dankland

Bunny Scheisse hid ‘Easter Eggs’ all over the mall by taking discrete shits in stores, hallways, and elevators.

Bad drugs convinced Jehoshaphat that he was a god. He was arrested running naked through the park, throwing ‘lightning bolts’ at joggers.

Jill Jives the Horsebacked Horror robbed 23 country banks with her horse Bandit. Cop cars can’t chase through woods.

Dr Jim Bogie called all his bottles ‘my babies.’ Whenever he drank one he wept with shame, and buried it in the backyard.

When Cecelia Pinn turned 17 she recorded 900 punk songs in a year, gave all the cassettes to Goodwill, and cut her throat.

Booger used to sleep in the street all day and wouldn’t move for anyone. I had a lot of respect for that dog.

Pimple Dabrat and her cult kidnapped more than 40 people over a 2 year span, performing for them whether they liked it or not.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8RdmlkIoOY

Molly Vollo owned 400 wigs, one for each day, to hide the naked skull that kept her troubled mind.

David Ling asked God for a pea brain. He was so tired of thinking! So God showed him some mercy. Feathers grew. David spent the rest of his days flapping and eating worms. 

Stone Donnatio closed her bloodshot eyes and saw that everything was smoke: soft, effusive, & vanishing in the wind.

Jerry Fucko wanted to play guitar for the The Mummies. They hated him and beat his ass, but he never took off his rags.

Josephine Spat took a nap one afternoon and never got up again. Life was so boring, and all her dreams were musicals.

Zigg’s sweat could heal people. All you needed was one silver bead plucked from his skin. One night with him could make you live forever.

Chow Drzeo wanted to be a tree, stretching still on the earth for 75 years. In winter and warm. A noiseless life.

Delphonso Niff was a dolphin born into the body of a man. All day he’d sit in the beach’s shallows, deep water in mind.

Tom Ron died in his sleep, passing from one unconscious state to another like a droplet falling from cloud to sea.