GO ALL THE aWAY

honestly i peaked as a zygote like.. i was completely androgynous.. unproblematic.. no acne… truly my golden years

“Not all men” I say, “there is but one who is purely good.” But which man am I referring to? In Iceland, deep in the woods and the snow, there lives a lad raised by wolves who feasts upon sunbeams and loves all of nature, unburdened by man’s sins. Tenderly, he strokes a hungry squirrel, sharing with her the last acorns of the autumn harvest. A tear rolls down his cheek. Who is he

s/o to all the girls working on loving their bodies because that shits hard i’m so proud of you

me: my wife just gave birth someone from melbourne: I’m from melbourne

this feeling is so real

one day i will take a really good selfie and you will be sorry….. you will all be sorry

If you don’t blow ya Capri sun back up after you drink it all you’re boring and not my friend

date a girl who eats books

*looking at the moon* what highlighter does she use?

I was walking around my neighborhood and saw a bunch of police surrounding a small house for a drug bust. As I got closer, I heard the policemen barking aggressively, so naturally I was like, wtf??? And one of them caught my eye and said, “Oh, we’re trying to scare them out of there,” and minutes later a bunch of furries came out the house whimpering and shit.

HANGING OUT THE PASSENGERS SIDE OF HIS BEST FRIEND’S RIDE TRYING TO HOLLA AT ME

do you ever see a really pretty girl and your brain just short circuits? like you literally can’t think of anything but the pretty girl and it’s just?? wow! gay!