Daniacts

We only have one life. We should make a point to live it to the fullest and do all the things we never thought we could do. We owe it to ourselves to have very minimal regrets. I don’t want to have lived a life full of i wish’s and full of I could have chosen this path I could have done this this was available to me. Living life for a combination of you and God is so wonderful when you follow his plan and your direct calling. ❤️ Love life. Be filled with joy. Push aside hate and envy and emotions like lust. And above all else be yourself. Because your company is ultimately what you have to enjoy rather than anyone else’s. Love you before anyone else. - Danielle Storm (Thatkidstorm003)

I also remember someone gave you a black eye at one point and that someone is my ex. He got so angry he came to the bar saw you and punched you in the eye and he was arrested about 20 mins later charges dropped obviously. Then you filed a temporary injunction. It had something to do with either breaking up with me or something else but he was fuming actually. And you went around with makeup on for days trying to hide your black eye. It was quite literally black and blue. He was so pissed off. Im actually laughing right now. I want my dramatic life with you back please I would take you back every single time because as much as I complain that was absolutely thrilling to be apart of something. I will always use you as a wild card.

I never want XYZ 2 back. Not ever again. Nothings worth that. I think it’s time I moved on and found someone worth my time. I don’t know I just don’t want to be in his life. I don’t want to get back together. I don’t really want to see him for Christmas or spend holidays together. It’s a tough situation but thats a hard pass. He would have to admit I exist and thats never going to happen. I am happier with Ron and I will stay with Ron. I don’t even know if this garbage is real. I don’t even know who the hell that was. I don’t think we can ever be repaired and that Theres never going to be hope actually. I don’t care if hes suffering he dosent seem it. Im so past caring. I am so past loving you. We cannot fix it. I didn’t care he was staring at my ring. He was curious about it but he was staring at it. I would like to finally end this bullshit insanity. I am so over it. I don’t want to make up he hasn’t asked actually.

That was all shit I did with XYZ 2. We did music together and wrote hits together and I’d get pissed off and write something. My friends rented a house with everyone else to work on songs and write because it was the pandemic and it was also a time when everyone else wasnt working and Sony and Disney were counting on it because of the writers strike. I was invited along and I made a idiot and a fool out of myself. He did a lot for me. He saw me and noticed me first. He came up to me first. I don’t remember who I was with first. Everyone he introduced me to I slept with. He had to ______ me to get the bullshit to stop to prevent me and be a cock block so I couldn’t hurt anyone else. He did this all so I can’t have a family or be happy. Oh my god he ruined my life and being attached to him. I don’t even know if that’s real. But if that’s the truth then that was confidential in winter garden nowhere else. Which is actually embarrassing. All those songs I wrote I wrote when we lived in the house. I don’t even think he was there but I was so pissed off my friends moved in with me to help me through it. I had creatives at my finger tips and oh yeah. I burned down a persons house so don’t tell me I didn’t fight for it. He let me off the hook. You want to tell me I didn’t care and that I didn’t and you found out where I was what I was doing and you got pissed. I made a playlist to flip out and tell you about all the songs I wrote about you. I believe you got blackout drunk that day. You tried to kill yourself you were so pissed off. Thats when I burned the house down. Because I was that pissed and I blamed. He got the RO because the playlist absolutely sent him he blew up at me and he filed an RO. And because he tried to kill himself over it. He dropped it when I burned the house down. That was over with at that point. It happened for like a few days while he went to rehab and ended up going to a support house for help. He is not allowed booze in the house but I do remember sometimes people stop by with it usually when others aren’t home. He had to enter a treatment program and he couldn’t talk to me as a condition of being accepted into the program because he would kill himself at that point. He did it for his sanity and safety so we would stop talking that was on me.

I do want good things for myself to move on give myself emotionally physically and mentally to a good solid new man. I want to breathe him 24/7 and be so in love i forget about this nonsense. I want him to be sexy and successful and smart. I do not want to re visit or open closed doors. I want to feel things again actually. I have become numb. Unable to cry. Unable to get angry. I miss feeling emotions. You ruined us. You don’t get me back.

