flatly as he could, though it was impossible for ai not to have noticed his nightmare. he picked ai up and placed him back in the duel disk. “ go to sleep. ”

          when yusaku shot up, ai fell from where he was, nearly flying off yusaku completely if he hadn’t clung to yusaku’s shirt. “yusaku?!” he could tell he was suffering. that much was clear from when yusaku was sleeping, but even moreso now. ai watched as yusaku tried to hide it. “i’m keeping an eye on y–hey!” he immediately removed himself from the duel disk, crossing his arms.

         “i don’t need to sleep. i’m an a.i. i was watching you.” he jumped back onto yusaku’s body, making his way up to his face again. this time, he placed his hands on yusaku’s cheek as if hugging him. it was the best he could do as he was. he knew yusaku well, he was made from him after all. so he had a pretty good idea on what may have happened in his dream (or at least part of it.)

         “i know you don’t want to talk about it, but i know you were having a nightmare.” plus, it was about him, they both knew that ai knew this as well. “i’m not going anywhere. nothing is going to happen to me. i’m your hostage, after all! even after you let me go, i came right back a few months later! i kinda like it here, actually.” he made a few jokes to try and lighten the atmosphere just a bit. he wanted to help yusaku, even if it was just a bit.

ignis didn’t need to sleep, so ai had been watching yusaku. it was partly out of boredom, but also because he was concerned. he knew how often yusaku had nightmares and if need be, he wanted to be here to comfort him. though yusaku was never very open with him when it came to things like this. still, ai would do his best. that was all he could do. 

when he saw how much yusaku was tossing and turning, he crawled onto his body until he was near his face. “yusaku, yusaku, wake up!” he slapped his tiny hands against yusaku’s cheek, hoping it would help him get up. he must be having a nightmare. ai was determined to wake him up. “YUSAKU, COME ON!”