Tell me where the good men go, before I wash away

JB Cornish, Port Isaac from the Sea View Farm Shop, Oil on canvas

It’s not fucking fun to be hyperventilating, on my bathroom floor, unable to catch my breath because I can’t stop crying. It’s not fun to be ripping your hair out and picking at your skin all day because you can’t handle stress well, because you’re depressed, because you have anxiety. It’s not fun to have to hold yourself back from death because it’s seems to be the only comfort you have. It’s not fun to try and text someone and ask for help and then back out because you’re afraid you’ll just do wrong and they’ll leave you. It’s not fun to feel alone when the most important person in your life reminds you how much they love you everyday. It’s not fun to push everyone away. It’s not fun to have your mind thinking everyone’s out to get you and that nobody really ever loves you. It’s not fun. I don’t want to be here anymore. It’s not fun to want this. Its not fun. I want it to be over. I want to quit the game that my mind started. It’s not fun.

Sidney Wade, “Ink,” Paris Review (no. 162, Summer 2002)

Trigger warning: Breakfast

Requiem (Detail) - Ignacio Trelis

— Unknown (via hplyrikz)

Blue is the Warmest Color (2013) dir. Abdellatif Kechiche