And honestly have been told so much garbage and heard so many fucking rumors. I just want people to shut the fuck up about it. I don’t care about whatever baby drama is going on or any of it. It’s meaningless to me. Those people are dead to me emotionally and mean nothing anymore. I grow sad for a second and think wow all the shit they pulled. Then I get angry. Ive almost reached the point of exhaustion and fed up. I don’t give a single flying shit anymore. Have a happy life as long as I am not in it. They were always my backup husbands and plans. I used to think if I couldn’t find anybody I would go knocking down their doors. I don’t actually care about you two anymore. I vent i do inventory but I am so passed giving a single flying shit. Maybe they expected me to care but I actually don’t. Your drama belongs to you. Do whatever you want it’s your life. Do not expect me to ever want a relationship or a friendship again. Make no mistake i was searching for confession. Not friendship. I gave an olive branch you didn’t take it. And I can see why. Actually I gave more than one olive branch. You didn’t pick the olives off. You sucked the joy out of my life both of you for so long. I would be absolutely fucked to give you my heart which you didnt earn and never will earn after that. Im not going to love either of you again. Nothing can fix that. Leaving me alone and in peace may fix it over time. I don’t want to piss you off but I deserve to heal from the abuse. I see through the wallpaper.

Remember when I wasn’t eating and you used to take your comped meal and give it to me? We used to hang out and actively dating at the bar. You would come to my apartment after. The sad cold truth was then so would he. Voice lessons? That never happened it was always sex. He never taught me anything. We were always fucking. Your friends never were your friends and I tried expressing how much resentment these people especially how much he had. He tried convincing you I didn’t love you that I belonged to him like I was his property that I was a bad person. Everything to break us up. He did what he had to and what he needed to because he heard about me from the comedians. He heard about what a jerk I was and he wanted revenge for all those hearts i broke and hurt and he wanted to cause me anxiety panic discomfort and hurt me. He never loved me he wanted to however hurt me. He wanted to hurt us. Yes this is my opinion and I understand Theres two sides to every story maybe he was in love with me. I don’t think this is as much about XYZ as it is fury and anger and exhaustion from dealing with XYZ2. XYZ 2 has fucked up numerous times. I would never take any of them back after realizing the magnitude and seeing the writing on the wall. You could tell me the truth. You could fix what’s going on in two seconds by texting and calling and having a talk but your a coward so I don’t expect that actually. They both fucked up. I felt very fucked over actually. Im sure they felt the same. I don’t think I loved either of them I wanted a husband and was desperate for someone to love me and I didn’t realize I was not loved. Maybe by XYZ but XYZ 2 did not love me that guy belonged in the garbage. We had no relationship and it died after both those idiots called the cops. The second you call the police thats when it’s over and I hate to say you both screwed up. Granted they were temporary restraining orders and dont come on property orders. Then to go through all the recent drama with lying and jail i just. I wanted so badly to be loved back then I was crying for it and nobody actually loved me. He had a baby with his best friend with someone else from what people said and adopted it out. I don’t want anything to do with him especially after that shit he pulled if that rumors even true. These are things I have heard while going to various bars living with others and who even knows. A piece of paper dosent mean someone’s married. Sharing a life and flesh means marriage. Those people have never understood marriage or been marriage material a day. I need someone who understands me gets me and wants a life and won’t tell lies and cause garbage I need a safe space. I want to give my heart to someone else and find safety and comfort. I want a family which I feel is overdue. I believe in adoption actually. I don’t believe I could ever get a kid though foster care sure. I don’t believe in surrogacy im pro life. That was having a baby with your best friend and trying to hide a screw up there was no surrogacy. I don’t care if there was a contract or payment or whatever honestly I don’t care if that’s real or not. I can’t love you after hearing that and thinking that and after everything you did. I may search for you. I may long for you from time to time for familiarity. I don’t love you. You issued a restraining order. It ended there. I cannot forget that. Under no circumstances thats unforgivable. The mistake baby? Unforgivable. Thats your child and I don’t want part in your life after two unforgivable offenses. Scream for me through your music choices all you want. Say your happy. There’s way to much hurt to be your friend and fear your going to do it again. Anything to shut me up right? Have all the girlfriends you want boyfriends this goes for both of you. Have all the sex you want. Go crazy. The point is I care to a degree but not about that. I don’t notice you on a good day see you find you attractive or care. For me finding out about XYZ 2 s bullshit I was like “oh he got her pregnant so they fucked raw nice real nice. Who the fuck cares.”

