Thoughts from No-Where

Donny Gettinger

Call You Later. I’m at the Fairgrounds.

Deep Fat Fried iPhone, Varnish 

5" x 2 ½" x 1 ¼"

2014

CHVRCHES’ Lauren Mayberry Proves Women Will Be Slut Shamed for Anything

Because obviously wearing an above-the-knee black dress with fishnets and ankle boots and waving your arms around for the majority of a music video is the sluttiest move any girl could make. …read more Source:: Styleite via rss

I saw online that another one of my friends got engaged today. 

That makes one this week and 2,382 this year. Give or take a few.

Don’t misunderstand where that comment is coming from. I’m not angry about it. It’s an exciting time. I freaking LOVE love.

I love seeing people happy together. I love seeing them get engaged. I love seeing them talk about their wedding plans and posting daily countdowns. I love seeing sparkly ring photos and first kiss/dance/piece of cake shoved down your dress pictures. I love seeing stories progress and eventually includes homes and friends and hard times and good times and churches and babies and growing old together.

Love is one of my very favorite things.

Which is what frustrates me about so much of what I’m seeing lately.

I believe in intentional dating. It’s this strange idea that rides a fine line between Josh Harris and King Solomon theology. It’s not about shuffeling through 1,000 people till you find the one that sucks the least, or waiting till you’re blue in the face for “the one” to finally show up and whisk you away–after an appropriate period of courtship obviously. Sinners.

Intentional dating is going out with someone with the intention that your relationship is headed somewhere. 

When I’m interested in someone to the point of feeling comfortable enough to pursue them (or, allow myself to be pursued by them) I’m basically saying that this person has the qualities I’m looking for in a spouse, and that I’m willing to chase the possibility in that.

There’s intentional dating, then there’s dating without intention.

I know a lot of people who date without intention.

I recently spoke with a guy who has been dating the same girl for almost six years.

“You think you’ll marry her soon?” I asked innocently.

“WHOA,” he fired back with a chuckle, “seems awfully soon to be thinking about that!”

Six days would be “awfully soon” to be thinking about that. 

We’re talking six YEARS.

Six years of dating her, and he isn’t even sure he wants to marry her.

I’m taking the risk of sounding like a total jackass here, but…

What’s the point?

I’m not saying everyone who intentionally dates needs to get engaged and married within a month, but if you’re walking into a relationship–which includes the heart and time and emotions of another human being–you’d better be getting into it for a purpose. And even if you don’t wind up marrying that person, there was obviously a reason you invested yourself into them in the first place.

I think the enemy is targeting this generation with fear of commitment. More and more people I meet don’t ever want to get married or have kids because it ‘saddles them.’ Such a major disision would require the sacrifice of self and the crucifixion of our rights. And man, do we love our rights.

We consider pursuit of self a form of independence and protection. Living a life of self-denial sounds like suicide to those who thrive in the kingdom of comfortable. We don’t allow ourselves the chance to learn what it means to wash the feet of those who willing to wash ours in return. It’s the most rewarding, exciting, scary adventure we could ever embark on.

On the opposite side of all this, are the special breed of people who actually want to grow up and commit, but they fear that their dedication comes off too strong and that they’ll wind up being alone. So they settle for people who have no intention. People who want relationship for the sake of relationship. I mean, sure, it “could” go somewhere eventually, but certainly not right now.

But, isn’t RIGHT NOW the point though? If you’re in it now, you want it now. At least, that’s how it should be, shouldn’t it?

Perhaps it goes back to people settling for milk when they could have cows.

I digress.

Maybe I’m just super sensitive because I’m one of the few who would really like to get married in the near future. I find the idea of partnering with someone who wants to grow with you to be a beautiful thing. Which is why it kills me when I see people walk into something without reason. Without any intention.

It’s easy to have a relationship. I mean, if a girl wanted to be with a guy so she could change her status on Facebook and finally say “yeah, I have a boyfriend,” she could probably find a decent guy and achieve that quite easily.

I’m just sick of looking for a boyfriend when I need to be looking for a husband.

Marriage is a mirror God gave humanity. A mirror that says “this is what you and I are supposed to look like. This is how much I love you. Let’s grow. Let’s explore. Let’s create.”

I guess I’m holding out for a guy who wants me for a mirror and not a status update.

Till then, I’ll bashfully gawk at engagement photos.