itskdanielle.com

If I were to be asked, “what feeling I am feeling right now?”, id have to say empty, confused, lost, not myself, going with the flow, just riding the wave, no genuine feeling. I’ve lost myself. How? Where? When they say mental health gets worse if left untreated , I believe it. I’m living proof. I’m 33 almost 34, and I’m now grasping the whole mental health

This isn’t the love I had prayed for my whole life. Like to be honest with you, this isn’t love period. I was abused growing up as a child. I was raped, molested almost every day from age 4-9. At age 9 CPS stepped in and removed me due to an incident where a spanking went tooooooo fkn far on school grounds in the nurses office, initiallly it was because I did something bad, (forged a check to buy reading books from the school book fair) very bad on my part, but tbh I wouldn’t have gone that far myself. I guess being a child of abuse, you don’t want to be that same monster to the ones who see you as their hero. My whole life struggling, trying to find this love that im starting to believe only exists if you’re rich, only exists if you aren’t trying to build with another person

Please god. I’m asking for you to please fight these batttles for me, I have absolute no strength left. I don’t want to lose myself and have my kids grow up without a mother. I’m not having no crazy thoughts but it does make me wonder just what if stress can kill someone.

Ok, so here’s to re-doing my tumblr. I have no fucking idea what the hell im doing on here but I’m gonna give it a try. No one commments, no one follows back, no one engages