I feel like I don’t love me anymore. Next to these men I felt like a complete loser. I have been using coping skills to get over it and move on. I can’t move past the hurts and resentments that I am facing. I want to forgive because Jesus tells me to. I want to prove I can be in the same room and work with them without being a menice and creating issues. I have started to realize I am the issue and problem in every situation and I feel guilty. I cannot move past the level of hurt. Admitting to myself that I can’t actually work with them in any setting and that I have a hard time working with others in entertainment and collaboration and that there’s always some kinda issue because I’m unstable has been eye opening. Knowing I was not the best person to work with creatively speaking. Knowing these people are bullshit lying. Im upset because of the stress they put me through. I never felt loved or needed because I wasn’t. I was insignificant to these people and it’s upsetting because they were my world and my everything. Yet I cheated because the sex was bad. I felt like it was very lifeless actually and that’s why I did what I did. ZYZ 2 knew exactly what he was doing in this situation. He knew what shit he was pulling and he wanted to blow us up. He wanted to win a competition for some reason. He had an addiction to me and a fixation and could have been suffering from something who knows. I had a hard time loving XYZ 2. Yet yesterday I went to the bar and I was seething because he wasn’t there and looking at the door for him to show up and he wasn’t there and he tried telling me he dosent go anymore. Those relationships were problematic. That’s why I cannot be friends or be close to them. I don’t trust them either because they tried legal action on me in the past granted they blocked the legal action and I said I forgave them but I didn’t and admitting thats why they terrify me. Admitting yesterday i was shaking and trying not to cry. Admitting I needed Ron there for support. But at least I did the hard thing and showed up. You aren’t good for my health and have proved it time and time again. Im fed up with being called delusional etc. The first time I went to the bar i sang edleweiss and I sang castle on a cloud. Immediately XYZ 2 came up to me and offered notes but who knows could have been wasted and then gives me his number and says he wants to work with me. That’s how we met and then reconnected a million times on bumble. I would intentionally keep the same settings to find the douchebag. Once I eventually remembered. It’s a lot of pain and frustration. I haven’t thought about those two in 6 years. Seeing XYZ 2 is triggering for my health. Not so much seeing XYZ im pretty much over XYZ after yesterday. He acted like he hated me though he said good job. He acted like my existence bothered him and I was there for him. I got a notification on my phone telling me it was our anniversary. Which is July 4th. I was actually pissed off about that i get being pre occupied. But we went all the way over there and there’s always been zero effort on his part and im over that now. I think I can move on from that. I don’t think I was attracted to him as I saw someone who was into me. That was one sided. I was at one point attracted to and obsessed with XYZ2. I don’t think I’m attracted to anyone anymore and I don’t think I want to be with either of them and they aren’t asking. Last time we went XYZ kept saying he was single. I don’t know his relationship status and it’s not my business nor XYZ2s and I don’t need to know actually. Nor do I actually care about XYZ 2 and if he is wanting me to care i dont and never will. Nothing he does bugs me actually. Like it’s same shit different day and none of this is news or different and he shows no improvement or change. Neither does XYZ. I am in a closed relationship now anyways. We were open the last time I went and we could have gone and been together when I was going before and seeing XYZ. Just seeing them in the same room dosent mean we’re together.

I don’t have a single safe person to talk to. I am constantly paranoid and I am constantly living in fear and fight or flight mode. Nobody is my safety anymore except myself and therapist. I feel like I have surrounded myself with bad friends and stress my entire life. In a perfect world I would have freedom from all of it. I would be having a job where I could pay bills where I don’t have to rely on a guy and I’d never deal with this shit ever again. If my problems suddenly disappeared over night. Good. If I didn’t have to worry about anything anymore and everyone and everything vanished completely. Good. Like what if the world decided to have some kind of I don’t know super natural event where people vanished. I’d be happy. And they basically have. And I have been happy actually for the most part. For the most part I don’t talk about it and I move on with my day. It’s this inventory for my sex addiction and all the harm it’s caused me myself and others thats made me spin. I have gone through everything like rape molestation at a young age and then my rape I’ve been raped dozens of times i dont even rape dosent phase me anymore. Im exhausted stressed out miserable now. Now that im aware it’s just more stress and garbage for me. My skin condition gets worse. I can have a conversation from time to time but I’m not allowed a moment of rest. Your only concequence was losing me. I don’t even think it phased you or had an impact.

And another thing XYZ2 when he has sex with other people it dosent even bother me. I don’t even flinch. Because if you think you could hurt me you’re absolutely fucked. In order for me to care who you slept with on whatever day I would have to like you and I don’t like you I resent you. You also don’t like me. It’s just hate sex so really it’s laughable every time someone’s said they would have to track you down and fuck you. I guess. I already don’t want to touch you ever again.